ameyp_90

I just joined this group, so hope I'm not asking an inappropriate
question. Here's my dilemma: sometimes I feel like a really bad
unschooling mother. I want to stimulate my children and do things for
them, and at the same time, it seems to require so much of a "servant"
attitude--just waiting around to help them all the time.

Here's an example: My kids (10 and 7) often want to dictate stories to
me. I sit at the computer and type their stories. Their stories are
WONDERFUL and really show me evidence that they're learning and are
creative, but sometimes I just feel like their SERVANT -- just sitting
there waiting for them to tell me what to write. Quite honestly, it
can get boring, even though their stories are INCREDIBLE and I'm
always glad I've done the work when they're finished.

Here's another example: my 4-year old will ask me to get software
started for her. I know that she wants to learn and I should jump up
from what I'm doing, all smiles, ready to stimulate her mind, but I
want to continue doing what I'm already doing. The constant pestering
me to do things for them and to assist them in their learning
efforts can drive me BATTY.

Then, I feel really guilty because I'm not more giving and selfless
for my children.

I stand in awe of the mothers and fathers who seem to just have
nothing but endless time and care. I just don't function that way.
Much of the time, I want to do things for ME. I am looking for how to
balance WANTING to be there for my children, to stimulate them and to
encourage their learning, AND at the same time, not losing my mind by
seeming to have to then devote 100% of my time and energy to just
waiting to SERVE them.

I know that an easy answer is to teach the children to do these things
for themselves, but the children have NO interest right now in
learning to type, spell, write, etc. They love to tell the stories to
me, but don't want to write on their own. Or, in the case of the
4-year old, she's not always able to physically do the things to get
started. It seems like so much of what they want to do requires my
just sitting there with them, hand-holding them through it and I'd
often just like to have some time for myself.

Any insights or motivations?

Norma

--- In [email protected], "ameyp_90" <AMEYP@l...>
wrote:
> I know that an easy answer is to teach the children to do these
things
> for themselves, but the children have NO interest right now in
> learning to type, spell, write, etc. They love to tell the stories
to
> me, but don't want to write on their own.

Most 10 and 7 year olds can operate a tape recorder or a video camera
on their own. Maybe they might like to experiment with a new way of
telling their stories and allow Mom the time she needs to do some
other things? Plus, then they could also send their stories to
Grandma and Grandpa and Aunt Jessie, etc., and you would get the
pleasure of having them share their stories with other people you
love and care about. Why, they might even enjoy inviting some of
their homeschool friends in to hear their stories. Just a
thought.....

Norma

Elizabeth Roberts

I don't really have any advice for the first situation, but then...I'm a writer, I enjoy writing, and I have no problem with typing up any stories Sarah may tell me she wants written out.

As for the second one, at four I'd be looking to help your daughter to start up her game on her own. I'll put in the disc for Logan (my three year old) and he knows which button to click to start the game when it comes up. He also knows how to exit, I just don't like him to handle the discs yet.

As for the OVERALL situation..well, I struggle with that too sometimes. I feel like I'm so busy doing for them that I have no time for me...so I'm trying to show them that sometimes I really need this ten minutes to myself. I'll set the alarm, encourage them to either play or just sit quietly with me, and at the end of the ten minutes I'll happily help them with something. It makes a good snuggle time for them and me when they're willing to join me.

Mostly though I've just always encouraged them to be as independent as they are ready to be.

MamaBeth

ameyp_90 <AMEYP@...> wrote:
I just joined this group, so hope I'm not asking an inappropriate
question. Here's my dilemma: sometimes I feel like a really bad
unschooling mother. I want to stimulate my children and do things for
them, and at the same time, it seems to require so much of a "servant"
attitude--just waiting around to help them all the time.

Here's an example: My kids (10 and 7) often want to dictate stories to
me. I sit at the computer and type their stories. Their stories are
WONDERFUL and really show me evidence that they're learning and are
creative, but sometimes I just feel like their SERVANT -- just sitting
there waiting for them to tell me what to write. Quite honestly, it
can get boring, even though their stories are INCREDIBLE and I'm
always glad I've done the work when they're finished.

