need some emotional support
sistergoddesselli
Unschooling is the best thing yet! I am so glad we started both homeschooling (this December) and unschooling (this February).
And, I need some emotional support right now!!
I am a pacifist and my 8-year-old son has experienced an explosion in his passion for WAR - toys, video games, talk, daydreams - all about WAR. I am doing my best to listen and support him. I speak honestly to him about my tendency to be judgmental. I've told him that we need to take a break from talking about it when I feel myself getting too full on the subject. I have found some folks who know more about war than I do to talk to him (grandpas who were in the war or in the navy, another home-schooling mom with a family history of armed forces) I am going to take him to visit an army base and meet airfoce guys. He says, "I believe in war that is fought on open grassy fields." I say, "War happens in communities and families get hurt." I try my best not to inflict him with my opinions.
Would love to hear from you about how you support your child as he/she explores something that you are firmly against.
And, I am doing my best to wait through the TV obsession. I used to be a strict limiter of TV. Now, there is no limit. Sweet son is sleeping until 1pm and watching TV all day until 3 or 4 am. I miss him during the day. He plays with legos in the TV room. And, enjoys being naked and laying on the sofa with his dog, watching TV.
I'd love to be out and about once in a while, especially as east coast weather gets warmer. And, so would his big sister (11 years).
Just wanna hear from you... in a similar situation, how long until your kiddos felt full from TV.
And, what did the transition back to doing other things outside of the house look like with your family?
I think it would help me to imagine what the next stage might look like...
Thanks,
Love,
Elli
And, I need some emotional support right now!!
I am a pacifist and my 8-year-old son has experienced an explosion in his passion for WAR - toys, video games, talk, daydreams - all about WAR. I am doing my best to listen and support him. I speak honestly to him about my tendency to be judgmental. I've told him that we need to take a break from talking about it when I feel myself getting too full on the subject. I have found some folks who know more about war than I do to talk to him (grandpas who were in the war or in the navy, another home-schooling mom with a family history of armed forces) I am going to take him to visit an army base and meet airfoce guys. He says, "I believe in war that is fought on open grassy fields." I say, "War happens in communities and families get hurt." I try my best not to inflict him with my opinions.
Would love to hear from you about how you support your child as he/she explores something that you are firmly against.
And, I am doing my best to wait through the TV obsession. I used to be a strict limiter of TV. Now, there is no limit. Sweet son is sleeping until 1pm and watching TV all day until 3 or 4 am. I miss him during the day. He plays with legos in the TV room. And, enjoys being naked and laying on the sofa with his dog, watching TV.
I'd love to be out and about once in a while, especially as east coast weather gets warmer. And, so would his big sister (11 years).
Just wanna hear from you... in a similar situation, how long until your kiddos felt full from TV.
And, what did the transition back to doing other things outside of the house look like with your family?
I think it would help me to imagine what the next stage might look like...
Thanks,
Love,
Elli
Jeff Sabo
Hiya -
First, you say your just started unschooling a couple of months ago, right? That being the case, be patient - this is a hard transition under the best of circumstances, and like all transitions you'll have periods in which it feels like it's going great, as well as periods in which you'll feel like pulling your hair (or someone else's) out by the roots. So remember to breathe and relax when you can, and trust that this is for the best and that all of the goodness may not be visible for some time.
Regarding the war stuff, this has been a recurring theme for us. I grew up playing war, cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers, etc. My wife hates it. I served 8 years in the Army, and she served one year but hated every minute of it, I think. We have both since become pacifists, even joining some war protests and the like. For years, we prohibited fighting games and gun play for our two boys (now 10 and 7.) My wife still struggles with the overarching need of our boys to interact roughly and physically sometimes, and I sometimes wish it were different as well. But I do trust them to know when enough is enough, and I trust other kids to react strongly when my children do things that are out of line (which is actually pretty rare; they do self-regulate.)
When I was a kid, I enjoyed a very glorified view of what war was, with gallant charges in the face of enemy fire and long death monologues. Never once did I think about the realities of war - civilians starving to death, children mangled, disembowelments, etc - because that was beyond my ability to comprehend at the time. I did not play war for the violence of it, I played for the glory of it - heroically doing good and fighting the good fight, even if it lead to "death." Now in retrospect, I realize that there is little (if any) "glory" in war, and I'm actually not even sure what "glory" really means anymore. As I grew older and was able to process more, I learned about the horrors and atrocities of war, and knew it was something that was not to be played at, but either avoided or practiced like a craft to be used only in the worst of circumstances. Either way, it was not something to be glorified.
