dinapug310

Hi all.

I think this is my first post on this list, so just a quick introduction...my name is Dina, I have a 2 yo daughter, Thea. We live in NY and plan to unschool. I have been reading on this list and a couple of others since Thea was born and the unschooling way of life is a great extension of the life I was living before having a child. I am so grateful to have found it.

I wanted to ask about speech delays. Thea is not speaking yet and I'm not worried about it as much as I'm curious. She is extremely bright and we communicate perfectly well. What piques my interest is that last year around Christmas (she was 16 months, almost 17) she, for about a week, maybe, started to say "moo" and "ho ho ho" and tried to quack like a duck. Then, she stopped. Her words were as clear as a bell. Beyond those words the only other she said was "hot" without the "t" sound and she said that a lot and often and then at some point stopped saying that as well. I shared in the joy of her mooing and mooed with her, but was careful not to try to get her to speak, though I think I showed her a picture of santa when my mom was over to see if she'd let out a ho ho ho.

I just wonder what may make children stop speaking after beginning like that. She is very chatty in her own language and even sits with books and 'reads' them aloud to herself in her language with different intonations and at the end will speak her version of "the end," the way I say it. And today she saw a cow and went to "moo", but it was more of a "maw."

I don't read much about speech delays, because I know the mainstream would suggest all kinds of therapy. I know some of you have experience with speech delays, though I can't find too much in the archives for some reason. But, I was hoping you could share experiences and knowledge.

Thanks in advance,
Dina

Sarah

My big boy who is now four was very like you describe. I never thought of it as a speech delay because he was so clearly bright and communicative. He said so many words for a day and then never again - his first word was 'toes' clear as a bell at 10 months, I don't think he said that again till he was 2 1/2!

Then when he was about 2 - 2 1/2 he just started talking in full sentences.

I think its a facet of his character that you don't see 'process' with him - makes trusting unschooling hard at times! All his learning goes on in his head - and the only visible evidence is when he presents me with the finished 'product'. This has applied to walking independently, talking and now (I suspect) reading - amongst others like fork-control, potty training and so on. Absolutely no visible development - even to a mother's eyes.

His younger brother is the complete opposite - every tiny development and idea is tested outloud and extensively ;)

My mother in law tells me that my husband was exactly the same. She says that with his older sister you'd know what mischief she was planning - she'd be hanging around the tape player trying to shove things in. With Conchur you'd know nothing until he had it in bits all over the floor!

Incidentally Conchur's father is notorious in his family for talking late - the family story is that he said nothing till he was three, and then his first word was 'calendar'!

Sarah xxx

--- In [email protected], "dinapug310" <b38040@...> wrote:
...
>
> I wanted to ask about speech delays. Thea is not speaking yet and I'm not worried about it as much as I'm curious. She is extremely bright and we communicate perfectly well. What piques my interest is that last year around Christmas (she was 16 months, almost 17) she, for about a week, maybe, started to say "moo" and "ho ho ho" and tried to quack like a duck. Then, she stopped. Her words were as clear as a bell. Beyond those words the only other she said was "hot" without the "t" sound and she said that a lot and often and then at some point stopped saying that as well...

Joyce Fetteroll

On Oct 4, 2009, at 11:28 PM, dinapug310 wrote:

> I just wonder what may make children stop speaking after beginning
> like that.

I would guess that she wasn't really speaking so much as playing
around with a toy that interested her for a bit. She was reproducing
some sounds and she found that interesting.

Real speech, the kind that will expand and grow, transfers an idea
from her head into yours and causes you to meet her need. It's a
tool. It's purposeful. Just like with anything that works better than
something else people will tend to use it more because it's
effective. And because kids use speech more and more, they get better
at it and it becomes even more effective.

Some kids tend to not use something until they understand it. Kat and
her cousin were born 11 days apart and her cousin started babbling
(2ish maybe, they were definitely walking) while Kat remained silent.
He'd burble out a string of sounds that imitated the rhythms and
inflections of human speech with an occasional word thrown in, like
"Brbl urbl school bus yubba uble shoo." (I actually clearly
remembering hearing school bus ;-) (I would bet that if speech like
that was recorded, the placement of the understandable words wouldn't
be random but match the patterns in the language the kids are
imitating.)