Here's another example: my 4-year old will ask me to get software
started for her. I know that she wants to learn and I should jump up
from what I'm doing, all smiles, ready to stimulate her mind, but I
want to continue doing what I'm already doing. The constant pestering
me to do things for them and to assist them in their learning
efforts can drive me BATTY.

Then, I feel really guilty because I'm not more giving and selfless
for my children.

I stand in awe of the mothers and fathers who seem to just have
nothing but endless time and care. I just don't function that way.
Much of the time, I want to do things for ME. I am looking for how to
balance WANTING to be there for my children, to stimulate them and to
encourage their learning, AND at the same time, not losing my mind by
seeming to have to then devote 100% of my time and energy to just
waiting to SERVE them.

I know that an easy answer is to teach the children to do these things
for themselves, but the children have NO interest right now in
learning to type, spell, write, etc. They love to tell the stories to
me, but don't want to write on their own. Or, in the case of the
4-year old, she's not always able to physically do the things to get
started. It seems like so much of what they want to do requires my
just sitting there with them, hand-holding them through it and I'd
often just like to have some time for myself.

Any insights or motivations?



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

happyadvocate

--- In [email protected],
"ameyp_90" <ameyp @ lms.kent.edu> wrote:
> I just joined this group, so hope I'm not asking an inappropriate
> question. Here's my dilemma: sometimes I feel like a really bad
> unschooling mother. I want to stimulate my children and do things
for them, and at the same time, it seems to require so much of
a "servant" attitude--just waiting around to help them all the time.
...> Much of the time, I want to do things for ME. I am looking for
how to balance ... hand-holding them through it and I'd
> often just like to have some time for myself.
>
> Any insights or motivations?

Often I have hired a neighborhood teen to "babysit" while I work on
my own projects, so that there is another "servant" around. It is
kinda like running a library or resource center (I see you have
an .edu eddress) where we set things up in advance and then help with
the interests that the people ask about. I just figure that my own
time needs to be set aside for me, with other help for the kids if
they are young or disabled and need a lot of one-on-one.

This seems like kinda a strange question, are you writing an article?

Blessings
Kit
who writes her own articles
(c) 2004

Wife2Vegman

--- ameyp_90 <AMEYP@...> wrote:
> It seems like so much of what they want to
> do requires my
> just sitting there with them, hand-holding them
> through it and I'd
> often just like to have some time for myself.
>
> Any insights or motivations?
>
>


Amey,

I must admit that your e-mail address intrigued me, so
I googled you, and if I found the right person, I see
that you and your husband work for Kent State U, and
there was a sweet article on the internet about your
son needing speech therapy there as well.

You have a lot on your plate, and I can see why you
feel so pulled in different directions.

Can you give us some more insight into what it is like
on a daily basis with you and your children? It must
be really hard working, unschooling, and dealing with
a child with verbal dyspraxia and all the therapy
needed at home and at the sessions.

How are you juggling it? Do you find time for your
own interests? You sound burned out by everything,
like you need a long soaking bath with candles, and to
just "breathe" as Sandra sometimes says.

Unschooling doesn't mean we lose ourselves in our
children's lives, but that we live our lives alongside
them instead of thrusting them away or into schools.

So if you give us some more details about what it is
like in your home, I am sure the smart people on this
list can give you more specific advice.



=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman

What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt

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[email protected]

<< Here's my dilemma: sometimes I feel like a really bad
unschooling mother. I want to stimulate my children and do things for
them, and at the same time, it seems to require so much of a "servant"
attitude--just waiting around to help them all the time. >>

You could send them to school.
Do you think teachers would serve them better?

Someone has to serve them. If you choose to be their learning facilitator,
it's going to take some time and effort to facilitate their learning.

You can do it lovingly or resentfully. The former would be better for all
involved!