But I did learn a ton from those childhood fascinations. I learned about history, leadership, teamwork, brotherhood, living in the outdoors, the industrial revolution, first aid, and acting, to name just a few things. It was a way to explore the world, a vehicle through which to open many other doors, and a way to synthesize much of the information tucked away in different corners of my brain. It became, in some ways, a grand experiment of my imagination as I sorted out what was real and what was not.
At 8 years old, he is not really "for war"; he is "for imagination", and is using war as a vehicle through which to explore. Are you not amazed at how much he's been able to learn, and focus, and enjoy, and expand? Think of your reaction if he had chosen a different vehicle through which to explore the world - music, or art, or Pokemon. Similar experiences, similar growth, but in a different vehicle, no?
So that brings me to the TV thing. I wish I could tell you that there is a strict time-table, but there is not - especially after just a few months! Again, TV is a vehicle that helps him learn, relax, or both - and learning and relaxing are good things! He won't watch it forever, but right now that is singing to him as it does for most new unschoolers.
Try to be patient and recognize that your in the first steps of a journey that will provide you with a million opportunities to be amazed at your children, if you're able to breathe enough to enjoy the ride.
Jeff
First, you say your just started unschooling a couple of months ago, right? That being the case, be patient - this is a hard transition under the best of circumstances, and like all transitions you'll have periods in which it feels like it's going great, as well as periods in which you'll feel like pulling your hair (or someone else's) out by the roots. So remember to breathe and relax when you can, and trust that this is for the best and that all of the goodness may not be visible for some time.
Regarding the war stuff, this has been a recurring theme for us. I grew up playing war, cowboys and Indians, cops and robbers, etc. My wife hates it. I served 8 years in the Army, and she served one year but hated every minute of it, I think. We have both since become pacifists, even joining some war protests and the like. For years, we prohibited fighting games and gun play for our two boys (now 10 and 7.) My wife still struggles with the overarching need of our boys to interact roughly and physically sometimes, and I sometimes wish it were different as well. But I do trust them to know when enough is enough, and I trust other kids to react strongly when my children do things that are out of line (which is actually pretty rare; they do self-regulate.)
When I was a kid, I enjoyed a very glorified view of what war was, with gallant charges in the face of enemy fire and long death monologues. Never once did I think about the realities of war - civilians starving to death, children mangled, disembowelments, etc - because that was beyond my ability to comprehend at the time. I did not play war for the violence of it, I played for the glory of it - heroically doing good and fighting the good fight, even if it lead to "death." Now in retrospect, I realize that there is little (if any) "glory" in war, and I'm actually not even sure what "glory" really means anymore. As I grew older and was able to process more, I learned about the horrors and atrocities of war, and knew it was something that was not to be played at, but either avoided or practiced like a craft to be used only in the worst of circumstances. Either way, it was not something to be glorified.
But I did learn a ton from those childhood fascinations. I learned about history, leadership, teamwork, brotherhood, living in the outdoors, the industrial revolution, first aid, and acting, to name just a few things. It was a way to explore the world, a vehicle through which to open many other doors, and a way to synthesize much of the information tucked away in different corners of my brain. It became, in some ways, a grand experiment of my imagination as I sorted out what was real and what was not.
At 8 years old, he is not really "for war"; he is "for imagination", and is using war as a vehicle through which to explore. Are you not amazed at how much he's been able to learn, and focus, and enjoy, and expand? Think of your reaction if he had chosen a different vehicle through which to explore the world - music, or art, or Pokemon. Similar experiences, similar growth, but in a different vehicle, no?
So that brings me to the TV thing. I wish I could tell you that there is a strict time-table, but there is not - especially after just a few months! Again, TV is a vehicle that helps him learn, relax, or both - and learning and relaxing are good things! He won't watch it forever, but right now that is singing to him as it does for most new unschoolers.
Try to be patient and recognize that your in the first steps of a journey that will provide you with a million opportunities to be amazed at your children, if you're able to breathe enough to enjoy the ride.
Jeff
--- On Mon, 4/13/09, sistergoddesselli <elinorsparks@...> wrote:
From: sistergoddesselli <elinorsparks@...>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] need some emotional support
To: [email protected]
Date: Monday, April 13, 2009, 3:59 AM
Unschooling is the best thing yet! I am so glad we started both homeschooling (this December) and unschooling (this February).
And, I need some emotional support right now!!
I am a pacifist and my 8-year-old son has experienced an explosion in his passion for WAR - toys, video games, talk, daydreams - all about WAR. I am doing my best to listen and support him. I speak honestly to him about my tendency to be judgmental. I've told him that we need to take a break from talking about it when I feel myself getting too full on the subject. I have found some folks who know more about war than I do to talk to him (grandpas who were in the war or in the navy, another home-schooling mom with a family history of armed forces) I am going to take him to visit an army base and meet airfoce guys. He says, "I believe in war that is fought on open grassy fields." I say, "War happens in communities and families get hurt." I try my best not to inflict him with my opinions.
