[email protected]

I have been following this post and I have been sitting her thinking.
If each family or parent has different levels of concern or panic how do we
know at what point we are drawing the line too soon or too late? I mean what
seems ok to one may not be ok to others.
For instance my son watches the news when he enters the room and I have it on
If we have come to a sensitive subject I have explained it to him. During the
beginning of the war he watched with me during the day. I am prior Marine
Corps and he is wanting to go in when he is old enough.
It actually peeked a sizable interest in other wars and books written on
them.

I know for me I have taken the no limits into levels that my husband has
protested. When is it too far?
So for me/us there are areas that need tweaking but others that some feel I
am too lax on.

Laura


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

From: <HMSL2@...>

<<I know for me I have taken the no limits into levels that my husband has
protested. When is it too far?
So for me/us there are areas that need tweaking but others that some feel I
am too lax on. >>


I can only speak for myself, but I think knowing our own kids as we do, and
really watching them and seeing certain signs and listening to them gives us
all the insight we need as to what they need or want and what they don't.

I mean how do we know when they show interest in learning things? They ask
us, or start playing all about the subject of interest, or draw pictures of
that, or ask for books about it, etc. And what they don't show interest in,
we don't push. (Not sure that's a good word as we don't push even the
interested subjects.)

And if one is just showing interest, we don't go out all gangbusters. When
my kids show an interest in something, I don't go and spend tons of money on
it in case that interest is short lived. We start small and go as they want.
That way if the interest is satisfied, I don't feel like we've signed up and
spent great amounts of time with something that has passed.

Same with tv and such. We have a love or horror movies here. Joe and Tara
and I love them. I didn't sit my other children down and show them Friday
the 13th. We started with the old black and white Them. A really corney
movie about giant ants but the kids loved it. Joseph has a love for the
*can't possibly be real* type scary movies. Like Starship Troopers and
Tremors. But awhile ago there was something we watched that made him tell us
it scared him and he didn't like it. I can't even remember what it was.
Sierra was fine with it and he wasn't. He wasn't traumatized by it, but
aware that he didn't like it. So again, it was one step at a time.

That's how we are able to gauge levels for each kid at different ages. We
just watch and listen.



Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com

[email protected]

In a message dated 11-3-2003 7:50:10 PM Mountain Standard Time,
mummy124@... writes:
That's how we are able to gauge levels for each kid at different ages. We
just watch and listen.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Halloween night, we went to a family party. The kids had the basement and
the grownups were upstairs. They had *Pet Semetary* to watch for the kids. I
was a bit nervous, as I couldn't make it thru the book OR the movie ~ too too
too creepy for me (and I LOVE Stephen King!). I didn't transfer any of that to
my kids, I let them self regulate. I was just up the stairs and they were
free to hang out with me or go into another room downstairs and play. They chose
to watch the movie and we have been having the most amazing conversations
since then! First they neener, neener, neenered me for not seeing the whole
movie <bg> but then they talked about *why* those things happened, which led to
talking about sacred land which led to why life is better than death, which is
better than being undead against your will, etc. No nightmares, which was my
fear, but plenty of new respect for anything called sacred.

diana,
The wackiest widow westriver...
"Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocre minds. The
latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to
hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence." ~ Albert
Einstein


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 11/3/03 9:10 PM, HMSL2@... at HMSL2@... wrote:

> I know for me I have taken the no limits into levels that my husband has
> protested. When is it too far?

I think it helps to think in terms of helping them see the things they'd
pick to watching on their own and *adding* to that things we think they
might like, rather than seeing our role as filtering the world into what we
want them to see and what we don't want them to see. It helps us see the
world through their needs rather than through our needs for them. And it's
based on getting to know them and becoming sort of an extension of them to
help them find what they want to see and avoid what they don't want to see.

Do we protect them or shelter them from boring textbooks or Playboy? Or do
we help them find the things that interest them and help them avoid the
things that don't interest them?

On their own kids won't choose to watch the news or adult-themed movies. If
they do want to see things that make them a bit uncomfortable, like scary
movies or even the news, they'd want us there for support, to give them a
safe place to watch from.

Joyce

[email protected]

My concern isn't me offering enough freedom I wondered if there was such a
thing as too much. My concern was is it possible to allow too much freedom?....
I know my son and limiting tv, video games, friends, etc., has not been a
need at all. I think the wants and needs are unlimited for him and for him the
freedom works. To me its natural to not limit these things and when he was in
school years ago I didn't limit much then either.

There are times like his kitty litter box in his room that I get friction
from my husband. His cat has issues and poops and pees on his floor. I am
pregnant and I have been picking it up. I will ask him to and he doesn't do it so I
do it. Is this the extent of what I am to do or do I go further and require
him to do this for my safety? His room smells and so does the bathroom and
hallway when his door is opened. The cat has a skin condition and no claws so I
cant find a home right now or offer the kitty to potty outside. My husband just
put new laminate floors down a few months ago and the cat has ruined an entire
corner and the flooring is discontinued.
The smell is annoying and a topic weekly on trash day. What solution is
workable to all?
This is causing me great stress listening to the hubby and has been easier
for me to go in and take care of it but I am not thrilled with the fact that my
son knows that I am not to be touching it and he doesn't appear to care nor
bothered by the smell while he sleeps.