Sandra

Amy McCormick

<<I stand in awe of the mothers and fathers who seem to just have
nothing but endless time and care. I just don't function that way. >>

<<...but sometimes I just feel like their SERVANT >>>

I read your post and a couple of hours later it is still with me. I don't feel like a servant, but I do feel the need for space and perspective at times. I think that may be what you are describing. I'll explain what has worked for us, but it is still developing and changing and will continue to change as my daughter gets older. Here goes.

I work from home running my own business, and I have to (HAVE TO) have blocks of uninterrupted time to work. It was almost impossible when my daughter was younger but we still made it work, and it does get better. I think the key for me has been to do as much as I can while still making it work. If this means it doesn't perfectly correspond to someone's theory, so be it; sometimes you have to go for the greater good. Again, I am speaking just for me. You have to honor your feelings of being sucked dry also and find ways to refill yourself. It's easier with one child, granted, but I have had great success doing this with more than one also.

On days when I absolutely must have a chunk of time to work during their waking hours, and I need at least 3-4 hours a day, I usually set up, for lack of a better word, stations near my work area. New library books in one spot, a craft area, beads, etc., a computer game CD already loaded and ready for a double-click (i'll change it on a break, which I do briefly every 15 minutes or so), a batch of blank audio tapes and a recorder, a story on tape, a video, play doh, whatever I can think of that they are into or would be if exposed to it. Today I left out two laundry baskets and my daughter amazed me by playing with them for - I kid you not - 7 hours. One was fun before, but two? I don't know why I never had two out together before. Even putting out a roll of masking tape is excitement itself to my daughter. Anyway, my point is that I trust her to amuse and educate herself, have always done so, and she can keep herself going if offered enough opportunity.

I think it is also because I am not always immediately available right at the second she wants to know something that she has to use a bit of ingenuity to figure some things out. Today, for instance, she wanted to know how to spell "witch." She knew I had just started working, so she thought of a book that had a witch in it, found the book, and then found the word so she could copy it. She did this entirely on her own. If you want to extricate yourself from some of the doing-for, you might put a POSITIVE spin on this aspect of your unschooling, that you are encouraging self-direction. :) I happen to think children need some space to discover ways to improvise, to come up with plan B or C because plan A is not available. I used to type stories for my daughter also, but something she enjoys MORE is making her own little books with folded pages and staples and her own illustrations. Maybe your kids would enjoy creating their own books as well, if you could provide them with the materials. If they are not interested enough in creating stories to do it themselves, maybe that's a sign to put typing stories on the back burner and help them discover things they really DO care enough about to initiate or develop themselves. Whenever I find myself doing most of the work of learning or creating, I question whether my daughter is getting anything other than my proximity out of it -- which of course is sometimes enough, but I hope you follow what I mean.

Something I also do to make sure neither of us feels deprived of each other is to plan blocks of time during the day that are just for my daughter, broken up by work. By doing this, my daughter is to a certain extent working around my schedule, but it is what is working, after much trial and error, that allows me to earn an income and thus be able to be home and homeschool at all. She is happy, I'm happy, my husband loves returning to a happy home every day so I figure that's what counts to me.

I agree with you that you need time to yourself. I don't think you should feel guilty about that, if you do. When I need time to myself and I absolutely cannot get it that day, I try to think of things that we can do together that would provide renewal for me. I have even made lists so if I am frayed that day I won't yell or overreact to her demands for me and can choose something I thought of in a more rational moment. I might ask her to sit in my lap and read to me while I rock and take a 15 minute rest (eyes closed). She likes to "do" my hair with clips and bands and such, and she is very gentle, having done it since she was 3, and I might suggest she do this, which requires very little interaction on my part (just checking the do after each one and hearing the name she has given me for that do) and is very soothing to me, like a scalp massage). Another thing that allows me to actually nap (sometimes) is when she burys me with anything soft (stuffed animals, blankets, pillows, etc.). It always takes about 30 minutes for her to tire of this, and gives me a very refreshing 15-20 minute nap every time. Going to the library at least once a week to let her find books and play the games at the library computers also gives me time to sit in a quiet place and read, something I never have enough time for. This is all, to me, part of unschooling. I find I have to renew myself periodically, and at times daily, to be able to give to my child. Your activities with your kids will of course be different, but I hope this gives you some idea of what we do and that it helps you.

