Child Abuse
Gary & Lisa Williams
Sandra~You made some good points here that hit so close to my heart. I agonize over every abusive news story and just get sooo sick. But I finally came to the point too that I have to provide a safe, happy, peaceful environment for my own children. My sister is a speech path in the public school system for at risk preschoolers. The things she has to deal with just make us cry. At first we talked about how we would bring this one home or call DCFS on that one but eventually she just learned to do what she could when she was with each one. On Monday mornings they don't do too much therapy because they are running around trying to feed these little ones. Many do NOT eat from Friday lunch until they get to school on Monday morn. Parents are too out of it to deal with major things like dinner for the 4 year old. They have children there that deal with much worse than a few missed meals...
So we try to live a better way and our children can BE a better way.
Guess there is no answer...
Lisa
resolve to DO something to save all those children right now, today, will we
solve it? Will we change their parent's attitudes? Would we even get them
all out of their homes? And if we did, would that be a improvement? What
foster homes would they end up in? What damage would the violent parents do
to each other or other children and blame it on us for disrupting their
homes? How many of us would be so sickened with the details that we would
ourselves drink or become suicidal?
Meanwhile, who would be home being warm and kind to OUR children?
If I don't believe that I can stop all child abuse, does that mean I don't
care about it at all?
It means I KNOW (not think) that it has gone on in all ages and will probably
go on to some degree among the frustrated and ignorant and abused-themselves
for all time. I can't stop it. Nobody here can stop it.
Can we give our OWN children a peaceful, safe place?
Not if we dedicate the totality of our time and energy to child abuse issues,
we can't. Then we just bring child abuse into our homes daily and
perpetually.
IS there a better way?
Isn't living a better way BEING a better way?
If a family is not racist or sexist is their home a better place than the
racism and sexism outside? How many hours a day can they discuss racism and
sexism without just living in its shadow, and bringing hopelessness and
damage into their own souls?
What is peace good for if nobody HAS any?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So we try to live a better way and our children can BE a better way.
Guess there is no answer...
Lisa
>Has anyone told a story on this list this week of a current injustice?If we all immerse ourselves in that awareness and outrage and injustice and
>There are enough child abuse cases in the news THIS WEEK to make us all sick
>and suicidal.
resolve to DO something to save all those children right now, today, will we
solve it? Will we change their parent's attitudes? Would we even get them
all out of their homes? And if we did, would that be a improvement? What
foster homes would they end up in? What damage would the violent parents do
to each other or other children and blame it on us for disrupting their
homes? How many of us would be so sickened with the details that we would
ourselves drink or become suicidal?
Meanwhile, who would be home being warm and kind to OUR children?
If I don't believe that I can stop all child abuse, does that mean I don't
care about it at all?
It means I KNOW (not think) that it has gone on in all ages and will probably
go on to some degree among the frustrated and ignorant and abused-themselves
for all time. I can't stop it. Nobody here can stop it.
Can we give our OWN children a peaceful, safe place?
Not if we dedicate the totality of our time and energy to child abuse issues,
we can't. Then we just bring child abuse into our homes daily and
perpetually.
IS there a better way?
Isn't living a better way BEING a better way?
If a family is not racist or sexist is their home a better place than the
racism and sexism outside? How many hours a day can they discuss racism and
sexism without just living in its shadow, and bringing hopelessness and
damage into their own souls?
What is peace good for if nobody HAS any?
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Gary & Lisa Williams
I wrote a response earlier to a post by Sandra before I read the one below. I don't think Sandra meant, and I certainly did not, that we should just hide in our homeschools and not do anything. But I did agree that if we bring ALL of the world's evils into our homes, then OUR children will not have a chance to live in a happy, healthy environment. This is not to say that we don't do our share of public service...donations, Christmas baskets, supporting programs, etc. My sister works in the heart of the sadness every day and she makes calls to DCFS and hears things like "we are too busy, don't call us unless it is more serious." Children not eating all weekend (and worse) aren't serious enough. And I agree with you, it's not black and white and if we help one or two or more than it will help the world in general.
