helleaven25

Hello, just to get things straight here and set down the basic
information, Im fourteen, live in South Florida, and I am currently a
Freshman in high school. I've been intrested in the idea of
unschooling for a couple of years now, my friend introducing it to me
at first, not trying to push anything onto me, just giving me some
resources to check out and consider. I soon plan to buy The Teenage
Liberation Handbook after reading a three-chapter excerpt online. But,
currently, I'm not quite sure what to do of my situation.

My brother, currently a junior in Boston University, attended the same
high school Im in now, passing with very high grades and getting to
know the teachers well, graduating second highest in his class (forgot
the exact term for it). And every teacher instantly recognizes my last
name, especially since Im in most of the honors classes he was in at
my age (along with one AP), and it seems like that I must do well
because I am his brother.

I just feel that everything about the way public schools are set up is
utterly incorrect and shouldn't be, yet I can't do anything about it,
because I'm "a stupid teenager". I admit I have been trying to avoid
school as much as I can, which is somewhat easy for me as long as
guilt doesn't take over my mind. My father works from 5:00am until
6:00pm and my family only has one car, I live about a half an hour
drive from my school, so if I am to miss the bus, I have no way of
getting to school. But, the county only permits 10 excused absences,
of which I have 14, if Im absent again I will fail my classes, repeat
the grade, and my parents may be brought to court for, as the notice
said, "not seeing that I am kept in school".

I say I feel that everything about school is wrong, yet I still feel
guilt and annoyance when I do poorly on tests and the like, but I
don't want to do any of the subjects with which I am charged. One of
my main intrests is building computers, and I want to dabble a bit in
programming, which I know is readily learnable on one's own. But, my
school does not offer anything of the like, and Im swamped with enough
work to sink a ship already, leaving little free time, having to read
6 to 8 books every 9 weeks, 90% of which are things that intrest me in
the very least.

I can legally drop-out at the age of 16, which I will be Januray 19th
of 2005, my Sophmore year, but I don't know how much longer I can put
up with this life. My administrator has already talked to me, telling
me various things about I have to stay in school for a future, how
I've "given him my word" that I'll try to do good, and even had me
tell it to my parents over the phone. So, I feel...stressed, to say
the least..

Any input would be very, very much appreciated, thank you very much..

-James

Dawn Adams

James writes:
>I can legally drop-out at the age of 16, which I will be Januray 19th
>of 2005, my Sophmore year, but I don't know how much longer I can put
>up with this life. My administrator has already talked to me, telling
>me various things about I have to stay in school for a future, how
>I've "given him my word" that I'll try to do good, and even had me
>tell it to my parents over the phone. So, I feel...stressed, to say
>the least..
>
>Any input would be very, very much appreciated, thank you very much..>
>
>
Your administrator is full of s&%t. :) You have a future, it's just up to you to make the choices as to what it will look like.
Have you shared this with your parents? I'd suggest you print this out and hand it to them to start. Or, first, you have an interest. Could you do some research on what online resources, local courses you could take to learn what you want about programming? If your school is inadequate, point out those inadequacies. Since you have a goal, make up a plan to work towards it and share that with your parents.
ANyhow...Check out www.unschooling.com as well. there are other postings by teens in similar situations there with some great advice

Dawn (in NS)


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Wife2Vegman

James,

Have you talked to your parents about
homeschooling/unschooling?

If you have The Teenage Liberation Handbook, maybe you
can give a copy to your parents to read too.

Showing them that you have done the research already,
and can present your case to them maturely and
factually, not overly emotional, will go a long way to
helping them have the confidence that this can work.

You can do this. Breathe.

Set yourself some short-term goals, such as obtaining
a copy of The Teenage Liberation Handbook, putting
together an information packet of on-line resources
for your parents, interviewing unschoolers you know
and their parents, documenting ways you have learned
things on your own before, areas where you can show
yourself as being responsible and mature, things like
this.

Good luck!


=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman

What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt

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[email protected]

In a message dated 1/16/04 12:27:06 AM, Helleaven25@... writes:

<< But, my

school does not offer anything of the like, and Im swamped with enough

work to sink a ship already, leaving little free time, having to read

6 to 8 books every 9 weeks, 90% of which are things that intrest me in

the very least. >>

This is a kind of lame suggestion, but might not seem lame to your parents.

