Throwing things around
Joanne
My five year old throws things around when he is angry. I am unable to
stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
moment. Any ideas? Joanne
stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
moment. Any ideas? Joanne
Sara McGrath
Joanne,
Is this throwing a new angry response for him? Perhaps this is his way
of showing you that he sees his release from school as an opportunity
to fight for his freedom in other areas of his life. If that's the
case, he'll probably lessen the throwing as he adjusts and feels more
comfortable. Are you wanting him to help pick up because he threw
things around? I find that my daughter (3 yrs) will often help pick up
when she sees me picking up. I never tell her to pick up because I
recognize that I am the one with a need for neatness.
--
Unschooling Resources http://unschoolingresources.blogspot.com
My baby is diaper-free! http://diaperfreebaby.org
Is this throwing a new angry response for him? Perhaps this is his way
of showing you that he sees his release from school as an opportunity
to fight for his freedom in other areas of his life. If that's the
case, he'll probably lessen the throwing as he adjusts and feels more
comfortable. Are you wanting him to help pick up because he threw
things around? I find that my daughter (3 yrs) will often help pick up
when she sees me picking up. I never tell her to pick up because I
recognize that I am the one with a need for neatness.
> My five year old throws things around when he is angry. I am unable toSara
> stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
> tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
> weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
> needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
> done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
> moment. Any ideas? Joanne
--
Unschooling Resources http://unschoolingresources.blogspot.com
My baby is diaper-free! http://diaperfreebaby.org
Angela
<<My five year old throws things around when he is angry. >>
What is he angry about? Are you really listening to his needs and finding
ways to say yes to him? Do you treat him with respect? Do you spend a lot
of time interacting with him on his level? Do you play games with him and
take him places he'd like to go? I am just wondering why he is feeling so
powerless as to need to throw things around.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What is he angry about? Are you really listening to his needs and finding
ways to say yes to him? Do you treat him with respect? Do you spend a lot
of time interacting with him on his level? Do you play games with him and
take him places he'd like to go? I am just wondering why he is feeling so
powerless as to need to throw things around.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
NANCY OWENS
Congratulations on taking that first big step!
You say he has special needs and has been in school for two years plus this first eight or so weeks of this school year. You don't say what is needs are, but are part of these needs communication based? Do you need to work with him to find better ways for him to express himself? Is he frustrated from lack of words?
As for him helping pick up... it starts at all different ages and maturity levels. My Jack is nine and helping out is hit and miss with him. But my little brother was the same way when he was little. He recently got married, but has been a bachelor for years and his housekeeping skills put mine to mortal shame. Moly OTOH, has been my helper from the get go. I remember having a spotless house in anticipation of a visit from my folks or Darin's mom, and within minutes of a grandparent sitting down Moly would have found all the microscopic dirt in the carpet and presented it to said grandparent with a self satisfied smile and a 'thear grandma'.
But those cute stories don't help you. I suggest model behavior. Saying 'its time to pick up your room' can be daunting to a child. Saying 'I'm going to pick up those puzzle pieces in your room, will you please help?' gives them a bit more breathing room. It is one single task, you are going to help, a little less overwhelming. I used to grab three or four hula-hoops and throw them on the floor on top of a mess. Then everyone could grab a circle and just be responsible for that area, and a big, messy, Lego strewn, Barbie with her clothes and friends everywhere, room became less of a challenge and everyone was more or less equal in their responsibilities.
Also, do you need to evaluate your expectations on cleanliness, and helping out? Are they too high for a five year old? For a five year old with special needs? For a five year old who has been in a school setting for two years up until three weeks ago, who is still adjusting to a HUGE move in his life?
~Nancy
Joanne <oh.kneel@...> wrote:
My five year old throws things around when he is angry. I am unable to
stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
moment. Any ideas? Joanne
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: <http://www.unschooling.info>
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
You say he has special needs and has been in school for two years plus this first eight or so weeks of this school year. You don't say what is needs are, but are part of these needs communication based? Do you need to work with him to find better ways for him to express himself? Is he frustrated from lack of words?
As for him helping pick up... it starts at all different ages and maturity levels. My Jack is nine and helping out is hit and miss with him. But my little brother was the same way when he was little. He recently got married, but has been a bachelor for years and his housekeeping skills put mine to mortal shame. Moly OTOH, has been my helper from the get go. I remember having a spotless house in anticipation of a visit from my folks or Darin's mom, and within minutes of a grandparent sitting down Moly would have found all the microscopic dirt in the carpet and presented it to said grandparent with a self satisfied smile and a 'thear grandma'.