But Kat didn't do that. She began with single words and kept with
that for quite some time. She didn't want to use something she didn't
have a basic grasp of. In fact for many many months most of her
communication was "Here." It meant pick me up, over there, take this
and just about anything else she could get it to mean. It was a
multipurpose word :-)

Joyce

Virginie

Hello,
Have you had her hearing checked?
My now 4yo DS1 had speech delay too (his most accurate words were "doh" for dog, "duh" for duck, etc.), but it turned out he could not hear well ("glue ear" is what they call it over here). At the age of 2 years and 3 months, he had grommets inserted in both ears, and he suddenly showed interest in many domestic sounds he presumably could not hear previously, and his speech just exploded overnight. He had a little bit of speech therapy, but he found it very frustrating and I did not see the benefits, so we stopped, had lots of quiet reading and speaking time one-to-one, and he has been back "on track" for almost 1 year now.
Good luck,
Virginie (from London)

eintob, d.a.

Hi,

My eldest (now almost 17) had severe delays. By two he could only make a few grunting sounds. We taught him sign language and could understand what he needed most of the time. At the time we were very traditional parents...he was our first, we were young, we did what we were told. So, we had him evaluated and it was recommended we place him in a public pre-school program for children with delays. They did therapy with him and I was thrilled when at 3 he finally said "mama". It was decided he had made progress and they needed the room for kids that were worse off, so we were then told to start private speech therapy with him. We did this for the next two years with very little improvement. By the time he was kindergarten age (and we were then encouraged to place him in school to help him) he was speaking almost like other kids his age should but pretty much only we could understand him. Kindergarten was awful and at the end I decided to do what my heart told me and I began homeschooling him. He speech became normalized by the time he was 8.

Then I had a daughter that spoke early and clearly. Then my third child had delays. With him we held as a mantra just about the only good thing I learned with ds1: don't draw attention to any words he's struggling with. Don't say "No...say it like this: x y and z" and make him say it over and over (something my in-laws tried to do both then and now). We just responded by echoing back what he said correctly. Like he would say "I have a souBinere" and we would say "Yes...that is a neat souVinere". Ds2's problems seemed to iron out much more quickly. He's 6 now and sounds just fine.

And I would just point out that you said she isn't vocal but then went on to say that she does speak...just in her own way. It's really hard to ignore all the well meaning comments from friends and family but you have to know that you are her mom and you get to choose how to raise her. I would relax about it for a few years and then reevaluate the situation. I know this list has at least a couple speech therapists that will weigh in on the issue. I hope that what I've shared will give you a sense of relief. :)

~Michelle in AZ

--- In [email protected], "dinapug310" <b38040@...> wrote:

> I wanted to ask about speech delays. Thea is not speaking yet and I'm not worried about it as much as I'm curious.

BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

Dina, my two kids did not talk until they were two. They would, before then, speak a word or two then forget that one and learn another.
SO I would say it is very common for them to do what your dd does.
Both my kids spoke beautifully at 3.
My brother did not talk until he was 3. Later in life he was the one that was musical, wrote songs and had a beautiful second language accent.
 
 
Alex Polikowsky
http://polykow.blogspot.com/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/unschoolingmn/

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Paul & Camille

I would get her ears checked incase of fluid buildup or wax as my son when he was young suddenly stopped communicating and it was due to that. You dont have to tell the Doctor about anything else, just have the ears checked just incase.

Camille

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plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], "dinapug310" <b38040@...> wrote:
>> I just wonder what may make children stop speaking after beginning like that.
***************************

Kids stop a lot of things after beginning, to revist the same skill or idea again later, and maybe stop again, over and over. Its one of the ways people learn. I learn a lot of physical skills that way. Some people learn music that way. Others learn to read that way. My dd learned a bunch of words at once and then didn't want to talk for awhile - and didn't want other people to talk to her very much for a few years.

>> She is very chatty in her own language and even sits with books and 'reads' them aloud to herself in her language with different intonations and at the end will speak her version of "the end," the way I say it. And today she saw a cow and went to "moo", but it was more of a "maw."
***********************

She's learning and actively practicing language skills, just in a different order than you expected. Its possible she'll jump to whole sentences - some kids do that, and they tend to speak later when they do. Those kids aren't happy with one and two word utterances, they want to Talk! I have a cousin who was like that. Didn't speak, just grunted, until he was four when he started speaking in complete sentences. Now he's an actor.

You can do a very basic sort of hearing assessment on your own, if you're concerned about that issue by observing carefully for a few days what sorts of sounds your dd notices and responds to.

