miriam

Hi.
My family has always been pretty relaxed homeschoolers but we are now entering the world of unschooling. I just feel that my children are amazing and wonderful and they deserve a life that is as equally as wonderful and amazing.

I have LOTS of questions on how to transition my family but my biggest one is the children's schedules.

My DD is 9yo. and loves to dance. We are there 4-5x's a week. I takes up a lot of our time and sometimes she gets a bit tired of it, but when asked if she would like to cut back or try something new she is devastated that we even ask.

My DS is 12yo. and is involved with drama, DI, katare, nature classes and any other small activities he thinks willbe fun. We are constantly driving him here and there.

Then I have a very energetic DS who is 2yo. The poor thing is carted around all the time. We have started leaving the kids at some of their classes so he doesn't have to stay but he often gets stuck at boring classes and driving around.

I also feel that with all this running around we are lacking in down time to explore things together or just have fun as a family. When we are home the kids just plop on the couch because they are exausted. We also belong to an all day co-op on Monday's which they (all 3)LOVE but it is just more time away from home.

I never say no to them because I feel like I am helping them follow passions, but the balancing act is getting difficult so I am a bit lost. We are really only home 2days a week :(

Help
Miriam

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Are the kids unhappy with the schedule?
Are they happy with what they are doing?
If they are happy with their classes I would not change anything. 
I would make the outings as fun as possible  for the little one.
Take and Ipad or Iphone ( if you have it) for him to play, puzzles, play doh or anything  he can play with and be happy
while waiting for the siblings at a class. |I also used to take a DVD player with headphones and favorite movies.
Why do you think 2 days at home is too little?
Some kids love to be going all the time and forcing them to stop something they love just because you have an idea that
unschooling is being more relaxed at home can really harm your relationship with them.

Unschooling is going to look different in every family. Some families are always on the go, others are more likely to be home more.
Mine sometimes is going a lot and others we stay more at home. 

 IF the kids are happy  they are happy.

 
Alex Polikowsky

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Sylvia Woodman

Alex wrote: IF the kids are happy they are happy.

But are they happy? And do the Mom"s or the two year old's feeling count
for anything? Sure it is important that the kids are happy but they are
still part of a larger group of people. My daughter who is nearly 8 really
would like to be out going and doing and seeing people. My son who is
nearly 6 would prefer to be home and does not do well in big groups at all.
We have to balance these competing desires.

I would take the two year old's feelings into consideration. If he does
not like being in the car maybe try to consolidate the lessons and meetings
to 3 days a week and maybe try to have people over to play on one or two of
the other days.

Also if the Mom is feeling like she is never home that should be taken into
consideration too. Here in the US a lot of activities (even homeschool
activities -weird right?) are winding down for the summer. Maybe some of
the things the kids are involved in are drawing to a natural conclusion and
you can spend the summer months with a more relaxed schedule. After
several weeks of a more relaxed schedule everyone might be ready to gear up
again in September or maybe they might be more open to having more days at
home. Also as the two year old gets bigger you will get a better sense of
what his interests are.

Warmly,

Sylvia


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BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

<<<Also if the Mom is feeling like she is never home that should be taken into
consideration too.  >>>


If the mom wants to be home more and the children wants to do the things they love all the time, if they like to dance and do karate everyday and they can, then maybe mom can find someone to drive them around, or she can send them to school on the bus and stay home as much as possible.
IF an unschooling mother is not willing to  drive their kids around because she feels she wants to stay home more maybe  unschooling is not a good fit? Maybe her priorities may get in the way?
Kids sometimes are on the go, other times they like to stay home more ( several posts about kids wanting to be home and parents worried -including me!
 I work around my kids. Gigi wants to go , I live MD home. I am lucky Brian works at home, well outside in the farm! But still for us with MD being 9  it is possible for him to stay home if he wants most of the time.
 If the mom in original post has a daughter that loves to go to her dance 5 days a week and mom is not willing and tells her daughter that she wants to be able to only take her to dance 3 times a week. How is that going to help their relationship?
What if dance is the thing this girl  loves in her life I , as a mother, would support her and make sure she got to all the dance she wants to.

