FW: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
Kelly
Hi all,
Sorry for the cross-post. I want to make sure this gets out to all my lists.
I think many of you know this book, and have benefitted from it. I'd love to
see it remain available for future parents/children. It would be a shame for
it to go out of print.
Thanks!
Kelly
_____
From: compostgal@... [mailto:compostgal@...]
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 1:09 PM
To: win47win@...; robertwsimpson@...; kerrymbutch@...;
Kelly@...; kenschaft@...
Subject: Re: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
This is a fine effort from a fine local person.
Trina
---- Original Message ----
From: Naomi Drew <win47win@...>
To: compostgal@...
Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2008 5:00 pm
Subject: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
PEACEFUL PARENTS
a free e-newsletter from Naomi Drew, author of
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
Please pass this newsletter on to anyone for whom it can make a
difference.You can e-mail Naomi directly at Naomi@...
(To subscribe or unsubscribe please scroll to end)
PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS
Dear Friends,
I know that many of you have read and loved "Peaceful Parents,
Peaceful Kids." Nothing makes me happier than knowing this book has
helped so many people navigate their way through parenthood. A mom who
attended my workshop in Florida last week told me this was the most
life-changing parenting book she had ever read.
Well, I just learned "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids," is in danger
of going out of print. Its publisher, Kensington Books, said that
unless sales improve, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" will be put to
bed forever. This can't happen. So many workshops are scheduled
around the content in "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" and so many
parents are still waiting to read it.
Please consider giving "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" as a gift,
or donating a copy to your local school, parent group, or religious
education program. The recipient will be grateful, as have been the
many parents who have benefited from this book since it's birth in
2000. I hope that with your help, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
will make it to its tenth birthday and beyond.
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" is available at Amazon.com for only
$11.20. Here is the exact link.
http://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parents-Kids-Practical-Create/dp/1575666081/r
ef=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224707879&sr=1-1
Below is an adapted excerpt from "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" on
tantrums that I know many of you will find helpful. As my way of
saying thanks to anyone who buys the book, I want to send you a signed
book plate for the inside cover. E-mail me at Naomi@...
for details.
Thank you, as always for your support. You generously responded when
I asked for people to participate in my national survey of
elementary-aged kids on conflict, anger, and bullying. As a result
over 2100 students and hundreds of teachers took part. As soon as I
get the go-ahead from Free Spirit Publishing, I will share with you
the complete results. However, as loyal readers, I'd like you to know
the one result that most stood out for me:
73% percent of the students surveyed think other kids are somewhat to
very mean to each other.
This is why the work of peacemaking has to continue in our homes,
school, communities, and in the world at large. I am so grateful you
are all a part of it.
In peace, Naomi
****************************************************************************
******
FROM "PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS:"
DEALING WITH TANTRUMS
What parent doesn't dread tantrums? Well, here's some good news
--you can alleviate much of the chaos brought on by tantrums by
identifying what kind tantrum you child is having: manipulative or
spill-over.
A manipulative tantrum is the kind kids use to get their way. These
tantrums often take place when your child wants something and you say
no. Your child then throws a fit to force you to change your mind. A
spill-over tantrum is an entirely different thing. Spill-over
tantrums happen when a child becomes overwhelmed by feelings, senses,
and stimuli. These tantrums are unintentional. They usually happen
when kids are over-tired or hungry. Children who are highly
emotional, ultra-sensitive, and easily over-stimulated tend to have
spill-over tantrums.
Both types of tantrums need to be handled differently.
The first step is to determine which type of tantrum your child is
having. If she's yelling and screaming because you won't let her have
ice cream, it's probably a manipulative tantrum. Best to ignore it.
Walk into another room and let her emote without the benefit of an
audience. If you're out, take your child to the car and let her scream
there. Most importantly, don't give in or you'll just encourage
another tantrum next time she wants her way. After the tantrum's over,
explain, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior was unacceptable,
then give a consequence like taking away a special toy for at least a
day, or removing a privilege.
Tell your child that you expect better of her and that you were
disappointed in her behavior. Use a no-nonsense non-yelling voice and
make direct eye contact. Remember, you're the model for your child's
behavior. One more caveat. If you say you're going to take away a toy
if your child throws another tantrum, be sure to do it. Backing off
will only reinforce manipulation.
Spill-over tantrums are entirely different. Your child may be caught
in the pattern of feeling overwhelmed and losing control without
wanting to. Let's say it's been a stressful week and he's has had a
long and over-stimulating day. It's past his bedtime, and as he walks
toward his bed he accidentally knocks over a Lego airplane he just
made. He starts wailing uncontrollably and before long, he's
completely out of control. This is a spill-over tantrum. Here are a
few suggestions for handling it:
- Try to rectify the source of the problem if at all possible. In
this case, helping him put together his broken airplane might do the
trick
.
- Stay close by. Let your presence be a calming influence. Sometimes
leaving the room will add to your child's upset, so take some deep
breaths and try to keep your own composure.
- Touch your child gently if he allows it. Try hugging or stroking
him. Let him put his head in your lap or lean against you; whisper
soothing words to him like, "Mommy's right here. You're going to be
OK." Try to remain calm even if he keeps wailing.
- Ask him to stop after about five minutes. Have him take a series of
slow, deep breaths to regain his composure. Breathe together if you
can. Offering a distraction might help too. "Let's go downstairs and
get a nice cool drink."
- Don't allow your child to do anything destructive during his
tantrum, no matter how upset he is. Make sure he knows ahead of time
what's acceptable and what isn't. Hurting himself, others, or property
are not okay.
Talk afterwards and help your child identify the feelings that
brought on his tantrum. Together come up with a plan for next time.
Ask him to let you know when he's feeling overtired or in need of a
break. Be aware of situations that could trigger him.
If you do all this and the spill-over tantrums continue, try keeping
a journal and noting what tends to set your child off. Most of all,
don't lose hope. This is probably a stage that will end as quickly as
it came on. We've all been there.
****************************************************************************
****************
WORKSHOPS AVAILABLE TO YOUR SCHOOL OR COMMUNITY
Schedule a workshop or keynote for your school, parent group,
workplace, or place of worship while there's still time. E-mail
Naomi@.... The following topics are currently available:
- The Power of Kindness (NEW!!)