Would love to hear from you about how you support your child as he/she explores something that you are firmly against.
And, I am doing my best to wait through the TV obsession. I used to be a strict limiter of TV. Now, there is no limit. Sweet son is sleeping until 1pm and watching TV all day until 3 or 4 am. I miss him during the day. He plays with legos in the TV room. And, enjoys being naked and laying on the sofa with his dog, watching TV.
I'd love to be out and about once in a while, especially as east coast weather gets warmer. And, so would his big sister (11 years).
Just wanna hear from you... in a similar situation, how long until your kiddos felt full from TV.
And, what did the transition back to doing other things outside of the house look like with your family?
I think it would help me to imagine what the next stage might look like...
Thanks,
Love,
Elli
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], "sistergoddesselli" <elinorsparks@...> wrote:
Its one of the ways kids explore ethics - they get all wrapped up in ideas of us-vs-them, good-vs-evil and need to play and think and read and watch movies about that. I grew up playing various "war" type games, even learned to shoot a gun as a kid, but I'm a pacifist and have been since I was a teenager. I've lived communnally and have some pretty good skills in the area of peaceful problem solving. My brother grew up in the same environment (he's just a year younger) and he's one of the gentlest men I know. There's No automatic progression of interest in war and fighting games to aggressive adult behavior. I Promise!
While kids are exploring the various issues that underlie war and violence, they aren't necessarily ready to articulate that exploration in any way that makes sense to adults until the mid to late teens. Its a developmental thing. Work on listening to what he's saying and think about the ideas that he's pushing around in his mind, rather than offering too much adult-style discussion.
When Mo was little I went through some agonies over plastic toys. I wanted to fill her life with beautiful things, which at the time I defined as things that were handmade of natural materials. But she looooooved plastic toys. So I sat myself down and thought really hard about this idea of beauty - what did I really mean? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was defining "beautiful" as things that made me happy. It was an Aha moment for me - I had stumbled upon one of my guiding principles: Joy. Suddenly I had a whole new way to approach this dillema. Rather than asking "is is beautiful?" I could ask "will this bring some joy?"
If you are firmly against something, ask yourself what you are For, instead. What idea are you trying to cultivate? If its peace, think about that - what does it mean to be peaceful? My own peace depends entirely on myself - if I'm trying to change the people around me, I'm not at peace, I'm fighting! But I can change myself. I can accept and cultivate joy and kindness. Amazingly, when I do that, my environment often becomes more peaceful, too. If nothing else, I'm not adding my own drama to the mix ;)
Can you get a babysitter or mother's helper? You might find that if you are planning outtings without insisting he come all the time he starts being more interested. It may take awhile though, since he's recovering from limits. Alternately, can you get a portable dvd player or laptop so he can come along but still watch a movie/play a game if he wants?
You can apply the deschooling formula... eight months of deschooling from tv limits might be what he needs. Now, obviously that's a guestimate, not a hard and fast, rule. Some kids need more time, some less. I think it took Ray a year to get "full" with computer games.
Seasonal changes are most likely to bring on a spate of getting out of the house for both kids. They both flow back and forth between spending a lot of time indoors and spending a lot of time out of doors, or time being social.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
>> I am a pacifist and my 8-year-old son has experienced an explosion in his passion for WAR - toys, video games, talk, daydreams - all about WAR.**********************
Its one of the ways kids explore ethics - they get all wrapped up in ideas of us-vs-them, good-vs-evil and need to play and think and read and watch movies about that. I grew up playing various "war" type games, even learned to shoot a gun as a kid, but I'm a pacifist and have been since I was a teenager. I've lived communnally and have some pretty good skills in the area of peaceful problem solving. My brother grew up in the same environment (he's just a year younger) and he's one of the gentlest men I know. There's No automatic progression of interest in war and fighting games to aggressive adult behavior. I Promise!
>>He says, "I believe in war that is fought on open grassy fields." I say, "War happens in communities and families get hurt." I try my best not to inflict him with my opinions.*************************************
While kids are exploring the various issues that underlie war and violence, they aren't necessarily ready to articulate that exploration in any way that makes sense to adults until the mid to late teens. Its a developmental thing. Work on listening to what he's saying and think about the ideas that he's pushing around in his mind, rather than offering too much adult-style discussion.