I don't know if this is the kind of thing you are looking for that will help; I hope so. I'll add one more thing. I have to say that the very best thing I ever heard (Sandra Dodd?) was that it was okay for children to watch television. I do monitor what is watched, but to have unschoolers defend video-based learning was incredibly revolutionary for me. If you need some time to yourself, by all means, pop in a movie or turn on the Discovery channel or whatever you are comfortable with, make use of them, and take a breather.

All the best,
Amy

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

pam sorooshian

On Jan 12, 2004, at 10:56 PM, Amy McCormick wrote:

> I think it is also because I am not always immediately available right
> at the second she wants to know something that she has to use a bit of
> ingenuity to figure some things out. Today, for instance, she wanted
> to know how to spell "witch." She knew I had just started working, so
> she thought of a book that had a witch in it, found the book, and then
> found the word so she could copy it.

My friends and I joke about "benign neglect" and all the things our
kids learn to do while we're busy writing about unschooling <G>.

There is more than a little truth to it.

-pam
National Home Education Network
<www.NHEN.org>
Serving the entire homeschooling community since 1999
through information, networking and public relations.

Danielle Conger

Amy wrote:
I read your post and a couple of hours later it is still with me.
***
I have to say that the very best thing I ever heard (Sandra Dodd?) was that it was okay for children to watch television. I do monitor what is watched, but to have unschoolers defend video-based learning was incredibly revolutionary for me. If you need some time to yourself, by all means, pop in a movie or turn on the Discovery channel or whatever you are comfortable with, make use of them, and take a breather.
===========================================
Gosh. I have to say that post really hit me, too. Mostly, it was one of those moments where I found myself saying, "I have no response to that." And I always have a response! <bwg>

The only really positive thing I can suggest to this poster is to find more time and space *after hours* to recharge her batteries. After dh comes home, I take some time on the computer or look at a magazine, veg in front of Lord of the Rings for the thousandth time (of course, every one gradually migrates to where I am anyway <g>). Mom's night out once a month with other homeschoolers has been a lifesaver for me. I would really stress *after hours* though--after you've been helping them and they're in bed or happily playing with dh or each other. I know unschooling doesn't happen within a set number of hours, but I think that while kids are awake and needing you or asking for your help, you need to be able to be there to offer that without resentment. Not that you can't get a mother's helper, but unschooling is fundamentally about being available for your children. If you're finding that you can't be available (emotionally, physically) for whatever reason, then I think you need to address why that is.

I'm also not so sure I'm comfortable with the tv as babysitter kind of approach. Yes, I do it myself when cooking dinner or having some one on one time with dh <eg>, but not in lieu of actually being available to my children. And I'm not saying anyone is neglecting her kids by putting on the tv. It just seems to me that the tv needs to be a choice that the kids are making among other stimulating choices, not because they have nothing better to do or no one to play with, know what I mean?

I don't know. The original post really rubbed me the wrong way with its resentful tone: <<The constant pestering me to do things for them and to assist them in their learning efforts can drive me BATTY. >> That just reads wrong to me. Sounds like more than just mommy burn out. Maybe Susan hit it on the head when asking about an article or research.

--danielle



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 1/12/04 4:26 PM, ameyp_90 at AMEYP@... wrote:

> Their stories are
> WONDERFUL and really show me evidence that they're learning and are
> creative, but sometimes I just feel like their SERVANT

What I'm reading is that you're feeling guilty for having the feelings you
do. You're feeling guilty for not appreciating what is so obviously
deserving of appreciation.

I think guilt can be occasionally useful but usually it's just draining.
Guilt doesn't help us solve a problem. It just wishes the problem would go
away.