- Resolving Conflicts and Managing Anger
- Bully-proofing Your School
- Helping Kids Deal with Bullying
- Peaceful Parent, Peaceful Kids
- Creating Peaceful Schools
- Conflict Resolution for Educators
- New Teacher Training
- Fostering Acceptance of Diversity
- Talking to Teens About the Tough Issues
- Building Resilience in Children
- Helping Middle Schoolers Handle Conflict
- Building Good Character in Children
- Fostering Good Listening in Children
- Strategies for De-Stressing and Calming
- Raising Compassionate Kids
- Helping Kids with ADD
****************************************************************************
****************
Naomi Drew is a registered provider with the New Jersey State
Department of Education and the NJ Character Education Network. She
is the author of six books, all available through LearningPeace.com
and Amazon.com.
Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids (Kensington Publishers)
Learning the Skills of Peacemaking (Pro-Ed Inc.)
The Peaceful Classroom in Action (Personhood Press)
Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World
(Kensington Publishers)
The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts: How to Stay Calm, Cool, and
Safe, (Free Spirit Publishing)
A Leaders' Guide to The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free
Spirit Pubishing)
TO ORDER go to www.LEARNINGPEACE.com
Peaceful Parents is a free monthly service. Please share this
newsletter. Feel free to download and circulate.
Copyright Naomi Drew, October, 2008 All Rights Reserved.
This content may be forwarded in full, with
copyright/contact/creation information intact,without specific
permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other
use is desired, permission in writing from the author is required.
Love and Peace to All of You.
To subscribe to this list, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/subscribe?lists=PeacefulParentsNewslette
r
To cancel, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/cancel?lists=PeacefulParentsNewsletter
Naomi Drew
c/o Free Spirit Pub.
217 Fifth. No., Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299
_____
size=2 width="100%" align=center>
Play <http://www.gamevault.ca/?icid=AOLGAM00310000000001> free online games
at Gamevault.ca. Word, arcade, puzzle and more. Play now!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sorry for the cross-post. I want to make sure this gets out to all my lists.
I think many of you know this book, and have benefitted from it. I'd love to
see it remain available for future parents/children. It would be a shame for
it to go out of print.
Thanks!
Kelly
_____
From: compostgal@... [mailto:compostgal@...]
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 1:09 PM
To: win47win@...; robertwsimpson@...; kerrymbutch@...;
Kelly@...; kenschaft@...
Subject: Re: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
This is a fine effort from a fine local person.
Trina
---- Original Message ----
From: Naomi Drew <win47win@...>
To: compostgal@...
Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2008 5:00 pm
Subject: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
PEACEFUL PARENTS
a free e-newsletter from Naomi Drew, author of
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
Please pass this newsletter on to anyone for whom it can make a
difference.You can e-mail Naomi directly at Naomi@...
(To subscribe or unsubscribe please scroll to end)
PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS
Dear Friends,
I know that many of you have read and loved "Peaceful Parents,
Peaceful Kids." Nothing makes me happier than knowing this book has
helped so many people navigate their way through parenthood. A mom who
attended my workshop in Florida last week told me this was the most
life-changing parenting book she had ever read.
Well, I just learned "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids," is in danger
of going out of print. Its publisher, Kensington Books, said that
unless sales improve, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" will be put to
bed forever. This can't happen. So many workshops are scheduled
around the content in "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" and so many
parents are still waiting to read it.
Please consider giving "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" as a gift,
or donating a copy to your local school, parent group, or religious
education program. The recipient will be grateful, as have been the
many parents who have benefited from this book since it's birth in
2000. I hope that with your help, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
will make it to its tenth birthday and beyond.
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" is available at Amazon.com for only
$11.20. Here is the exact link.
http://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parents-Kids-Practical-Create/dp/1575666081/r
ef=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224707879&sr=1-1
Below is an adapted excerpt from "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" on
tantrums that I know many of you will find helpful. As my way of
saying thanks to anyone who buys the book, I want to send you a signed
book plate for the inside cover. E-mail me at Naomi@...
for details.
Thank you, as always for your support. You generously responded when
I asked for people to participate in my national survey of
elementary-aged kids on conflict, anger, and bullying. As a result
over 2100 students and hundreds of teachers took part. As soon as I
get the go-ahead from Free Spirit Publishing, I will share with you
the complete results. However, as loyal readers, I'd like you to know
the one result that most stood out for me:
73% percent of the students surveyed think other kids are somewhat to
very mean to each other.
This is why the work of peacemaking has to continue in our homes,
school, communities, and in the world at large. I am so grateful you
are all a part of it.
In peace, Naomi
****************************************************************************
******
FROM "PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS:"
DEALING WITH TANTRUMS
What parent doesn't dread tantrums? Well, here's some good news
--you can alleviate much of the chaos brought on by tantrums by
identifying what kind tantrum you child is having: manipulative or
spill-over.
A manipulative tantrum is the kind kids use to get their way. These
tantrums often take place when your child wants something and you say
no. Your child then throws a fit to force you to change your mind. A
spill-over tantrum is an entirely different thing. Spill-over
tantrums happen when a child becomes overwhelmed by feelings, senses,
and stimuli. These tantrums are unintentional. They usually happen
when kids are over-tired or hungry. Children who are highly
emotional, ultra-sensitive, and easily over-stimulated tend to have
spill-over tantrums.
Both types of tantrums need to be handled differently.
The first step is to determine which type of tantrum your child is
having. If she's yelling and screaming because you won't let her have
ice cream, it's probably a manipulative tantrum. Best to ignore it.
Walk into another room and let her emote without the benefit of an
audience. If you're out, take your child to the car and let her scream
there. Most importantly, don't give in or you'll just encourage
another tantrum next time she wants her way. After the tantrum's over,
explain, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior was unacceptable,
then give a consequence like taking away a special toy for at least a
day, or removing a privilege.
Tell your child that you expect better of her and that you were
disappointed in her behavior. Use a no-nonsense non-yelling voice and
make direct eye contact. Remember, you're the model for your child's
behavior. One more caveat. If you say you're going to take away a toy
if your child throws another tantrum, be sure to do it. Backing off
will only reinforce manipulation.
