Jennifer Croce

< If you really have to get somewhere urgently, find a way for her to
stay home. Have someone else come over and hang out with her for a
little, while you are out. That way, the whole process could be less
trausmatzing for the both of you! Eventually, she's going to have to get
into the car seat, > 

I have tried to arrange for someone to come for a few hours once a week so I can run out solo, but it hasn't been as consistent as I would like.  I try to run out in the evening after dinner or weekends when my dh is home, but then I feel bad that he is with the kids alone and doesn't get much time to himself.   Most of the time it isn't possible to keep her home. 

I find the time that it is most stressful is when I have to take or pick up my older dd from somewhere at a certain time.  We have cut back on outside activities to decrease that scenario, but I don't want to eliminate everything especially the things she really enjoys.  This is what frustrates me so much, I often feel that one of the girls gets short changed.  My older dd deserves to go to her activities or to the park if that is what we have decided to do.  I don't think it is fair to not do them simply because the younger one doesn't want to sit in her carseat.  If I decide not to go to avoid the carseat issue then the older one tantrums. 

I was watching Dayna Martin on YouTube yesterday.  She was talking about how unschooling allows for everyone's needs to be met in a respectful way.  That is where I am stuck, I don't see how I can meet everyone's needs respectfully.  It seems like no matter what I do someone is upset (either younger dd for having to get in her carseat, older dd for having to wait or not go and me for being frustrated about the whole thing). I hate resorting to conventional strategies (yelling, bribing) but they are the methods that seem to work.

I can't wait to see Dayna in person at the North East Unschooling conference in August, Rue too since I read her book.  I am hoping the conference will give me more information and seeing unschooling families in action will be great. 


<Not necessarily - if there's a way for her to stay home until she
reaches the age/weight/height limit by law (which varies state to
state), she may never need to be in a carseat at all. Or, she may get to
where a basic booster is adequate. >

Unfortunately my younger dd is on the petite side (only 26 pounds) and she is almost 3 so I think she is going to be in the carseat for a long time. 

Jen 




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Faith Void

OP: I have tried to arrange for someone to come for a few hours once a week
so I can run out solo, but it hasn't been as consistent as I would like. I
try to run out in the evening after dinner or weekends when my dh is home,
but then I feel bad that he is with the kids alone and doesn't get much time
to himself. Most of the time it isn't possible to keep her home.

***I understand I am rarely able to leave my littlest. Just keep trying and
try not to sweat it when things don't or can't be done when you wan them to.

Also is your DH's needs more important than your childs? That is what you
are saying here. He is a grown up and can likely wait for his needs to be
met more so than your little one.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=

I find the time that it is most stressful is when I have to take or pick up
my older dd from somewhere at a certain time. We have cut back on outside
activities to decrease that scenario, but I don't want to eliminate
everything especially the things she really enjoys. This is what frustrates
me so much, I often feel that one of the girls gets short changed. My older
dd deserves to go to her activities or to the park if that is what we have
decided to do. I don't think it is fair to not do them simply because the
younger one doesn't want to sit in her carseat. If I decide not to go to
avoid the carseat issue then the older one tantrums.

***While cutting back on some activities is a good idea to decrease the need
to be in the car it isn't always possible or the best thing to do. I am not
sure if viewing it as deserving is going to help you be with your children
in the most loving way possible. Look for solutions that met both their
needs.
Have you given the little one ample time to play in the car. Yesterday me
and my littlest (1.5) played in the car while the bigger two were in the
movies.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I was watching Dayna Martin on YouTube yesterday. She was talking about how
unschooling allows for everyone's needs to be met in a respectful way. That
is where I am stuck, I don't see how I can meet everyone's needs
respectfully. It seems like no matter what I do someone is upset (either
younger dd for having to get in her carseat, older dd for having to wait or
not go and me for being frustrated about the whole thing). I hate resorting
to conventional strategies (yelling, bribing) but they are the methods that
seem to work.

***It is ok for the kids to be upset sometimes. Are you expecting everything
to be happy and peaceful all the time? Are you expecting everyone to get
along and be sweet all the time? Are you expecting the kids to be mature
enough to give generously to the other sibling all teh time? It is probably
best to let go of these kinds of thought, they will not serve you. Open your
heart and eyes to all the good that you have and all the times that things
go smoothly. When dd is screaming about the carseat, take a breath, give
thanks to the universe (or whatever) that she is alive and full of passion,
smile, maybe even laugh a bit, look for a way to be her partner. A way to
help her be where she wants to be. It might take a few weeks or longer to
get use to this kind of parenting. It can be challenging and take longer
than coercion. And it rarely will look like how you imagined it looking,
lol.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I can't wait to see Dayna in person at the North East Unschooling conference
in August, Rue too since I read her book. I am hoping the conference will
give me more information and seeing unschooling families in action will be
great.

***I can't wait either. I love cons and Kathryn's is great fun.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Can you try a different brand or get a new car seat cover or a special
something?