It might help to focus on two things:

One, accept that your feelings are legitimate. There are reasons why it's
happening -- they're your body communicating that it needs something -- but
you just haven't pinpointed the causes yet.

I think, as some suggested, finding time for yourself is important. Hiring a
teen on a regular basis to be with them for the afternoon, taking an evening
class once a week, getting up early to do things you find are spiritually
renewing.

You may feel resentful at the end of a break because you feel like you need
hours and hours of that. Accept that feeling as normal. You may need to
schedule more breaks or accept that you've denied yourself for so long that
you're starving and it's going to take a while for a little bit at a time to
feel like it's making a difference in the vaccuum inside you.

Two, find some strategies for re-establishing the bond between you and your
children. The feelings you're having are causing you to pull back and you
need to consciously reach out and open yourself up to them.

Sandra says she smells her kids hair. I look at Kat and remember she thinks
I'm the greatest person in the world right now and I have a responsibility
to be that for her. (That one won't work if it makes you feel guilty,
though!)

Kat's going through a "need to be up against you" phase -- sort of an in
your face kind of deal -- and I'm not a touchy person so my intinct is to
protect myself and push her away to arm's length. But what I need to do is
hug her. It's okay for me to need not to be touched. But it's not okay to
push her away because her need to be hugged is much more important. (And
it's also okay to set reasonable personal boundaries, like not being hugged
while I'm on the toilet ;-)

Don't feel guilty that the emotions are there and causing you to withdraw.
Accept the emotions as part of the package of life right now and recognize
you just need to compensate in order to give your kids what they need.

Joyce

Susan Gallien

AS far as the older children's stories go, why not get them a cassette recorder and they can tape their stories, you can type them out later. With the little one needing help getting software started why not enlist the help of the 10 year old to do that when you are busy with other things.

A balanced relationship with give and take is more rewarding for both sides.

Sue Gallien
The Winona Farm, Minnesota
http://thewinonafarm.com


----- Original Message -----
From: ameyp_90
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, January 12, 2004 3:26 PM
Subject: [UnschoolingDiscussion] being a bad unschooling mother


I just joined this group, so hope I'm not asking an inappropriate
question. Here's my dilemma: sometimes I feel like a really bad
unschooling mother. I want to stimulate my children and do things for
them, and at the same time, it seems to require so much of a "servant"
attitude--just waiting around to help them all the time.

Here's an example: My kids (10 and 7) often want to dictate stories to
me. I sit at the computer and type their stories. Their stories are
WONDERFUL and really show me evidence that they're learning and are
creative, but sometimes I just feel like their SERVANT -- just sitting
there waiting for them to tell me what to write. Quite honestly, it
can get boring, even though their stories are INCREDIBLE and I'm
always glad I've done the work when they're finished.

Here's another example: my 4-year old will ask me to get software
started for her. I know that she wants to learn and I should jump up
from what I'm doing, all smiles, ready to stimulate her mind, but I
want to continue doing what I'm already doing. The constant pestering
me to do things for them and to assist them in their learning
efforts can drive me BATTY.

Then, I feel really guilty because I'm not more giving and selfless
for my children.






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Lyle W.

<<I stand in awe of the mothers and fathers who seem to just have
nothing but endless time and care. I just don't function that way. >>

<<...but sometimes I just feel like their SERVANT >>>

Somebody needs a break. :)

I'm assuming your kids are little, and if so, USE AND ENJOY this time with them as best you can. It's a very temporary time in their lives, and before long you might find yourself looking back and missing their little-ness. I do. One day, in the not-to-distant-future, you may feel less...necessary, and that's not always easy to take either. Enjoy this time with your kids.

I guess I'm lucky. Even though I am the main unschooling parent, I have about 7-8 hours of "my time" everyday, 5 days a week, (it's called, going to work, lol) and by the time "my time" is over, I am DYING to get home and be with my boys. I can't wait to see what they've been doing, where they've been, what they've discovered during the day. Everyday I get home and I'm hit with a barrage of questions and revalations, and I truly, dearly LOVE IT! Some days (more than I should) I leave work early because I just cannot wait to get back home.

