Heather wanting specifics
[email protected]
In a message dated 8/1/04 6:47:48 PM, Heatherette@... writes:
<< What do I do in the
meantime to cope? I don't want to give up. Like I said before, the
afternoon is the hardest, so I make my plans accordingly - no changes during
those times to stress me more. >>
Did you look at diet? Can you eat more protein before that time? Put on
cheerful music? Can you put on a mostly-quiet, peaceful movie that you and the
kids all enjoy (doesn't matter if you've seen it a dozen times) and darken the
room a bit, and just be relatively still? Maybe they'll fall asleep.
-=- I feel so hopeless about being able to keep them home. I'm
not willing to give up but I am just aching and sinking. -=-
It seems you're not breathing and calming yourself.
Can you practice long, deep, held breaths, let out through the mouth, in
through the nose? If you know a form of meditation, just do that, or take a
meditation class if you'd rather have someone tell you exactly how and talk you
through, but ten breaths in and out will slow your heart down and clear your head.
-=- I am treating my kids very much like I was treated minus the hitting. It
is killing me. -=-
How is it for them?
I think if you put them first you will yourself feel instantly better.
I think if you continue to see them as needy obstacles to your peace, you
(and they) will continue to feel unsettled (or worse).
If you were bleeding and we said "Put pressure on the wound," would you do
it? Or would you keep typing and posting that you hated blood but it just kept
coming?
-=- I just never . . . I get scared right away at the thought. . . I
literally sink in my chair. . ..I feel so guilty . . . I wanted to be . . .-=-
That's what you're writing and thinking and feeling and expressing and
breathing and sleeping and eating. "I never..scared...sink...guilty...wanted."
Breathe.
Do.
Smile.
I think you should do two positive, sweet, light things for every moment of
whining you want to reward yourself with. Because from the posts, it honestly
seems you're addicted to this pity and fear. I could be wrong, but what if
I'm right? If I'm wrong, it hardly affects my ratings. <g> If I'm right and
you're willing to consider it, it could change your life.
-=-This doesn't have to be so hard!!! I've got books, websites, people. -=-
If you didn't know how to ride a bike, it wouldn't help a bit for you to have
books, websites, people, coaches, private bike trainers and fifteen bicycles.
WOULD NOT HELP. Would only waste your time and energy having accumulated
all that stuff.
You have to get the bike out and try to ride it.
And don't try to ride it just to prove you can't.
If you don't want to ride the bike, just don't. Admit you can't, and don't.
Have you considered putting your kids out for adoption?
I'm guessing no.
But you don't HAVE to mother then.
You want to?
Get on the bike.
Sandra
<< What do I do in the
meantime to cope? I don't want to give up. Like I said before, the
afternoon is the hardest, so I make my plans accordingly - no changes during
those times to stress me more. >>
Did you look at diet? Can you eat more protein before that time? Put on
cheerful music? Can you put on a mostly-quiet, peaceful movie that you and the
kids all enjoy (doesn't matter if you've seen it a dozen times) and darken the
room a bit, and just be relatively still? Maybe they'll fall asleep.
-=- I feel so hopeless about being able to keep them home. I'm
not willing to give up but I am just aching and sinking. -=-
It seems you're not breathing and calming yourself.
Can you practice long, deep, held breaths, let out through the mouth, in
through the nose? If you know a form of meditation, just do that, or take a
meditation class if you'd rather have someone tell you exactly how and talk you
through, but ten breaths in and out will slow your heart down and clear your head.
-=- I am treating my kids very much like I was treated minus the hitting. It
is killing me. -=-
How is it for them?
I think if you put them first you will yourself feel instantly better.
I think if you continue to see them as needy obstacles to your peace, you
(and they) will continue to feel unsettled (or worse).
If you were bleeding and we said "Put pressure on the wound," would you do
it? Or would you keep typing and posting that you hated blood but it just kept
coming?
-=- I just never . . . I get scared right away at the thought. . . I
literally sink in my chair. . ..I feel so guilty . . . I wanted to be . . .-=-
That's what you're writing and thinking and feeling and expressing and
breathing and sleeping and eating. "I never..scared...sink...guilty...wanted."
Breathe.
Do.
Smile.
I think you should do two positive, sweet, light things for every moment of
whining you want to reward yourself with. Because from the posts, it honestly
seems you're addicted to this pity and fear. I could be wrong, but what if
I'm right? If I'm wrong, it hardly affects my ratings. <g> If I'm right and
you're willing to consider it, it could change your life.
-=-This doesn't have to be so hard!!! I've got books, websites, people. -=-
If you didn't know how to ride a bike, it wouldn't help a bit for you to have
books, websites, people, coaches, private bike trainers and fifteen bicycles.
WOULD NOT HELP. Would only waste your time and energy having accumulated
all that stuff.
You have to get the bike out and try to ride it.
And don't try to ride it just to prove you can't.
If you don't want to ride the bike, just don't. Admit you can't, and don't.
Have you considered putting your kids out for adoption?
I'm guessing no.
But you don't HAVE to mother then.
You want to?
Get on the bike.
Sandra
Fetteroll
on 8/1/04 9:16 PM, SandraDodd@... at SandraDodd@... wrote:
"Addicted to Unhappiness" talks about how traditional parenting methods set
people up for unhealthy dramas later in life"
You can read some of the pages at Amazon as well as reviews by readers:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071385495/qid=1091412426/sr=ka-1/ref
=pd_ka_1/102-2754646-9840945
Here's part of the description:
> Because from the posts, it honestlyRen just posted about a book and said:
> seems you're addicted to this pity and fear.