But those cute stories don't help you. I suggest model behavior. Saying 'its time to pick up your room' can be daunting to a child. Saying 'I'm going to pick up those puzzle pieces in your room, will you please help?' gives them a bit more breathing room. It is one single task, you are going to help, a little less overwhelming. I used to grab three or four hula-hoops and throw them on the floor on top of a mess. Then everyone could grab a circle and just be responsible for that area, and a big, messy, Lego strewn, Barbie with her clothes and friends everywhere, room became less of a challenge and everyone was more or less equal in their responsibilities.
Also, do you need to evaluate your expectations on cleanliness, and helping out? Are they too high for a five year old? For a five year old with special needs? For a five year old who has been in a school setting for two years up until three weeks ago, who is still adjusting to a HUGE move in his life?
~Nancy
Joanne <oh.kneel@...> wrote:
My five year old throws things around when he is angry. I am unable to
stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
moment. Any ideas? Joanne
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: <http://www.unschooling.info>
---------------------------------
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Visit your group "UnschoolingDiscussion" on the web.
To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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---------------------------------
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joanne
He is a special needs child so this behavior is not new. He can't always get the words he wants to express himself. I try to be helpful to him but he gets very frustrated with himself. The behavior ahs increased since we took him out of school though. The most recent episode that occurred happened when I needed to leave for therapy and he did not want me to go. I can't bring him with me as it is a group. Joanne
----- Original Message -----
From: Angela
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, October 14, 2005 8:13 AM
Subject: [Norton AntiSpam] RE: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Throwing things around
<<My five year old throws things around when he is angry. >>
What is he angry about? Are you really listening to his needs and finding
ways to say yes to him? Do you treat him with respect? Do you spend a lot
of time interacting with him on his level? Do you play games with him and
take him places he'd like to go? I am just wondering why he is feeling so
powerless as to need to throw things around.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards: <http://www.unschooling.info>
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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b.. To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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c.. Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service.
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[email protected]
In a message dated 10/14/05 3:00:56 AM, oh.kneel@... writes:
time.
My best idea is for you to help him not to get angry.
As he gets older he'll figure out better ways to express frustration, but in
the meantime, you could look at what it is that's making him angry enough to
throw things (meaning, probably, so full of adrenaline that his muscles need a
release) and figure out how to eliminate those frustrations.
http://sandradodd.com/life
There are some parenting ideas collected from this list and similar places
over the past few years.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> We took him out of kindergarten about threeDeschooling doesn't require throwing things, but three weeks is a very short
> weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
> needs) Is he "deschooling"?
>
time.
My best idea is for you to help him not to get angry.
As he gets older he'll figure out better ways to express frustration, but in
the meantime, you could look at what it is that's making him angry enough to
throw things (meaning, probably, so full of adrenaline that his muscles need a
release) and figure out how to eliminate those frustrations.
http://sandradodd.com/life
There are some parenting ideas collected from this list and similar places
over the past few years.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Betsy Hill
**The most recent episode that occurred happened when I needed to leave
for therapy and he did not want me to go. **
If his behavior is strikingly different than in the past, I would wonder
if he has issues with his babysitter that he can't express.
Betsy
for therapy and he did not want me to go. **
If his behavior is strikingly different than in the past, I would wonder
if he has issues with his babysitter that he can't express.
Betsy
Robyn Coburn
<<<<< My five year old throws things around when he is angry. I am unable to
stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
moment. Any ideas? Joanne>>>>>
Joanne,
Come on over and add Always Unschooled (for younger children up to about 8)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysUnschooled
and Shine (for children with learning differences)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShineWithUnschooling
to your roster of lists.
My daughter is going to be 6 on Sunday. She has never been to school, and
has no special needs that I am aware of. She rarely helps pick up - although
there are other ways that she chooses to help - and will still sometimes
throw things in anger, although that has waned with maturity. Sometimes I
have feelings of powerlessness, most of the time I have strategies to help
her.
The topics of helping little ones deal with anger, other ways of looking at
household tasks, strategies when there are time constraints, and balancing
apparently conflicting needs, get canvassed on AU a lot.
