Megan MacCleary

I apprecaite your responses about my being so overwhelmed with things. I have thought about the marriage camp thing. They are doing one here in my city, so i will look more into it.

As far as priorities. Part of why we homeschool/unschool is so I can put my children first before other priorities. I want their education at the top of the list! For the past twqo months I have felt like they have taken the back burner in our family, and I don't feel this is fair. So i agree marriage needs to be near the top; but we are adults and they are kids. My girls are 7 n 8. They have seen and been through alot. They are currently very needy socially! I'm trying to find different things that will fit in our budget to help with that. I have soem ideas, but many things are very expensive. They miss our closest friends in IN very much. We see them about 1ce a year, but its not the same. They are searching for new friendships, and i'm having a hard time focusing on more then one thing right now. So for them they need to be my focus, atleast until things start to pan out for them.

I'm just not sure how moms, do all the organizing for school stuff, and take care of everything else. I am a list person, there is always a list around.

I want the girls to be learning more and faster then they are. But i seem unable to meet that desire.

Megan





Do you know anyone who needs childcare, send them my web addy: www.geocities.com/mkmegan2

The larger the challenge the bigger the opportunity


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In a message dated 6/18/2005 1:39:33 PM Mountain Daylight Time,
mkmegan2@... writes:

Part of why we homeschool/unschool is so I can put my children first before
other priorities. I want their education at the top of the list!


"Education" isn't a good way to think of unschooling.

Unschooling needs a nest of love, support, fun, and a parent who can stay
with the child.
If you let your marriage slide, you might not have the option to unschooling
anymore. Divorces that come with spite shut off MANY avenues that are
available to intact families.

-=- For the past twqo months I have felt like they have taken the back
burner in our family, and I don't feel this is fair. -=--

Two months is nothing. Very short time. Ten years, that's a LONG time.
That's a long time to be split between two parents, to have to hear bad stories
about the other, and a long time to have to deal with step fathers and step
mothers or lesser boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It's not any fun for
the kids at all.

-=- So i agree marriage needs to be near the top; but we are adults and they
are kids. -=-

If you're adult enough to keep your marriage together, do it. If you're
not, get help. Wouldn't you like them to get to be kids, and happy kids, as
long as possible?

-=-I'm just not sure how moms, do all the organizing for school stuff, and
take care of everything else. -=-

Unschoolers don't "organize for school stuff" at all. They organize for
peaceful lives. With that principle first, your marriage IS a priority for
your children.

-=-I want the girls to be learning more and faster then they are. But i
seem unable to meet that desire. -=-

That is YOUR desire.
There's no hurry on faster and no reliable measurement of "more."
It seems possibly that you're using the girls as a distraction and a
justification for not working on the marriage.

Go to that workshop.


Sandra


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Elizabeth Hill

**

I'm just not sure how moms, do all the organizing for school stuff, and take care of everything else. I am a list person, there is always a list around. **

Hi, Megan --

I certainly understand if you feel you have so many things going on that you worry that your daughters are not getting enough of your attention or high enough quality attention. Yes, that really is important. But also, having mom and dad have a viable relationship (if you can) is also a high priority for your kids. My parents divorced when I was 9 and my brother almost 7. This was *really* disruptive in our lives. Spending some weekends with dad isn't anything like having dad around every day. (I spent my weekends at my dad's girlfriends' house reading her kids books -- ho hum!) The quantity of my interactions with my dad really went down. My brother was badly traumatized, and in his 40s still isn't married. (OK, divorce might not be the only reason, but I'm sure it's a factor.)

I would encourage you to do what you can to be calm and happy yourself (deep breathing excercises, baths, postive thinking, prayer, whatever), and give your daughters either quality or quantity time whenever you can. Maybe make a list of their favorite things to do with you when you are feeling good, and refer to it for quick ideas when you are feeling frazzled. (Keep it in your pocket -- I lose my lists.) Sometimes simple things, a hug, a banana milk shake, back scratching, bubbles in the tub, add lots of value to our interactions. (I'm thinking of the girls here.) Do nice things for yourself, too. Maybe to make this happen you will need to cut out some low priority stuff for awhile, if you can.

I'm struggling to find more friends for my kid, but I assume that people will be less attracted to being my friend if I'm having a high-stress week. Connecting with other people is kind of random, and probably can't be rushed.

***I'm just not sure how moms, do all the organizing for school stuff...**

I'm not sure I'm understanding what you mean about "school stuff". I don't organize my home much like a school, because I'm not "schooling" my kid, we are just living, and learning happens from everything we do. (Watch TV, go places, build stuff, read aloud, etc.) Are you just starting out this year? Are you unschooling, or still thinking about maybe using workbooks and curriculum? I think unschooling can work well without much advance planning -- it can just be a seat of the pants adventure. Do you have demanding requirements where you live to report to the school system?

**
I know my answer is kind of vague. Do you want to make your question more specific?

Betsy