Spill-over tantrums are entirely different. Your child may be caught
in the pattern of feeling overwhelmed and losing control without
wanting to. Let's say it's been a stressful week and he's has had a
long and over-stimulating day. It's past his bedtime, and as he walks
toward his bed he accidentally knocks over a Lego airplane he just
made. He starts wailing uncontrollably and before long, he's
completely out of control. This is a spill-over tantrum. Here are a
few suggestions for handling it:
- Try to rectify the source of the problem if at all possible. In
this case, helping him put together his broken airplane might do the
trick
.
- Stay close by. Let your presence be a calming influence. Sometimes
leaving the room will add to your child's upset, so take some deep
breaths and try to keep your own composure.
- Touch your child gently if he allows it. Try hugging or stroking
him. Let him put his head in your lap or lean against you; whisper
soothing words to him like, "Mommy's right here. You're going to be
OK." Try to remain calm even if he keeps wailing.
- Ask him to stop after about five minutes. Have him take a series of
slow, deep breaths to regain his composure. Breathe together if you
can. Offering a distraction might help too. "Let's go downstairs and
get a nice cool drink."
- Don't allow your child to do anything destructive during his
tantrum, no matter how upset he is. Make sure he knows ahead of time
what's acceptable and what isn't. Hurting himself, others, or property
are not okay.
Talk afterwards and help your child identify the feelings that
brought on his tantrum. Together come up with a plan for next time.
Ask him to let you know when he's feeling overtired or in need of a
break. Be aware of situations that could trigger him.
If you do all this and the spill-over tantrums continue, try keeping
a journal and noting what tends to set your child off. Most of all,
don't lose hope. This is probably a stage that will end as quickly as
it came on. We've all been there.
****************************************************************************
****************
WORKSHOPS AVAILABLE TO YOUR SCHOOL OR COMMUNITY
Schedule a workshop or keynote for your school, parent group,
workplace, or place of worship while there's still time. E-mail
Naomi@.... The following topics are currently available:
- The Power of Kindness (NEW!!)
- Resolving Conflicts and Managing Anger
- Bully-proofing Your School
- Helping Kids Deal with Bullying
- Peaceful Parent, Peaceful Kids
- Creating Peaceful Schools
- Conflict Resolution for Educators
- New Teacher Training
- Fostering Acceptance of Diversity
- Talking to Teens About the Tough Issues
- Building Resilience in Children
- Helping Middle Schoolers Handle Conflict
- Building Good Character in Children
- Fostering Good Listening in Children
- Strategies for De-Stressing and Calming
- Raising Compassionate Kids
- Helping Kids with ADD
****************************************************************************
****************
Naomi Drew is a registered provider with the New Jersey State
Department of Education and the NJ Character Education Network. She
is the author of six books, all available through LearningPeace.com
and Amazon.com.
Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids (Kensington Publishers)
Learning the Skills of Peacemaking (Pro-Ed Inc.)
The Peaceful Classroom in Action (Personhood Press)
Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World
(Kensington Publishers)
The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts: How to Stay Calm, Cool, and
Safe, (Free Spirit Publishing)
A Leaders' Guide to The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free
Spirit Pubishing)
TO ORDER go to www.LEARNINGPEACE.com
Peaceful Parents is a free monthly service. Please share this
newsletter. Feel free to download and circulate.
Copyright Naomi Drew, October, 2008 All Rights Reserved.
This content may be forwarded in full, with
copyright/contact/creation information intact,without specific
permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other
use is desired, permission in writing from the author is required.
Love and Peace to All of You.
To subscribe to this list, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/subscribe?lists=PeacefulParentsNewslette
r
To cancel, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/cancel?lists=PeacefulParentsNewsletter
Naomi Drew
c/o Free Spirit Pub.
217 Fifth. No., Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299
_____
size=2 width="100%" align=center>
Play <http://www.gamevault.ca/?icid=AOLGAM00310000000001> free online games
at Gamevault.ca. Word, arcade, puzzle and more. Play now!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Oct 29, 2008, at 11:58 AM, Kelly wrote:
but if they'll let her publish it on her own -- an agent could help
with the contract stuff -- the vanity presses are a lot better than
they used to be. They can print even single copies for a reasonable
price. Lulu has been around awhile and Sandra Dodd used them and I
think Rue Kream too. They will also handle the sales through their
website if she doesn't want to buy a bunch of copies and do it herself.
Create Space is an Amazon owned company and they'll print and also
help market it through Amazon.
http://www.lulu.com/
http://www.createspace.com/
There's a good help file at Create Space:
http://www.createspace.com/Help/Book/FAQ.jsp
and at Lulu:
http://www.lulu.com/en/products/?cid=en_home_publish
(Lulu also publishes kid creations like books and comic books which
my daughter would have *loved* when she was a kid :-) She desperately
wanted real bound copies of her creations. Stapling and comb binding
didn't cut it. She wanted it to look and feel like it came from a
store. That desire did, though, get us into book binding later. :-)
Speaking of books going out of print. the New York Times had an
article about Google's scanning efforts.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/29/technology/internet/29google.html?
_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin
They were sued for scanning out of print copyrighted material and
reached an agreement with authors and publishers that will allow them
to continue to scan and offer about 20% of the book to browse with an
option to purchase it as a download (with part of the sale going to
the author and publisher). What a great thing for books that are
barely available as used copies. I see so many interesting-but-not-
great books being sold for exorbitant prices on Amazon only because
they're out of print.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> Sorry for the cross-post. I want to make sure this gets out to allI don't know what it might say in her contract with the publisher,
> my lists.
> I think many of you know this book, and have benefitted from it.
> I'd love to
> see it remain available for future parents/children. It would be a
> shame for
> it to go out of print.
but if they'll let her publish it on her own -- an agent could help
with the contract stuff -- the vanity presses are a lot better than
they used to be. They can print even single copies for a reasonable
price. Lulu has been around awhile and Sandra Dodd used them and I
think Rue Kream too. They will also handle the sales through their
website if she doesn't want to buy a bunch of copies and do it herself.
