Am I embarrassing (shaming) him or controlling him?
atvannoy
DS will be five in a couple of weeks. For the past few months, he's been leaking pee quite frequently. I think he gets busy and either doesn't think to go to the bathroom or doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go. I've been asking him, when I notice the pee spot on his pants, if he needs to go to the bathroom. Sometimes he does and runs off to do it and other times he says he doesn't need to go. A few minutes later, though, I notice that the spot is bigger. Sometimes, the whole front of his underwear is wet. So, do I keep asking him about it when I notice it or let him figure out on his own that he needs to go and that dry undies are more comfortable than wet? I don't want to embarrass him about it or make it an issue of me trying to control him, but at the same time, it bothers me. Should I just let it go if it's not bothering him?
Thanks for any advice you can give me!
Angel
Thanks for any advice you can give me!
Angel
Schuyler
I'd help him earlier. If you notice it's been a while since he's been ask him if he wants to go, try and break into whatever else he's doing in a natural way. Have other aspects of a break going on, like food and drink and a pee break, just like if you were on a long distance drive somewhere. If you notice he's peed, offer him a change of clothing, have underwear and trousers readily available for him, help him change if he likes that. Don't make it shaming, just make it easy and matter of fact.
Schuyler
________________________________
From: atvannoy <atvannoy@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, 3 July, 2010 3:27:32
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Am I embarrassing (shaming) him or controlling him?
DS will be five in a couple of weeks. For the past few months, he's been leaking pee quite frequently. I think he gets busy and either doesn't think to go to the bathroom or doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go. I've been asking him, when I notice the pee spot on his pants, if he needs to go to the bathroom. Sometimes he does and runs off to do it and other times he says he doesn't need to go. A few minutes later, though, I notice that the spot is bigger. Sometimes, the whole front of his underwear is wet. So, do I keep asking him about it when I notice it or let him figure out on his own that he needs to go and that dry undies are more comfortable than wet? I don't want to embarrass him about it or make it an issue of me trying to control him, but at the same time, it bothers me. Should I just let it go if it's not bothering him?
Thanks for any advice you can give me!
Angel
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Schuyler
________________________________
From: atvannoy <atvannoy@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, 3 July, 2010 3:27:32
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Am I embarrassing (shaming) him or controlling him?
DS will be five in a couple of weeks. For the past few months, he's been leaking pee quite frequently. I think he gets busy and either doesn't think to go to the bathroom or doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go. I've been asking him, when I notice the pee spot on his pants, if he needs to go to the bathroom. Sometimes he does and runs off to do it and other times he says he doesn't need to go. A few minutes later, though, I notice that the spot is bigger. Sometimes, the whole front of his underwear is wet. So, do I keep asking him about it when I notice it or let him figure out on his own that he needs to go and that dry undies are more comfortable than wet? I don't want to embarrass him about it or make it an issue of me trying to control him, but at the same time, it bothers me. Should I just let it go if it's not bothering him?
Thanks for any advice you can give me!
Angel
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Amanda Mayan
I've found with my daughter that if I ask if she needs to go to the
bathroom, the answer is usually no, but if I say "let's go to the bathroom"
and hold out my hand, then she will usually come. So, like Schulyer said,
catching him earlier is a good idea when possible, and that is one way
that's really worked for me.
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bathroom, the answer is usually no, but if I say "let's go to the bathroom"
and hold out my hand, then she will usually come. So, like Schulyer said,
catching him earlier is a good idea when possible, and that is one way
that's really worked for me.
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atvannoy
Thanks! I'll try to work pee breaks into our day.
He's good about changing himself into dry underwear when HE wants to, but when I suggest dry underwear, he's not as willing. I guess we'll just work on keeping his underwear dry.
Thanks again!
He's good about changing himself into dry underwear when HE wants to, but when I suggest dry underwear, he's not as willing. I guess we'll just work on keeping his underwear dry.
Thanks again!
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 3, 2010, at 8:52 AM, atvannoy wrote:
You're seeing the pee as most important. He's seeing what he's doing
as most important. If you're asking him to interrupt what he thinks is
important for something he feels is less important, he's going to say
no. I bet you do -- or at least feel like doing -- the same when
someone wants something tedious when you'd doing something fascinating.
