[email protected]

Kristen writes:

**** What really irks me is that because I let my kids do this, other
parents look at me like I'm "white trash".
Its insulting to me because giving my kids these freedoms was a
struggle, with a lot of thinking and researching, and wrestling and
talking and negotiating.

On the surface, it might appear that my kids have freedom like the
other kids (whose parents don't care). But underneath it, my kids
have a mom who is right in the thick of it WITH them...not passed out
on the sofa drunk as a skunk! *****

I think this is difficult to explain to others about unschooling but
even more difficult to explain about mindful parenting. It sounds
like we don't DO anything. But what we do requires much more
thought and contemplation and research and stretching and effort and
time and trust than simply ensuring rules are being followed.

Our kids have freedom.

They aren't victims of neglect.

Big difference. . . .


**** The pudding's just not done yet ****

Many parents in our society have a pudding that cooks for 18 years
and then POOF (sigh of relief) - it's done.

Mercedes

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/14/04 12:20:33 PM, mulwiler@... writes:

<< Many parents in our society have a pudding that cooks for 18 years

and then POOF (sigh of relief) - it's done. >>

And if it didn't come out like the photo in the cookbook, they can find half
a dozen easy things to blame. School, the kid's friends, the neighborhood, TV
(probably should've been higher on the list), the-world-today, drugs,
alcohol, lack of religion...

BUT if the kid is great!?
ALL the parents' doing. <g>

Sandra

Kelly Lenhart

>BUT if the kid is great!?
>ALL the parents' doing. <g>
>Sandra

I have long said, even before discovering unschooling, that my primary job
as a parent wasn't to "raise them" but to fail to BREAK them.

I stand by that.

Kelly

Have a Nice Day!

Yeah, when I used the pudding analogy, I was trying to think about how to relate it to the difference between us and others.

I think we used the cooked kind of pudding.

You have to go back and nurse it along every now and agatin...checking on it so it doesn't burn.

I think the others use the instant 5 minute mix <beg>.

Kristen

<< Many parents in our society have a pudding that cooks for 18 years

and then POOF (sigh of relief) - it's done. >>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 6/14/04 1:42:54 PM, mina@... writes:

<< I have long said, even before discovering unschooling, that my primary job

as a parent wasn't to "raise them" but to fail to BREAK them. >>

I used to say about Kirby "I can't make him great, but I could screw him up
if I'm not careful."

Great minds think alike, as they say. ("They" in the trench coats...)

Sandra

Julie Bogart

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:
>
> In a message dated 6/14/04 12:20:33 PM, mulwiler@h... writes:
>
> << Many parents in our society have a pudding that cooks for 18 years
>
> and then POOF (sigh of relief) - it's done. >>
>
> And if it didn't come out like the photo in the cookbook, they can find half
> a dozen easy things to blame. School, the kid's friends, the neighborhood, TV
> (probably should've been higher on the list), the-world-today, drugs,
> alcohol, lack of religion...
>
> BUT if the kid is great!?
> ALL the parents' doing. <g>
>
> Sandra

Julie Bogart

--- In [email protected], SandraDodd@a... wrote:

>
> And if it didn't come out like the photo in the cookbook, they can find half
> a dozen easy things to blame. School, the kid's friends, the neighborhood, TV
> (probably should've been higher on the list), the-world-today, drugs,
> alcohol, lack of religion...
>
> BUT if the kid is great!?
> ALL the parents' doing. <g>

Lots of moms will cite parents that were "permissive" in their childhoods, then they talk
about how they regret being "allowed" to do whatever they wanted and so they won't make
that mistake with their children.

I grew up under those conditions - free to do whatever I wanted.

I responded to my kids by trying to create structure and rules that would ensure their
safety and my involvement.

What flipped over for me after years of homeschooling is that I realized *I* was really
different than my parents. I'm totally involved in my kids' lives every second. "Allowing"
them the freedom to decide for themselves isn't neglect, in my home, as it was in my
parents'.

There are very few examples (I only know of them through this list and one other place) of
people practicing the kind of attentive, mindful parenting that we try to support here. So
what the debate boils down to usually is control versus neglect.

But instead, I like to think of this style of parenting as:

involved
engaged
time spent together
support
dialog

Really being there fully - not dependent on predetermined rules for assurance of good
parenting and not ignoring warning signs for fear of upsetting the child.

Julie B

[email protected]

Good points!
Too often people say "I'm really involved in my child's life" means "I'm
controlling it as much as I can, from the other room, by telling her when to do
her homework, how much TV she can watch, and to go to bed."


In a message dated 6/15/04 8:36:31 AM, julie@... writes:

<< So

what the debate boils down to usually is control versus neglect.


<<But instead, I like to think of this style of parenting as:


<<involved

engaged

time spent together

support

dialog


<<Really being there fully - not dependent on predetermined rules for
assurance of good

parenting and not ignoring warning signs for fear of upsetting the child.>>