she copies me!
nellebelle
Lisa, 12, gets upset when Jackie, 9, dresses or wears her hair in similar ways to her. For instance, Lisa had a pair of jeans. Jackie found the same style jeans at the thrift store and wanted them. Lisa did not want her to have them. I grew up with no sisters, so I have no personal experience with this. Does anyone else have a similar issue? What has helped?
Mary Ellen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Mary Ellen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/7/2005 9:31:53 A.M. Mountain Standard Time,
nellebelle@... writes:
Lisa, 12, gets upset when Jackie, 9, dresses or wears her hair in similar
ways to her. For instance, Lisa had a pair of jeans. Jackie found the same
style jeans at the thrift store and wanted them. Lisa did not want her to
have them. I grew up with no sisters, so I have no personal experience with
this. Does anyone else have a similar issue? What has helped?
========================
Talk to the copying sibling and persuade her not to do that. It's horrible
for the copied one.
Talk to the copied one and tell her you will try to cut down on the copying
IF and only if she lightens up about it.
I have personal experience with it.
It won't help to buy each identical things. It MIGHT help for Lisa to hand
things down/over to Jackie.
Sometimes, let Jackie have the cool thing first, and tell Lisa she can't.
Or ask Lisa to help Jackie shop and choose and co-ordinate outfits for
Jackie. Maybe that will help.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nellebelle@... writes:
Lisa, 12, gets upset when Jackie, 9, dresses or wears her hair in similar
ways to her. For instance, Lisa had a pair of jeans. Jackie found the same
style jeans at the thrift store and wanted them. Lisa did not want her to
have them. I grew up with no sisters, so I have no personal experience with
this. Does anyone else have a similar issue? What has helped?
========================
Talk to the copying sibling and persuade her not to do that. It's horrible
for the copied one.
Talk to the copied one and tell her you will try to cut down on the copying
IF and only if she lightens up about it.
I have personal experience with it.
It won't help to buy each identical things. It MIGHT help for Lisa to hand
things down/over to Jackie.
Sometimes, let Jackie have the cool thing first, and tell Lisa she can't.
Or ask Lisa to help Jackie shop and choose and co-ordinate outfits for
Jackie. Maybe that will help.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Dana Matt
Sorry, mine are further apart in age (12.5 and 7) and
they LOVE to look like twins, although it's not often
possible due to differences in sizes. I would suggest
talking about younger one's personal style (asking
what she likes and dislikes in fashion, and why) and
talking about what a cool chick the older one is and
how she always looks so cool (no wonder she wants to
look like you, you're so cool...) Really, it's a
compliment...maybe you could help her see it like
that?
Dana
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they LOVE to look like twins, although it's not often
possible due to differences in sizes. I would suggest
talking about younger one's personal style (asking
what she likes and dislikes in fashion, and why) and
talking about what a cool chick the older one is and
how she always looks so cool (no wonder she wants to
look like you, you're so cool...) Really, it's a
compliment...maybe you could help her see it like
that?
Dana
=====
Guadalupe's Coffee Roaster
100% Organic Fair Trade Coffee
Roasted to Perfection Daily
Free Home Delivery in Whatcom County
(360) 715-1900
__________________________________
Do you Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Mail - You care about security. So do we.
http://promotions.yahoo.com/new_mail
Angela S
* Really, it's a
compliment...maybe you could help her see it like
that?.
My girls are less than 2 year apart and have always like to dress the same.
In fact, I thought it was funny because it was my older dd who would try to
dress like her sister more often than not, when they were little. At ages 8
and 10 they still buy the same clothes, not necessarily trying to match each
other but because they have the same taste, they are the same size, and we
shop at the same stores. Not to mention, none of us are much into fashion
so mostly they are looking for something comfortable in a color they like or
with a horse on it. :-)
There was a phase a few years ago where the older dd got irritated because
the younger one copied what she did or the name for a stuffed animal or
something. I too tried to explain that it is the utmost compliment if
someone copies you. It means they think you had a great idea. I explained
that you can look at it like it's copying or you can be flattered. I also
explained that my friends often copy what I do and I what they do. If one
of us gets the idea to make soap, the other might try it. If one of us
finds a neat knitting pattern, the other might ask for it. I explained how
it shouldn't be a big deal between friends and my kids are friends. At the
same time, when it was an issue I did try to help the younger dd find
original things to do or name her creatures, or what have you. Between the
explanations and helping the younger one be more original, that phase ended
pretty quickly.
