Respecting the mumbler
Karen Swanay
My youngest son, Liam, almost 10 yrs old, mumbles. It is not as far as I
left. The item is on his right. He says something about it and turns his
head to face the object he want to tell me about. I say "Liam, please look
at my face and speak up, I can not hear you and I need to read your lips."
He turns to me and starts again. "Mom, did you see..." and turns his head
back to the object and again I can not hear him. "Liam, you turned your
head again, can you please turn your head back to me to finish talking? I
missed the last part." And so it went, me picking up a word or two that was
new and him turning his head. After the third time he's mad and says
"NEVERMIND!" and storms off. Now in this specific example I could have
gone to his side or moved in front of him but that's not always possible.
Like when I'm driving and he's sitting behind me. Constant low noise makes
my problem even worse, like road noise, and I can't turn that off nor can I
turn around to try to read his lips. When we are in the truck I tell him to
scream at the back of my head so I can hear but he won't. He just gets
mad. If John (my 12 yr old) is with me, I ask him to act as an intermediary
so I can address Liam's concerns. But that's not always possible.
So I want Liam to be heard, literally, but physically I can not do this. A
hearing aid will not help me as it will just amplify the background noise.
(I've already asked about one.) I'm sure there is a way to deal with this
but I'll be darned if I can see a way to do it. There is probably something
I'm doing wrong but I'm REALLY trying to get Liam especially (he's a quiet
and senstive child) to the point that he feels like he's always being
heard. (Yes, I'm trying to undo my traditional parenting still.) But no
matter how I try to get it to happen, he seems to get upset about being
"called" on the mumbling but really it's not something I'm doing to shame
him or make him feel bad. I simply can not hear him. I have talked to him
about this when it's quiet, and we are alone, and he tells me he doesn't
know why he mumbles, and has no ideas about how I could help him speak up
when he needs something. So I've tried to address it with him. But we
haven't found the answer yet.
Thanks!
--
Karen
http://temptabo.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> can tell any kind of emotional thing, he just doesn't ennuciate and is aLiam wanted to tell me about something in the living room. I'm on his
> low-talker for the most part. I have an auditory processing deficiet. (So
> I *hear* just fine, but my Lupus has destroyed, partially, the part of my
> brain that turns what I hear into sounds my brain can recognize.) People
> very often sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to me. To compensate for this
> I read lips. I do this very well and don't often miss words. BUT with
> someone who mumbles, and therefore doesn't move his lips much, it's very
> difficult. This "problem" with Liam has always been there. In the past
> I've yelled about it. I've had discussions with him about it. I've
> lectured. I've begged. I've pleaded. I've done all those things. He
> simply will not look at my face and move his lips or speak up. I know he
> *can* do this because he screams at his brother when they fight so it's
> possible. It's not always (although I admit sometimes it has been) because
> he's in trouble or afraid of getting in trouble. It just seems to be his
> natural way of speaking. Which is fine. BUT since we have been doing this
> RU thing, I've tried not to "force" him to speak so I can hear. But if I
> ask him to repeat himself (he often remumbles or turns his head away from
> me) and then I have to ask him to repeat himself multiple times....he gets
> angry or upset because his needs aren't being met. This isn't a 100% of the
> time problem. But it's more than 50% of the time. What I can't figure out
> is the respectful way to handle this. My needs and his needs don't seem to
> mesh here. Here's an example:
>
left. The item is on his right. He says something about it and turns his
head to face the object he want to tell me about. I say "Liam, please look
at my face and speak up, I can not hear you and I need to read your lips."
He turns to me and starts again. "Mom, did you see..." and turns his head
back to the object and again I can not hear him. "Liam, you turned your
head again, can you please turn your head back to me to finish talking? I
missed the last part." And so it went, me picking up a word or two that was
new and him turning his head. After the third time he's mad and says
"NEVERMIND!" and storms off. Now in this specific example I could have
gone to his side or moved in front of him but that's not always possible.
Like when I'm driving and he's sitting behind me. Constant low noise makes
my problem even worse, like road noise, and I can't turn that off nor can I
turn around to try to read his lips. When we are in the truck I tell him to
scream at the back of my head so I can hear but he won't. He just gets
mad. If John (my 12 yr old) is with me, I ask him to act as an intermediary
so I can address Liam's concerns. But that's not always possible.
So I want Liam to be heard, literally, but physically I can not do this. A
hearing aid will not help me as it will just amplify the background noise.