Look into The American School. It might be a light enough work-load to give
you tons of free time, but until your legal drop-out date it might appease
them.

Another thing to consider is going to college. Is there a community college
or trades school near you that would let you take some computer classes AND
some "solids" (maybe even for college credit)? Maybe you could talk to one of
their counsellors/advisors about what alternative programs he knows of in that
school or in the community otherwise.

Maybe you could get a job with a computer place near you, doing repairs or
installations, and that might help you and your parents feel better too. In New
Mexico, kids can work at 14, with some restrictions, but for instance when it
had to do with "school hours," I wrote a letter to my son's employer and said
"We're homeschooling and so our school hours are flexible, and what he learns
on the job will be considered part of his education anyway." You might find
a sympathetic adult in your area to help you arrange to call something a
"mentorship" or intern/apprentice/practicum... some term that would impress people
on a resume and in the air. <g>

Sandra

eaglefalconlark

Hi James,

I think you know exactly what to do in your situation, as far as
education goes. I mean that intuitively you know. Your heart knows.
You feel it in your gut. And you are starting to work it out
intellectually too.

Actually making it happen is, I know, a different thing, because you
don't just have to worry about yourself but about what your parents
will think. Because you're a minor, the law says that your parents
have a say in what you do. So, worst case scenario, they freak out
and force you to stay in school. You can in that case either
practice a form of civil disobediance and refuse to go anyway,
though I imagine there would be some stress associated with that
choice. Or you could just make up your mind to "serve your time"
until you can legally drop out of school. Stress there too, only you
know which is an easier choice to live with.

But you are clearly an intelligent, thoughtful person, and therefore
have the tools to be able to present your case well. Your parents
may be stuck in the mindset that says that success at school means
success in life. However, they won't be able to help but be
impressed by the initiative you are taking in doing this research.
Unless they completely refuse to listen to you in the first place, I
think you've got a very good chance of convincing them to allow you
to start directing your own education.

I recommend you read John Holt, John Taylor Gatto, and Grace
Llewellyn. (Just to start. :)) Gather together a packet for them,
highlighting parts that especially speak to you. You might even
write something up – an essay explaining the benefits of this form
of education.

"I say I feel that everything about school is wrong, yet I still feel
guilt and annoyance when I do poorly on tests and the like, but I
don't want to do any of the subjects with which I am charged."

I think it would probably be helpful for you to look for the true
source of this guilt and annoyance. I bet anything it's not because
you are not learning what is not valuable to you. It probably has
something to do with what others are thinking about you (even if you
know that their opinions are misguided) and being confronted with
their negative reactions somewhere down the line.

On the bright side, you are thinking about this *now*. Which means
that you are getting an earlier start than most people do in
overcoming the feeling of obligation to meet others' unreasonable
expectations. (Some people never manage to, a tragedy.)

"One of my main intrests is building computers, and I want to dabble
a bit in programming, which I know is readily learnable on one's
own. But, my school does not offer anything of the like, and Im
swamped with enough work to sink a ship already, leaving little free
time, having to read 6 to 8 books every 9 weeks, 90% of which are
things that intrest me in the very least."

And this will be a strong point in your argument. Success depends on
learning, and you will learn well only that which you are interested
in and care about. It is absurd and illogical to instead devote your
energy to laboring over things that you are not interested in and do
not care about. As you have already figured out, that is not
accomplishing anything positive.

"My administrator has already talked to me, telling me various
things about I have to stay in school for a future, how I've "given
him my word" that I'll try to do good, and even had me tell it to my
parents over the phone."

Try to think about it from his perspective. He has no idea what is
going on in your head, so to him maybe it looks like you are just
aimless, lazy, short-sighted, whatever. He sees the potential in
you, though, and this makes him think, geez, I have to do something
here to make sure this kid doesn't do anything to jeopardize
himself. But here is the thing. He is mistaken. And if he knew he
was mistaken, he wouldn't expect you to keep your word, he wouldn't
even have asked you for it in the first place.

