Pam Sorooshian

On Feb 11, 2005, at 8:45 PM, Heather Woodward wrote:

> I just hope that the process in and of itself has a positive impact on
> my children. But I wish I had it all figured out from the outset.

My 20 year old daughter has said, in public, that the thing she
appreciates most about my parenting was that I was willing to be
different - to be brave enough to try to do what I thought was best
even when it went against convention. She says this was the thing that
had the most influence on her. This wasn't something I did in order to
have influence on her - it was what I did because I'd catch a vision of
how things could be and I just couldn't help myself from trying to make
the vision come true.

I did not succeed, really, in making my visions of the perfect
lifestyle come true. I have many regrets - there are many things I wish
I'd done way better. BUT - I'm gratified that what came across to her
was my willingness to try very very hard - to be different, to follow
my own vision, because now she's carrying that on, herself.

And I think you have a lot of insight, to realize that the process in
and of itself will have a positive impact. Heck, Heather, who knows?
Maybe they're BETTER off getting to see us figure things out than if we
HAD it all figured out from the beginning. It is possible.

-pam

[email protected]

In a message dated 2/10/05 9:50:17 PM, bacwoodz@... writes:

<< but there are times when things just come out - or I speak in a way that
sound like the way my mother spoke to me and I feel like all I can do after is
apologize and hope that I can do better next time. >>

-=I feel like all I can do after is...-=-

That's worth working on.

"Better" than a bad situation is better than nothing.

If you want to do your optimal best, first picture it and define it and
REALLY know what your principal goals are. Mine were "learning environment" and
"joy."

When you make a decision, no matter how small, give yourself two choices.
Don't move until you've considered TWO options. Then choose the better one.
When you're on automatic, telling yourself there's only one way to do things,
that's when your choice is "like mom" or "better than mom" and those are two
lame choices.

Sandra

Heather Woodward

--From the time I knew I was going to have a baby, I dedicated myself to
overcoming my childhood problems and getting clear enough about what was important
and what wasn't so that my child would have a nest free of the trickle-down
effects of my being a child of an alcoholic, and (I had hoped) free of the
effects of the discouraging voices people can keep in their heads. I didn't mind
encouraging tapes playing in my head, from people who had thought I WAS capable
and fun, but the negative loops and the insults I had endured and collected
as a kid were categorized as "toxic" and to be cleaned up.--

I wish I had thought to do this. At the time I got married and had my daughter I was really young - and really didn't even know that there were "issues" related to my upbringing in an alcoholic house. I worry all the time that I am not doing this right(mothering). I know I am doing better than my mother - but I think I can do better. - Which is why I am reading here ;-) I am always learning, but I wish that I was more conscious of what I lacked as a child. You mentioned in one of your talks about treating your child in he way that you wanted to be treated as a child. I really try and always do this - but there are times when things just come out - or I speak in a way that sound like the way my mother spoke to me and I feel like all I can do after is apologize and hope that I can do better next time. I have times where I feel that my children's childhood is so much better than mine. Things that I do with/for my kids that my mother would never have done for me. But at other times I feel really inadequate and unsure of myself. I get "feedback" from my in-laws and sometimes from my husband that are coming from such a different philosophy regarding children. All the things that we discuss here, bedtimes, TV control, making them eat everything on their plate, spanking, etc. The views of unschoolers are so opposite all of the old ideas, it seems it will take a lifetime for me to fully embrace it all - and just feel confident in them to the point where I know this is best for my children and that the other ideas are wrong! It's just those "tapes" I guess, that need replacing with positive ones. I just hope that the process in and of itself has a positive impact on my children. But I wish I had it all figured out from the outset.

Heather




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Heather Woodward

pam,

this is encouraging ;-)

Tonight my daughter and I went to Joann fabrics and she announces to the lady cutting out fabric that she has been sewing for over a year and that she has been homeschooled her whole life. The lady smiles and asks "How long has that been?" and Brianna says "10 years!". The lady say" wow - I can't wait for 8:15 every morning for my kids to go to school. I would go crazy if I had to have my kids home all day. It must take a special person to homeschool." Brianna said " My mom never thinks that. We all sleep in and I don't have to stand out in rain to catch the bus and when it snows we all can stay in and read!"

I have heard similar comments like this in front of my kids before -and I know this makes an impact on them. It is kind of sad, but not eveyone values the time with their kids. Chase has just begun reading - and my husband said "Just think if he was in school, someone else would be sharing that milestone - that first time they were so excited about reading a book themselves. " I am so glad that I get to share all the moments becuase they are home!

heather
----- Original Message -----
From: Pam Sorooshian
To: [email protected]
Sent: Friday, February 11, 2005 12:01 AM
Subject: Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] Re: Money Management - dealing with yoru own childhoos issues



On Feb 11, 2005, at 8:45 PM, Heather Woodward wrote:

> I just hope that the process in and of itself has a positive impact on
> my children. But I wish I had it all figured out from the outset.

My 20 year old daughter has said, in public, that the thing she
appreciates most about my parenting was that I was willing to be
different - to be brave enough to try to do what I thought was best
even when it went against convention. She says this was the thing that
had the most influence on her. This wasn't something I did in order to
have influence on her - it was what I did because I'd catch a vision of
how things could be and I just couldn't help myself from trying to make
the vision come true.

I did not succeed, really, in making my visions of the perfect
lifestyle come true. I have many regrets - there are many things I wish
I'd done way better. BUT - I'm gratified that what came across to her
was my willingness to try very very hard - to be different, to follow
my own vision, because now she's carrying that on, herself.

And I think you have a lot of insight, to realize that the process in
and of itself will have a positive impact. Heck, Heather, who knows?
Maybe they're BETTER off getting to see us figure things out than if we
HAD it all figured out from the beginning. It is possible.

-pam



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]