(I've already asked about one.) I'm sure there is a way to deal with this
but I'll be darned if I can see a way to do it. There is probably something
I'm doing wrong but I'm REALLY trying to get Liam especially (he's a quiet
and senstive child) to the point that he feels like he's always being
heard. (Yes, I'm trying to undo my traditional parenting still.) But no
matter how I try to get it to happen, he seems to get upset about being
"called" on the mumbling but really it's not something I'm doing to shame
him or make him feel bad. I simply can not hear him. I have talked to him
about this when it's quiet, and we are alone, and he tells me he doesn't
know why he mumbles, and has no ideas about how I could help him speak up
when he needs something. So I've tried to address it with him. But we
haven't found the answer yet.
Thanks!
--
Karen
http://temptabo.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
On Jul 6, 2008, at 11:49 AM, Karen Swanay wrote:
information that you haven't heard?
You could have a signal or a simple word. Involve him in the process
of finding a way for you to hear him. Tell him (when not in the midst
of a communication problem) "I'd love to hear what you say, could we
come up with a way to help me?" If the first solution doesn't work,
ask him to help tweak it.
Rather than making it his problem, make it your problem and ask his
help to solve it.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> So I want Liam to be heard, literally, but physically I can not doRather than trying to make him speak up, how about giving him
> this.
information that you haven't heard?
You could have a signal or a simple word. Involve him in the process
of finding a way for you to hear him. Tell him (when not in the midst
of a communication problem) "I'd love to hear what you say, could we
come up with a way to help me?" If the first solution doesn't work,
ask him to help tweak it.
Rather than making it his problem, make it your problem and ask his
help to solve it.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
I have the same problem. Can't hear worth a flip. Ds speaks clearly but
often very quietly and low and where I can't see his mouth. "Sorry my ears
are driving me crazy cuz I keep not getting it the first time." Ds' thing
to say if I say "huh?" is "Mom... look. Look at my lips. Read my lips."
It's really funny because I can't see them when his back is toward me and I
say "Oh sorry. I didn't see them." So by telling me to read his lips, he's
gradually becoming aware of the fact that there are situations like when his
back is to me that I can't see to read his lips. He's turning 5 this week.
All this is a pretty amazing process, learning to communicate about things
and events instead of people as problems and gently moving toward mutual
understanding.
~Katherine
often very quietly and low and where I can't see his mouth. "Sorry my ears
are driving me crazy cuz I keep not getting it the first time." Ds' thing
to say if I say "huh?" is "Mom... look. Look at my lips. Read my lips."
It's really funny because I can't see them when his back is toward me and I
say "Oh sorry. I didn't see them." So by telling me to read his lips, he's
gradually becoming aware of the fact that there are situations like when his
back is to me that I can't see to read his lips. He's turning 5 this week.
All this is a pretty amazing process, learning to communicate about things
and events instead of people as problems and gently moving toward mutual
understanding.
~Katherine
On 7/6/08, Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...> wrote:
>
> My youngest son, Liam, almost 10 yrs old, mumbles. It is not as far as
> I
> > can tell any kind of emotional thing, he just doesn't ennuciate and is a
> > low-talker for the most part. I have an auditory processing deficiet. (So
> > I *hear* just fine, but my Lupus has destroyed, partially, the part of my
> > brain that turns what I hear into sounds my brain can recognize.) People
> > very often sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to me. To compensate for
> this
> > I read lips. I do this very well and don't often miss words. BUT with
> > someone who mumbles, and therefore doesn't move his lips much, it's very
> > difficult. This "problem" with Liam has always been there. In the past
> > I've yelled about it. I've had discussions with him about it. I've
> > lectured. I've begged. I've pleaded. I've done all those things. He
> > simply will not look at my face and move his lips or speak up. I know he
> > *can* do this because he screams at his brother when they fight so it's
> > possible. It's not always (although I admit sometimes it has been)
> because
> > he's in trouble or afraid of getting in trouble. It just seems to be his
> > natural way of speaking. Which is fine. BUT since we have been doing this
> > RU thing, I've tried not to "force" him to speak so I can hear. But if I
> > ask him to repeat himself (he often remumbles or turns his head away from
> > me) and then I have to ask him to repeat himself multiple times....he
> gets
> > angry or upset because his needs aren't being met. This isn't a 100% of
> the
> > time problem. But it's more than 50% of the time. What I can't figure out
> > is the respectful way to handle this. My needs and his needs don't seem
> to
> > mesh here. Here's an example:
> >
>
> Liam wanted to tell me about something in the living room. I'm on his
> left. The item is on his right. He says something about it and turns his
> head to face the object he want to tell me about. I say "Liam, please look
> at my face and speak up, I can not hear you and I need to read your lips."