In my case, it's the "my time" that really sucks, and "our time" is what makes all the difference in the world.

Lucky? Maybe. But I would still give up "my time" in a heartbeat. My real "my time" is when I'm with my boys, doing what we do. I wouldn't trade that for anything.

:)

Lyle



***Always remember, Lead By Example***

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J. Stauffer

<<<You have to honor your feelings of being sucked dry also and find ways to
refill yourself. It's easier with one child, granted, but I have had great
success doing this with more than one also.>>>


I agree. I am usually able to make these things work and I have 5 kids,
oldest is 13. I don't have big chunks of uninterrupted time but I have lots
of 20-30 minute bits and I find ways to fit stuff in. I take knitting in
the car, I read in the bathroom, I usually have paperwork going in the
kitchen which is kind of the hub of the house.

Julie S.

Deborah Lewis

***I just feel like their SERVANT ***

Did someone say this to you when you were little? "I'm not your
servant?"

I'm just wondering because sometimes those things hang on and we don't
think about how they affect us forever. If someone did, imagine your
life if you never heard those words. Imagine that life for your kids.

Are you depressed? Nothing is good or fun when you're depressed.

Just around the corner is a time when your kids will be bigger and won't
need you so much. You had those years before they came and you'll have
those years when they've moved on. You will have time to yourself again.
It's not forever that they'll need you the way they do now. There is
oxygen and open space out there waiting for you!<g>

Figure out a way to get an hour to yourself every day. Take a walk in
the evening, send them out somewhere with a partner or friend, lock
yourself in the bathroom with your favorite music and smelly soap.

Better than just an hour to yourself, exercise. If you can go to the
gym, or take a yoga class or go belly dancing, do that. Exercise is an
amazing attitude adjustment. I'll do a plug for yoga especially, there's
nothing like it. You'll feel like a different person. Go to a class and
absorb the calmness and the energy of the other people there. Better
than drugs!

Before they can ask you to dive into one of their not so stimulating (to
you) projects, ask them to dive into one of yours. Ask for their help
in what you're working on if you can find a way. If you read, see if
they'll make you some pretty bookmarks. If you draw, see if they'll
sharpen your pencils. If you sew ask them to paint some fabric for you.


If you strive to do really fun things with them that you enjoy too, then
the things they need your help with that aren't wildly trilling for you,
will seem thrillinger. <g> If you create time together that's really
fulfilling for *all* of you, you yourself will take more pleasure in the
little things your kids do. It opens them up to you in new ways. It's
bonding and patience building. And when you're sitting at the computer
waiting through the "and, and, and's" <g> you can think about the way
their shining faces looked when you were in the pool together or sliding
down the hill together or jumping in the mud puddle together.

Don't be hard on yourself. It's all within your control, feeling better
about your kids and about yourself as their mom. It can be really good.


Deb L

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/13/04 2:30:44 AM, danielle.conger@... writes:

<< I'm also not so sure I'm comfortable with the tv as babysitter kind of
approach. Yes, I do it myself when cooking dinner or having some one on one time
with dh <eg>, but not in lieu of actually being available to my children. And
I'm not saying anyone is neglecting her kids by putting on the tv. It just
seems to me that the tv needs to be a choice that the kids are making among other
stimulating choices, not because they have nothing better to do or no one to
play with, know what I mean? >>

If I'm a crank and am in danger of being really short tempered with a child,
the TV will be a MUCH better companion than I'm being. For an hour or two,
especially if it's something cool I found because I knew a child wanted it or
would like it, a video can be magical.

Yesterday I rented Disney's Lady and the Tramp for Holly, because she had
been watching old Disney singalongs and asked what movie "He's a Tramp" was from.
She'll like that movie. I will not feel any twinge of guilt, except for
the idea that I should've rented it for her years ago. When the boys were
little we had a homemade copy, but we wore it out.

