[email protected]

I used to be a sahm. I worked from home designing products for the scrapbook industry and freelance writing. I certainly didn't get rich, but it brought a little money to help. Last summer, our family moved from CA to TN. The move wiped us out financially, so I took a job at a local fast food restaurant. I am miserable -- without sounding too childish, my boss is cruel...even borderline abusive. If I work with her in a given shift (which I usually do), I usually leave work feeling worthless.

We unschool our three children (ages 14, 12, and 4) -- we love it. My husband works nights so he is home during the day -- but a asleep until about 1-2pm. I am usually at work from 9-5 -- give or take. But everything is crammed into my days or hours away from work.

While I have been unhappy at work (I miss my children terribly) for quite some time, have just started to realize so much more. I read recently about making our lives rich...not rich with money but days that are fun and full of opportunity. My children don't have that anymore. I don't spend much time with my husband. We don't take part in field trips or other outings much because I work. I often cry on my way to work because I am so sad leaving them.

So, I have made the decision to work much less. I have already went down to 20 hours per week at work, but things have been so slow there, that I have worked even less than 20 hours. I am around my kids so much more (LOVING IT!), BUT I want more and am trying to find a way to quit altogether.

The problem is financially -- I don't know how we would make it without my money (I don't make a lot -- only $5.25 per hour, but it still helps) -- the only good thing is that I am again working at home designing (something I put on the back burner when we moved to TN) but while my designs are selling, I am only paid quarterly and things are slow to get going again. I know that in time I can replace my "work outside the home" income, but it may take a few months. And I can't stay working at the restaurant until I replace the income because I don't have enough time to work at home designing if I am working (did that make sense?).

I am not looking for solutions really....I guess I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else has been in my shoes and what you did. Sometimes I think I am an awful mom because I go to work and then I think I am an awful mom because I am on the verge of leaving my job, making things very hard on us financially. I just don't know what to do.

~~Brandie~~
Scrapbook Designer
http://www.scrapbookingwithbrandie.com
http://scrapblogging.blogspot.com



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Penne & Buddies

My DIL is going through this as a new mom -- she's been a floral
designer for the past ten years, but got laid off right before the
baby was born. She's been freelancing and taking the baby with her,
but it's been difficult, and it's definitely not paying the bills.
Her cousin recruited her to the Pampered Chef last summer, and she
tried that route until the party crowd fizzled out. We took it up
partly to support her efforts and partly as a
homeschool/philanthropy project.

I've been a SAHM since my husband gave me the gift of instant
motherhood on our wedding day (he had fulltime custody of his
preschooler.) We tried switching roles a few years later when our
daughter was nearly a year old (I thought they automatically weaned
on their first birthday...) but I was miserable being away from the
kids. DH got a chance to bond with them for a year, but he knew I
wanted to be with the kids and he was restless to get back to work --
so we switched back.

Financially, we've only had a couple of rough spots in the past
twenty years of family life (while I was working at a much lower-
paying job than his, and another time when we were having some major
communication problems and outgo outpaced income.) Both times, we
made the decision to ask our extended family for support (monetarily
and/or otherwise) until we could get back on our feet again and
figure out how to make it on one income. It was tough to do as a
matter of pride, but the alternative (leaving the nursing babies to
return to work) was unthinkable.

Now that our grand-daughter has arrived, our DIL has decided that
the field of floral design is simply not secure enough to provide
for the future and plans to start nursing school in January. She's
still nursing the baby (9 months,) believes in attachment parenting,
is impressed with homeschooling, but still feels a strong need for
independence, both financially and otherwise. It's a tradeoff for
her, missing this time with her daughter in order to make sure
things are good for the family later down the road.

I'm personally heartsick to see her make the same mistake that I
made by returning to work/school before the baby has even weaned --
and I was working forty hour weeks with no overtime. Nursing school
is a whole 'nother story! I've tried to encourage her to relax and
rely on family, both immediate and extended, and enjoy her role as
mom for now -- parenting in itself being something that doesn't get
near enough recognition for its importance to society, let along our
own offspring -- but the idea of being out of control amongst so
many unknowns seems too great.

We've learned from our financial ups & downs that once we make up
our mind to do what we love and the money will follow -- it always
does, without fail. Proof positive that Mrs. Eddy (discoverer of
Christian Science) was right when she wrote, "Divine Love always has
met, and always will meet, every human need." -- Science & Health
with Key to the Scriptures

There's some great articles along this line of thinking at Healing
Unlimited:

PLACE http://www.christianscience.org/MBE2AHD.htm
SUPPLY http://www.christianscience.org/Supply.htm
WONDERFUL THINGS ARE HAPPENING
http://www.christianscience.org/Wonder.html

Hey, it can't hurt to think positive, and I think you are on the
right track back to fulltime SAHM. Unschooling's all about freedom
and creativity, not only for our kids, but for ourselves -- and you
know what they say -- if Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy! I'm
positive that you can work it out. In the meantime, it sounds like
you could use a little self-empathy and your supervisor could stand
for an introduction to Nonviolent (self-destructive and other
hurtful words included) Communication http://www.cnvc.org

Hopefully, my DIL will find a way to make things work without
leaving her daughter to be raised by relatives and babysitters while
she's putting in overtime with a demanding career. Unfortunately,
it looks like they'll be learning the hard way like the rest of
us... perhaps our experiences are enough to convince you that there
are no "awful" moms, just those of us trying to meet our needs in
the best way we know how.