> He turns to me and starts again. "Mom, did you see..." and turns his head
> back to the object and again I can not hear him. "Liam, you turned your
> head again, can you please turn your head back to me to finish talking? I
> missed the last part." And so it went, me picking up a word or two that was
> new and him turning his head. After the third time he's mad and says
> "NEVERMIND!" and storms off. Now in this specific example I could have
> gone to his side or moved in front of him but that's not always possible.
> Like when I'm driving and he's sitting behind me. Constant low noise makes
> my problem even worse, like road noise, and I can't turn that off nor can I
> turn around to try to read his lips. When we are in the truck I tell him to
> scream at the back of my head so I can hear but he won't. He just gets
> mad. If John (my 12 yr old) is with me, I ask him to act as an intermediary
> so I can address Liam's concerns. But that's not always possible.
>
> So I want Liam to be heard, literally, but physically I can not do this. A
> hearing aid will not help me as it will just amplify the background noise.
> (I've already asked about one.) I'm sure there is a way to deal with this
> but I'll be darned if I can see a way to do it. There is probably something
> I'm doing wrong but I'm REALLY trying to get Liam especially (he's a quiet
> and senstive child) to the point that he feels like he's always being
> heard. (Yes, I'm trying to undo my traditional parenting still.) But no
> matter how I try to get it to happen, he seems to get upset about being
> "called" on the mumbling but really it's not something I'm doing to shame
> him or make him feel bad. I simply can not hear him. I have talked to him
> about this when it's quiet, and we are alone, and he tells me he doesn't
> know why he mumbles, and has no ideas about how I could help him speak up
> when he needs something. So I've tried to address it with him. But we
> haven't found the answer yet.
>
> Thanks!
> --
> Karen
>
> http://temptabo.blogspot.com/
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lesley Cross
Karen,
I can speak a little from the side of the child here, as my mom has some
degree of hearing loss that most of my childhood she did not acknowledge. I
was yelled at a lot for "mumbling" and it's a bit of a sore spot for me. I
do speak quietly (um, maybe because I got told off every time I raised my
voice? I'm from a family where one doesn't dare draw attention to oneself
without getting a huge dose of disapproval) but I can enunciate at normal
levels and my mom still has difficulty understanding. I think it's
wonderful that you're acknowledging that the difficulty is *your* problem
and not really Liam's. He may have a bit of built up frustration from the
past yelling, which despite your attempts to handle things calmly and
explain your difficulty hearing and understanding, may just take some time
to wear off. My mom and I still run into difficulty with her frustration at
not being able to hear me correctly and my frustration with repeating myself
(one of my buttons particularly since having kids..I swear I never get to
say anything less than 10 times.working on that one myself). Luckily she
has, since I've grown up, acknowledged that her hearing problem is not my
fault. That's helpful for me. But I'm *still* sensitive to the "blaming"
vibe that I continue to read into her frustration.
It seems to me that it's a good thing you're recognizing this difficulty now
and you have the ability to stay calm in the situation which should help
Liam grow out of his frustrated reactions. It seems to me that once he's
confident that he's not going to be chastised because you have difficulty
understanding him, he'll be more patient and willing to work it out with
you. For now, I'd try to keep my cool and if you realize you're not hearing
him correctly, gently get yourself to a position where you are able to
better understand, and maybe only if necessary calmly state "I really want
to understand what you're telling me but I'm having trouble with it right
now.could you turn your head this way and say it a little more slowly
(loudly, whatever you need)". Perhaps some reflective listening practice
could help? Some of the communication frustrations between my mom and I
have been diffused when she comes back with a reflection of what she thinks
I said and it's totally off the wall.kind of like an instant results game of
"whisper down the row".
