Re: [UnschoolingDiscussion] hurtful comments was bored and lonely unschooling
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/19/2005 8:14:51 AM Central Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
Partly chatter from friends about how he would amount to nothing
by dropping out of school.
~~~
grrr.
Will crawled into bed with me the other night. He likes to talk to me late
at night and tell me secrets. He was telling me about playing on Sunday with
kids around the corner, whom we know from baseball. I was at work on
Sunday, so he had a day to think about it. Their mother is a teacher. Will didn't
know that Monday was MLK day, because it just hadn't come up, yet, although
he's known about it in other years. Kyle, who is 6, said that the reason
Will didn't know that was because he doesn't go to school.
Will was sooo kind about it. He prefaced the story by saying he KNEW Kyle
was only 6. But it stung him, and he didn't have an answer, really.
Then Will told me about something that happened with Payton during baseball
season. Will asked him "What's today?" (a question I ask myself and others
several times every day) and Payton said, "you don't know that because you
don't go to school!"
Will told me he knows those kids don't know any better, because they go to
school. <BEG> But he said it still hurts him. I reminded him that he'd been
to the Lorraine Motel where MLK was assassinated and he saw the lady who
lives on the street in front of it because they took her home when they made it
a museum, and that he knew more real things about MLK from being born and
raised in Memphis than Kyle would every hope to know. And that he's even sat on
Dad's shoulders during the MLK parade on Front Street. Kyle thinks it's
important because he gets a day off from school--how much can he really know
when there aren't even any black children in his classroom?
Will is so gentle and non-aggressive. Both of these kids are in highly
competitive families, and nothing but winning in all ways is ever good enough.
It doesn't help Will to have that information in the moment, though. I have
hesitated for years to show him how to interact with people who have
conventional ideas about school. I didn't want to poison him, you know? And it
hadn't really been an issue until now. He fully believes that school is not
necessary, but I think I've hindered him by not giving him tools to interact
with that mindset. Finally I have told him to make things up, which is what it
amounts to, in his mind. Kyle said something about Will having no school,
and I encouraged Will to just say that his home is his school. That for these
people, in this area, he's going to have to speak language that people
understand. Lie, obfuscate, obscure the beautiful truth of his life, so he can
avoid the slings and arrows.
Either that or become more aggressive and competitive and be a one-upper and
nanny-nanny boo-boo over how much he knows about MLK. I don't want that. I
want the gentle Will who would rather have fun and play than argue over who
is smarter. Who makes concessions for being 6.
Sometimes I think this misinformation is coming from the parents, and I
briefly considered writing a letter to the editor about it. It would have an
impact in this small town. But nah, I'll just help Will, instead.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
Partly chatter from friends about how he would amount to nothing
by dropping out of school.
~~~
grrr.
Will crawled into bed with me the other night. He likes to talk to me late
at night and tell me secrets. He was telling me about playing on Sunday with
kids around the corner, whom we know from baseball. I was at work on
Sunday, so he had a day to think about it. Their mother is a teacher. Will didn't
know that Monday was MLK day, because it just hadn't come up, yet, although
he's known about it in other years. Kyle, who is 6, said that the reason
Will didn't know that was because he doesn't go to school.
Will was sooo kind about it. He prefaced the story by saying he KNEW Kyle
was only 6. But it stung him, and he didn't have an answer, really.
Then Will told me about something that happened with Payton during baseball
season. Will asked him "What's today?" (a question I ask myself and others
several times every day) and Payton said, "you don't know that because you
don't go to school!"
Will told me he knows those kids don't know any better, because they go to
school. <BEG> But he said it still hurts him. I reminded him that he'd been
to the Lorraine Motel where MLK was assassinated and he saw the lady who
lives on the street in front of it because they took her home when they made it
a museum, and that he knew more real things about MLK from being born and
raised in Memphis than Kyle would every hope to know. And that he's even sat on
Dad's shoulders during the MLK parade on Front Street. Kyle thinks it's
important because he gets a day off from school--how much can he really know
when there aren't even any black children in his classroom?
Will is so gentle and non-aggressive. Both of these kids are in highly
competitive families, and nothing but winning in all ways is ever good enough.
It doesn't help Will to have that information in the moment, though. I have
hesitated for years to show him how to interact with people who have
conventional ideas about school. I didn't want to poison him, you know? And it
hadn't really been an issue until now. He fully believes that school is not
necessary, but I think I've hindered him by not giving him tools to interact
with that mindset. Finally I have told him to make things up, which is what it
amounts to, in his mind. Kyle said something about Will having no school,
and I encouraged Will to just say that his home is his school. That for these
people, in this area, he's going to have to speak language that people
understand. Lie, obfuscate, obscure the beautiful truth of his life, so he can
avoid the slings and arrows.
Either that or become more aggressive and competitive and be a one-upper and
nanny-nanny boo-boo over how much he knows about MLK. I don't want that. I
want the gentle Will who would rather have fun and play than argue over who
is smarter. Who makes concessions for being 6.
Sometimes I think this misinformation is coming from the parents, and I
briefly considered writing a letter to the editor about it. It would have an
impact in this small town. But nah, I'll just help Will, instead.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Elizabeth Hill
**Will didn't
know that Monday was MLK day, because it just hadn't come up, yet,
although
he's known about it in other years. Kyle, who is 6, said that the reason
Will didn't know that was because he doesn't go to school. **
Yes, when you don't have to be caged up in the school box every day, a
day of play and freedom is just another day! <g>
**Will asked him "What's today?" (a question I ask myself and others
several times every day) and Payton said, "you don't know that because you
don't go to school!"**
I often am unaware of the date, because I'm not filling out lots of
paperwork. (I did when I had a desk job.)
