freepsgal

I've enjoyed reading the posts and looking at the archives and know
this might be a good place to help me grow. My name is Beth. I
live in Georgia with my DH and 3 children. My kids are dd13, ds9
and dd7. Right now, only my 9 year old son is homeschooling. I
share custody of my oldest daughter with her dad (he and his wife
are school teachers) and she has never been homeschooled. My 7 year
old is in 2nd grade at the local public school.

We began our homeschooling journey in early 2002 when we took our
son out of ps Kindergarten. We started with a traditional boxed
curriculum which turned out to be a horrid expensive mistake. We
then learned about unschooling and moved into a relaxed lifestyle
that left all the pressures of school behind. Sometime during that
year, I discovered a literature based curriculum and started
borrowing books from its catalog. Then I decided it wouldn't hurt
to just jump in and do a whole program. I've been curriculum
hopping since that time. I'm sad to say I reached a point last
October where I felt totally overwhelmed with life and put my two
youngest children back in school. My ds9 was against the whole
thing and hated it from the 1st day. My dd7, otoh, was very excited
to be going to school. She's a social butterfly and says that being
home is very boring. She wants to be around a bunch of kids all day
every day. I took my son out after 13 days. He is so much happier
at home. My daughter isn't ready to quit though. I thought for
sure that she'd decide to remain home after the holiday break but
she is eager to return this week. I must say I feel terribly
disappointed. She said she'd quit if I really wanted her to quit
but that she'd rather stay in for a while. My DH wants me to leave
her in until she decides to come home on her own. I'd feel better
about that decision if she loved every day, but she comes home 2 - 3
days per week in tears because she's had a bad day. I've asked her
how I can make homeschooling more appealing again but she says there
isn't anything I can do and that she'd rather stay in school.

I've jumped around in homeschooling methods, trying to find that
perfect fit. Most of the time we begin something enthusiastically,
only to have it fizzle out within a few weeks. When I look deep
within myself, I see it's always me pushing though, and my kids just
trying to please me. We get to a point where we're all unhappy so I
stop schooling so we can catch our breath and just live happily.
Yet, I always find my way back to curriculum. I realize this is a
bad cycle that must be broken.

I just finished reading my favorite homeschooling book,
_Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves_ by Alison
McKee. I seem to go back to this book whenever I feel a need to be
inspired yet again about homeschooling. Every time I read this
book, I'm reminded of how steeped I am in traditional education.
Each time I feel like I've finally let it go, only to find myself
drawn back to it all. So I guess we're now back in a deschooling
mode. My son and I are thinking about rounding up all the
curriculum in the house and selling everything we don't like. We
also need a hobby and we're looking into geocaching. We're not big
outdoor people but my son likes the idea of 'treasure' hunting.

Thanks for reading this far!

Beth

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 1, 2006, at 11:02 AM, freepsgal wrote:

> -=-She's a social butterfly and says that being
> home is very boring. -=-


If school is less boring than home for her, then she SHOULD be at
school.

-=-I thought for
sure that she'd decide to remain home after the holiday break but
she is eager to return this week. I must say I feel terribly
disappointed. She said she'd quit if I really wanted her to quit
but that she'd rather stay in for a while. My DH wants me to leave
her in until she decides to come home on her own. -=-

I agree with your husband totally.
If a child quitting school would make your life better (regardless of
her own feelings), that's not a good perspective for either of you.

Look at the bright side and how much more time you can spend with
your son when she's in school. DO things with him, not to lure her
home, but because it's good for the relationship between him and you.

-=-I'd feel better
about that decision if she loved every day, but she comes home 2 - 3
days per week in tears because she's had a bad day. -=-

Don't worry about that. Let her decide on her own without pressure.
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice

Read that, please, and realize that if she's in school by her own
choice that in itself makes her experience there different than it
would be if she had no choices.

-=-When I look deep
within myself, I see it's always me pushing though, and my kids just
trying to please me. -=-

Maybe go to google, and browse through some sites about
codependency. It will help you to have that concept in you, and to
avoid the pitfalls of your emotional wellbeing being tied up with
someone else's. And then when you can tell the difference, you can
just POUR wellbeing into your family situation so that there's enough
for you and everybody else.


-=-We get to a point where we're all unhappy so I
stop schooling so we can catch our breath and just live happily. -=-

Make the happiness your priority, and the other things will fall into
place and start working on their own. If you're happy, and they're
happy, and calm, and hopeful, then learning will start seeping into
all the cracks.