Just some thoughts from a (grown) kid of a hearing impaired mom,
Lesley
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I can speak a little from the side of the child here, as my mom has some
degree of hearing loss that most of my childhood she did not acknowledge. I
was yelled at a lot for "mumbling" and it's a bit of a sore spot for me. I
do speak quietly (um, maybe because I got told off every time I raised my
voice? I'm from a family where one doesn't dare draw attention to oneself
without getting a huge dose of disapproval) but I can enunciate at normal
levels and my mom still has difficulty understanding. I think it's
wonderful that you're acknowledging that the difficulty is *your* problem
and not really Liam's. He may have a bit of built up frustration from the
past yelling, which despite your attempts to handle things calmly and
explain your difficulty hearing and understanding, may just take some time
to wear off. My mom and I still run into difficulty with her frustration at
not being able to hear me correctly and my frustration with repeating myself
(one of my buttons particularly since having kids..I swear I never get to
say anything less than 10 times.working on that one myself). Luckily she
has, since I've grown up, acknowledged that her hearing problem is not my
fault. That's helpful for me. But I'm *still* sensitive to the "blaming"
vibe that I continue to read into her frustration.
It seems to me that it's a good thing you're recognizing this difficulty now
and you have the ability to stay calm in the situation which should help
Liam grow out of his frustrated reactions. It seems to me that once he's
confident that he's not going to be chastised because you have difficulty
understanding him, he'll be more patient and willing to work it out with
you. For now, I'd try to keep my cool and if you realize you're not hearing
him correctly, gently get yourself to a position where you are able to
better understand, and maybe only if necessary calmly state "I really want
to understand what you're telling me but I'm having trouble with it right
now.could you turn your head this way and say it a little more slowly
(loudly, whatever you need)". Perhaps some reflective listening practice
could help? Some of the communication frustrations between my mom and I
have been diffused when she comes back with a reflection of what she thinks
I said and it's totally off the wall.kind of like an instant results game of
"whisper down the row".
Just some thoughts from a (grown) kid of a hearing impaired mom,
Lesley
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
I do hope that it came across that I know it's my problem (the hearing
issue) and that I own that completely. What is Liam's problem is the
frustration with having to repeat himself 100 times but also not doing the
thing he needs to do to make himself heard. In moments where there is no
problem, (like not driving somewhere etc) and we can hear each other, we can
both admit to our issues in it. But it's in the moment we have problems.
What I hope everyone here understood was this:
1.) I have a hearing problem that I can not fix.
2.) Liam is a low talker and has a low threshold for repeating himself.
3.) Liam acts hurt when his needs aren't met because I can not hear him no
matter how gently I explain that I can not hear him so I can't know what he
wants.
4.) The issue I need help resolving is meeting his needs so he isn't hurt or
frustrated when the hurdle is a real physical issue I can not correct.
Perhaps I shouldn't be so worried about him being happy every second of the
day. Maybe this is what is causing the trouble. Because I think I do end
up badgering him to repeat and repeat until I hear it. Is it that important
that I hear "I want a milkshake." if he won't say it so I can hear it? But
that makes me sad. I don't know. Can someone restate the issue from a 3rd
party perspective? I feel like I'm missing a part of the puzzle or that I'm
not seeing the issue correctly and hence I can't see my way to fix this
issue and I really do want to fix it.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
issue) and that I own that completely. What is Liam's problem is the
frustration with having to repeat himself 100 times but also not doing the
thing he needs to do to make himself heard. In moments where there is no
problem, (like not driving somewhere etc) and we can hear each other, we can
both admit to our issues in it. But it's in the moment we have problems.
What I hope everyone here understood was this:
1.) I have a hearing problem that I can not fix.
2.) Liam is a low talker and has a low threshold for repeating himself.
3.) Liam acts hurt when his needs aren't met because I can not hear him no
matter how gently I explain that I can not hear him so I can't know what he
wants.
4.) The issue I need help resolving is meeting his needs so he isn't hurt or
frustrated when the hurdle is a real physical issue I can not correct.
Perhaps I shouldn't be so worried about him being happy every second of the
day. Maybe this is what is causing the trouble. Because I think I do end
up badgering him to repeat and repeat until I hear it. Is it that important
that I hear "I want a milkshake." if he won't say it so I can hear it? But
that makes me sad. I don't know. Can someone restate the issue from a 3rd
party perspective? I feel like I'm missing a part of the puzzle or that I'm
not seeing the issue correctly and hence I can't see my way to fix this
issue and I really do want to fix it.