I am not saying that unschooling children's days be fully schedule to the brink with activities. 
But if the kids are happy dancing and doing their stuff and do not want to stop or slow down , *if* they are happy, then I would not change. 
 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 





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miriam

Thanks everyone for the replies :)

I think that we will just keep on trucking :)

I will definitly start bringing more for my 2yo. I might just have to bite the bullet and buy some kind of media device for him. I just get this guilty feeling when he starts getting cranky, but it might be because I am just not providing him enough entertainment.

It is the end of the year and I always feel a little burnt out by this time and I should remember that. We will still have a few activities during the summer but not as much so that will be nice. I guess I get sucked into the whole blog world and see other families doing all of these great activities together at home and I start to feel like maybe we are doing this wrong....but there is no wrong way. Sometimes it is hard to remember that.

We have gradually come to unschooling because my children have so many interests outside the home I just felt like being home to do school work was a waste of time. I think I just need to focus on that.

Thanks again everyone. I know I will have lots more questions to come.

Miriam

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

" I guess I get sucked into the whole blog world and see other families doing all of these great activities together at home and I start to feel like maybe we are doing this wrong....but there is no wrong way "

--=-=-=-=-=-==

Are they unschooling blogs? or are they blogs of children that go to school and need to reconnect with the family after spending so most of their awake hours during the week away from home and family?

My family is only my husband , me and two kids and we divide and conquer a lot. Kids like different things and  their ages are different. 
But then again, my 6 year old daughter loves to spend time with her 9 ( almost 10) year old brother and he likes that too. 

So there are moments we do something together but we do much more apart. Even if we go to a theme park we separate in teams as she is not tall enough for all the rides. But if I wrote in a blog we all went to the park and had a great day full of fun you may think we were all together all day and that would not be really what happened!

As for having wrong and right way. No there is not. But there are things that will make your unschooling journey more peaceful, joyful, connected. There are things that will lead to learning  in joy. And there are things that will not.

I really like this two links:

http://sandradodd.com/screwitup%c2%a0


http://sandradodd.com/pam/howto%c2%a0


I would print it out and hang on my refrigerator!! ( I did once!)
 
Alex Polikowsky

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Erica

Thank you. I am new and trying to wrap my head around changing/transitioning to unschooling. i read the links and printed them. i have been on sandra dodds page but there is SO much info, i got lost.

Kelly Lovejoy

Try to attend a conference. It's so helpful to actually see it in action!


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson



-----Original Message-----
From: Erica <hillerika@...>



Thank you. I am new and trying to wrap my head around changing/transitioning to
unschooling. i read the links and printed them. i have been on sandra dodds page
but there is SO much info, i got lost.





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

[email protected]

Don't try to change everything at once. Have a fun day. Then have another one. :)

Nance

--- In [email protected], "Erica" <hillerika@...> wrote:
>
>
> Thank you. I am new and trying to wrap my head around changing/transitioning to unschooling. i read the links and printed them. i have been on sandra dodds page but there is SO much info, i got lost.
>

miriam

I love that!!!
The hardest part for me has been to let go of the control. I was very out of control as a child so I guess when I had my kids I held them in a vice grip out of fear. It is very hard to undo 12 years of living like this. Any advice? (please be kind....I am very sensitive right now about this topic :) )
Miriam

--- In [email protected], "marbleface@..." <marbleface@...> wrote:
>
> Don't try to change everything at once. Have a fun day. Then have another one. :)
>
> Nance
>
> --- In [email protected], "Erica" <hillerika@> wrote:
> >
> >
> > Thank you. I am new and trying to wrap my head around changing/transitioning to unschooling. i read the links and printed them. i have been on sandra dodds page but there is SO much info, i got lost.
> >
>

Debra Rossing

It's going to take a lot of internal work on your part - and that can be really hard. But vacillating "yes, no, yes, no, maybe, no, okay, no way..." is worse because no one knows where anything stands. Each time a question/situation arises, stop and take a breath. Then another. Then maybe a third if you need to. Actually CONSIDER the situation or request - obviously, someone in the path of a speeding bus needs to be MOVED but there aren't a lot of those situations day to day really. You can even say "give me a minute to think about that" and then take a minute, think, then respond. Most of the time, we're conditioned to react rather than act and we think parents should have every answer on the spot. Sometimes it takes thinking because your childhood prompted response may not be in context with your children's lives. Give an answer then move forward, be willing to apologize and say "sorry guys, I reacted badly there - I'd like a do-over so I can think about it more before I answer", really LISTEN to what is being asked or said because all too often we THINK we know what someone is saying but often we've shorthanded it "this sounds like those other 6 things so NO" when they may have reconsidered and come up with an altered plan that is just fine but sounds similar. If it helps, stop and think "How would I have wanted my mom to act in this situation when I was this age?" A lot of times, the 'wild child' is looking to get attention - any attention even bad is better than no attention at all. Your kids are not you. You are not your parents. Change happens.