Robyn L. Coburn
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
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stop him. I can't seem to get him to help pick up. I am getting
tired and frustrated. We took him out of kindergarten about three
weeks ago. He was in school tow years previous (he has special
needs) Is he "deschooling"? We are newbies and still think we have
done the right thing for him but feel a bit over our head at the
moment. Any ideas? Joanne>>>>>
Joanne,
Come on over and add Always Unschooled (for younger children up to about 8)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysUnschooled
and Shine (for children with learning differences)
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShineWithUnschooling
to your roster of lists.
My daughter is going to be 6 on Sunday. She has never been to school, and
has no special needs that I am aware of. She rarely helps pick up - although
there are other ways that she chooses to help - and will still sometimes
throw things in anger, although that has waned with maturity. Sometimes I
have feelings of powerlessness, most of the time I have strategies to help
her.
The topics of helping little ones deal with anger, other ways of looking at
household tasks, strategies when there are time constraints, and balancing
apparently conflicting needs, get canvassed on AU a lot.
Robyn L. Coburn
"List Posting Policies" are provided in the files area of this group.
Visit the Unschooling website and message boards:
<http://www.unschooling.info>
Yahoo! Groups Links
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Pamela Sorooshian
I want to suggest that you'll make a lot more progress with him if
you never again describe him as a "special needs kid" and, instead,
always replace that expression with at least an attempt at a brief
description of him, himself.
It is AMAZING how much difference it makes to change how we talk,
even when the reasons aren't obvious and even when it feels
artificial or stilted, at first. The words we use, the expressions we
use, have a great influence over how we think - because we mostly do
think in words. And how we think has a tremendous influence over how
we behave - often in very very subtle ways that, unbeknownst to us,
are easily read and acted upon by our children.
-pam
you never again describe him as a "special needs kid" and, instead,
always replace that expression with at least an attempt at a brief
description of him, himself.
It is AMAZING how much difference it makes to change how we talk,
even when the reasons aren't obvious and even when it feels
artificial or stilted, at first. The words we use, the expressions we
use, have a great influence over how we think - because we mostly do
think in words. And how we think has a tremendous influence over how
we behave - often in very very subtle ways that, unbeknownst to us,
are easily read and acted upon by our children.
-pam
On Oct 14, 2005, at 8:09 AM, joanne wrote:
> He is a special needs child so this behavior is not new. He can't
> always get the words he wants to express himself. I try to be
> helpful to him but he gets very frustrated with himself. The
> behavior ahs increased since we took him out of school though. The
> most recent episode that occurred happened when I needed to leave
> for therapy and he did not want me to go. I can't bring him with
> me as it is a group. Joanne
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanne
Thank you Betsy. She is a new babysitter and it was the first time he was being left alone with her. She had been with him tow other times but I usually stay at home so he can run in and out to me as he needs. They may need more time together before I try to leave him alone with her. When I asked about her, he seems to like her. But I will keep an eye on it with that in mind. Joanne
I would wonder
if he has issues with his babysitter that he can't express.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I would wonder
if he has issues with his babysitter that he can't express.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanne
Hi Nancy,
He was in full day for two years (each year a different school) and then only six days of kindergarten. He seemed interested to go to a new school and didn't want to make the decision for him.
The special needs are PDD-NOS (autism spectrum) and ADHD. He does have particular challenges with word retrieval at times.
I really am not that fussy about neatness or even cleanliness per se. Although I do find that I get nervous (anxious) myself with clutter or if many things are on the floor. It feels a bit chaotic to me. But than of course is my issue not his.
Thanks for the info about maturity levels and cleaning up. That is also helpful. I loved the focus that a hula hoop provides :)
Joanne
I suggest model behavior. Saying 'its time to pick up your room' can be daunting to a child. Saying 'I'm going to pick up those puzzle pieces in your room, will you please help?' gives them a bit more breathing room. It is one single task, you are going to help, a little less overwhelming. I used to grab three or four hula-hoops and throw them on the floor on top of a mess.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
He was in full day for two years (each year a different school) and then only six days of kindergarten. He seemed interested to go to a new school and didn't want to make the decision for him.
The special needs are PDD-NOS (autism spectrum) and ADHD. He does have particular challenges with word retrieval at times.
I really am not that fussy about neatness or even cleanliness per se. Although I do find that I get nervous (anxious) myself with clutter or if many things are on the floor. It feels a bit chaotic to me. But than of course is my issue not his.