I had a sister who was three years older than me and the gap seemed much
larger than it does for my girls who are 21 months apart. I am not sure if
it is the age, the fact that my kids don't go to school, or something else
that makes the difference seem so much smaller. Kids at school are made to
feel inferior if they play with younger siblings. Also, I have spent a huge
amount of time and effort over the years helping them to get along and work
out their differences. They are great at doing it themselves now, but it
took a lot of work over the years. That alone has improved their
relationship, I am sure.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
compliment...maybe you could help her see it like
that?.
My girls are less than 2 year apart and have always like to dress the same.
In fact, I thought it was funny because it was my older dd who would try to
dress like her sister more often than not, when they were little. At ages 8
and 10 they still buy the same clothes, not necessarily trying to match each
other but because they have the same taste, they are the same size, and we
shop at the same stores. Not to mention, none of us are much into fashion
so mostly they are looking for something comfortable in a color they like or
with a horse on it. :-)
There was a phase a few years ago where the older dd got irritated because
the younger one copied what she did or the name for a stuffed animal or
something. I too tried to explain that it is the utmost compliment if
someone copies you. It means they think you had a great idea. I explained
that you can look at it like it's copying or you can be flattered. I also
explained that my friends often copy what I do and I what they do. If one
of us gets the idea to make soap, the other might try it. If one of us
finds a neat knitting pattern, the other might ask for it. I explained how
it shouldn't be a big deal between friends and my kids are friends. At the
same time, when it was an issue I did try to help the younger dd find
original things to do or name her creatures, or what have you. Between the
explanations and helping the younger one be more original, that phase ended
pretty quickly.
I had a sister who was three years older than me and the gap seemed much
larger than it does for my girls who are 21 months apart. I am not sure if
it is the age, the fact that my kids don't go to school, or something else
that makes the difference seem so much smaller. Kids at school are made to
feel inferior if they play with younger siblings. Also, I have spent a huge
amount of time and effort over the years helping them to get along and work
out their differences. They are great at doing it themselves now, but it
took a lot of work over the years. That alone has improved their
relationship, I am sure.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Penn Acres
Out 9 yr. old twins liked to dress the same up to about age 5. We never did the "twins" look. but in our tiny town with only two places that sell kids clothes it was common to find something in their size with just one or two color or size choices.
Now, no way..Some is strong color preferences but mostly it is a really strong aversion to the realization (from about age 6) that most people-even close relatives have never bothered to know which twin was which. Note-that they are only fraternal twins and really only look like sisters in any family. They wear their hair differently but only now that Kara has glasses has their "closest" aunt addressed them by name.
Their cousins have no trouble with it. It is just so rude-of course they don't care.
The girls have always been quite wounded by this- now they won't answer if someone asks them if they are twins- I never could figure out why people get so stunned by twins. Quads or quints maybe.
They also get annoyed if their sister wants something that they see because they also don't want the other to have the same thing- Identical Barbies are grudgingly acceptable but they quickly make them "individualized"
This year they had to get the same snow boots after Xmas and the only ones left that fit well were the same kind and color. Luckily they could see that and it went quite well.
So I guess the "answer" is that its pretty common for kids not to want the other to dress the same.-no help eh? ;-)
grace
Now, no way..Some is strong color preferences but mostly it is a really strong aversion to the realization (from about age 6) that most people-even close relatives have never bothered to know which twin was which. Note-that they are only fraternal twins and really only look like sisters in any family. They wear their hair differently but only now that Kara has glasses has their "closest" aunt addressed them by name.
Their cousins have no trouble with it. It is just so rude-of course they don't care.
The girls have always been quite wounded by this- now they won't answer if someone asks them if they are twins- I never could figure out why people get so stunned by twins. Quads or quints maybe.
They also get annoyed if their sister wants something that they see because they also don't want the other to have the same thing- Identical Barbies are grudgingly acceptable but they quickly make them "individualized"
This year they had to get the same snow boots after Xmas and the only ones left that fit well were the same kind and color. Luckily they could see that and it went quite well.