-=-I just finished reading my favorite homeschooling book,
_Homeschooling Our Children, Unschooling Ourselves_ by Alison
McKee. I seem to go back to this book whenever I feel a need to be
inspired yet again about homeschooling. Every time I read this
book, I'm reminded of how steeped I am in traditional education.
Each time I feel like I've finally let it go, only to find myself
drawn back to it all.-=-

Try to forgive the crass analogy, but reading a book about something
you don't actually then go out and DO is just so much jackoff.
You've THOUGHT about finally letting it go, and it felt good to
fantasize about letting it go, but it was only the mirage of the
emotion involved while you were reading.

To move to unschooling you have to seek out and experience natural
learning, to the point that you trust it.

To ride a bicycle, you can't read your favorite book on bicycles, be
reminded how steeped you are in walking or driving, and feel like
you've let them go. You have to get a bicycle and ride it.

-=-So I guess we're now back in a deschooling
mode. -=-

I'm guessing you're not. I'm guessing you're in wishful deschooling
fantasy.

-=-My son and I are thinking about rounding up all the
curriculum in the house and selling everything we don't like. -=-

Just thinking about it, huh?
Pack it up and set it aside for a few months. Don't mess with selling
it right now. Maybe you won't be able to unschool and you'll need
that stuff. Let it be there. Learn not to need it with it still
sitting right there (maybe in taped-up boxes put out of the way, but
still...). Don't waste your valuable deschooling time and energy
selling a school materials.

-=-We
also need a hobby and we're looking into geocaching. We're not big
outdoor people but my son likes the idea of 'treasure' hunting.-=-

You don't need a hobby. You need to dabble in a hundred hobbies.

Sandra

Robyn Coburn

<<<<< My son and I are thinking about rounding up all the
curriculum in the house and selling everything we don't like. >>>>

Just do it! Especially the teacher's guides and lesson plans. And if it
doesn't sell, donate it to the Goodwill, or to your local homeschooling
group. I mean don't stay attached to the financial value of it.

Once the stuff is out of the house think of all the shelf space and head
space that will be cleared.

I'm like that about books - I find that reading is very inspiring. I keep a
book about house keeping techniques around and find that inspiring at times.
Read Rue's book and be inspired about how great Unschooling can truly be.

Robyn L. Coburn

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freepsgal

> I agree with your husband totally.
> If a child quitting school would make your life better (regardless
> of her own feelings), that's not a good perspective for either of
> you.

Nope, I know that. That's why I quit talking to her about
homeschooling. I told her I support her decisions and will help her
in any way she needs me. It just surprised me that's all.

> Read that, please, and realize that if she's in school by her own
> choice that in itself makes her experience there different than
> it would be if she had no choices.

Very good article. Thanks!

> Maybe go to google, and browse through some sites about
> codependency.

Codependency is a possibility, however I really love schooly
things. I love textbooks and workbooks, crazy as it sounds. I
absolutely hate shopping for clothes, shoes, groceries, etc., but I
can spend hours at a school-supplies store like The School Box and
Learning Things. I also love Barnes & Noble, but only the
children's and teacher sections. I loved school through 7th grade.
High School began at 8th grade and that's when I started disliking
school. I had some really bad teachers. They had me believing I
was a dummy until I was an adult and realized I was pretty smart! I
like learning and have been having a great time learning Math,
History and Grammar alongside my children. I'll just continue to do
it without them, that's all.

> Try to forgive the crass analogy, but reading a book about
> something you don't actually then go out and DO is just so much
> jackoff. You've THOUGHT about finally letting it go, and it felt
> good to fantasize about letting it go, but it was only the mirage
> of the emotion involved while you were reading.

Really? I don't see it that way at all! If I can only be inspired
by the things I actually do, I have no hope. There are many things
I like to read about that I would have no desire to do either. For
example, I like mystery novels but I don't want to go out and be a
detective. I really do believe my children will learn even if I'm
not using curriculum. I'm trying to explain things, but writing it
all out is complicated. Basically, I end up buying curriculum
because *I'm* bored and want something to do with my children that
will be fun and educational. Yes I realize that sounds stupid but
that's the point of being caught in a stupid cycle, which I said I'd
like to end.

> I'm guessing you're not. I'm guessing you're in wishful
> deschooling fantasy.

Then I'm completely misunderstanding the definition of deschooling.
I thought it was letting go of traditional schoolish ideas, and just
living life. My son has been making his own choices of what to do.
He spends most of his time playing Nintendo (some with me and some
without me), surfing the 'net, watching tv and playing Legos. He
also does Math and loves to hear me read aloud. So what should I do
to deschool? or unschool?

> Just thinking about it, huh?

