Pam Hartley

>> Is your instinct not to put out candy the same instinct that led
>>you to put out homemade toffee and tell you kids they could not eat
>>it? While you describe that as "controlling" and something that you
>>would never go back to -- is the limit on candy in general
>>different? I'm genuinely asking.
>
> But I don't see it as a limit, per se, as much as my preferring not
> to have it around the house all the time.

I keep trying to think of a more polite way to say, "Well, who died and made
you Empress?" <g> but I'll have to go with that for now.

What about their preferences?

> When the kids have money,
> they buy candy, they eat the candy...no comment from me. Go for it.

When I was purely a stay at home Mom, I suppose my husband could have said
the same thing any time I wanted money for something that he didn't
personally feel a need to buy. Wouldn't have done much for our marriage.
Doesn't do much for a parent/child relationship.


>But one thing I am trying to do as their mom is
> show them that you don't have to do frozen fries; you CAN cut up a
> potato and make them your own self.

There is nothing that says you can't show them how to make homemade fries
AND take their wishes (if they wish for the pre-processed stuff) into
consideration. It isn't an either/or scenario.

My daughters, bless them, do not care for my delicious (if I say so myself)
homemade hamburgers. They politely decline them when I make them. They do
enjoy a nice McDonald's burger. It's their choice.

> It is a fact of life in our family right now, though: tight budget.
> Living in the boonies. Natural/whole foods/Granola for a mom. If the
> kids wanted to supply a bottomless candy bowl...go for it. It's their
> house, too.

Any and all of those "facts of life" can be changed, or solved, or bypassed,
or worked around and with, to give your children real choices.

A tight budget means cutting back somewhere else, or finding a way to make
some extra money, or finding cheap candy sources.

Natural/whole foods/Granola is your thing, not necessarily theirs.
Respecting other people is all about the differences, not about applauding
where others are like us and ignoring their wants and needs where they are
not.

A life in the boonies is a non-issue -- many candies keep a long time. Ditto
many healthy snacks, including dried fruit (and drying fruit at home is fun,
too).

If the kids have no money are you willing and able to help them figure out
ways to get money so they can meet their own wants and needs, if you are
unable or unwilling to do so?

Pam

[email protected]

<< > When the kids have money,
> they buy candy, they eat the candy...no comment from me. Go for it. >>

If candy were important to my kids they might buy candy too, with their
allowance. They spend their allowance on going to movies, or buying gaming
materials or music. Sometimes they save it and take a friend out to eat. I'd rather
they bought things like that.

This discussion has slanted over to a focus on a bowl of candy, but if we can
back up, I think the principle is to provide all kinds of food (including
candy) in a casual way so that they truly can be making a choice. And when that
availability is long-term casual, candy loses value and loses glory. If
candy is occasional and special and forbidden and valuable-reward at the same
time, and shamed bad-habit all at once, it become more than it's worth. When
it's just there, getting dusty or moldy (depending on climate) it's not much more
valuable than paper napkins or table knives.

Eventually it wouldn't be worth kids spending allowance on.

I had some homemade bread last week and offered to make Holly French toast
one morning when she said she wanted something different to eat for breakfast.
I don't really love French toast, but we had extra eggs and this bread was
perfect for it, but Holly said, "No thanks, I'm not in the mood for something
sweet." We did cream cheese on toast instead. But that's typical here, that
the kids prefer something other than sweets.

Last night Kirby and I were going to watch the tape of last week's 24, which
we just hadn't gotten to yet. We were both putzing around trying to settle
and he said from the next room, "I found the tape. And a big bag of candy!" I
said that was Rhiannon and Norma's leftover Hallowe'en candy they had brought
over for us. "Oh!" he said happily. But he didn't eat any of the candy.
Just looked in the bag. And it was quite an assortment. But he didn't want
candy, he wanted to watch 24.

These stories are lame and boring except as snapshots of kids in the same
room as candy they're able to take or leave. Leave is common.

Sandra

Heidi

> > But I don't see it as a limit, per se, as much as my preferring
not
> > to have it around the house all the time.
>
> I keep trying to think of a more polite way to say, "Well, who died
and made
> you Empress?" <g> but I'll have to go with that for now.


roflol...well, I *am* Queen of Quite A Bit LOL



> What about their preferences?

My kids like sweet stuff, no denying that. I wonder if it's possible
to keep homemade things more readily available. Running twenty
minutes to buy (pretty expensive, small town grocery store) candy
when it runs out. That is no more in the budget than little trays of
Lindt truffles, you know?


> > When the kids have money,
> > they buy candy, they eat the candy...no comment from me. Go for
it.
>
> When I was purely a stay at home Mom, I suppose my husband could
have said
> the same thing any time I wanted money for something that he didn't
> personally feel a need to buy. Wouldn't have done much for our
marriage.
> Doesn't do much for a parent/child relationship.

Okay...sometimes, when *I* have money, *I* buy candy, too. It isn't
about me saying "no, no NO!! can't have candy!"


> >But one thing I am trying to do as their mom is
> > show them that you don't have to do frozen fries; you CAN cut up a
> > potato and make them your own self.
>
> There is nothing that says you can't show them how to make homemade
fries
> AND take their wishes (if they wish for the pre-processed stuff)
into
> consideration. It isn't an either/or scenario.

yes, I agree with this. "Mom, get frozen fries, okay?" "Okay." but
frozen fries aren't something I habitually buy (frozen fries; frozen
pot pies; pre-fab food at all, pretty much. I prefer scratch; my kids
like the food I make. I also have mac and cheese in a box in my
pantry, because they like that, too...) I don't deny them the foods
they want, but in this family's life, lots of processed food isn't a
reality.


