M

My 2yr old insists that the dog go outside.
The dog doesn't want to go outside, but ds 2 is screaming and
insisting that she go out. I tell him to leave her alone. That she
doesn't want to go out, but he continues yelling at her to go out.
That to me is pushing my buttons as well as the dog's. What can I do
to get him to understand that 1) he needs to respect the needs of
others around him including the dog, and 2) I really can't stand his
screaming.

My husband and I have both lost it with him on several issues. Some of these issues, in retrospect, are not issues at all. They are just us trying to control him. This thing with the dog is our main concern as he gets a kick out of controlling the dog. And as I'm writing this it's dawning on me that he may feel that his attemps to dominate the dog gives him control of his life since his crasy parents are dominating his life. Wow! Help me out please. Am I on the right track
Thanks,
Marissa, Greg, Aurora 7, Ethan 5, ELijah 2

P.S.
Thanks Joyce.

plaidpanties666

"M" <mharbajan@...> wrote:
>
> My 2yr old insists that the dog go outside.
> The dog doesn't want to go outside, but ds 2 is screaming and
> insisting that she go out. I tell him to leave her alone.

It helps a whooooole lot to help him find something To do rather than simply tell him what Not to do. Distract him - pull out something fascinating to show him or offer to play a game or dance or take a bath. For some reason, he's focusing on the dog - find him a better focus.

>>What can I do
> to get him to understand that 1) he needs to respect the needs of
> others around him including the dog

He's 2? Step away from the idea that he can even understand that other people (and dogs) have a perspective that's different from his own. To a young child, putting the dog out is a wonderful thing he sees adults do and wants to do, himself. Invite him to come open the door for the dog when the dog actually wants out, and otherwise distract him. You're asking more than he'll be capable of understanding for some time.

>> I really can't stand his
> screaming.

Then arrange his environment so that he doesn't need to scream. He's small and relatively helpless - screaming is one of the few tools he has! Help him have more power in his world. Depending on his personality, that may mean setting up the home so that he can be more independent, or helping him with eeeeevvvvveeerrrry little thing for awhile - or something in between. Kids have a wide range of what lets them feel powerful. A good clue is to look at what sorts of things keep him engaged and happy - keep him engaged and happy as much as you can.

If he has powerful, over-the-top reactions regularly (some kids do) it might help you to read The Explosive Child. Its not an unschooling book, per se, but it does have some ideas for helping kids who go from zero to Kaboom! seemingly instantly.

Oh! I just noticed he has older siblings - he may be needing more attention, more direct attention, or more chances to be "first" or feel important in the family. If you've been trying to "be fair" with attention etc, it can help to step away from the idea of "fair" meaning "equal". Sometimes one child needs More to feel okay about things.

---Meredith

M

Oh! I just noticed he has older siblings - he may be needing more attention, more direct attention, or more chances to be "first" or feel important in the family. If you've been trying to "be fair" with attention etc, it can help to step away from the idea of "fair" meaning "equal". Sometimes one child needs More to feel okay about things.

I just realized today that everything that he's done today is to get my attention. He seems to want me to be more involved with him.

Thanks for your help.
Marissa