Create Space is an Amazon owned company and they'll print and also
help market it through Amazon.
http://www.lulu.com/
http://www.createspace.com/
There's a good help file at Create Space:
http://www.createspace.com/Help/Book/FAQ.jsp
and at Lulu:
http://www.lulu.com/en/products/?cid=en_home_publish
(Lulu also publishes kid creations like books and comic books which
my daughter would have *loved* when she was a kid :-) She desperately
wanted real bound copies of her creations. Stapling and comb binding
didn't cut it. She wanted it to look and feel like it came from a
store. That desire did, though, get us into book binding later. :-)
Speaking of books going out of print. the New York Times had an
article about Google's scanning efforts.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/29/technology/internet/29google.html?
_r=1&th&emc=th&oref=slogin
They were sued for scanning out of print copyrighted material and
reached an agreement with authors and publishers that will allow them
to continue to scan and offer about 20% of the book to browse with an
option to purchase it as a download (with part of the sale going to
the author and publisher). What a great thing for books that are
barely available as used copies. I see so many interesting-but-not-
great books being sold for exorbitant prices on Amazon only because
they're out of print.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
I'm surprised to see this book offered here...I had not read it, was
interested in it and then in the excerpt I see this...
<<The first step is to determine which type of tantrum your child is
having. If she's yelling and screaming because you won't let her have
ice cream, it's probably a manipulative tantrum. Best to ignore it.
Walk into another room and let her emote without the benefit of an
audience. If you're out, take your child to the car and let her scream
there. Most importantly, don't give in or you'll just encourage
another tantrum next time she wants her way. After the tantrum's over,
explain, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior was unacceptable,
then give a consequence like taking away a special toy for at least a
day, or removing a privilege.
Tell your child that you expect better of her and that you were
disappointed in her behavior. Use a no-nonsense non-yelling voice and
make direct eye contact. Remember, you're the model for your child's
behavior. One more caveat. If you say you're going to take away a toy
if your child throws another tantrum, be sure to do it. Backing off
will only reinforce manipulation. >>
Surely this is the antithesis of RU no? Is the rest of the book RU or
is it strewn with advice like this? I have a friend who is interested
in this life and her kids really need her to relax...I am going to
give her Rue's book and I thought about giving this one as well but
this is exactly the kind of thing she doesn't need reinforced as OK.
Can anyone offer insight?
Thanks
Karen
interested in it and then in the excerpt I see this...
<<The first step is to determine which type of tantrum your child is
having. If she's yelling and screaming because you won't let her have
ice cream, it's probably a manipulative tantrum. Best to ignore it.
Walk into another room and let her emote without the benefit of an
audience. If you're out, take your child to the car and let her scream
there. Most importantly, don't give in or you'll just encourage
another tantrum next time she wants her way. After the tantrum's over,
explain, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior was unacceptable,
then give a consequence like taking away a special toy for at least a
day, or removing a privilege.
Tell your child that you expect better of her and that you were
disappointed in her behavior. Use a no-nonsense non-yelling voice and
make direct eye contact. Remember, you're the model for your child's
behavior. One more caveat. If you say you're going to take away a toy
if your child throws another tantrum, be sure to do it. Backing off
will only reinforce manipulation. >>
Surely this is the antithesis of RU no? Is the rest of the book RU or
is it strewn with advice like this? I have a friend who is interested
in this life and her kids really need her to relax...I am going to
give her Rue's book and I thought about giving this one as well but
this is exactly the kind of thing she doesn't need reinforced as OK.
Can anyone offer insight?
Thanks
Karen
Erin
I'm incredibly new to RU, but I felt the same way, Karen. The idea of
putting them in another room and ignoring them just seems so
disconnected and unaccepting of their feelings!
What is the book by Rue you are referring to? We seriously just
started learning about RU about a month ago, so I'm trying to get my
hands on everything I can!!!
Erin
putting them in another room and ignoring them just seems so
disconnected and unaccepting of their feelings!
What is the book by Rue you are referring to? We seriously just
started learning about RU about a month ago, so I'm trying to get my
hands on everything I can!!!
Erin
Pamela Sorooshian
Just because someone posted something here, don't assume it is from a
radical unschooling point of view - check it out for yourself (as you
did, Karen).
-pam
radical unschooling point of view - check it out for yourself (as you
did, Karen).
-pam
On Oct 29, 2008, at 10:29 AM, Karen Swanay wrote:
> Can anyone offer insight?
Robin Bentley
Hi, Erin,
I'm not Karen, but here's the link to Rue's book "Parenting a Free
Child - An Unschooled Life":
http://www.freechild.info/
Check out these sites, also, if you haven't already:
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Robin B.
I'm not Karen, but here's the link to Rue's book "Parenting a Free
Child - An Unschooled Life":
http://www.freechild.info/
Check out these sites, also, if you haven't already:
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com/
Robin B.
On Oct 29, 2008, at 11:01 AM, Erin wrote:
> I'm incredibly new to RU, but I felt the same way, Karen. The idea of
> putting them in another room and ignoring them just seems so
> disconnected and unaccepting of their feelings!
>
> What is the book by Rue you are referring to? We seriously just
> started learning about RU about a month ago, so I'm trying to get my
> hands on everything I can!!!
>
> Erin
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly
Yes, there's some stuff in here I wouldn't advocate, but there's also some
excellent ideas that are truly respectful. I'm thinking that if someone
makes it as far as unschooling in the first place, they're thinking outside
the box enough to separate the good from the bad. It's more of a stepping
stone book than one I would consider a foundational book. But I happen to
know a lot of parents who read about respectful parenting in this book first
(I think it's the title that catches people's eye) and have really soared
into this as a way of life. I hesitated when they chose that excerpt to
highlight, but I consider the readers on the groups I'm on to be a smart
bunch of people :-)
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
excellent ideas that are truly respectful. I'm thinking that if someone
makes it as far as unschooling in the first place, they're thinking outside
the box enough to separate the good from the bad. It's more of a stepping
stone book than one I would consider a foundational book. But I happen to
know a lot of parents who read about respectful parenting in this book first
(I think it's the title that catches people's eye) and have really soared
into this as a way of life. I hesitated when they chose that excerpt to
highlight, but I consider the readers on the groups I'm on to be a smart
bunch of people :-)
Kelly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
I do not own Ms. Drew's book, but I have flipped through it.