> Would love to hear from you about how you support your child as he/she explores something that you are firmly against.************************
When Mo was little I went through some agonies over plastic toys. I wanted to fill her life with beautiful things, which at the time I defined as things that were handmade of natural materials. But she looooooved plastic toys. So I sat myself down and thought really hard about this idea of beauty - what did I really mean? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was defining "beautiful" as things that made me happy. It was an Aha moment for me - I had stumbled upon one of my guiding principles: Joy. Suddenly I had a whole new way to approach this dillema. Rather than asking "is is beautiful?" I could ask "will this bring some joy?"
If you are firmly against something, ask yourself what you are For, instead. What idea are you trying to cultivate? If its peace, think about that - what does it mean to be peaceful? My own peace depends entirely on myself - if I'm trying to change the people around me, I'm not at peace, I'm fighting! But I can change myself. I can accept and cultivate joy and kindness. Amazingly, when I do that, my environment often becomes more peaceful, too. If nothing else, I'm not adding my own drama to the mix ;)
> And, I am doing my best to wait through the TV obsession.It helped me to catch myself every time I thought or said or wrote "obsession" and change it to "passion" or "love" or "enthusiasm" or "focus". There's a cultural phenomenon that children aren't supposed to be passionate - certainly not in any positive sense of the word. But they are! They are complete people, with passions of their own And That's A Good Thing. That idea is one of the most radical aspects of radical unschooling. It shocked me when I first came across it.
> I'd love to be out and about once in a while, especially as east coast weather gets warmer. And, so would his big sister (11 years).*****************************
Can you get a babysitter or mother's helper? You might find that if you are planning outtings without insisting he come all the time he starts being more interested. It may take awhile though, since he's recovering from limits. Alternately, can you get a portable dvd player or laptop so he can come along but still watch a movie/play a game if he wants?
> Just wanna hear from you... in a similar situation, how long until your kiddos felt full from TV.******************************
You can apply the deschooling formula... eight months of deschooling from tv limits might be what he needs. Now, obviously that's a guestimate, not a hard and fast, rule. Some kids need more time, some less. I think it took Ray a year to get "full" with computer games.
> And, what did the transition back to doing other things outside of the house look like with your family?*********************************
Seasonal changes are most likely to bring on a spate of getting out of the house for both kids. They both flow back and forth between spending a lot of time indoors and spending a lot of time out of doors, or time being social.
---Meredith (Mo 7, Ray 15)
Faith Void
Unschooling is the best thing yet! I am so glad we started both
homeschooling (this December) and unschooling (this February).
And, I need some emotional support right now!!
***I bet. You guys are still brand new.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I am a pacifist and my 8-year-old son has experienced an explosion in his
passion for WAR - toys, video games, talk, daydreams - all about WAR. I am
doing my best to listen and support him. I speak honestly to him about my
tendency to be judgmental. I've told him that we need to take a break from
talking about it when I feel myself getting too full on the subject. I have
found some folks who know more about war than I do to talk to him (grandpas
who were in the war or in the navy, another home-schooling mom with a family
history of armed forces) I am going to take him to visit an army base and
meet airforce guys. He says, "I believe in war that is fought on open grassy
fields." I say, "War happens in communities and families get hurt." I try my
best not to inflict him with my opinions.
***It sounds like you are trying to support his interest.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Would love to hear from you about how you support your child as he/she
explores something that you are firmly against.
***I think that first I would try to examine my huge block against it. I
might ask myself why I am so closed. I had a similar circumstance when my
raised vegetarian daughter decided to eat meat. I really had to stretch
(STRETCH) massive metal yoga. It took a while. I faked it till I made it. I
am sure she saw through my original guise but she knew I was trying. I even
ended up raising chicken for her :-) We butchered one...but that's another
story.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
And, I am doing my best to wait through the TV obsession. I used to be a
strict limiter of TV. Now, there is no limit. Sweet son is sleeping until
1pm and watching TV all day until 3 or 4 am. I miss him during the day. He
plays with legos in the TV room. And, enjoys being naked and laying on the
sofa with his dog, watching TV.
***I would hesitate to use the word obsession, how about passion. It sounds
nicer and less condescending. You can tell him you miss hanging out with him
and offer options of things he may be interested in doing. But if TV was a
hot commodity he may need time to reconnect fully with it. Can you sit with
him? Can you talk about his favorite shows? Bring him snacks and drinks?
Find him cool thing that go along with his favorite programs? get a dvr (or
something similar) so he can record his faves.
When my dd went through a TV passion I would try to watch as much as I could
with her. I would bring things to her. I even watched parts of shows (before
dvr) so she could run to the bathroom without missing a second (maybe I
should have gotten a poyty chair {g}) we would get clothing items and books
that pertained to the shows or were interests sparked by the shows. She
became passionate about mythology from Xena. So we did everything mythology
(from Egypt to christianity). We lived TV with her.