Lisa
Does that mean we shouldn't *try*??? Does that mean we shouldn't just help even one person? What about the handful of children that *do* have better lives because someone did something?
Surely there has to be a balance, even as imperfect as our results might be.
Kristen
point our precious children will enter this "real" world whether it's to go
to the corner store, or to go to college or to just get a job. Wonder how we
would feel if some sicko person did something dreadful to one of our
children? Said sicko had some marvelous neighbors, neighbors KNEW said
person was really really sick but it really wasn't their business and they
couldn't solve the worlds ills so they just shut their blinds and went about
their business, what then?
We can help one child at a time, one person at a time. We can be loving
parents and give our children a wonderful upbringing and STILL have time to
help those who need help along the way.
If only one child is spared the suffering the is oft times described in the
news media isn't it worth that one child's life to CARE?
We cannot sit in our peaceful little worlds and ignore the pain and suffering
happening right outside our doorsteps. Nor do we have to turn our backs on
our children and families to make a difference.
It's not one or the other, it's not black or white, BOTH can coexist at the
same time. Perfectly peaceful unschooling families that care about others
and their plight or situation or other humans in the world.
We do what we can, what we do comes back three fold, I believe that, turn a
blind eye and you loose sight of all humanity.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa
>From: Have A Nice Day! <litlrooh@...>Sandra,
>I understand what you are saying, that if we immerse ourselves in negativity, that it could take something away >from our own peacefulness and take peacefulness away from our children.I also know that I can't save everyone. I can't help everyone. We can't rid ourselves of child abuse. It won't happen.
Does that mean we shouldn't *try*??? Does that mean we shouldn't just help even one person? What about the handful of children that *do* have better lives because someone did something?
Surely there has to be a balance, even as imperfect as our results might be.
Kristen
>From: rubyprincesstsg@...it's sure to continue and to more than likely become more rampant. At some
>But if we all sit happy fat and sassy in our own private >unschooling worlds
point our precious children will enter this "real" world whether it's to go
to the corner store, or to go to college or to just get a job. Wonder how we
would feel if some sicko person did something dreadful to one of our
children? Said sicko had some marvelous neighbors, neighbors KNEW said
person was really really sick but it really wasn't their business and they
couldn't solve the worlds ills so they just shut their blinds and went about
their business, what then?
We can help one child at a time, one person at a time. We can be loving
parents and give our children a wonderful upbringing and STILL have time to
help those who need help along the way.
If only one child is spared the suffering the is oft times described in the
news media isn't it worth that one child's life to CARE?
We cannot sit in our peaceful little worlds and ignore the pain and suffering
happening right outside our doorsteps. Nor do we have to turn our backs on
our children and families to make a difference.
It's not one or the other, it's not black or white, BOTH can coexist at the
same time. Perfectly peaceful unschooling families that care about others
and their plight or situation or other humans in the world.
We do what we can, what we do comes back three fold, I believe that, turn a
blind eye and you loose sight of all humanity.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/15/2003 8:04:41 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
glmnw@... writes:
that attitude there might be less of what you described. It won't solve it
all at once but maybe one less child will go to bed hungry or one less child
will be beaten to death because someone took the time to care.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
glmnw@... writes:
> So we try to live a better way and our children can BE a better way.There is an answer, we help when we can, where we can. If everyone adopted
> Guess there is no answer...
>
that attitude there might be less of what you described. It won't solve it
all at once but maybe one less child will go to bed hungry or one less child
will be beaten to death because someone took the time to care.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kris
<<There is an answer, we help when we can, where we can. If everyone
adopted
that attitude there might be less of what you described. It won't solve it
all at once but maybe one less child will go to bed hungry or one less child
will be beaten to death because someone took the time to care.
glena
no longer spanked, avoided hunger and being homeless during their parents
financial problems because of my help.