Deb R



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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

lvhomeschool

> Then I have a very energetic DS who is 2yo. The poor thing is carted around all the time. We have started leaving the kids at some of their classes so he doesn't have to stay but he often gets stuck at boring classes and driving around. <

Hi Miriam:
My toddler loves watching things on my Iphone or playing games on her kindle fire (she can watch things on that too only if internet is available where we happen to be. She enjoys when we run errands and would be in the car all the time to do so if she could LOL. She and my 5 year old share the third row seat in the van. I have a basket of toys in between their car seats filled with toys that we change out to keep it interesting. And movies are something they enjoy, actually the Lego Star wars movie LOL. My 2 year old also has a tray in the car where she can play with things like model magic or those little foam ball type things that stick together (the name which escapes me right now), none of which would stick on car interior. We attend church weekly and there she likes snacks and cutting playdough to keep her attention when she's not watching the band play.

Maybe the places you go, while there you can add a blanket for him to have with some toys to play on or even a play yard set up to let him have a place to himself for playing and napping. And he might enjoy you taking him outside so he can run and stretch his legs during their classes and playing things like tag or using a hippy hop. (I think that's what they are called : ).
As I think Sylvia mentioned, if he's really not happy with all the car time even with him having lots of things to switch between, try to find a way to make it so he can be home with you more. Maybe the other children can catch rides with some of the other parents, or another family member. Or possibly you could pay a Mother's helper who can drive and run your older kids back and fourth some of the days.


> I never say no to them because I feel like I am helping them follow passions, but the balancing act is getting difficult so I am a bit lost. We are really only home 2days a week :(
>
Have you been able to read any unschooling and mindful parenting books as of yet?
If not, some of my most favorites are:
Connection Parenting
Unconditional Parenting
How to Talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk
Sibling Rivalry

And then unschooling books:
Parenting a Free Child by Rue Kream
Unschooling A Lifestyle of Learning by Sara McGrath
The Unschooling Handbook by Mary Griffith

It was probably mentioned on this loop already so you may have seen it, but maybe check out the free unschooling summit that begins on Monday.
Here is the direct link to it: http://unschoolingsummit.com/

Much luck to you,
~Melissa~

messy_boys

>>>>>In [email protected], "miriam" <tolliverfamily2000@...> wrote: It is very hard to undo 12 years of living like this.<<<<<

I think it might help to not look at it as "undoing" what's already been done, but as just changing today. I'm still deschooling and learning and the most helpful advice I've gotten is to just say "yes" more.

It's also been a mental shift for me in how I look at my children. They're not little puppies to be trained, but full fledged human beings. When I'm unsure how I would handle a situation, I sometimes ask myself how I would handle it if it were a good friend of mine.

Just be patient with yourself. It takes time!

Kristie

[email protected]

Remember that you are not your children. Whatever happened in your childhood is not something to push against in theirs.

Do you have a specific area you want advice about?

Nance


--- In [email protected], "miriam" <tolliverfamily2000@...> wrote:
>
> I love that!!!
> The hardest part for me has been to let go of the control. I was very out of control as a child so I guess when I had my kids I held them in a vice grip out of fear. It is very hard to undo 12 years of living like this. Any advice? (please be kind....I am very sensitive right now about this topic :) )
> Miriam
>
> --- In [email protected], "marbleface@" <marbleface@> wrote:
> >
> > Don't try to change everything at once. Have a fun day. Then have another one. :)
> >
> > Nance
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "Erica" <hillerika@> wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > > Thank you. I am new and trying to wrap my head around changing/transitioning to unschooling. i read the links and printed them. i have been on sandra dodds page but there is SO much info, i got lost.
> > >
> >
>