<< The original post really rubbed me the wrong way with its resentful tone:
<<The constant pestering me to do things for them and to assist them in their
learning efforts can drive me BATTY. >> That just reads wrong to me. Sounds
like more than just mommy burn out. Maybe Susan hit it on the head when asking
about an article or research.>>

I thought it just sounded like someone who was holding her breath instead of
breathing, and someone who hadn't been around unschoolers who can say "I LIKE
to take him a snack while he's playing his video game, and smell his head and
remember why I love him."

Sandra

Deborah Lewis

*** wildly trilling ***

A frantic bird?

hmm...

Deb L

Wife2Vegman

--- SandraDodd@... wrote:
>
> Maybe Susan hit
> it on the head when asking
> about an article or research.>>

Actually, I think that was Kit :-)


> I thought it just sounded like someone who was
> holding her breath instead of
> breathing, and someone who hadn't been around
> unschoolers who can say "I LIKE
> to take him a snack while he's playing his video
> game, and smell his head and
> remember why I love him."
>
> Sandra
>


Yep, she definitely needs to hang out here more. It
totally rocks! And has helped me so much to enjoy my
kids more and appreciate them more.



=====
--Susan in VA
WifetoVegman

What is most important and valuable about the home as a base for children's growth into the world is not that it is a better school than the schools, but that it isn't a school at all. John Holt

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In a message dated 1/13/04 8:53:23 AM, ddzimlew@... writes:

<< ***I just feel like their SERVANT ***

Did someone say this to you when you were little? "I'm not your
servant?" >>

My mom said it to me two dozen times, and SNARKY, too, but she was a pretty
bad servant if she thought she was. She didn't say it after she had done
something for me. She said it when she was sitting at the kitchen table smoking a
cigarette and didn't WANT to do something for me.

One year I asked for a stereo and she said no, can't afford it.

I calculated the amount she spent on cigarettes (without counting my dad's
cigarettes, and without even considering to count her beer) and told her that
was the price of a stereo.

I still didn't get one. <g>

But it was math I did without school telling me to do it.

Sandra

Kelly Lenhart

>My friends and I joke about "benign neglect" and all the things our
>kids learn to do while we're busy writing about unschooling <G>.

I've been less likely to use that phrase since a run in with CYF, but yes,
I've used it.

I've long wondered if my kids would be as independant and creative if I were
a more "attentive" mother. Or would they turn to me more for simple things.
In other words, what part is just how they are as humans, what part is what
I've done as a parent and what part is a mix. Who knows?

Kelly

Danielle Conger

Your right. I was having a knee-jerk reaction to it, reading it at 3 am while awake with insomnia.

Gee, and wasn't I the one who said more supportive and less cranky? ;) Maybe I was the one needing to breathe! <g> The other responders have been much more kind, which is why it's a good thing there are lots of people on this list!

--danielle
Sandra wrote:
I thought it just sounded like someone who was holding her breath instead of
breathing, and someone who hadn't been around unschoolers who can say "I LIKE
to take him a snack while he's playing his video game, and smell his head and
remember why I love him."

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Lisa M. Cottrell Bentley

> They love to tell the stories to
> me, but don't want to write on their own.

As early as age 2, my girls have both been quite fond of kid sized tape
recorders. They come and go in their interest of them, and we've had one
break (not the kid's fault, just because it wasn't made well). They are
inexpensive (~$10) and easy for small children to use all on their own. My
oldest daughter gets her stories just right on the tape recorder, then has
me type them in. She watches the whole time I type though and makes
revisions as she sees the words in writing. I am always able to do the
typing on my own schedule, although I am usually able to do it right away
(or within an hour) when she asks.

-Lisa in AZ

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/13/2004 3:22:05 PM Central Standard Time,
cottrellbentley@... writes:


> She watches the whole time I type though and makes
> revisions as she sees the words in writing.

Oh, I love this! I can just see her sitting there reading as you type!
Laura Buoni


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]