In any case, you shouldn't feel obligated to keep your word in this
situation. First, because it is based on a basic lack of knowledge
(that of the admin and your parents.) Second, it was made through
coercion (expressing concern and disappointment in someone is always
a good technique to manipulate them into doing what you want them to
do!) Third, keeping your word will harm you, and breaking it will
not harm anyone else. You might decide, though, that it would be a
compassionate thing for you to do to try to explain that to them;
perhaps if they understand your thinking their fear will be
alleviated somewhat.

Good luck, and please send updates about how it goes!

Linda

pam sorooshian

On Jan 16, 2004, at 6:55 AM, Wife2Vegman wrote:

> Set yourself some short-term goals, such as obtaining
> a copy of The Teenage Liberation Handbook,

Grace Llewellyn, author of "The Teenage Liberation Handbook," has a
newer book called, "Guerrilla Learning: How to Give Your Kids a Real
Education With or Without School." It is addressed to parents and it
was written very very specifically for parents of kids in your
situation - there are MILLIONS of you out there, kids who would love to
really "do" something with their lives - to find and follow their
passions - but are stuck in school situations that are making them
miserable. Grace wants to provide some relief for you - that is HER
passion. Whether your parents will end up letting you completely leave
school or not - your life can be a whole lot better if your parents
have read this book and understand what school is really like and what
they can do to help you educate yourself. Parents often simply don't
have the imagination it takes to buck the system - if you give them
this book, it'll help them develop some imagination and put them at
least on the road to being more willing to think outside the box.

-pam


National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

Robyn Coburn

<<Hello, just to get things straight here and set down the basic
information, Im fourteen, live in South Florida, and I am currently a
Freshman in high school. I've been intrested in the idea of
unschooling for a couple of years now, my friend introducing it to me
at first, not trying to push anything onto me, just giving me some
resources to check out and consider. I soon plan to buy The Teenage
Liberation Handbook after reading a three-chapter excerpt online. But,
currently, I'm not quite sure what to do of my situation.
���But, the county only permits 10 excused absences,
of which I have 14, if Im absent again I will fail my classes, repeat
the grade, and my parents may be brought to court for, as the notice
said, "not seeing that I am kept in school".>>

Hi James,

Starting by reading and research is a good idea. However it is difficult to
see how you could become a homeschooler without getting your parents on
board and supportive. I strongly suggest that you collect all your
information and be able to present it to them, as has been suggested,
especially beginning with the legalities of homeschooling in Florida. There
is all the legal information at the NHEN website. Your parents need to feel
secure that they will not be prosecuted if the State�s regulations are
followed.

Secondly, you will notice I am saying homeschooler rather than unschooler. I
suspect that parents suddenly presented with the notion of unschooling for
the first time, may balk and initially have the belief that you are just
goofing off. I am perhaps assuming too much � maybe they already know about
the concept. Nonetheless, many people come to unschooling gradually. I
suggest that you present to your parents a �study program� that includes all
the things you are into, especially the computer stuff, with some idea of
where these things might take you. As they become more relaxed, and see you
taking responsibility for your own learning, and as they learn more about
unschooling, the structure you begin with will fade to become what you can
truly enjoy. Also I suggest that you bone up on homeschoolers who have made
good without a traditional education, and the number of folks who have good
college degrees who were homeschooled.

As well as the book Pam suggested, you might find it helpful to get �The
Unprocessed Child� � the author�s daughter continues to enjoy great academic
success at college.

I suspect that the important thing will be to reassure your parents that you
will not grow up to be a deadbeat, at least not because you changed your
educational situation. There are many resources available at HYPERLINK
"http://www.unschooling.com/"www.unschooling.com

Check on the message boards. Someone very recently was posting about a teen
e-list also, so check the archives of this list. There is a wonderful
article about a teen rising out of school in a recent Life Learning
magazine. Make sure you include information about �deschooling� for you and
them.