Laura
> <<My question was:>>>I know for me I have taken the no limits into levels
that my husband has
> protested. When is it too far?

I think it helps to think in terms of helping them see the things they'd
pick to watching on their own and *adding* to that things we think they
might like, rather than seeing our role as filtering the world into what we
want them to see and what we don't want them to see. It helps us see the
world through their needs rather than through our needs for them. And it's
based on getting to know them and becoming sort of an extension of them to
help them find what they want to see and avoid what they don't want to see.

Do we protect them or shelter them from boring textbooks or Playboy?


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/4/03 8:28:30 AM, HMSL2@... writes:

<< Do we protect them or shelter them from boring textbooks or Playboy? >>

When they're five? no interest in either

When they're ten? I wouldn't give them either.

When they're fifteen? what will you do to them if they get them elsewhere?

When they're twenty? their decisions will be based in part on what came
before

Sandra

[email protected]

Just to be clear I did not write this I wrote the question that led to the
textbook/playboy reply. Laura
In a message dated 11/4/03 8:28:30 AM, HMSL2@... writes:

<< Do we protect them or shelter them from boring textbooks or Playboy? >>

When they're five? no interest in either

When they're ten? I wouldn't give them either.

When they're fifteen? what will you do to them if they get them elsewhere?

When they're twenty? their decisions will be based in part on what came
before

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

In a message dated 11/4/03 10:22:09 AM, HMSL2@... writes:

<< Just to be clear I did not write this I wrote the question that led to the
textbook/playboy reply. Laura
In a message dated 11/4/03 8:28:30 AM, HMSL2@... writes: >>

Sorry. Sometimes when people cut and paste a quote,the mail program
automatically inserts who the other e-mail was from. I try to remove them when it's
wrong or when it doesn't matter (and it usually doesn't matter) but I forget
sometimes.

Sandra

[email protected]

That's fine. I just didn't want to come across with conflicting statements to
my question. Laura

<< Just to be clear I did not write this I wrote the question that led to the
textbook/playboy reply. Laura
In a message dated 11/4/03 8:28:30 AM, HMSL2@... writes: >>

Sorry. Sometimes when people cut and paste a quote,the mail program
automatically inserts who the other e-mail was from. I try to remove them
when it's
wrong or when it doesn't matter (and it usually doesn't matter) but I forget
sometimes.

Sandra


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Pam Hartley

> There are times like his kitty litter box in his room that I get
friction
> from my husband. His cat has issues and poops and pees on
his floor. I am
> pregnant and I have been picking it up. I will ask him to and he
doesn't do it so I
> do it. Is this the extent of what I am to do or do I go further and
require
> him to do this for my safety?

If the cat is an indoor cat, the dangers to you as a pregnant
woman are almost non-existent -- outdoor cats who hunt are at
most risk for infection. You can have the cat tested if you want to
be sure.

This situation is a family situation -- if the cat is destroying the
house and making life difficult for the humans, the cat needs to
adjust, be adjusted, or leave. There are a variety of options: the
cat can be retrained, by confining him to a bathroom with a very
clean litter box for several weeks while the rest of the house is
thoroughly cleaned of odors. The cat can be confined to a pen
containing his litter box, himself, his food and water, in an easy-
to-clean area (the garage, etc.)

I missed how old your son is, but expecting anyone pre-teen to
take sole care of a pet is probably an unreasonable expectation.
Some kids will at earlier ages, but many just are not capable of
remembering or putting that kind of priority on it.

Pets can be great additions to the family, but they shouldn't come
before the people, IMHO.

Pam

[email protected]

Having the cat box in the kid's room or bathroom seems a bad plan. Can you
make a door into a utility room or garage? Where it's colder the box will
stink less, and on a concrete or tile floor damage is less.

We use the carboard flats the canned food comes in. It's kind of the circle
of life (of cat input/output) and I just throw the whole box sometimes, and
sometimes just transfer the cleanest stuff to a new box. But disposable boxes
cut down on lots of the work. They don't need it deep, just clean.

Don't scrimp and get crummy cat litter, either. If you get the clumping
absorbant odor reducing stuff, that helps. I've seen people buy that litter and
then get an expensive cat box and then not change it for two or three weeks.
That's pretty crazy. And it makes the cat crazy too.

Sandra

Mary

Well we have cats here and this situation would definitely need to be
addressed. I had to give a cat up once because of such problems. She just
wasn't adjusting to the growing family and when she peed on my kitchen
counter, that was it. We had tried all our other options so she went to a
new home.

To me, that's a matter of what's clean, nice smelling and a comfort level
for me and others in the house. If it doesn't bother any of you, then that's
different. It seems like it sure does so there would be a solution of some
kind if it happened here.