Keep the faith, hope, and most of all, Love ~
Penne & the Crew

'Tis the Season for Giving from the Heart
http://kitchencrew.ardfamilyco-op.net

P.S. The Pampered Chef offers its consultants some excellent
materials to help with relocating the business, plus a reprieve upon
request during the transition period. If you haven't already taken
advantage of these resources with your Scrapbook/Home Design
company -- perhaps this will give you another boost in the right
direction. All the best-PA, aka Ma to all my buddies here at home

--- In [email protected], <brandie@s...> wrote:
>
> I used to be a sahm. I worked from home designing products for
the scrapbook industry and freelance writing. I certainly didn't
get rich, but it brought a little money to help. Last summer, our
family moved from CA to TN. The move wiped us out financially, so I
took a job at a local fast food restaurant. I am miserable --
without sounding too childish, my boss is cruel...even borderline
abusive. If I work with her in a given shift (which I usually do),
I usually leave work feeling worthless.
>
> We unschool our three children (ages 14, 12, and 4) -- we love
it. My husband works nights so he is home during the day -- but a
asleep until about 1-2pm. I am usually at work from 9-5 -- give or
take. But everything is crammed into my days or hours away from
work.
>
> While I have been unhappy at work (I miss my children terribly)
for quite some time, have just started to realize so much more. I
read recently about making our lives rich...not rich with money but
days that are fun and full of opportunity. My children don't have
that anymore. I don't spend much time with my husband. We don't
take part in field trips or other outings much because I work. I
often cry on my way to work because I am so sad leaving them.
>
> So, I have made the decision to work much less. I have already
went down to 20 hours per week at work, but things have been so slow
there, that I have worked even less than 20 hours. I am around my
kids so much more (LOVING IT!), BUT I want more and am trying to
find a way to quit altogether.
>
> The problem is financially -- I don't know how we would make it
without my money (I don't make a lot -- only $5.25 per hour, but it
still helps) -- the only good thing is that I am again working at
home designing (something I put on the back burner when we moved to
TN) but while my designs are selling, I am only paid quarterly and
things are slow to get going again. I know that in time I can
replace my "work outside the home" income, but it may take a few
months. And I can't stay working at the restaurant until I replace
the income because I don't have enough time to work at home
designing if I am working (did that make sense?).
>
> I am not looking for solutions really....I guess I just wanted to
vent and see if anyone else has been in my shoes and what you did.
Sometimes I think I am an awful mom because I go to work and then I
think I am an awful mom because I am on the verge of leaving my job,
making things very hard on us financially. I just don't know what
to do.
>
> ~~Brandie~~
> Scrapbook Designer
> http://www.scrapbookingwithbrandie.com
> http://scrapblogging.blogspot.com
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

julie w

I wait tables at Cracker Barrel (hate it, chain restaurants have just
some of the stupidest rules and I have a hard time keeping my mouth
shut) but the money is good. I work wed. 5-9, Sat 8-2, Sun 8-2. Any
given week I will make anywhere from $150-$200. I only get paid $2.85 an
hour but with tips I average about $15 an hour. At a nicer (not "family"
type but with alcohol and more expensive food) you could make even more.
I'm not even one of the "cute" gals (skinny, sweet, young things) they
make even more then me.....
If you are already working fast food you are used to being on your feet
and manual labor so.....
It takes a month or two to get good and you may make on average $10 an
hour that's still more then fast food or WalMart.
I hate my job but I could not go anywhere and make what I do with out
more "skills" or a degree so I stay and play their silly, silly games.



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Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani

----- Original Message -----
From: julie w



****It takes a month or two to get good and you may make on average $10 an hour****

Brandi, I think Julie's advice is great. Some other options you might want to try are eBay, Half.com, and mystery shopping. Try looking on Volition.com--use their message boards. My husband has been doing mystery shopping for a few months and usually makes close to $400. He's a programmer and has a good job, but has fun doing the mystery shopping. I don't know where in TN you live, we live outside a Dallas, but it's worth a shot. You can also get free food sometimes, like pizzas, or you can get your meal and one other adult meal reimbursed as some restaurants. You can get reimbursed haircuts for the kids. It's fun for the kids, too. My daughter is very into spies and she gets a kick out this stuff. Sometimes the reports are long, so you'll have to weigh that into the deal, but I bet you'd like it.

For eBay and Half.com.... I lived off of these two sites as a single mom for more than a year. The turn-around is fast and sometimes you can make a lot of money depending on what you're selling. You might want to investigate that, if you haven't already. I'm pretty sure you could sell your scrapbooking supplies through eBay too, if you haven't already.

Don't give up hope, but really...fast food is the pit of the service industry. There's so much more enjoyable work you could do that would benefit your children and yourself.

Warmest regards,
Nichole, in TX

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani

----- Original Message -----
From: Nichole Fausey-Khosraviani


******* My husband has been doing mystery shopping for a few months and usually makes close to $400.*****


Responding to my own post. That should have said he makes close to $400/month. Sorry for any confusion.

Nichole

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]