Yes, we're *thinking* about it because he's not sure what he wants
to keep. We've been busy with the holidays and we just got back
into town from a trip. My DH and dd7 are still on vacation from
work and school so we're just kicking back and enjoying family
time. Most of the stuff I plan to sell hasn't been used in months
anyway. Some of it is in boxes in my closet and some is on a
bookshelf in my bedroom. The things we've had out are things my son
chose back in mid-November when I took him out of school again. He
doesn't want to get rid of his Math things, but he would like to
sell the writing things I've had on hand for months. He's been
wanting to read about the Middle Ages and he'd like to sift through
the things I bought to see what looks interesting. The whole point
is that we want to keep anything we find interesting! Also, my dd7
may be in school right now but there are some things that she wants
to keep as well. So yes, I think it's smart to THINK about what
we'd like to keep and sell.

> You don't need a hobby. You need to dabble in a hundred hobbies.
> Sandra

Nah, quantity isn't always better than quality! The last time I let
someone talk me into doing something to look busy, I earned a Black
Belt. That was a lot of money, time and effort and I couldn't care
less about the achievement.

Beth

freepsgal

> Just do it! Especially the teacher's guides and lesson plans.

Actually, I really don't own that much stuff like that. I've never
really liked scripted type materials so veered away from them. I've
already sold all the absolutely horrid stuff, like the boxed
curriculum materials. I have some stuff I purchased but didn't
think we'd use anytime soon so boxed it up for later. I think it's
going to be fun opening the boxes and seeing what's there. Of
course, we're only talking about 2 small boxes. I don't have a
closet full of curriculum. I've been a curriculum junkie since the
beginning, buying lots of stuff to look through then selling it
again later. I rarely keep things around for too long. I did clear
off one shelf this evening and found a how-to diagramming workbook I
totally forgot we had. My son and I really like diagramming, so
we'll be keeping that one.

> Read Rue's book and be inspired about how great Unschooling can
> truly be.
> Robyn L. Coburn

Thanks for the recommendation. I placed an order for it. I'm
always looking for good books.

Beth

Robyn Coburn

<<<<< I
like learning and have been having a great time learning Math,
History and Grammar alongside my children. I'll just continue to do
it without them, that's all.>>>

A book that you might enjoy is "Lies My Teacher Told Me", a critique of high
school History teaching and the textbooks that are used in this country. I
found it fascinating, and illuminating as someone with almost no knowledge
of US history outside of the cinema.

By extension the theme that textbooks are probably a lower quality source of
information about any topic seems useful. My suggestion is to look at
University reading lists and bibliographies for the topics that interest
you, rather than school texts (I mean of the kind that are apparently
recommended with boxed curricula.)

Don't forget the vivid and wonderful information available to you and your
kids via the tv - especially the special interest cable/satellite system.

I hope you don't get stuck in the flip side - an expectation that they will
continue to learn stuff "without" you. They would, but it would be better if
you supported their passions actively rather than only by standing back.

Robyn L. Coburn

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freepsgal

> I hope you don't get stuck in the flip side - an expectation that
> they will continue to learn stuff "without" you. They would, but it
> would be better if you supported their passions actively rather
than
> only by standing back.
>
> Robyn L. Coburn

Oh no, I do all I can to support any of my children's passions. I
cannot always buy everything they want but we manage compromises
most of the time. For example, my son's latest passion is watching
Ebay for Star Wars Lego kits auctions. Those things are expensive!
In the month before Christmas, I spent $150 on 2 Lego kits. At the
same time, I was purchasing Christmas gifts (more Lego sets). Now
he's been telling me about some kit that costs $300. Egads! :)

But I can only be as active as they'll allow me to be. My son
really doesn't like involving me too much. He hates asking for
help. We're trying to help him see it's not a weakness or a flaw to
need another person. I do as much as he lets me. My daughter has
been the same way. Even when she demanded that I teach her how to
read, she really meant for me to sit quietly while she figured it
out. And that's exactly what we did!

So yes, I'm here when they need me. Thanks for the book
recommendation as well. To be honest, I don't recall learning much
History in high school. I vaguely recall a Civics class because I
remember playing a Jeopardy like game in the classroom. I don't
remember any History at all. That's one reason I've thoroughly
enjoyed reading History alongside the kids. It's like I'm seeing
these things for the first time.

Beth

Sandra Dodd

On Jan 1, 2006, at 11:40 PM, Robyn Coburn wrote:

> -=-Don't forget the vivid and wonderful information available to
> you and your
> kids via the tv - especially the special interest cable/satellite
> system.-=-

Don't forget google, either!

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