Although it may be a step in the right direction for mainstream, traditional parents, it has LOTS of bad advice from an unschooling/peaceful/mindful/gentle parenting point of view. I wouldn't recommend it to parents who are looking to actually BE peaceful parents.
In the example she chooses to highlight, she refers to a child as "manipulative" and she advises taking away a prized toy as punishment (but she uses the the common euphemism, "consequence"). I don't like the idea that my child is trying to be "manipulative" when he has so few tools to deal with his environment as it is. You'd think an adult parent would have more tools than simply ignoring the child and taking away a special toy---talk about MANIPULATIVE!!!
A "tantrum" is a form of communication. If the parent has been so oblivious to the child's attempt to communicate that the child must resort to "tantrumming", whose fault is THAT?
Rue's book paints a much better picture of how I would want my relationship with my children to look. I would pay BIG bucks to keep Rue Kream's book in print.
~Kelly Lovejoy
-----Original Message-----
From: Kelly <kelly@...>
Sorry for the cross-post. I want to make sure this gets out to all my lists.
I think many of you know this book, and have benefitted from it. I'd love to
see it remain available for future parents/children. It would be a shame for
it to go out of print.
_____
From: compostgal@... [mailto:compostgal@...]
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 1:09 PM
To: win47win@...; robertwsimpson@...; kerrymbutch@...;
Kelly@...; kenschaft@...
Subject: Re: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
This is a fine effort from a fine local person.
Trina
---- Original Message ----
From: Naomi Drew <win47win@...>
To: compostgal@...
Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2008 5:00 pm
Subject: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
PEACEFUL PARENTS
a free e-newsletter from Naomi Drew, author of
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
Please pass this newsletter on to anyone for whom it can make a
difference.You can e-mail Naomi directly at Naomi@...
(To subscribe or unsubscribe please scroll to end)
PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS
Dear Friends,
I know that many of you have read and loved "Peaceful Parents,
Peaceful Kids." Nothing makes me happier than knowing this book has
helped so many people navigate their way through parenthood. A mom who
attended my workshop in Florida last week told me this was the most
life-changing parenting book she had ever read.
Well, I just learned "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids," is in danger
of going out of print. Its publisher, Kensington Books, said that
unless sales improve, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" will be put to
bed forever. This can't happen. So many workshops are scheduled
around the content in "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" and so many
parents are still waiting to read it.
Please consider giving "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" as a gift,
or donating a copy to your local school, parent group, or religious
education program. The recipient will be grateful, as have been the
many parents who have benefited from this book since it's birth in
2000. I hope that with your help, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
will make it to its tenth birthday and beyond.
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" is available at Amazon.com for only
$11.20. Here is the exact link.
http://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parents-Kids-Practical-Create/dp/1575666081/r
ef=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224707879&sr=1-1
Below is an adapted excerpt from "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" on
tantrums that I know many of you will find helpful. As my way of
saying thanks to anyone who buys the book, I want to send you a signed
book plate for the inside cover. E-mail me at Naomi@...
for details.
Thank you, as always for your support. You generously responded when
I asked for people to participate in my national survey of
elementary-aged kids on conflict, anger, and bullying. As a result
over 2100 students and hundreds of teachers took part. As soon as I
get the go-ahead from Free Spirit Publishing, I will share with you
the complete results. However, as loyal readers, I'd like you to know
the one result that most stood out for me:
73% percent of the students surveyed think other kids are somewhat to
very mean to each other.
This is why the work of peacemaking has to continue in our homes,
school, communities, and in the world at large. I am so grateful you
are all a part of it.
In peace, Naomi
****************************************************************************
******
FROM "PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS:"
DEALING WITH TANTRUMS
What parent doesn't dread tantrums? Well, here's some good news
--you can alleviate much of the chaos brought on by tantrums by
identifying what kind tantrum you child is having: manipulative or
spill-over.
A manipulative tantrum is the kind kids use to get their way. These
tantrums often take place when your child wants something and you say
no. Your child then throws a fit to force you to change your mind. A
spill-over tantrum is an entirely different thing. Spill-over
tantrums happen when a child becomes overwhelmed by feelings, senses,
and stimuli. These tantrums are unintentional. They usually happen
when kids are over-tired or hungry. Children who are highly
emotional, ultra-sensitive, and easily over-stimulated tend to have
spill-over tantrums.
Both types of tantrums need to be handled differently.
The first step is to determine which type of tantrum your child is
having. If she's yelling and screaming because you won't let her have
ice cream, it's probably a manipulative tantrum. Best to ignore it.
Walk into another room and let her emote without the benefit of an
audience. If you're out, take your child to the car and let her scream
there. Most importantly, don't give in or you'll just encourage
another tantrum next time she wants her way. After the tantrum's over,
explain, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior was unacceptable,
then give a consequence like taking away a special toy for at least a
day, or removing a privilege.
Tell your child that you expect better of her and that you were
disappointed in her behavior. Use a no-nonsense non-yelling voice and
make direct eye contact. Remember, you're the model for your child's
behavior. One more caveat. If you say you're going to take away a toy
if your child throws another tantrum, be sure to do it. Backing off
will only reinforce manipulation.
Spill-over tantrums are entirely different. Your child may be caught
in the pattern of feeling overwhelmed and losing control without
wanting to. Let's say it's been a stressful week and he's has had a
long and over-stimulating day. It's past his bedtime, and as he walks
toward his bed he accidentally knocks over a Lego airplane he just
made. He starts wailing uncontrollably and before long, he's
completely out of control. This is a spill-over tantrum. Here are a
few suggestions for handling it:
- Try to rectify the source of the problem if at all possible. In
this case, helping him put together his broken airplane might do the
trick
.
- Stay close by. Let your presence be a calming influence. Sometimes
leaving the room will add to your child's upset, so take some deep
breaths and try to keep your own composure.
- Touch your child gently if he allows it. Try hugging or stroking
him. Let him put his head in your lap or lean against you; whisper
soothing words to him like, "Mommy's right here. You're going to be
OK." Try to remain calm even if he keeps wailing.
- Ask him to stop after about five minutes. Have him take a series of
slow, deep breaths to regain his composure. Breathe together if you
can. Offering a distraction might help too. "Let's go downstairs and
get a nice cool drink."