Buy loads of legos! Play legos!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I'd love to be out and about once in a while, especially as east coast
weather gets warmer. And, so would his big sister (11 years).
***If you really need to get out get a baby sitter. Or consider leaving him
home. I have no idea how responsible your son is, but I started to leave my
oldest home alone for very short periods around that age. we started out for
just a few minutes while I ran to the library (a 10 minute walk) and then
prigressed to staying home while I did groceries. About 30-45 minutes.
If you do things that he loves he might come. Getting a recording devise
will really help as well.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-==--
Just wanna hear from you... in a similar situation, how long until your
kiddos felt full from TV.
***I have a lot of great essays and stories on my blog.
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/2008/10/tv.html
here is one specific about TV
Faith
--
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
homeschooling (this December) and unschooling (this February).
And, I need some emotional support right now!!
***I bet. You guys are still brand new.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I am a pacifist and my 8-year-old son has experienced an explosion in his
passion for WAR - toys, video games, talk, daydreams - all about WAR. I am
doing my best to listen and support him. I speak honestly to him about my
tendency to be judgmental. I've told him that we need to take a break from
talking about it when I feel myself getting too full on the subject. I have
found some folks who know more about war than I do to talk to him (grandpas
who were in the war or in the navy, another home-schooling mom with a family
history of armed forces) I am going to take him to visit an army base and
meet airforce guys. He says, "I believe in war that is fought on open grassy
fields." I say, "War happens in communities and families get hurt." I try my
best not to inflict him with my opinions.
***It sounds like you are trying to support his interest.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Would love to hear from you about how you support your child as he/she
explores something that you are firmly against.
***I think that first I would try to examine my huge block against it. I
might ask myself why I am so closed. I had a similar circumstance when my
raised vegetarian daughter decided to eat meat. I really had to stretch
(STRETCH) massive metal yoga. It took a while. I faked it till I made it. I
am sure she saw through my original guise but she knew I was trying. I even
ended up raising chicken for her :-) We butchered one...but that's another
story.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
And, I am doing my best to wait through the TV obsession. I used to be a
strict limiter of TV. Now, there is no limit. Sweet son is sleeping until
1pm and watching TV all day until 3 or 4 am. I miss him during the day. He
plays with legos in the TV room. And, enjoys being naked and laying on the
sofa with his dog, watching TV.
***I would hesitate to use the word obsession, how about passion. It sounds
nicer and less condescending. You can tell him you miss hanging out with him
and offer options of things he may be interested in doing. But if TV was a
hot commodity he may need time to reconnect fully with it. Can you sit with
him? Can you talk about his favorite shows? Bring him snacks and drinks?
Find him cool thing that go along with his favorite programs? get a dvr (or
something similar) so he can record his faves.
When my dd went through a TV passion I would try to watch as much as I could
with her. I would bring things to her. I even watched parts of shows (before
dvr) so she could run to the bathroom without missing a second (maybe I
should have gotten a poyty chair {g}) we would get clothing items and books
that pertained to the shows or were interests sparked by the shows. She
became passionate about mythology from Xena. So we did everything mythology
(from Egypt to christianity). We lived TV with her.
Buy loads of legos! Play legos!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I'd love to be out and about once in a while, especially as east coast
weather gets warmer. And, so would his big sister (11 years).
***If you really need to get out get a baby sitter. Or consider leaving him
home. I have no idea how responsible your son is, but I started to leave my
oldest home alone for very short periods around that age. we started out for
just a few minutes while I ran to the library (a 10 minute walk) and then
prigressed to staying home while I did groceries. About 30-45 minutes.
If you do things that he loves he might come. Getting a recording devise
will really help as well.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==--==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-=-=-==--
Just wanna hear from you... in a similar situation, how long until your
kiddos felt full from TV.
***I have a lot of great essays and stories on my blog.
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/2008/10/tv.html
here is one specific about TV
Faith
--
http://faithvoid.blogspot.com/
www.bearthmama.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
Just a note: DS (now almost 11) loves MASH, has watched many the
'battle' type movie (Star Wars, Star Trek, etc) and has seen general
'police' type dramas (Bond movies, Numb3rs, NCIS, etc). One grandpa was
in the Air Force (down in the missile silos during the Cuban Missile
Crisis) and the other was in the Marines. This is a kid who gnawed his
toast into a 'pewer' when he was a toddler (that's what he called
weapons when he little - listen to the weaponry in Star Wars et al and
you'll understand why). He's got a whole assortment of nerf-type
weaponry, loves 'battling' with foam 'bopper' sword type things, enjoys
martial arts type sparring with me (even though neither of us knows
diddly about true martial arts - I know just what I've picked up from
Karate Kid and such - wax on, wax off lol) One day, a few years ago, we
were watching some program and a commercial for the military came on
(forget which branch, maybe Marine Corps). I asked DS if he thought he
might maybe someday consider being in the military like his grandpas. He
said (in paraphrase) 'No way - fictional battles are fun to watch/play
(videogames) but in real battles people get hurt' and he didn't want to
be in that. So, despite a fairly 'full' diet of weapons-related media,
he's actually more pacifist in nature than many of the kids we know who
are forbidden weapons or violent media depictions. I think a lot of it
has to do with basic principles in our home - respect for others
(including respect extended to him), do no harm to self or others, etc.