In the event that you can�t convince your parents to join you on this
journey immediately, there are some articles around about families who are
unschoolers at heart, but have some of their children in public school,
usually from the child�s choice. I realize that this is not your situation.
However, the focus is on how to gain from the system without becoming
invested in it or damaged by it � a kind of skeptical detachment � they may
help you anyway. I believe at least one is at HYPERLINK
"http://www.sandradodd.com/"www.sandradodd.com

You might also investigate local homeschooling support groups, especially
any teen groups, and possibly sports organizations for homeschooler, if you
are interested, and look for some mentors in your special interest areas who
are not part of the school system. (This is a good idea even if you stay in
school for now) The very volume of information will be reassuring to your
parents, and help demonstrate your commitment.

I alluded to the idea of you taking responsibility for your learning � and
that is really very key. If you have frustrations or difficulties they will
be all your responsibility to work through � you won�t be able to blame the
bus, the principal, or any notion of having to live up to your brother�s
glory, for any problems. It is important to tell your parents not only that
you are seriously unhappy at school, but to show them that you have serious
interests and a genuine desire to keep learning and pursuing your dreams.

Robyn L. Coburn




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[email protected]

In a message dated 1/16/04 10:57:56 AM, eaglefalconlark@... writes:

<< keeping your word will harm you, and breaking it will

not harm anyone else. You might decide, though, that it would be a

compassionate thing for you to do to try to explain that to them;

perhaps if they understand your thinking their fear will be

alleviated somewhat. >>

Good point. A forced confession or promise isn't usually considered legally
binding, I don't think. And "force" can take many forms. I think you were
absolultely coerced into that "promise."

But if you spend another year in school just not taking it seriously maybe
you could make something interesting of it. Maybe you could take notes on
really crazy happenings in school, or quote teachers having said outrageous things
that would upset other people's parents if they knew. You could collect them
all up and it could even become your ticket to freedom! If the school knew
you were saving all evidence that they were often-to-occasionally goofy or
cruel, they might start HELPING you find some ways to find another place to be!
Seriously. You could play investigative reporter to the point that they might
write you a nice recommendation to the nearest university's journalism program!


And it would amuse you in the meantime, one way or another. And it would be
eye-opening to your parents, as you share your collection with them.

Sandra

[email protected]

Robyn's advice was good. Maybe consider building yourself a proposal based
on this:

http://sandradodd.com/unschoolingcurriculum

It's what Carol Narigon used one year for the state of Ohio. It describes
unschooling without it saying "unschooling," and I think you could easily adapt
it for your own proposal this year or next!

Sandra

rachel_foodie

James,

Hi. I have a 14 year old son, Andrew. He has been unschooled and
homeschooled (the latter meaning he has worked on curriculum type
stuff). Interestingly, he wants try actual highschool next year.
And I KEEP TRYING TO TALK HIM OUT OF IT! However, we live far away
from his homeschooled friends, and he wants more "teen" time. I made
him read your post and said, "See, assignments he's not interested in
are taking up 90% of his time...do you really want that?" He just
shrugged. Feel free to email me and give me an idea of what a
typical week in school would be like. I would love for Andrew to have
some idea, before going into it with no clue. I went to a tiny
private school, so other than course load, it's a different
experience from a big public school.

I wanted to tell you that I have both of Graces' book everyone is
talking about. The ARE great. I bought the Guerilla Learing one
just so Andrew and I would be prepared for highschool next year, and
that he can make it his unschooling experience, instead of their
shool experience. Dumbing Us Down, The Hidden Curriculum of
Compulsory School by John Taylor Gatto just ROCKS! Get your parents
to read that and hopefully they will pull you out of school so fast
it'll make your head spin.

I live in the metro Atlanta area now, but grew up in Palm Beach
county and spent a fair amount of time in Lauderdale and Miami.
I miss the ocean, but not the heat!

Unschooling.com is a great site. Also, there is a yahoo group for
unschooling teens. There are only 30 or so people on it. That might
be a good place to read how the other half lives.

Rachel

"God gave me style and gave me grace, God put a smile upon my face."
-Coldplay-

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/16/2004 1:27:06 AM Central Standard Time,
Helleaven25@... writes:


> But, the county only permits 10 excused absences,
> of which I have 14, if Im absent again I will fail my classes, repeat
> the grade, and my parents may be brought to court for, as the notice
> said, "not seeing that I am kept in school".
>

May I suggest not pushing this to the end? I don't think ti will help your
case any and could make it harder for your parents should they agree to go
along. Just a thought,
Laura


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