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>>>**I have a hunch we're talking about different situations.>I'm not talking about a melt down or a tantrum.**>When we started this thread, I thought we were talking about an 8 year>old who was hitting his mother repeatedly, in one incident, despite her>efforts to stop him. That's more than just a tiff.>Betsy>>>

I have gotten a little confused trying to keep the different situations straight within this discussion, but the original posting with is the one I would like to respond to.

I haven't seen many suggestions dealing specifically with the hitting, but I have seen quite a few regarding avoiding the problem beforehand. This would be ideal, of course, but for those families already dealing with this problem, is there a specific course of action the parent could take when being repeatedly and painfully struck by the child? I wish I had better answers but, thankfully, we haven't had this problem crop up so far.

I do have to say that the hitting would be sufficient cause for intervention of a sort in my home. This behavior would absolutely not be tolerated at all.

First of all, home should be a **safe** place. Secondly, I consider intentional hurting of another to be vicious and unacceptable. I would not allow my significant other to beat me or my children, therefore I will not allow my children to beat others, myself included.

I have physically intervened when a stranger drew back her arm to strike my son (then 3) in a grocery store because he tripped and fell against her legs. Had she actually succeeded in striking my son, I am quite sure that I would have been facing legal consequences.

I know that some people will take exception to the words "allow" and "tolerate." I understand that placing rules and restrictions on others removes some of their freedoms. I agree, to a point, but feel that just as we have the right to freedom, we also have the right to safety.

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>
> I know that some people will take exception to the words "allow" and
> "tolerate."  I understand that placing rules and restrictions on others removes some
> of their freedoms.  I agree, to a point, but feel that just as we have the
> right to freedom, we also have the right to safety.
>
When a parent says "I don't allow my child to say 'kill' or 'stupid'" or "I
won't tolerate video games" that's not about personal space or safety, that's
about control.

When a person says "I don't tolerate being called names" that doesn't mean
they can prevent it, it means they won't smile wanly and let it continue.

To "tolerate" is to accept tacitly without taking action to stop the
stimulus. I don't think anyone should tolerate what they believe is wrong and bad.
Unfortunately in much of the world, children are expected to tolerate TONS of
nonsense and neglect and abuse just because they're children. That makes
them powerless.

I don't think children should be powerless.
I don't think parents should be powerless either.

Where consideration and joy are, there's not a lot of need for power issues,
power struggles, or other power questions.

I have the power to provide a more peaceful environment for my children than
I had, and I try to use that power. I'm not all-powerful. A metor could hit
the house, a war could break out, the kids could all get some wasting disease
and it wouldn't be too peaceful, but their lack of peace won't come from
parents or each other.

Sandra


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