Ren Allen

"I do think it's important to listen to your instincts, follow your
heart and do what you think is right, not what someone else tells you
to do."

Of course.
I think some people go into adoption or fostering with very
unrealistic expectations though. If you're going to choose this, it's
good to hear the victories AND failures...there's plenty of both.

Some families are really suited for adoption and/or foster care.
Joanne's is such a fabulous example of a family that is making it work
beautifully, in spite of their trials. They are an inspiration to many
I'm sure!:)

But having lived through some pretty massively heartbreaking stuff in
my family, I feel I owe it to people considering this option to share
my experience. Each experience is different. But FAS and other issues
are extremely difficult to deal with, social workers aren't always up
front about this stuff.

I have a brother that has used and abused our family, is in prison
again and absolutely broke my parents hearts. I have a sister that
does not have custody of her older two children (being raised by her
ex's folks) and is now pregnant again and planning to keep this one
too....she battles alcoholism. My other adopted sib is a people
pleaser, draws people into her world that use her and abuse her. Sweet
as anything, but can't stand up for herself and has a hard time being
truthful.
All of them had a lot of love and nurture. I'm in touch with all of
them, love them all dearly, but see the pain that has been caused too.
I don't believe I'd change a thing....but my parents have said many
times they would have done it different if they could reverse time.

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Pamela Sorooshian

On Jan 29, 2006, at 6:21 PM, Ren Allen wrote:

> Each experience is different. But FAS and other issues
> are extremely difficult to deal with, social workers aren't always up
> front about this stuff.

Ask Jeremy Strohmeyer's parents. They adopted him as an infant. They
specifically requested that they not be given a child whose birth
parents were known to have a history of mental illness.

Jeremy grew up near me - was friends with my nephew and other kids I
know. His family was good and warm and loving. When he exhibited
signs of mental problems, they took him to counseling. He was
referred to a psychiatrist who prescribed amphetamines of some kind.
He got addicted to drugs and he got worse and worse.

He murdered a little girl in a casino in Las Vegas.

Turns out his mother was, at the time of the adoption, in a mental
institution for severe schizophrenia. She'd been hospitalized for
mental illnesses over 60 times. Social workers purposely held back
that information.

I'm not saying that anybody knows if his mental illness was inherited
- but there is clearly that possibility.

When my sister adopted her daughter, the social workers did NOT give
her information about what my niece had been through. My sister
slowly got some of it - but she had to piece things together and it
was very very difficult to try to help her without knowing her history.

Oh - which reminds me of another reason why unschooling might be
problematic - my niece needed constant supervision and she was
exhausting. My sister needed time away from her far more than most
moms need time away from their kids. Something else to consider.

-pam



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Joanne

--- In [email protected], "Ren Allen"
<starsuncloud@c...> wrote:
>>>>Some families are really suited for adoption and/or foster care.
> Joanne's is such a fabulous example of a family that is making it
work beautifully, in spite of their trials. They are an inspiration to
many I'm sure!:)>>>>>


I just saw this. Thank you so much Ren. You made me smile. :-)


~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (7), Shawna (10) & Cimion (13)
Adopted into our hearts October 30, 2003
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/