Thanks for the info about maturity levels and cleaning up. That is also helpful. I loved the focus that a hula hoop provides :)
Joanne
I suggest model behavior. Saying 'its time to pick up your room' can be daunting to a child. Saying 'I'm going to pick up those puzzle pieces in your room, will you please help?' gives them a bit more breathing room. It is one single task, you are going to help, a little less overwhelming. I used to grab three or four hula-hoops and throw them on the floor on top of a mess.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanne
I think it has become an easy (quick?) way to explain things to an adult. Sometimes almost an apology or excuse for his behavior that didn't quite fit in with his peer group? BUT I TOTALLY get your point and am glad that you felt comfortable enough to bring it to my attention! I will do my best to be aware of that and describe HIM, instead :) A very poignant and healthy suggestion. Joanne
I want to suggest that you'll make a lot more progress with him if
you never again describe him as a "special needs kid" and, instead,
always replace that expression with at least an attempt at a brief
description of him, himself.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I want to suggest that you'll make a lot more progress with him if
you never again describe him as a "special needs kid" and, instead,
always replace that expression with at least an attempt at a brief
description of him, himself.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanne
Thanks Robin. Can I join always unschooled, if he was in school before and
now is being unschooled? Joanne
now is being unschooled? Joanne
joanne
Thank you Sandra! I hate to be so totally unfamiliar with the computer on-line groups but how would I find the parenting ideas form this list? Joanne
There are some parenting ideas collected from this list and similar places
over the past few years.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
There are some parenting ideas collected from this list and similar places
over the past few years.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
joanne
Hi Sara,
How funny. I just responded to someone else saying that it was my needs for neatness. I actually get anxious if things become very cluttered or "seemingly" chaotic to me. I know that is my issue and I am pretty quick to be able to trace it to an aspect of my growing up.
I love your idea that he may be needing to exercise his freedom. I need to make sure I am allowing it without judgment. I regret that when I am particular tired I get inpatient with his "making a mess that I now feel I need to clean up" (which I know I am choosing to clean up).
It ahs worsened since he has left school. I am feeling so much support and encouragement, I think I am just going to try to give him the gift of not dumping my feelings on him after he throws things around (rips papers, knocks things off the desk, etc.)
Maybe he just needs some more attention. Perhaps I am too distracted? He is the only child and likes me to play with him all the time. Most of the time it is enjoyable and at times I need a break from crashing cars or having bad guys fight with bullets. He can get very frustrated with me when I want to stop :(
Thanks again, Joanne
to fight for his freedom in other areas of his life.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
How funny. I just responded to someone else saying that it was my needs for neatness. I actually get anxious if things become very cluttered or "seemingly" chaotic to me. I know that is my issue and I am pretty quick to be able to trace it to an aspect of my growing up.
I love your idea that he may be needing to exercise his freedom. I need to make sure I am allowing it without judgment. I regret that when I am particular tired I get inpatient with his "making a mess that I now feel I need to clean up" (which I know I am choosing to clean up).
It ahs worsened since he has left school. I am feeling so much support and encouragement, I think I am just going to try to give him the gift of not dumping my feelings on him after he throws things around (rips papers, knocks things off the desk, etc.)
Maybe he just needs some more attention. Perhaps I am too distracted? He is the only child and likes me to play with him all the time. Most of the time it is enjoyable and at times I need a break from crashing cars or having bad guys fight with bullets. He can get very frustrated with me when I want to stop :(
Thanks again, Joanne
to fight for his freedom in other areas of his life.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 10/14/05 9:30:20 PM, oh.kneel@... writes:
Go there.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> -=-I hate to be so totally unfamiliar with the computer on-line groups buthttp://sandradodd.com/life
> how would I find the parenting ideas form this list?-=-
>
Go there.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Robyn Coburn
<<<<< Thanks Robin. Can I join always unschooled, if he was in school
before and now is being unschooled? Joanne>>>>
YES!!!
The focus is on the age range 0-8years, and *most* of these have not been
enrolled yet. I can assure you of this since I am one of the list owners.
Robyn L. Coburn
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before and now is being unschooled? Joanne>>>>
YES!!!
The focus is on the age range 0-8years, and *most* of these have not been
enrolled yet. I can assure you of this since I am one of the list owners.
Robyn L. Coburn
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