- Don't allow your child to do anything destructive during his
tantrum, no matter how upset he is. Make sure he knows ahead of time
what's acceptable and what isn't. Hurting himself, others, or property
are not okay.
Talk afterwards and help your child identify the feelings that
brought on his tantrum. Together come up with a plan for next time.
Ask him to let you know when he's feeling overtired or in need of a
break. Be aware of situations that could trigger him.
If you do all this and the spill-over tantrums continue, try keeping
a journal and noting what tends to set your child off. Most of all,
don't lose hope. This is probably a stage that will end as quickly as
it came on. We've all been there.
****************************************************************************
****************
WORKSHOPS AVAILABLE TO YOUR SCHOOL OR COMMUNITY
Schedule a workshop or keynote for your school, parent group,
workplace, or place of worship while there's still time. E-mail
Naomi@.... The following topics are currently available:
- The Power of Kindness (NEW!!)
- Resolving Conflicts and Managing Anger
- Bully-proofing Your School
- Helping Kids Deal with Bullying
- Peaceful Parent, Peaceful Kids
- Creating Peaceful Schools
- Conflict Resolution for Educators
- New Teacher Training
- Fostering Acceptance of Diversity
- Talking to Teens About the Tough Issues
- Building Resilience in Children
- Helping Middle Schoolers Handle Conflict
- Building Good Character in Children
- Fostering Good Listening in Children
- Strategies for De-Stressing and Calming
- Raising Compassionate Kids
- Helping Kids with ADD
****************************************************************************
****************
Naomi Drew is a registered provider with the New Jersey State
Department of Education and the NJ Character Education Network. She
is the author of six books, all available through LearningPeace.com
and Amazon.com.
Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids (Kensington Publishers)
Learning the Skills of Peacemaking (Pro-Ed Inc.)
The Peaceful Classroom in Action (Personhood Press)
Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World
(Kensington Publishers)
The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts: How to Stay Calm, Cool, and
Safe, (Free Spirit Publishing)
A Leaders' Guide to The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free
Spirit Pubishing)
TO ORDER go to www.LEARNINGPEACE.com
Peaceful Parents is a free monthly service. Please share this
newsletter. Feel free to download and circulate.
Copyright Naomi Drew, October, 2008 All Rights Reserved.
This content may be forwarded in full, with
copyright/contact/creation information intact,without specific
permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other
use is desired, permission in writing from the author is required.
Love and Peace to All of You.
To subscribe to this list, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/subscribe?lists=PeacefulParentsNewslette
r
To cancel, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/cancel?lists=PeacefulParentsNewsletter
Naomi Drew
c/o Free Spirit Pub.
217 Fifth. No., Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299
_____
size=2 width="100%" align=center>
Play <http://www.gamevault.ca/?icid=AOLGAM00310000000001> free online games
at Gamevault.ca. Word, arcade, puzzle and more. Play now!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Although it may be a step in the right direction for mainstream, traditional parents, it has LOTS of bad advice from an unschooling/peaceful/mindful/gentle parenting point of view. I wouldn't recommend it to parents who are looking to actually BE peaceful parents.
In the example she chooses to highlight, she refers to a child as "manipulative" and she advises taking away a prized toy as punishment (but she uses the the common euphemism, "consequence"). I don't like the idea that my child is trying to be "manipulative" when he has so few tools to deal with his environment as it is. You'd think an adult parent would have more tools than simply ignoring the child and taking away a special toy---talk about MANIPULATIVE!!!
A "tantrum" is a form of communication. If the parent has been so oblivious to the child's attempt to communicate that the child must resort to "tantrumming", whose fault is THAT?
Rue's book paints a much better picture of how I would want my relationship with my children to look. I would pay BIG bucks to keep Rue Kream's book in print.
~Kelly Lovejoy
-----Original Message-----
From: Kelly <kelly@...>
Sorry for the cross-post. I want to make sure this gets out to all my lists.
I think many of you know this book, and have benefitted from it. I'd love to
see it remain available for future parents/children. It would be a shame for
it to go out of print.
_____
From: compostgal@... [mailto:compostgal@...]
Sent: Tuesday, October 28, 2008 1:09 PM
To: win47win@...; robertwsimpson@...; kerrymbutch@...;
Kelly@...; kenschaft@...
Subject: Re: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
This is a fine effort from a fine local person.
Trina
---- Original Message ----
From: Naomi Drew <win47win@...>
To: compostgal@...
Sent: Tue, 28 Oct 2008 5:00 pm
Subject: Peaceful Parents Newsletter from Naomi Drew
PEACEFUL PARENTS
a free e-newsletter from Naomi Drew, author of
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
Please pass this newsletter on to anyone for whom it can make a
difference.You can e-mail Naomi directly at Naomi@...
(To subscribe or unsubscribe please scroll to end)
PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS
Dear Friends,
I know that many of you have read and loved "Peaceful Parents,
Peaceful Kids." Nothing makes me happier than knowing this book has
helped so many people navigate their way through parenthood. A mom who
attended my workshop in Florida last week told me this was the most
life-changing parenting book she had ever read.
Well, I just learned "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids," is in danger
of going out of print. Its publisher, Kensington Books, said that
unless sales improve, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" will be put to
bed forever. This can't happen. So many workshops are scheduled
around the content in "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" and so many
parents are still waiting to read it.
Please consider giving "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" as a gift,
or donating a copy to your local school, parent group, or religious
education program. The recipient will be grateful, as have been the
many parents who have benefited from this book since it's birth in
2000. I hope that with your help, "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids"
will make it to its tenth birthday and beyond.
"Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" is available at Amazon.com for only
$11.20. Here is the exact link.
http://www.amazon.com/Peaceful-Parents-Kids-Practical-Create/dp/1575666081/r
ef=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1224707879&sr=1-1
Below is an adapted excerpt from "Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids" on
tantrums that I know many of you will find helpful. As my way of
saying thanks to anyone who buys the book, I want to send you a signed
book plate for the inside cover. E-mail me at Naomi@...
for details.