---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)

plaidpanties666

--- In [email protected], "eintob, d.a." <michelle_bailey@...> wrote:
>Then my third child had delays. With him we held as a mantra just about the only good thing I learned with ds1: don't draw attention to any words he's struggling with. Don't say "No...say it like this: x y and z" and make him say it over and over (something my in-laws tried to do both then and now). We just responded by echoing back what he said correctly. Like he would say "I have a souBinere" and we would say "Yes...that is a neat souVinere". Ds2's problems seemed to iron out much more quickly. He's 6 now and sounds just fine.
****************************

This is true for soooooo many things with kids. They really do notice that they aren't "getting it right" and can become even more frustrated when adults call attention to the issue. They Want to get it right! Echoing back, like in the example above, is fine - its not even really necessary to highlight the mispronounced part unless you think your child is having difficulty hearing certain sounds.

---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)

Kathryn Lewis-Peacock

I don't post here often, but wanted to just echo some of what others have
said. If hearing issues are ruled out, then I would just not stress right
now - or ever. But, I would not even take action.

My son is now 3.5. He was a doer, not a talker. He said very few words and
often never repeated them. But, it was clear that he understood everything
we said. We could ask him questions and he would respond. To give him
options, we did sign with him and he choose a few signs that were very
useful to him. To this day he will use the "all-done" sign when he is
overwhelmed as a tool to communicate to us that he needs his sensory
environment to shift. He was barely talking at 2, but we understood each
other so well. He even made jokes - in his beautiful way - and they were
funny. [He clearly told us we were nutso when we said that the water lapping
on the sand was a "wave", since in his world a wave was his favorite thing
to do with his hand. He gave us the "your crazy" look and then the "I so
know you are wrong" look and then smirked at us and waved with his hand,
with sarcasm.... hard to worry about his communication with such
expression.]

So, words are one way to communicate. There are many others. You might try
signs, but only if you feel like doing them with absolutely no expectation
on whether he will do them. My son really liked them - he likes to use his
body more than his mouth. But, I was never attached to him doing them or
doing them in a particular way. He made up a number of his own and it was
our job to learn those.

One day (I think he was around 2.5) he got up from nap, came to the top of
the stairs and yelled, "mama, where-ed dyou go?" He has spoken in sentences
ever since and now his vocabulary is astounding... we are currently talking
a lot about various dinosaurs and the difference between omnivores,
carnivores and herbivores. Big words for a guy who supposedly did not
talk...

He does not pronounce certain sounds yet and he has a little stutter that
comes up when he is stressed or really excited. He also still uses a
pacifier frequently to help calm himself, which some people claim will
interfere with his speech. I cannot tell you how many people want us to get
him speech therapy or tell him to take the nuk out or blah blah blah. He
just says no and looks at them like, "I am in charge of that decision." It
is beautiful. We are not at all interested in pursuing speech therapy for
his stutter or other pronunciation things unless he asks us to find him more
tools - and he knows how to ask and when he needs things. We "work" on
stuff at home... which means we play and language skills naturally and
frequently come up. We speak clearly and frequently to him (without
attention on his mistakes) and over time, when physically and
developmentally ready, he has corrected previous "errors".

So, this is my long and anecdotal way of saying no worries.

peace,
kathryn


On Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 6:22 PM, plaidpanties666 <meredith@...>wrote:

>
>
> --- In [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>,
> "eintob, d.a." <michelle_bailey@...> wrote:
> >Then my third child had delays. With him we held as a mantra just about
> the only good thing I learned with ds1: don't draw attention to any words
> he's struggling with. Don't say "No...say it like this: x y and z" and make
> him say it over and over (something my in-laws tried to do both then and
> now). We just responded by echoing back what he said correctly. Like he
> would say "I have a souBinere" and we would say "Yes...that is a neat
> souVinere". Ds2's problems seemed to iron out much more quickly. He's 6 now
> and sounds just fine.
> ****************************
>
> This is true for soooooo many things with kids. They really do notice that
> they aren't "getting it right" and can become even more frustrated when
> adults call attention to the issue. They Want to get it right! Echoing back,
> like in the example above, is fine - its not even really necessary to
> highlight the mispronounced part unless you think your child is having
> difficulty hearing certain sounds.
>
> ---Meredith (Mo 8, Ray 16)
>
>
>



--
Nonviolence is absolute commitment to the way of love. Love is not emotional
bash; it is not empty sentimentalism. It is the active outpouring of one's
whole being into the being of another.
--Martin Luther King, Jr. 1957


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