Betsy
know that Monday was MLK day, because it just hadn't come up, yet,
although
he's known about it in other years. Kyle, who is 6, said that the reason
Will didn't know that was because he doesn't go to school. **
Yes, when you don't have to be caged up in the school box every day, a
day of play and freedom is just another day! <g>
**Will asked him "What's today?" (a question I ask myself and others
several times every day) and Payton said, "you don't know that because you
don't go to school!"**
I often am unaware of the date, because I'm not filling out lots of
paperwork. (I did when I had a desk job.)
Betsy
Diana Tashjian
I'm assuming that Payton said this in a derogatory way? Nick has a
friend (?) that says stuff like this when he's envious. Like he'll say
"Well, you don't *have* to do anything." But he says it in a way that
makes Nick feel like he *should* be doing something when what his
friend really means is "I *have* to do things [like schoolwork] and I
wish I didn't..." Or he's jealous of how many games Nick has and he'll
say things like "Well, you have all these games but you never finish
them." Like that's wrong or something... What he really means is that
he wishes he had that many games...
I don't know if it would help to tell Will this or not, it doesn't
really seem to help Nick but maybe it does help to counter balance
it...
Diana Tashjian
friend (?) that says stuff like this when he's envious. Like he'll say
"Well, you don't *have* to do anything." But he says it in a way that
makes Nick feel like he *should* be doing something when what his
friend really means is "I *have* to do things [like schoolwork] and I
wish I didn't..." Or he's jealous of how many games Nick has and he'll
say things like "Well, you have all these games but you never finish
them." Like that's wrong or something... What he really means is that
he wishes he had that many games...
I don't know if it would help to tell Will this or not, it doesn't
really seem to help Nick but maybe it does help to counter balance
it...
Diana Tashjian
----- Original Message -----
<snip>
> and Payton said, "you don't know that because you don't go to
school!"
<snip>
[email protected]
Maybe the aikido way to deal with such little attacks is to ask a question
back until the child shows he doesn't really know what MLK day's about either.
Holly told me a story one of the girls at the conference told her, I think
(so maybe the mom of this kid's here). A schoolkid was asking the homeschooled
kid how she learned, how she learned this and that in particular, and then
said, "How did you learn to tie your shoes if you didn't go to school?"
If kids talk about what they've learend, the other kid could ask them to
explain more, maybe.
Holly memorized a big addition fact and when kids would ask her what four and
four were she would ask if they knew what 87+253 (OR whatever it was) was,
and they said no, and she told them the answer. It was her own idea. <G>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
back until the child shows he doesn't really know what MLK day's about either.
Holly told me a story one of the girls at the conference told her, I think
(so maybe the mom of this kid's here). A schoolkid was asking the homeschooled
kid how she learned, how she learned this and that in particular, and then
said, "How did you learn to tie your shoes if you didn't go to school?"
If kids talk about what they've learend, the other kid could ask them to
explain more, maybe.
Holly memorized a big addition fact and when kids would ask her what four and
four were she would ask if they knew what 87+253 (OR whatever it was) was,
and they said no, and she told them the answer. It was her own idea. <G>
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
In a message dated 1/19/2005 11:35:14 AM Central Standard Time,
dtashjian@... writes:
I'm assuming that Payton said this in a derogatory way?
~~~
I coached Payton and Will on the baseball team. I'm certain it was meant to
denigrate Will. Payton's parents are some of the biggest "sports parents"
there are. I can't stand to be around them.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
dtashjian@... writes:
I'm assuming that Payton said this in a derogatory way?
~~~
I coached Payton and Will on the baseball team. I'm certain it was meant to
denigrate Will. Payton's parents are some of the biggest "sports parents"
there are. I can't stand to be around them.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
--- In [email protected], tuckervill2@a... wrote:
in full day pre-k) that he doesn't NEED to go to school because he
learns at HOME.
I don't want him to be snotty, but I can't quite bring myself to tell
him "neither way is better, just different".
So I just continue to gently mention how we should talk to other
people and how he doesn't like it when people talk that way to him,
etc.
I think I need to find a way to let him win at something more often,
because now that I think about it, there's been quite a bit of "I'm
better/faster/smarter than you" directed at various people...racing
his sister to eat popsicles, for example...
--aj, who's happy at the snow that has been strewed in front of the
kids today!
> Either that or become more aggressive and competitive and be a one-upper and
> nanny-nanny boo-boo over how much he knows about MLK.I've already got that! My 4 year old is telling his friends (who are
in full day pre-k) that he doesn't NEED to go to school because he
learns at HOME.
I don't want him to be snotty, but I can't quite bring myself to tell
him "neither way is better, just different".
So I just continue to gently mention how we should talk to other
people and how he doesn't like it when people talk that way to him,
etc.
I think I need to find a way to let him win at something more often,
because now that I think about it, there's been quite a bit of "I'm
better/faster/smarter than you" directed at various people...racing
his sister to eat popsicles, for example...
--aj, who's happy at the snow that has been strewed in front of the
kids today!
Fetteroll
Julie Bogart posted about Big Hairy Audacious Goals (BHAG) a while ago. Did
anyone save her post? It was probably September 2003.
If that date's right it will help me start searching in the archives but
that takes soooooo loooooong so if anyone saved it, could you send it to me?
Thanks.
Joyce
anyone save her post? It was probably September 2003.
If that date's right it will help me start searching in the archives but
that takes soooooo loooooong so if anyone saved it, could you send it to me?
Thanks.
Joyce