So I guess the "answer" is that its pretty common for kids not to want the other to dress the same.-no help eh? ;-)
grace
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Deborah Harper
I agree. I can't say that I have experienced this personally, but I reallly liked the way the "teacher" handled this situation on the Little Bill cartoon. Andrew was angry that Little Bill was copying him and called him a copy cat. Teach let him know that it hurt Little Bill's feelings to be called a name, like copy cat. And let him know that really, Little Bill mostly just had similar tastes. And that if there were things that Bill chose just because Andrew liked them, well, that was a compliment and meant that Bill respected and valued Andrew's opinions.
I would also add to this that just as I try to stay out of the way and let my child choose to play her way, I remind her that anyone else visiting with us (or when I used to babysit) enjoys that same option. Everyone can play with the toy or wear the veil in their own way. In other words, if the older child gets the pleasure of choosing what she wants to wear, then so does the younger child, even if it is copying the older child. I don't see any problem with offering or suggesting alternatives to the younger child, but really what they wear or call their stuffed animals should be their choice, right? The older child doesn't *have* to feel animosity about being copied. Those feelings are her own. Though she might appreciate a little help in pondering how else she might choose to feel. This is just more on the subject of one person enforcing behaviors on another. Seems much better to suggest alternatives but in the end to stay out of the way and let them work it out.
Like LIttle Bill, I would hate to think that I coulnd't have pizza for lunch just because my best friend got it too and he doesn't like for me to get the same thing.
Deborah
I would also add to this that just as I try to stay out of the way and let my child choose to play her way, I remind her that anyone else visiting with us (or when I used to babysit) enjoys that same option. Everyone can play with the toy or wear the veil in their own way. In other words, if the older child gets the pleasure of choosing what she wants to wear, then so does the younger child, even if it is copying the older child. I don't see any problem with offering or suggesting alternatives to the younger child, but really what they wear or call their stuffed animals should be their choice, right? The older child doesn't *have* to feel animosity about being copied. Those feelings are her own. Though she might appreciate a little help in pondering how else she might choose to feel. This is just more on the subject of one person enforcing behaviors on another. Seems much better to suggest alternatives but in the end to stay out of the way and let them work it out.
Like LIttle Bill, I would hate to think that I coulnd't have pizza for lunch just because my best friend got it too and he doesn't like for me to get the same thing.
Deborah
----- Original Message -----
From: Angela S
To: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday, February 08, 2005 7:20 AM
Subject: RE: [UnschoolingDiscussion] she copies me!
* Really, it's a
compliment...maybe you could help her see it like
that?.
My girls are less than 2 year apart and have always like to dress the same.
In fact, I thought it was funny because it was my older dd who would try to
dress like her sister more often than not, when they were little. At ages 8
and 10 they still buy the same clothes, not necessarily trying to match each
other but because they have the same taste, they are the same size, and we
shop at the same stores. Not to mention, none of us are much into fashion
so mostly they are looking for something comfortable in a color they like or
with a horse on it. :-)
There was a phase a few years ago where the older dd got irritated because
the younger one copied what she did or the name for a stuffed animal or
something. I too tried to explain that it is the utmost compliment if
someone copies you. It means they think you had a great idea. I explained
that you can look at it like it's copying or you can be flattered. I also
explained that my friends often copy what I do and I what they do. If one
of us gets the idea to make soap, the other might try it. If one of us
finds a neat knitting pattern, the other might ask for it. I explained how
it shouldn't be a big deal between friends and my kids are friends. At the
same time, when it was an issue I did try to help the younger dd find
original things to do or name her creatures, or what have you. Between the
explanations and helping the younger one be more original, that phase ended
pretty quickly.
I had a sister who was three years older than me and the gap seemed much
larger than it does for my girls who are 21 months apart. I am not sure if
it is the age, the fact that my kids don't go to school, or something else
that makes the difference seem so much smaller. Kids at school are made to
feel inferior if they play with younger siblings. Also, I have spent a huge
amount of time and effort over the years helping them to get along and work
out their differences. They are great at doing it themselves now, but it
took a lot of work over the years. That alone has improved their
relationship, I am sure.
Angela
game-enthusiast@...
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