OK I am slacking thte baby just peed in her pants. I better go :-) Have a
great day,
Faith

--
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Melissa Gray

Actually, this
I try to run out in the evening after dinner or weekends when my dh
is home, but then I feel bad that he is with the kids alone and
doesn't get much time to himself.

is the best this you can do for both your children, you and your
husband. He's 'alone' at work all day, just as you are working with
your children. And it's not like you're heading out to party every
single day of the week. Running errands twice a week isn't going to
kill him or your DD! In addition, he is a parent, which SHOULD be
spelled PAIR-ent. There are two of you so that he CAN watch the kids
when you need time out. He gets to work on a relationship with his
daughter, that doesn't rely on someone else. Don't presume that he
wouldn't enjoy it! Strike up a conversation, and ask how he'd feel if
you had one evening a week where you could just get out after he gets
home, and let them have some special time together playing/baking/
hanging out. He'd probably be glad to have less stress in the family.

I suggest this because we have eight kids, and we have no end of
combinations that we've created so that everyone has time alone with
each parent, or with a parent and certain siblings. Mostly so I can
get out of the house, and focus on one or two children, but also to
build the relationship between father and kids. Dad's really get
screwed on that when they are gone at work all day, and then come
home into whatever chaos exists in the home due to a different
schedule/expectations.

Also, if you are worried about your oldest DD pickup..is there anyway
you could ask another parent from the activity to help bring home DD?
Or have a family friend who would be willing to drive and pick her up?
My oldest loves youth group, but by the time church is over, Breanna
is exhausted from dealing with the people and music (which she loves,
but two hours is her limit) so a friend brings him home from church
so we can just split as soon as the service is over. People generally
LOVE to help out.

Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel, Avari, and
baby Nathan!
Wife to Zane

blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
http://startlinglives365.blogspot.com



On May 29, 2009, at 8:46 AM, Jennifer Croce wrote:

>
> I have tried to arrange for someone to come for a few hours once a
> week so I can run out solo, but it hasn't been as consistent as I
> would like. I try to run out in the evening after dinner or
> weekends when my dh is home, but then I feel bad that he is with
> the kids alone and doesn't get much time to himself. Most of the
> time it isn't possible to keep her home.
> <snip>
> I find the time that it is most stressful is when I have to take or
> pick up my older dd from somewhere at a certain time. We have cut
> back on outside activities to decrease that scenario, but I don't
> want to eliminate everything especially the things she really enjoys.
>
> Messages in this topic (1)Reply (via web post) | Start a new topic
> Messages | Files | Photos | Polls | Members
>
> Change settings via the Web (Yahoo! ID required)
> Change settings via email: Switch delivery to Daily Digest | Switch
> format to Traditional
> Visit Your Group | Yahoo! Groups Terms of Use | Unsubscribe
> RECENT ACTIVITY
> 22
> New Members
> Visit Your Group
> Give Back
> Yahoo! for Good
> Get inspired
> by a good cause.
> Y! Toolbar
> Get it Free!
> easy 1-click access
> to your groups.
> Yahoo! Groups
> Start a group
> in 3 easy steps.
> Connect with others.
> .
>
>



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

The Coffee Goddess

 >> I
try to run out in the evening after dinner or weekends when my dh is home,
but then I feel bad that he is with the kids alone and doesn't get much time
to himself.   Most of the time it isn't possible to keep her home..>>

WOW....Feeling bad for letting kids spend time with their dad?  My husband would SO not let me get away with that one--he clamors for the baby and says "I need baby time!"  Talk to you husband about this--if he is feeling unable to take care of the kids, it may be because of this attitude--he's never been allowed to be alone with them for fear that he needs "time alone" instead, so now he doesn't know how to do it, and is afraid to start.... Daddies can and do care for babies, and little girls, and big girls, and ENJOY it :)  *YOU* are the one who hasn't been alone all day--YOU'RE the one who needs time in the evening to go out alone.

Dana





[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Tammy Curry

Please don't take this the wrong way, but something I have noticed in a lot of your responses. You have the ability to justify why you can't do things, most of it in a negative way. Perhaps looking for more positive ways to approach any given situation. It really sounds like everything causes you to feel extremely stressed out. So perhaps the starting point for you will for you to find ways to help deal with stress and stressful situations. The more stressed you are the more negative reactions you are going to get from your girls. I highly recommend that you learn some coping techniques then many of these situations won't seem quite so overwhelming and it will allow you to find the positive, joyful way to handle them.

This recommendation comes from experience not just off the top of my head. I am learning how to handle stress and finding that the more of the things that I personally let go of the less stressful my life seems. When I am not stressed about something the kids aren't stressed and we have a much better day. Take one moment at a time, enjoy it. Make a list of things that stress you out and pick one of them at a time and think about why it causes you to stress out. Then think about how important it is in the entire scheme of things. Is it a dirty kitchen? Well everyone's definition of a dirty kitchen or house even is different. My husband spent 13 years telling me we live in our house we aren't vying for Better Homes and Gardens layout. This year it finally sank in when I realized how much time I was spending cleaning and not being with my kids.