First make sure there's nothing physically wrong with the cat. Sometimes, as
odd as it sounds, it can be a physical problem. I would then remove the cat
and box from a bedroom and chose a bathroom, laundry room or garage to
confine the cat. The cat box has to be kept immaculately clean. Some cats
are way more serious about this than others. The automatic cleaning boxes
are great. Try all different kinds of cat litter and also cat boxes. Some
cats like larger boxes, and some like to be concealed as in a box with a
hood. And some cats are really picky about the litter they use. Cheap can
work for some and others won't have it.

It takes time and money but a solution may very well be found.

Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com

Robyn Coburn

<<There are times like his kitty litter box in his room that I get
friction
from my husband. His cat has issues and poops and pees on his floor. I
am
pregnant and I have been picking it up. I will ask him to and he
doesn't do it so I
do it. Is this the extent of what I am to do or do I go further and
require
him to do this for my safety? His room smells and so does the bathroom
and
hallway when his door is opened. The cat has a skin condition and no
claws so I
cant find a home right now or offer the kitty to potty outside. My
husband just
put new laminate floors down a few months ago and the cat has ruined an
entire
corner and the flooring is discontinued.
The smell is annoying and a topic weekly on trash day. What solution is
workable to all?
This is causing me great stress listening to the hubby and has been
easier
for me to go in and take care of it but I am not thrilled with the fact
that my
son knows that I am not to be touching it and he doesn't appear to care
nor
bothered by the smell while he sleeps.>>



Seems to me that there are a couple of issues here, and that it is not
really about "no limiting" in the same way food restrictions/tv etc is.
One issue is where should that cat actually live, since there are
physical problems being caused in the home. Several people have made
suggestions. The other is should your son be responsible for the cat,
especially one that is not fully well. The third issue is that you and
your husband have something interfering with your happy relationship on
an ongoing basis.

My first thought was that maybe you should just step away from the
situation. Invite your husband to take the matter up with your son
directly, and take up the catshit too. This is of course easier said
than done. My dh was always complaining about mess that Jayn makes, and
would walk over the doll on the floor ten times, and grumble, rather
than just pick the thing up. If I ask him to help me, he is always
willing to.

If your son can't take care of the cat, it should not be "his" cat. This
is a living creature, and I don't think falls into the same category as
a simply messy room (see archives for lengthy discussions on that topic)
that can be left alone with the door shut. If it is approached as giving
him a break from the cat, or helping him out with it, maybe he won't
feel punished. Having the cat removed from his space and care sounds
like a natural consequence to me, rather than an arbitrary one.

When my room mate had a cat that started going all over the place, it
turned out to have a bladder infection caused by too much dried food in
the diet. I also remember some room mates years ago that had kittens
that basically destroyed the carpets of our rental. I think they
eventually all moved out, but not before I had made some pretty angry
demands, and cleaned up a lot. The cats were pooping at the doormat of
the back door frequently - I think they wanted out.

A final thought - what about one of those electronic litter boxes that
rakes the clumps away? Does anyone have any experience with those
things?

Robyn Coburn










[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Fetteroll

on 11/4/03 5:54 PM, Mary at mummy124@... wrote:

> The automatic cleaning boxes
> are great.

Yes! Our cats needed me to be more diligent than I was and I happened to
find one at the swap area of the dump. (It was used but clean and back in
the box! ;-) Maybe it was tried by the people who had it and their cats ran
in terror. But our cats love it. They love to watch it scooping. Love the
fact that it's always clean. And, yes, the more expensive clumping is better
than cheap clumping, even if the cheap says "premium" cat litter.

Joyce

[email protected]

I ended up asking him yesterday am to take care of the smell. He did pick it
up. He knows if his room stinks it is because the cat didn't use the box.
This cat is a shelter cat and the previous owners had the same problems. We have
had him for over a year so I am guessing it is the dogs or the kitten that we
all couldn't resist.

Thank you for the suggestions. We are going to move the cat from his room
(not sure where yet) and when his fur grows back we are finding a home for him.


Laura


<<Yes! Our cats needed me to be more diligent than I was and I happened to
find one at the swap area of the dump. (It was used but clean and back in
the box! ;-) Maybe it was tried by the people who had it and their cats ran
in terror. But our cats love it. They love to watch it scooping. Love the
fact that it's always clean. And, yes, the more expensive clumping is better
than cheap clumping, even if the cheap says "premium" cat litter.

Joyce


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Betjeman and Barton Tea Merchants

Robyn wrote:
>>>A final thought - what about one of those electronic litter boxes that
rakes the clumps away? Does anyone have any experience with those
things?>>>

We have one and love it. They are not cheap (around $90) but worth every penny. I gave dh one for Father's day <bg>. He was our designated scooper and he loathed the job.

If you get one - don't put too much litter in - that makes the sensors nuts.

Karen (in CT)












[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Mary

From: "Betjeman and Barton Tea Merchants" <karen@...>

<<We have one and love it. They are not cheap (around $90) but worth every
penny. I gave dh one for Father's day <bg>. He was our designated scooper
and he loathed the job.>>



We got one for Tara last Christmas. I find that one box and 3 cats (with one
on the way) does make it a bit more in need of care then none at all, but
still well worth it.



Mary B.
http://www.homeschoolingtshirts.com