He will go out of his way to avoid fighting back even when goaded (even
when I might have punched someone's lights out in the same
circumstances) - he'll come find me, DH, or another adult to help
mediate if he is not able to get the other person to stop being
aggressive.
Can't answer so much on the TV issue since he's never had a limit on
media.
DS has gone to a really 'flexible' sleep schedule (similar to what you
mention) over the last while. Sometimes, if he's been up all night/sleep
all day for more than a week or two at a time, I'll mention that I miss
seeing him (and DH who is home with him all day misses having someone to
play videogames and do stuff with) and how can we work with it - not
telling him he has to change his schedule but how can we work with the
not-moveable things like my work schedule (I'm at work between 7:30 and
8 am so I *need* to be asleep before midnight for my own health and
well-being). And, I know there have been times when it bothers him too
that he's just waking up when I'm on the getting ready for bed track.
So, we talk it out - maybe I plan to stay up later on Friday night since
I can sleep in on Saturday a bit; maybe he chooses to put on a DVD
rather than playing on his computer so that he'll sleep a little bit
earlier (and thus wake a little earlier); maybe I write him more notes
that he can read whenever to help feel connected (and he can write notes
back to me). We've found all sorts of ways to keep the connection
without the onus being on him to change.
Deb R
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'battle' type movie (Star Wars, Star Trek, etc) and has seen general
'police' type dramas (Bond movies, Numb3rs, NCIS, etc). One grandpa was
in the Air Force (down in the missile silos during the Cuban Missile
Crisis) and the other was in the Marines. This is a kid who gnawed his
toast into a 'pewer' when he was a toddler (that's what he called
weapons when he little - listen to the weaponry in Star Wars et al and
you'll understand why). He's got a whole assortment of nerf-type
weaponry, loves 'battling' with foam 'bopper' sword type things, enjoys
martial arts type sparring with me (even though neither of us knows
diddly about true martial arts - I know just what I've picked up from
Karate Kid and such - wax on, wax off lol) One day, a few years ago, we
were watching some program and a commercial for the military came on
(forget which branch, maybe Marine Corps). I asked DS if he thought he
might maybe someday consider being in the military like his grandpas. He
said (in paraphrase) 'No way - fictional battles are fun to watch/play
(videogames) but in real battles people get hurt' and he didn't want to
be in that. So, despite a fairly 'full' diet of weapons-related media,
he's actually more pacifist in nature than many of the kids we know who
are forbidden weapons or violent media depictions. I think a lot of it
has to do with basic principles in our home - respect for others
(including respect extended to him), do no harm to self or others, etc.
He will go out of his way to avoid fighting back even when goaded (even
when I might have punched someone's lights out in the same
circumstances) - he'll come find me, DH, or another adult to help
mediate if he is not able to get the other person to stop being
aggressive.
Can't answer so much on the TV issue since he's never had a limit on
media.
DS has gone to a really 'flexible' sleep schedule (similar to what you
mention) over the last while. Sometimes, if he's been up all night/sleep
all day for more than a week or two at a time, I'll mention that I miss
seeing him (and DH who is home with him all day misses having someone to
play videogames and do stuff with) and how can we work with it - not
telling him he has to change his schedule but how can we work with the
not-moveable things like my work schedule (I'm at work between 7:30 and
8 am so I *need* to be asleep before midnight for my own health and
well-being). And, I know there have been times when it bothers him too
that he's just waking up when I'm on the getting ready for bed track.
So, we talk it out - maybe I plan to stay up later on Friday night since
I can sleep in on Saturday a bit; maybe he chooses to put on a DVD
rather than playing on his computer so that he'll sleep a little bit
earlier (and thus wake a little earlier); maybe I write him more notes
that he can read whenever to help feel connected (and he can write notes
back to me). We've found all sorts of ways to keep the connection
without the onus being on him to change.