The thing is, I don't really keep track. It's just who I am and it's how
our family operates. We step in and help because we like people and can't
help but see ourselves in the need of others.
I've taken people in, helped stressed parents find kinder ways of dealing
with their children, advocated for folks with social services, protested and
so on.
I cannot think of one event that wasn't best handled with kindness, patience
and sometimes humor. I'm better motivated by compassion than fury. I think
the biggest changes come from individuals laying it on the line when they
can.
No one is naive enough to say racism doesn't exist, it does, it always has,
it probably always will. As long as people are running the show the same
problems will manifest themselves. The best I can do for my kids is show
them how it should be.
Kris
adopted
that attitude there might be less of what you described. It won't solve it
all at once but maybe one less child will go to bed hungry or one less child
will be beaten to death because someone took the time to care.
glena
>>If I were take a tally I know there would be a few children who are happier,
no longer spanked, avoided hunger and being homeless during their parents
financial problems because of my help.
The thing is, I don't really keep track. It's just who I am and it's how
our family operates. We step in and help because we like people and can't
help but see ourselves in the need of others.
I've taken people in, helped stressed parents find kinder ways of dealing
with their children, advocated for folks with social services, protested and
so on.
I cannot think of one event that wasn't best handled with kindness, patience
and sometimes humor. I'm better motivated by compassion than fury. I think
the biggest changes come from individuals laying it on the line when they
can.
No one is naive enough to say racism doesn't exist, it does, it always has,
it probably always will. As long as people are running the show the same
problems will manifest themselves. The best I can do for my kids is show
them how it should be.
Kris
[email protected]
In a message dated 5/15/2003 10:35:07 PM Eastern Daylight Time,
louisa@... writes:
That is wonderful and if lots more people in the world did this it would help
even more (and I'm not talking about the "people" here, just people in
general in the world).
Just doing what we can, when we can.
I'm sure there are many lives you don't even realize that you've helped with
your kindnesses and I believe our children see that and will continue that in
their lives.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
louisa@... writes:
> If I were take a tally I know there would be a few children who are happier,Kris,
> no longer spanked, avoided hunger and being homeless during their parents
> financial problems because of my help.
>
> The thing is, I don't really keep track. It's just who I am and it's how
> our family operates. We step in and help because we like people and can't
> help but see ourselves in the need of others.
>
> I've taken people in, helped stressed parents find kinder ways of dealing
> with their children, advocated for folks with social services, protested
> and
> so on.
>
That is wonderful and if lots more people in the world did this it would help
even more (and I'm not talking about the "people" here, just people in
general in the world).
Just doing what we can, when we can.
I'm sure there are many lives you don't even realize that you've helped with
your kindnesses and I believe our children see that and will continue that in
their lives.
glena
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather Hall
You are doing a fabulous job Tracy! Seriously, you are one of my role
models. You are truly succeeding at not repeating what happened to you and
making your own way.
Heather, mom to
Harriet 12.15.99
Crispin 01.25.02
heatherette@...
models. You are truly succeeding at not repeating what happened to you and
making your own way.
> Message: 17--
> Date: Sat, 17 Jul 2004 13:55:44 -0400
> From: TreeGoddess <treegoddess@...>
> Subject: Re: Child abuse
>
> On Jul 17, 2004, at 1:09 PM, eriksmama2001 wrote:
>
>> I am just so sad that this happened to you. It makes me sick that any
>> one experiences this.
>
> Thank you, Pat. Just when I think I'm "over it" I read your kind words
> and get teary for the girl in me that was trapped and abused and I
> guess I'm actually not over it after all. Nobody should be treated
> like that and I'm doing my best so that my kids won't have awful
> memories to recall. :)
> -Tracy-
Heather, mom to
Harriet 12.15.99
Crispin 01.25.02
heatherette@...