Thank you, as always for your support. You generously responded when
I asked for people to participate in my national survey of
elementary-aged kids on conflict, anger, and bullying. As a result
over 2100 students and hundreds of teachers took part. As soon as I
get the go-ahead from Free Spirit Publishing, I will share with you
the complete results. However, as loyal readers, I'd like you to know
the one result that most stood out for me:
73% percent of the students surveyed think other kids are somewhat to
very mean to each other.
This is why the work of peacemaking has to continue in our homes,
school, communities, and in the world at large. I am so grateful you
are all a part of it.
In peace, Naomi
****************************************************************************
******
FROM "PEACEFUL PARENTS, PEACEFUL KIDS:"
DEALING WITH TANTRUMS
What parent doesn't dread tantrums? Well, here's some good news
--you can alleviate much of the chaos brought on by tantrums by
identifying what kind tantrum you child is having: manipulative or
spill-over.
A manipulative tantrum is the kind kids use to get their way. These
tantrums often take place when your child wants something and you say
no. Your child then throws a fit to force you to change your mind. A
spill-over tantrum is an entirely different thing. Spill-over
tantrums happen when a child becomes overwhelmed by feelings, senses,
and stimuli. These tantrums are unintentional. They usually happen
when kids are over-tired or hungry. Children who are highly
emotional, ultra-sensitive, and easily over-stimulated tend to have
spill-over tantrums.
Both types of tantrums need to be handled differently.
The first step is to determine which type of tantrum your child is
having. If she's yelling and screaming because you won't let her have
ice cream, it's probably a manipulative tantrum. Best to ignore it.
Walk into another room and let her emote without the benefit of an
audience. If you're out, take your child to the car and let her scream
there. Most importantly, don't give in or you'll just encourage
another tantrum next time she wants her way. After the tantrum's over,
explain, in no uncertain terms, that her behavior was unacceptable,
then give a consequence like taking away a special toy for at least a
day, or removing a privilege.
Tell your child that you expect better of her and that you were
disappointed in her behavior. Use a no-nonsense non-yelling voice and
make direct eye contact. Remember, you're the model for your child's
behavior. One more caveat. If you say you're going to take away a toy
if your child throws another tantrum, be sure to do it. Backing off
will only reinforce manipulation.
Spill-over tantrums are entirely different. Your child may be caught
in the pattern of feeling overwhelmed and losing control without
wanting to. Let's say it's been a stressful week and he's has had a
long and over-stimulating day. It's past his bedtime, and as he walks
toward his bed he accidentally knocks over a Lego airplane he just
made. He starts wailing uncontrollably and before long, he's
completely out of control. This is a spill-over tantrum. Here are a
few suggestions for handling it:
- Try to rectify the source of the problem if at all possible. In
this case, helping him put together his broken airplane might do the
trick
.
- Stay close by. Let your presence be a calming influence. Sometimes
leaving the room will add to your child's upset, so take some deep
breaths and try to keep your own composure.
- Touch your child gently if he allows it. Try hugging or stroking
him. Let him put his head in your lap or lean against you; whisper
soothing words to him like, "Mommy's right here. You're going to be
OK." Try to remain calm even if he keeps wailing.
- Ask him to stop after about five minutes. Have him take a series of
slow, deep breaths to regain his composure. Breathe together if you
can. Offering a distraction might help too. "Let's go downstairs and
get a nice cool drink."
- Don't allow your child to do anything destructive during his
tantrum, no matter how upset he is. Make sure he knows ahead of time
what's acceptable and what isn't. Hurting himself, others, or property
are not okay.
Talk afterwards and help your child identify the feelings that
brought on his tantrum. Together come up with a plan for next time.
Ask him to let you know when he's feeling overtired or in need of a
break. Be aware of situations that could trigger him.
If you do all this and the spill-over tantrums continue, try keeping
a journal and noting what tends to set your child off. Most of all,
don't lose hope. This is probably a stage that will end as quickly as
it came on. We've all been there.
****************************************************************************
****************
WORKSHOPS AVAILABLE TO YOUR SCHOOL OR COMMUNITY
Schedule a workshop or keynote for your school, parent group,
workplace, or place of worship while there's still time. E-mail
Naomi@.... The following topics are currently available:
- The Power of Kindness (NEW!!)
- Resolving Conflicts and Managing Anger
- Bully-proofing Your School
- Helping Kids Deal with Bullying
- Peaceful Parent, Peaceful Kids
- Creating Peaceful Schools
- Conflict Resolution for Educators
- New Teacher Training
- Fostering Acceptance of Diversity
- Talking to Teens About the Tough Issues
- Building Resilience in Children
- Helping Middle Schoolers Handle Conflict
- Building Good Character in Children
- Fostering Good Listening in Children
- Strategies for De-Stressing and Calming
- Raising Compassionate Kids
- Helping Kids with ADD
****************************************************************************
****************
Naomi Drew is a registered provider with the New Jersey State
Department of Education and the NJ Character Education Network. She
is the author of six books, all available through LearningPeace.com
and Amazon.com.
Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids (Kensington Publishers)
Learning the Skills of Peacemaking (Pro-Ed Inc.)
The Peaceful Classroom in Action (Personhood Press)
Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World
(Kensington Publishers)
The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts: How to Stay Calm, Cool, and
Safe, (Free Spirit Publishing)
A Leaders' Guide to The Kids Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free
Spirit Pubishing)
TO ORDER go to www.LEARNINGPEACE.com
Peaceful Parents is a free monthly service. Please share this
newsletter. Feel free to download and circulate.
Copyright Naomi Drew, October, 2008 All Rights Reserved.
This content may be forwarded in full, with
copyright/contact/creation information intact,without specific
permission, when used only in a not-for-profit format. If any other
use is desired, permission in writing from the author is required.
Love and Peace to All of You.
To subscribe to this list, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/subscribe?lists=PeacefulParentsNewslette
r
To cancel, browse to:
http://casts.webvalence.com/listmgr/cancel?lists=PeacefulParentsNewsletter
Naomi Drew
c/o Free Spirit Pub.
217 Fifth. No., Suite 200
Minneapolis, MN 55401-1299
_____
size=2 width="100%" align=center>
Play <http://www.gamevault.ca/?icid=AOLGAM00310000000001> free online games
at Gamevault.ca. Word, arcade, puzzle and more. Play now!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
------------------------------------
Yahoo! Groups Links
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly Lovejoy
Parenting a Fee Child, An Unschooled Life by Rue Kream (there's even a picture of her cute little butt on the cover!)