Deb R
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intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Betj
My son loves war history, violent video games and movies but he's a loving teenager and well adjusted. I most people see it as it is, history (learn from it like don't invade Russia with winter coming) and entertainment.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
-----Original Message-----
From: "Debra Rossing" <debra.rossing@...>
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 2009 09:42:23
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:need some emotional support
Just a note: DS (now almost 11) loves MASH, has watched many the
'battle' type movie (Star Wars, Star Trek, etc) and has seen general
'police' type dramas (Bond movies, Numb3rs, NCIS, etc). One grandpa was
in the Air Force (down in the missile silos during the Cuban Missile
Crisis) and the other was in the Marines. This is a kid who gnawed his
toast into a 'pewer' when he was a toddler (that's what he called
weapons when he little - listen to the weaponry in Star Wars et al and
you'll understand why). He's got a whole assortment of nerf-type
weaponry, loves 'battling' with foam 'bopper' sword type things, enjoys
martial arts type sparring with me (even though neither of us knows
diddly about true martial arts - I know just what I've picked up from
Karate Kid and such - wax on, wax off lol) One day, a few years ago, we
were watching some program and a commercial for the military came on
(forget which branch, maybe Marine Corps). I asked DS if he thought he
might maybe someday consider being in the military like his grandpas. He
said (in paraphrase) 'No way - fictional battles are fun to watch/play
(videogames) but in real battles people get hurt' and he didn't want to
be in that. So, despite a fairly 'full' diet of weapons-related media,
he's actually more pacifist in nature than many of the kids we know who
are forbidden weapons or violent media depictions. I think a lot of it
has to do with basic principles in our home - respect for others
(including respect extended to him), do no harm to self or others, etc.
He will go out of his way to avoid fighting back even when goaded (even
when I might have punched someone's lights out in the same
circumstances) - he'll come find me, DH, or another adult to help
mediate if he is not able to get the other person to stop being
aggressive.
Can't answer so much on the TV issue since he's never had a limit on
media.
DS has gone to a really 'flexible' sleep schedule (similar to what you
mention) over the last while. Sometimes, if he's been up all night/sleep
all day for more than a week or two at a time, I'll mention that I miss
seeing him (and DH who is home with him all day misses having someone to
play videogames and do stuff with) and how can we work with it - not
telling him he has to change his schedule but how can we work with the
not-moveable things like my work schedule (I'm at work between 7:30 and
8 am so I *need* to be asleep before midnight for my own health and
well-being). And, I know there have been times when it bothers him too
that he's just waking up when I'm on the getting ready for bed track.
So, we talk it out - maybe I plan to stay up later on Friday night since
I can sleep in on Saturday a bit; maybe he chooses to put on a DVD
rather than playing on his computer so that he'll sleep a little bit
earlier (and thus wake a little earlier); maybe I write him more notes
that he can read whenever to help feel connected (and he can write notes
back to me). We've found all sorts of ways to keep the connection
without the onus being on him to change.
Deb R
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
-----Original Message-----
From: "Debra Rossing" <debra.rossing@...>
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 2009 09:42:23
To: <[email protected]>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:need some emotional support
Just a note: DS (now almost 11) loves MASH, has watched many the
'battle' type movie (Star Wars, Star Trek, etc) and has seen general
'police' type dramas (Bond movies, Numb3rs, NCIS, etc). One grandpa was
in the Air Force (down in the missile silos during the Cuban Missile
Crisis) and the other was in the Marines. This is a kid who gnawed his
toast into a 'pewer' when he was a toddler (that's what he called
weapons when he little - listen to the weaponry in Star Wars et al and
you'll understand why). He's got a whole assortment of nerf-type
weaponry, loves 'battling' with foam 'bopper' sword type things, enjoys
martial arts type sparring with me (even though neither of us knows
diddly about true martial arts - I know just what I've picked up from
Karate Kid and such - wax on, wax off lol) One day, a few years ago, we
were watching some program and a commercial for the military came on
(forget which branch, maybe Marine Corps). I asked DS if he thought he
might maybe someday consider being in the military like his grandpas. He
said (in paraphrase) 'No way - fictional battles are fun to watch/play
(videogames) but in real battles people get hurt' and he didn't want to
be in that. So, despite a fairly 'full' diet of weapons-related media,
he's actually more pacifist in nature than many of the kids we know who
are forbidden weapons or violent media depictions. I think a lot of it
has to do with basic principles in our home - respect for others
(including respect extended to him), do no harm to self or others, etc.
He will go out of his way to avoid fighting back even when goaded (even
when I might have punched someone's lights out in the same
circumstances) - he'll come find me, DH, or another adult to help
mediate if he is not able to get the other person to stop being
aggressive.
Can't answer so much on the TV issue since he's never had a limit on
media.
