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Well, we are back. Jackson's father died while we were in South Dakota. We
arrived on Wednesday night and spent 2 days with him. He was talkative and
alert for those 2 days and we spent that time talking with him, having meals
with him and even stayed up and celebrated the new year with him.

Then we got a call on Saturday morning from Jody, Jackson's brother, saying
that his dad was failing fast. We went out to the house, Jackson's dad had
been staying with Jody for about 2 weeks, and Jody was shaving his dad with
tears running down his face. It was very touching when you think about the
family dynamics. They were never a touchy-feely family. Never hugged or said
"I love you" etc. Their parents were not openly loving to them when they were
children, locking them in the basement and closet as punishment, spanking
etc.

Jackson helped his brother finish shaving and changing his dad then they sat
there with him one on each side holding his hands until he died. He
acknowledged their presence with nods and seemed to understand what they were saying
up until about 30 minutes before he died. Jackson got the chance to tell
his dad that he loved him, something very emotional for Jackson.

The boys did well. I let them be as involved or not involved as they liked.
Dallen (10) wanted to see Grampa George before he died so he sat on
Jackson's lap for a few minutes before he died and Jackson and Dallen cried
together. He said Good-bye to Grampa George and wanted to sit with me for a while,
so we went into the livingroom and just sat there for a few minutes crying.
At that point Phillip (7) joined us on the couch and cried too. Then their
cousin Wesley came and said that sometimes when he is feeling sad he plays on
the PS2 and that helps him feel a little better so they all went to the family
room to play PS2. After Jackson's father died I asked each of them if they
wanted to see him one more time and Dallen did. He went up to Grampa George
(reclined in his recliner still) and touched his hand and said Good-bye
again. Phillip did not want to go so he didn't, he continued to play on the PS2.

We spent the day with family and making phone calls to extend out stay.
When we went home that night I let the boys know that if they needed to talk
about anything they could. Dallen cried during the prayer service and funeral.
But is doing well. There were extra hugs all week, extra "I love you"s
more touching, and the boys took it upon themselves to draw pictures of our
immediate family, giving them to Jackson and I as presents. Very nice and
heartfelt. They have seemed to need to do more together as a family since then.
And that is OK too.

It was all very nice and sweet.

Pam G


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How great that you gave the boys a choice whether to be with or away at all
those stages of their grandfather's death. You did a really good thing, it
seems. Thanks for the details about the healing things done by your husband
and his brother, too. Sounds way better than it could have been with just a few
changes. They did good things too.

Sandra