Available from http://www.freechild.info/ for only $14 plus shipping. Worth its weight in gold! A real BARGAIN! A *must-have* for every unschooling home!
A few reviews:
With a loving heart, generous openness, and the absolute conviction born of experience and observation, Rue is offering both practical suggestions and a paradigm stretching point of view to anyone seeking a greater understanding of a daily life of Unschooling with joy. I personally can’t think of a single question that is not covered somewhere. The format is easy to read, full of warm anecdotes, challenging ideas, and the core idea that the heart of Unschooling is parenting with absolute Trust. ~Robyn L. Coburn, unschooling mom of Jayn
“It's simple, but not easy.” Without even leaving home, your life can change all kinds of ways. Relationships between parents and children can go from rough and antagonistic to peaceful, productive and sweet. It's not easy, changing one's life for the better, but this book shows that it's simple. ~Sandra Dodd, unschooling mom of Kirby, Marty and Holly
I can imagine that some might think that such a life with children is just too good to be true. But I know from my own experience that it is possible! Take her advice to heart! ~Kelly Lovejoy, unschooling mom of Cameron and Duncan
The most useful book published for new unschoolers since The Unschooling Handbook. Rue addresses clearly and persuasively the most common questions and objections in an easily accessible format. The personal experience and conviction brought to each answer shines through along with her deep love and respect for her children. I'd recommend this book to anyone embarking on an unschooling lifestyle or wondering how to counter objections from family or friends. ~Danielle Conger, unschooling mom of Emily, Julia, and Sam
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: Erin <theburkemommy@...>
I'm incredibly new to RU, but I felt the same way, Karen. The idea of
putting them in another room and ignoring them just seems so
disconnected and unaccepting of their feelings!
What is the book by Rue you are referring to? We seriously just
started learning about RU about a month ago, so I'm trying to get my
hands on everything I can!!!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Available from http://www.freechild.info/ for only $14 plus shipping. Worth its weight in gold! A real BARGAIN! A *must-have* for every unschooling home!
A few reviews:
With a loving heart, generous openness, and the absolute conviction born of experience and observation, Rue is offering both practical suggestions and a paradigm stretching point of view to anyone seeking a greater understanding of a daily life of Unschooling with joy. I personally can’t think of a single question that is not covered somewhere. The format is easy to read, full of warm anecdotes, challenging ideas, and the core idea that the heart of Unschooling is parenting with absolute Trust. ~Robyn L. Coburn, unschooling mom of Jayn
“It's simple, but not easy.” Without even leaving home, your life can change all kinds of ways. Relationships between parents and children can go from rough and antagonistic to peaceful, productive and sweet. It's not easy, changing one's life for the better, but this book shows that it's simple. ~Sandra Dodd, unschooling mom of Kirby, Marty and Holly
I can imagine that some might think that such a life with children is just too good to be true. But I know from my own experience that it is possible! Take her advice to heart! ~Kelly Lovejoy, unschooling mom of Cameron and Duncan
The most useful book published for new unschoolers since The Unschooling Handbook. Rue addresses clearly and persuasively the most common questions and objections in an easily accessible format. The personal experience and conviction brought to each answer shines through along with her deep love and respect for her children. I'd recommend this book to anyone embarking on an unschooling lifestyle or wondering how to counter objections from family or friends. ~Danielle Conger, unschooling mom of Emily, Julia, and Sam
~Kelly
-----Original Message-----
From: Erin <theburkemommy@...>
I'm incredibly new to RU, but I felt the same way, Karen. The idea of
putting them in another room and ignoring them just seems so
disconnected and unaccepting of their feelings!
What is the book by Rue you are referring to? We seriously just
started learning about RU about a month ago, so I'm trying to get my
hands on everything I can!!!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Christie Craigie-Carter
>I had to respond to this. I can't tell you how often I get the manipulative
>
> In the example she chooses to highlight, she refers to a child as
> "manipulative" and she advises taking away a prized toy as punishment (but
> she uses the the common euphemism, "consequence"). I don't like the idea
> that my child is trying to be "manipulative" when he has so few tools to
> deal with his environment as it is. You'd think an adult parent would have
> more tools than simply ignoring the child and taking away a special
> toy---talk about MANIPULATIVE!!!
>
crap thrown at me. My 2 yr old "manipulates" me into nursing, my 5 yr old
was "manipulating" me when she had been at my mom's for a while, I came over
and she wanted to snuggle with me rather than go put the puzzle together
with my niece and I was "undermining" my mother by going with her to put the
puzzle together as a compromise. It's gotten to the point that if anyone
uses manipulate in the context of my children, I bark at them immediately.
I should probably come up with a better response ;-)
But if we really think about it, it is a child's job to "manipulate" their
parents. I just choose to find a way of expressing it that is less negative
in its connotation.
>Well, I'm not totally sure about this. Ime, toddlers can tantrum despite a
>
> A "tantrum" is a form of communication. If the parent has been so oblivious
> to the child's attempt to communicate that the child must resort to
> "tantrumming", whose fault is THAT?
>
parent's attempts to anticipate them. In that sense, I really liked the
distinction between the "types" of tantrums. And I have to say, for
whatever reason, my kids have never responded to affection during tantrums.
If I'm being totally honest, letting them cool down in another room ended up
being better for all. It was awful to see him so upset and I desperately
wanted him to stop hurting (and yes, it is/was very stressful for me as
well). Not to be dramatic, but he didn't have to suffer as long that way.
I've been able to observe better with my third child, and am amazed that he
seems totally aware (on some level) that he is being "irrational" when he is
having tantrums. We will ask him "are you a toddler" Ryan? or "how old are
you, 2"? and it could be me, but it seems to help him understand that the
tantrums are tough but are normal, if that makes sense. These things are
said very gently by the way, as I know you can't read that via email and
those same words could be said very cruelly.
>I really want to read this. I might do that instead of trying to read off
>
> Rue's book paints a much better picture of how I would want my relationship
> with my children to look. I would pay BIG bucks to keep Rue Kream's book in
> print.
>
from websites.
Thanks!!! I'm getting a lot from these discussions.
Christie
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