So good to catch him at breaking points with your suggestions of going
to the bathroom. I'm 53 and *I* have problems interrupting something
fascinating to take a boring trip to the bathroom. ;-)
Joyce
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> He's good about changing himself into dry underwear when HE wantsThat's pretty much the basis of unschooling ;-)
> to, but when I suggest dry underwear, he's not as willing
You're seeing the pee as most important. He's seeing what he's doing
as most important. If you're asking him to interrupt what he thinks is
important for something he feels is less important, he's going to say
no. I bet you do -- or at least feel like doing -- the same when
someone wants something tedious when you'd doing something fascinating.
So good to catch him at breaking points with your suggestions of going
to the bathroom. I'm 53 and *I* have problems interrupting something
fascinating to take a boring trip to the bathroom. ;-)
Joyce
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Karen Swanay
um...another "issue" here may be "penis management" I have two boys they
are 14 and 12 now but I had no idea, because my plumbing is female, that
those things aren't ever empty really. My husband had to explain the shake,
tap, squeeze methods to me...I HAD NO IDEA!!! I'm not saying that your son
isn't distracted and isn't leaking...so don't take this as me saying you are
wrong, but do keep in mind that if the spot is bigger AFTERWARD it could be
failure to complete the task in a complete manner and maybe someone needs to
address with him how to completely finish peeing. (Just as you would have a
girl wipe.) I'm just saying...this is something I NEVER considered was an
issue. Never gave it a thought. NEVER. Was a complete surprise to me when
I had to deal with it.
My 12 yr old still wets at night, it gets bad when he's in a growth spurt so
we use Goodnights (because I don't like doing laundry and he didn't like the
embarrassment of having to ask for new sheets) and anyway, eventually he
will grow out of it and his bladder will catch up. In the meantime I don't
make a thing out of it. I just occasionally ask him how many he has left or
if he needs any before I go to the store. Acting like it's no big deal was
the kindest thing I could do for him because basically he can't help it and
there was no reason to embarrass him or shame him about it.
You are a good mom for worrying about that.
Karen
PS) I hate to stop to go pee even at 39!
"Because I was a Jew I found myself free from many prejudices that hampered
others in the use of their intellects; and as a Jew, I was prepared to take
my place on the side of the opposition and renounce being on good terms with
the 'compact majority'." ~Sigmund Freud
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are 14 and 12 now but I had no idea, because my plumbing is female, that
those things aren't ever empty really. My husband had to explain the shake,
tap, squeeze methods to me...I HAD NO IDEA!!! I'm not saying that your son
isn't distracted and isn't leaking...so don't take this as me saying you are
wrong, but do keep in mind that if the spot is bigger AFTERWARD it could be
failure to complete the task in a complete manner and maybe someone needs to
address with him how to completely finish peeing. (Just as you would have a
girl wipe.) I'm just saying...this is something I NEVER considered was an
issue. Never gave it a thought. NEVER. Was a complete surprise to me when
I had to deal with it.
My 12 yr old still wets at night, it gets bad when he's in a growth spurt so
we use Goodnights (because I don't like doing laundry and he didn't like the
embarrassment of having to ask for new sheets) and anyway, eventually he
will grow out of it and his bladder will catch up. In the meantime I don't
make a thing out of it. I just occasionally ask him how many he has left or
if he needs any before I go to the store. Acting like it's no big deal was
the kindest thing I could do for him because basically he can't help it and
there was no reason to embarrass him or shame him about it.
You are a good mom for worrying about that.
Karen
PS) I hate to stop to go pee even at 39!
"Because I was a Jew I found myself free from many prejudices that hampered
others in the use of their intellects; and as a Jew, I was prepared to take
my place on the side of the opposition and renounce being on good terms with
the 'compact majority'." ~Sigmund Freud
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atvannoy
You know, Joyce and Karen, you're absolutely right - I get so busy sometimes that I put off going to pee until I just can't put it off any longer. :) I guess it's the same for DS.
Karen - Thanks for cluing me in on the functional limits of the penis. DH hasn't mentioned that. :D
Thanks!
Angel
Karen - Thanks for cluing me in on the functional limits of the penis. DH hasn't mentioned that. :D
Thanks!
Angel