But definitely try to find a more positive approach to your life in general you will see a definite change in the entire household. And let daddy have his time!! One thing my husband complains about is not having enough time with the kids. He is working full time and starting his own business. So every minute he gets with our kids is precious to him. Even if its 15 minutes while I take a shower by myself or a half an hour while I go to the store.


Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos
http://tammycurry.blogspot.com/
http://crazy-homeschool-adventures.blogspot.com/

"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."

Rachel Carson




[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Amy

When my kids where little I had to 'sell' them on the idea of the car and carseats. They found them restrictive and boring.

I brought the car seat in the house put them in an awesome location in my living room and started calling them their royal thrones or captains seat or whatever. I let the kids decorate them with stickers and streamers and blankets.

I also started placing presents for them to find on the car seats in the car when they got in. I put an easily accessible to them toy box and snack box. I even bought little dvd players for them to watch in the car.

I haven't had any issues with my kids and the car since then.

Was it alot of work YES
Was it fun YES
Was it worth it TOTALLY

Love and Laughter,

Amy

snugglebugg.com/sagepixie



"Song for a Fifth Child."



Mother, oh Mother,

come shake out your cloth,

empty the dustpan,

poison the moth,

hang out the washing

and butter the bread,

sew on a button and make up a bed.



Where is the mother whose house

is so shocking?

She's up in the nursery,

blissfully rocking.

Oh, I've grown shiftless as Little

Boy Blue (lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).



Dishes are waiting and bills are past due

(pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo).

The shopping's not done

and there's nothing for stew

and out in the yard there's a hullabaloo

but I'm playing Kanga and this is my Roo.

Look! Aren't her eyes the most wonderful hue?

(lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).



The cleaning and scrubbing

will wait till tomorrow,

for children grow up,

as I've learned to my sorrow.

So quiet down, cobwebs.

Dust go to sleep.

I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep'



~Ruth Hulburt Hamilton~

--- On Fri, 5/29/09, Tammy Curry <mamabeart00@...> wrote:

From: Tammy Curry <mamabeart00@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] car seat dilema
To: [email protected]
Date: Friday, May 29, 2009, 10:19 AM

















Please don't take this the wrong way, but something I have noticed in a lot of your responses. You have the ability to justify why you can't do things, most of it in a negative way. Perhaps looking for more positive ways to approach any given situation. It really sounds like everything causes you to feel extremely stressed out. So perhaps the starting point for you will for you to find ways to help deal with stress and stressful situations. The more stressed you are the more negative reactions you are going to get from your girls. I highly recommend that you learn some coping techniques then many of these situations won't seem quite so overwhelming and it will allow you to find the positive, joyful way to handle them.



This recommendation comes from experience not just off the top of my head. I am learning how to handle stress and finding that the more of the things that I personally let go of the less stressful my life seems. When I am not stressed about something the kids aren't stressed and we have a much better day. Take one moment at a time, enjoy it. Make a list of things that stress you out and pick one of them at a time and think about why it causes you to stress out. Then think about how important it is in the entire scheme of things. Is it a dirty kitchen? Well everyone's definition of a dirty kitchen or house even is different. My husband spent 13 years telling me we live in our house we aren't vying for Better Homes and Gardens layout. This year it finally sank in when I realized how much time I was spending cleaning and not being with my kids.



But definitely try to find a more positive approach to your life in general you will see a definite change in the entire household. And let daddy have his time!! One thing my husband complains about is not having enough time with the kids. He is working full time and starting his own business. So every minute he gets with our kids is precious to him. Even if its 15 minutes while I take a shower by myself or a half an hour while I go to the store.



Tammy Curry, Director of Chaos

http://tammycurry. blogspot. com/

http://crazy- homeschool- adventures. blogspot. com/



"If a child is to keep alive his inborn sense of wonder, he needs the companionship of at least one adult who can share it, rediscovering with him the joy, excitement and mystery of the world we live in."



Rachel Carson



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]































[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Verna

> < If you really have to get somewhere urgently, find a way for her to
> stay home. Have someone else come over and hang out with her for a
> little, while you are out. That way, the whole process could be less
> trausmatzing for the both of you! Eventually, she's going to have to get
> into the car seat, > 
>
I have 4 kids and one that really would prefer to stay home. So we let him stay home, whenever we honestly can. There are times he just has to go though and we try to make those times as pleasant as we can.
I think sometimes people get the idea that unschooling is a fix it all, that if you live by these principles, everyone will get along, everyone will be happy all the time and noone will tantrum or cry or get upset. Quite honestly, just as with most other things, it is a process and in time your daughter will either get a little better about sitting in a car seat or will get big enough not to use one. But in the mean time, you just be honest, try your very best to accomadate her and help make her comfortable, and try to be patient.