lifelearners6

Hi. I'm Lynn, mother of ds16, dd12, dd10, and dd7. Dh is a
historian/college prof. I love reading, writing, playing the piano,
knitting socks, and sometimes gardening. We moved to Oregon from
Iowa a year and a half ago. I miss old friends who I could really
laugh with. Here I seem to meet people who are really busy or really
serious.
My new year sruggles:
Many years ago, I homeschooled ds for two years, and felt like I was
not "homeschool mother material," since I had a terrible time making
myself say "No, you have to do your math," when he wanted to play
outside instead. So, we went the school route for the next 5 years.
Every September, I felt soooo blue. The last spring my kids were in
school, I was becoming so frustrated about the amount of school-
induced stress in their lives, and I took to the internet to read
again about homeschooling. For the first time, I read about
unschooling. It was such a relief. I can do that!
BUT--after two years of unschooling, I felt I wasn't so good at that
either! Ds felt he was wasting too much time and that he needed to
be told what to do. Dd10 was afraid she wasn't learning as much as
her schooled peers. (Dd12 loved it and learned tons.) But in light
of the others, DH encouraged me to try more of a mixed approach: some
subjects with books and assignments, the rest self-directed. So this
past fall, that's what we did. But as the new year begins, I find
myself so reluctant to get out those books again. It's not like they
will be met with any enthusiasm! You know, with my dd10, I feel like
she's saying, "I'm hungry, but I don't want to fix myself anything to
eat, but I don't like what you serve either." Arg! I feel like I'm
a boring cook! I want to serve up some gourmet fare, but I'm low on
ideas. Well, really, I must admit, I don't want to have to come up
with the ideas!
After writing this out, I think I will just leave those books on the
shelf, and try to serve a few "hors'd'oevres."

Lynn

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/9/04 7:36:38 PM, lifelearners6@... writes:

<< Arg! I feel like I'm

a boring cook! I want to serve up some gourmet fare, but I'm low on

ideas. Well, really, I must admit, I don't want to have to come up

with the ideas! >>

Lynn,

I let your post through but I did want to ask that you read a couple of weeks
before posting, since this is a huge (really huge, almost 1400 people) list.
But that said, I sympathize with your problem and I enjoyed your intro, and
I'd like to recommend this collection:

http://sandradodd.com/strewing

Also, the message boards at www.unschooling.com are pretty easy to go to for
reading already-deposited blocks of ideas.

http://www.unschooling.com/cgi/discus/board-newmessages.cgi

One of the best idea-sources I've ever seen is a book called Trust the
Children by Anna Kealoha. All kinds of ideas.

Sandra

[email protected]

In a message dated 1/9/2004 8:36:46 PM Central Standard Time,
lifelearners6@... writes:


> But as the new year begins, I find
> myself so reluctant to get out those books again. It's not like they
> will be met with any enthusiasm! You know, with my dd10, I feel like
> she's saying, "I'm hungry, but I don't want to fix myself anything to
> eat, but I don't like what you serve either." Arg! I feel like I'm
> a boring cook! I want to serve up some gourmet fare, but I'm low on
> ideas.

We went through this so maybe it's just a stage. My son Pete (16) used to
tell me he wasn't learning anything that I was the teacher and I needed to assign
something. So we would talk about it and I would assign something and he
would come back later and tell me how boring that was and that he didn't want to
do it. I explained that it was his idea to begin with so to do what he wanted
but I can't do it both ways. This went on for a time, both boys went through
periods where they also compared themselves to friends and neighbors in school
and worried we were not doing the same things. We lived through it, as time
went on their thinking changed as much as mine. Eventually they were telling me
about unschooling which cracked me up, I don't remember ever telling them
about unschooling that I know of. We are not the people we were 5 years ago but
it took some pain to get here.
Laura


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

eaglefalconlark

Hi Lynn,

Your post caught my eye because I am in Oregon too! I also love
reading, writing, playing the piano, gardening, AND I want to learn
to knit. ;)

I relate so much to this: "I'm hungry, but I don't want to fix
myself anything to eat, but I don't like what you serve either." I'm
37 years old and am still in the process of deschooling myself. I
imagine that's what's going on with your kids. Their intuition of
what they need and the motivation that comes from their own desire
and interest is in there somewhere, it's just that they are still
burdened by the anti-life messages and habits school gave them. I
can testify that it's a lot easier said than done to fully live
according to an unschooling philosophy when you've spent most of
your life filled to the brim with the school mentality. You slip
back into the old bad habits even when you're not aware of it, which
is demoralizing. More time wasted! And yet... you *still* don't
want "to fix yourself anything to eat". It's awful to be in that
headspace!

I'd say to just keep encouraging them to not rely on others (even
you) to create their lives for them, and to support them in
discarding any negative elements in their approach to life, but NOT
to keep them busy. That's one thing you're not obligated to do for
*any* human being (nor would it be good for them.)

Linda

lifelearners6

--- In [email protected], "eaglefalconlark"
<eaglefalconlark@y...> wrote:
> Hi Lynn,
>
> Your post caught my eye because I am in Oregon too! I also love
> reading, writing, playing the piano, gardening, AND I want to learn
> to knit. ;)

Linda: if we live close enough, I'll teach you how to knit. E-mail me
off-list if you like. I noticed in your intro that you are also into
birth issues. I share that interest with you as well. My girls were
all born at home, one in the Netherlands, where home birth is a more
common and more "managed by the experts" than here. But for that
one, the midwife was late. It was my favorite birth.

I
> can testify that it's a lot easier said than done to fully live
> according to an unschooling philosophy when you've spent most of
> your life filled to the brim with the school mentality. You slip
> back into the old bad habits even when you're not aware of it,
which
> is demoralizing. More time wasted!

Yes! I think thought habits are harder to break than physical ones.
I think DH and I end up undermining our children's confidence with
what remains of our school mentality, and when I notice us doing
that, yes, it is demoralizing! Not only is time wasted, but damage
is done. And repairs must be made. It would have been easier to
have just kept my mouth shut in the first place.

>
> I'd say to just keep encouraging them to not rely on others (even
> you) to create their lives for them, and to support them in
> discarding any negative elements in their approach to life,

Two things I have done in that regard recently:
1. Let dc know that they can skip around in math books; they don't
have to be done cover to cover. They already skipped around at will
in other books, but not math.
2. Realized that I had an odd concept of "appropriate times." I grew
up with movies and games reserved for evenings, and just realized
that I still was thinking that that's when those things should be
done. Silly. What are we waiting for?

but NOT
> to keep them busy. That's one thing you're not obligated to do for
> *any* human being (nor would it be good for them.)
>
> Linda

Very true.
Thanks for your note, Linda.

--Lynn