"Addicted to Unhappiness" talks about how traditional parenting methods set
people up for unhealthy dramas later in life"
You can read some of the pages at Amazon as well as reviews by readers:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0071385495/qid=1091412426/sr=ka-1/ref
=pd_ka_1/102-2754646-9840945
Here's part of the description:
> Addicted to Unhappiness is based on their own clinical research into theJoyce
> nature of children's love for their parents and the way in which it fosters an
> unrecognized "addiction" to unhappiness that follows them into adulthood. In
> their work with hundreds of children and adults, the Piepers discovered that
> when discipline and excessive expectations are imposed on young children, they
> learn to equate feelings of unhappiness with loving relationships. This
> misidentification persists into adulthood and explains why so many adults
> create unhappiness in the process of seeking happiness and love. This
> unrecognized self-sabotage is the explanation for diverse yet common problems
> such as overspending, fear of new situations, romantic choices that break
> hearts, and career mishaps. Addicted to Unhappiness offers a plan for life
> that helps readers understand their secret need to be unhappy, overcome it,
> and reclaim the happiness that is their true birthright. In the process, they
> will learn to conquer health problems including destructive moods, overeating
> and lack of exercise; build strong, lasting relationships; and achieve career
> satisfaction and success.
Andy Holly Clarke
"If you were bleeding and we said "Put pressure on the wound," would you do
it? Or would you keep typing and posting that you hated blood but it just
kept
coming?"
some people are too afraid of the blood or too in a panic to do this.
"> You have to get the bike out and try to ride it.
i agree, try to focus on the accomplishments - no matter how small.
also, don't focus on it being easier for everyone else. it is a challenging
thing to be a parent. for everyone. seeing how other's do it doesn't help
unless you can see them 24/7 for a few months or years. that way you can
see how they handle their challenges as well as the easy stuff (for them).
holly
it? Or would you keep typing and posting that you hated blood but it just
kept
coming?"
some people are too afraid of the blood or too in a panic to do this.
"> You have to get the bike out and try to ride it.
> And don't try to ride it just to prove you can't.don't."
> If you don't want to ride the bike, just don't. Admit you can't, and
i agree, try to focus on the accomplishments - no matter how small.
also, don't focus on it being easier for everyone else. it is a challenging
thing to be a parent. for everyone. seeing how other's do it doesn't help
unless you can see them 24/7 for a few months or years. that way you can
see how they handle their challenges as well as the easy stuff (for them).
holly
----- Original Message -----
From: <SandraDodd@...>
To: <[email protected]>
Sent: Sunday, August 01, 2004 6:16 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Heather wanting specifics
>
> In a message dated 8/1/04 6:47:48 PM, Heatherette@... writes:
>
> << What do I do in the
> meantime to cope? I don't want to give up. Like I said before, the
> afternoon is the hardest, so I make my plans accordingly - no changes
during
> those times to stress me more. >>
>
> Did you look at diet? Can you eat more protein before that time? Put on
> cheerful music? Can you put on a mostly-quiet, peaceful movie that you
and the
> kids all enjoy (doesn't matter if you've seen it a dozen times) and darken
the
> room a bit, and just be relatively still? Maybe they'll fall asleep.
>
> -=- I feel so hopeless about being able to keep them home. I'm
> not willing to give up but I am just aching and sinking. -=-
>
> It seems you're not breathing and calming yourself.
> Can you practice long, deep, held breaths, let out through the mouth, in
> through the nose? If you know a form of meditation, just do that, or take
a
> meditation class if you'd rather have someone tell you exactly how and
talk you
> through, but ten breaths in and out will slow your heart down and clear
your head.
>
> -=- I am treating my kids very much like I was treated minus the hitting.
It
> is killing me. -=-
>
> How is it for them?
>
> I think if you put them first you will yourself feel instantly better.
>
> I think if you continue to see them as needy obstacles to your peace, you
> (and they) will continue to feel unsettled (or worse).
>
> If you were bleeding and we said "Put pressure on the wound," would you do
> it? Or would you keep typing and posting that you hated blood but it just
kept
> coming?
>
> -=- I just never . . . I get scared right away at the thought. . . I
> literally sink in my chair. . ..I feel so guilty . . . I wanted to be . .
.-=-
>
> That's what you're writing and thinking and feeling and expressing and
> breathing and sleeping and eating. "I
never..scared...sink...guilty...wanted."
>
> Breathe.
> Do.
> Smile.
>
> I think you should do two positive, sweet, light things for every moment
of
> whining you want to reward yourself with. Because from the posts, it
honestly
> seems you're addicted to this pity and fear. I could be wrong, but what
if
> I'm right? If I'm wrong, it hardly affects my ratings. <g> If I'm right
and
> you're willing to consider it, it could change your life.
>
> -=-This doesn't have to be so hard!!! I've got books, websites,
people. -=-
>
> If you didn't know how to ride a bike, it wouldn't help a bit for you to
have
> books, websites, people, coaches, private bike trainers and fifteen
bicycles.
> WOULD NOT HELP. Would only waste your time and energy having accumulated
> all that stuff.
>
> You have to get the bike out and try to ride it.
> And don't try to ride it just to prove you can't.
> If you don't want to ride the bike, just don't. Admit you can't, and
don't.
>
> Have you considered putting your kids out for adoption?
>
> I'm guessing no.
> But you don't HAVE to mother then.
> You want to?
>
> Get on the bike.
>
> Sandra
>
>
>
>
>
>
> "List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
>
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http://www.unschooling.com
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