DS has gone to a really 'flexible' sleep schedule (similar to what you
mention) over the last while. Sometimes, if he's been up all night/sleep
all day for more than a week or two at a time, I'll mention that I miss
seeing him (and DH who is home with him all day misses having someone to
play videogames and do stuff with) and how can we work with it - not
telling him he has to change his schedule but how can we work with the
not-moveable things like my work schedule (I'm at work between 7:30 and
8 am so I *need* to be asleep before midnight for my own health and
well-being). And, I know there have been times when it bothers him too
that he's just waking up when I'm on the getting ready for bed track.
So, we talk it out - maybe I plan to stay up later on Friday night since
I can sleep in on Saturday a bit; maybe he chooses to put on a DVD
rather than playing on his computer so that he'll sleep a little bit
earlier (and thus wake a little earlier); maybe I write him more notes
that he can read whenever to help feel connected (and he can write notes
back to me). We've found all sorts of ways to keep the connection
without the onus being on him to change.
Deb R
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This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Miltsov
For those who've never seen war or are on the winners' side, playing war could be entertaining or a chiselling of strategy skills. However, it is another thing to have seen war, to have lost people, or to have grown up in generations traumatised and devastated by it. 20 million Russians died in WWII alone - add to that the burnt villages and the starved during the Swedish or Napoleonic invasions, WWI, or the Tatar Mongol visits! I wonder if children who are into war games visited the Aboriginals or the various death camps around the world would enjoy playing the games and would see them as a course on strategies only.
Just some thoughts to ponder.
Layla
www.miltsov.org
Just some thoughts to ponder.
Layla
www.miltsov.org
--- On Tue, 4/14/09, Betj <bkind28@...> wrote:
From: Betj <bkind28@...>
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re:need some emotional support
To: [email protected]
Date: Tuesday, April 14, 2009, 10:26 AM
My son loves war history, violent video games and movies but he's a loving teenager and well adjusted. I most people see it as it is, history (learn from it like don't invade Russia with winter coming) and entertainment.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
-----Original Message-----
From: "Debra Rossing" <debra.rossing@ mastercam. com>
Date: Tue, 14 Apr 2009 09:42:23
To: <unschoolingbasics@ yahoogroups. com>
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] Re:need some emotional support
Just a note: DS (now almost 11) loves MASH, has watched many the
'battle' type movie (Star Wars, Star Trek, etc) and has seen general
'police' type dramas (Bond movies, Numb3rs, NCIS, etc). One grandpa was
in the Air Force (down in the missile silos during the Cuban Missile
Crisis) and the other was in the Marines. This is a kid who gnawed his
toast into a 'pewer' when he was a toddler (that's what he called
weapons when he little - listen to the weaponry in Star Wars et al and
you'll understand why). He's got a whole assortment of nerf-type
weaponry, loves 'battling' with foam 'bopper' sword type things, enjoys
martial arts type sparring with me (even though neither of us knows
diddly about true martial arts - I know just what I've picked up from
Karate Kid and such - wax on, wax off lol) One day, a few years ago, we
were watching some program and a commercial for the military came on
(forget which branch, maybe Marine Corps). I asked DS if he thought he
might maybe someday consider being in the military like his grandpas. He
said (in paraphrase) 'No way - fictional battles are fun to watch/play
(videogames) but in real battles people get hurt' and he didn't want to
be in that. So, despite a fairly 'full' diet of weapons-related media,
he's actually more pacifist in nature than many of the kids we know who
are forbidden weapons or violent media depictions. I think a lot of it
has to do with basic principles in our home - respect for others
(including respect extended to him), do no harm to self or others, etc.
He will go out of his way to avoid fighting back even when goaded (even
when I might have punched someone's lights out in the same
circumstances) - he'll come find me, DH, or another adult to help
mediate if he is not able to get the other person to stop being
aggressive.
Can't answer so much on the TV issue since he's never had a limit on
media.
DS has gone to a really 'flexible' sleep schedule (similar to what you
mention) over the last while. Sometimes, if he's been up all night/sleep
all day for more than a week or two at a time, I'll mention that I miss
seeing him (and DH who is home with him all day misses having someone to
play videogames and do stuff with) and how can we work with it - not
telling him he has to change his schedule but how can we work with the
not-moveable things like my work schedule (I'm at work between 7:30 and
8 am so I *need* to be asleep before midnight for my own health and
well-being). And, I know there have been times when it bothers him too
that he's just waking up when I'm on the getting ready for bed track.
So, we talk it out - maybe I plan to stay up later on Friday night since
I can sleep in on Saturday a bit; maybe he chooses to put on a DVD
rather than playing on his computer so that he'll sleep a little bit
earlier (and thus wake a little earlier); maybe I write him more notes
that he can read whenever to help feel connected (and he can write notes
back to me). We've found all sorts of ways to keep the connection
without the onus being on him to change.
Deb R
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
www.mastercam. com
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ****
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