> > It is a fact of life in our family right now, though: tight
budget.
> > Living in the boonies. Natural/whole foods/Granola for a mom. If
the
> > kids wanted to supply a bottomless candy bowl...go for it. It's
their
> > house, too.
>
> Any and all of those "facts of life" can be changed, or solved, or
bypassed,
> or worked around and with, to give your children real choices.
>
> A tight budget means cutting back somewhere else, or finding a way
to make
> some extra money, or finding cheap candy sources.
>
> Natural/whole foods/Granola is your thing, not necessarily theirs.
> Respecting other people is all about the differences, not about
applauding
> where others are like us and ignoring their wants and needs where
they are
> not.

> A life in the boonies is a non-issue -- many candies keep a long
time. Ditto
> many healthy snacks, including dried fruit (and drying fruit at
home is fun,
> too).

actually, these things feature very large right now. My husband
bought 14 bags of candy at the dollar store...amounting to probably
four pounds total (smallish bags from the dollar store...very cheap.
The dollar store is a 60 minute drive from here, btw.)

It is now less than one week later, and that candy is GONE. I found
some candy at the "very cheap" grocery store, valentine's and easter
candies packaged up together, on Saturday. GONE. On Saturday, we also
bought two pounds of Brach's candy. Gone. Obviously, my kids eat all
the candy all gone, really fast. I'm confident that, if we could do
it, and we did provide candy along with all the other food that is
available, they'd eventually have enough and the bowl would sit half
empty for long periods of time.

MY point is: the cheap candy is an HOUR away. It really is an issue,
this life in the boonies. It's more economical for me to give the
kids their allowance and then make a trip to the little store that's
15 minutes away for them to buy whatever they can afford, and restock
when we make our bi-monthly run to the bigger, cheaper, grocery
stores. As with the fruit I buy, which disappears pretty quickly,
when it's out...it's out until I can get to town again (in a couple
of weeks).


> If the kids have no money are you willing and able to help them
figure out
> ways to get money so they can meet their own wants and needs, if
you are
> unable or unwilling to do so?

absolutely! Thanks for the terrific input. I'm learning a lot from
this thread. It's making me THINK...this list makes me think.

blessings, HeidiC

>
> Pam

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/11/2003 9:55:30 AM Eastern Standard Time,
SandraDodd@... writes:

> These stories are lame and boring except as snapshots of kids in the same
> room as candy they're able to take or leave. Leave is common.
>
> Sandra
>

One thing I would like to offer for discussion. Do you think it makes a
difference about candy if the children are "older". Six year olds vs say ten or
fifteen year olds?

We have always had a candy bowl/basket around the house, always, even when
the children were little. While a new addition might spark a momentary
interest, for the most part it sits untouched until one of the neighbor children or
one of their friends drops by and decides to have some.

My oldest boy who doesn't live at home often gets a gallon ziploc bag and
fills it up to take home. His girlfriend LOVES candy, he enjoys it to a lesser
extent and hey, it's FREE here.

But I do think younger children would be more inclined to be excited or
enticed by a candy bowl than older children to some extent but I might be wrong.

What do you think? Does age also play into the excitement of candy as much
as the availability of it does?

I know the neighborhood children get VERY excited about digging into the
candy bowl here but I don't know if it's the age or because it's not the same
kinds they have at home or if it's because I simply don't care if they eat
themselves sick on it.

glena


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 11/11/03 12:27 PM, rubyprincesstsg@... at rubyprincesstsg@...
wrote:

> What do you think? Does age also play into the excitement of candy as much
> as the availability of it does?

Generally kids eat sugar coated cereal that adults don't. I would bet that
the number of kids who love Capt Crunch is closer to the number of adults
who are repulsed by it rather than vice versa. My guess that it has to do
with kid biology craving high calorie foods because they're growing so fast.
Just a guess.

Joyce

Aimee

Heidi said:
<< I wonder if it's possible
to keep homemade things more readily available. >>

That's what I do. I'm way too cheap to buy premade
stuff very often. I love to cook, so I experiment and
have fun and try new things. I make something every
coupla days.

I try to sneak in some nutritional value sometimes,
too. lol

~Aimee

Heidi

Tonight, it was Toffee Bars, a rich base of butter, flour, brown
sugar, and egg, with melted chocolate on top...YUMMY

Yup, that may just be what we do around here...

blessings, HeidiC


--- In [email protected], Aimee <aimeel73@s...>
wrote:
> Heidi said:
> << I wonder if it's possible
> to keep homemade things more readily available. >>
>
> That's what I do. I'm way too cheap to buy premade
> stuff very often. I love to cook, so I experiment and
> have fun and try new things. I make something every
> coupla days.
>
> I try to sneak in some nutritional value sometimes,
> too. lol
>
> ~Aimee

Aimee

<<Tonight, it was Toffee Bars, a rich base of butter,
flour, brown
sugar, and egg, with melted chocolate on top...YUMMY

Yup, that may just be what we do around here...

blessings, HeidiC>>

That sounds VERY GOOD! *drool*

And, I love knowing what goes into my sweets, instead
of the preservatives, etc. And the basic ingrediants
you mentioned can be stocked up on, cheap.

And the kids learn where FOOD actually comes from.
Like, how you make caramel, and the different ways to
make it, is what Alex and I have been having fun with.


He heated up just plain brown sugar til it was melted
and at a high temp, turned hard automatically. That
was fun to clean,NOT! Next time we added corn syrup
and butter, hehehe, much better. Then we turned that
into fudge sauce, white sugar instead and with lots of
cocoa. Now we're playing with the temperature, ie soft
ball stage, hard ball stage, etc.

What's that saying, better living thru chemistry? Who
needs drugs? lol Play with candy instead!

~Aimee