Karen
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hamsder clan
how is liam with writing? maybe you could get a portable size white
board to have on hand in places like the car where you can't change
your position to remedy the situation. you might be able to make a
game out of expressing as mush as possible in as few words as
possible. heck, you could both learn shorthand!
good luck... it sounds like a frustrating situation for both of you.
jenny (larkin 3.5, finn 1.5)
board to have on hand in places like the car where you can't change
your position to remedy the situation. you might be able to make a
game out of expressing as mush as possible in as few words as
possible. heck, you could both learn shorthand!
good luck... it sounds like a frustrating situation for both of you.
jenny (larkin 3.5, finn 1.5)
On Mon, Jul 7, 2008 at 11:55 AM, Karen Swanay <luvbullbreeds@...> wrote:
> I do hope that it came across that I know it's my problem (the hearing
> issue) and that I own that completely. What is Liam's problem is the
> frustration with having to repeat himself 100 times but also not doing the
> thing he needs to do to make himself heard. In moments where there is no
> problem, (like not driving somewhere etc) and we can hear each other, we can
> both admit to our issues in it. But it's in the moment we have problems.
>
> What I hope everyone here understood was this:
>
> 1.) I have a hearing problem that I can not fix.
>
> 2.) Liam is a low talker and has a low threshold for repeating himself.
>
> 3.) Liam acts hurt when his needs aren't met because I can not hear him no
> matter how gently I explain that I can not hear him so I can't know what he
> wants.
>
> 4.) The issue I need help resolving is meeting his needs so he isn't hurt or
> frustrated when the hurdle is a real physical issue I can not correct.
>
> Perhaps I shouldn't be so worried about him being happy every second of the
> day. Maybe this is what is causing the trouble. Because I think I do end
> up badgering him to repeat and repeat until I hear it. Is it that important
> that I hear "I want a milkshake." if he won't say it so I can hear it? But
> that makes me sad. I don't know. Can someone restate the issue from a 3rd
> party perspective? I feel like I'm missing a part of the puzzle or that I'm
> not seeing the issue correctly and hence I can't see my way to fix this
> issue and I really do want to fix it.
>
> Karen
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
Lisa
How about him writing it down for you? (assuming he is a writer... if
not perhaps he could draw it?) Also my 13 yr old has severe
auditory processing issues ... when she is in a situation where she
really needs to hear what's going on more clearly we use a FM system
which has a unit with ear buds for her ears and an external microphone
that picks up background noise at a reduced level .. the person
speaking can wear another unit that has a clip on microphone and
amplification so that what that person says is higher in volume.
Among the auditory processing issues my daughter has auditory figure
ground is a huge problem (every sound has equal importance in her
brain so discerning what she should listen to is difficult) anyway
this type unit is very helpful! I understand there are similar
systems that can be installed in classrooms or homes that would have
microphones in various places so that the person having difficulty
would be able to hear conversation more clearly .. it basically turns
down the world and turns up the important sounds like your family
member who is speaking.
Another idea you could use is to come up with your own system of sign
language where he could indicate in the beginning that something is
very important for you to hear versus something that he just wants to
share but isn't an emergency ... that way he doesn't get frustrated
when you can't hear and you don't panic when you are trying to figure
out whether he said " the house is on fire" versus " a mouse on a
highwire". If he indicated that something was crucial for you to
hear or important to him for you to hear then you could both take a
second to adjust your positions and carefully share the information.
I frequently have ask my daughter to repeat something because she
tends to get lower as she speaks .. I hear the first 4 words then she
sputters out ... I ask for her to repeat or try to clarify and because
of her difficulties it's hard for her to just give the missing
information and she will start over at the beginning which yeah you
guessed it means she runs out of steam at the exact some place!!!
She gets frustrated and I get frustrated ... I try to say to her ..
it's not you it's mom ... I didn't hear what you said so would you
mind telling me again.
Hope something here helps!!
Lisa B
not perhaps he could draw it?) Also my 13 yr old has severe
auditory processing issues ... when she is in a situation where she
really needs to hear what's going on more clearly we use a FM system
which has a unit with ear buds for her ears and an external microphone
that picks up background noise at a reduced level .. the person
speaking can wear another unit that has a clip on microphone and
amplification so that what that person says is higher in volume.
Among the auditory processing issues my daughter has auditory figure
ground is a huge problem (every sound has equal importance in her
brain so discerning what she should listen to is difficult) anyway
this type unit is very helpful! I understand there are similar
systems that can be installed in classrooms or homes that would have
microphones in various places so that the person having difficulty
would be able to hear conversation more clearly .. it basically turns
down the world and turns up the important sounds like your family
member who is speaking.
Another idea you could use is to come up with your own system of sign
language where he could indicate in the beginning that something is
very important for you to hear versus something that he just wants to
share but isn't an emergency ... that way he doesn't get frustrated
when you can't hear and you don't panic when you are trying to figure
out whether he said " the house is on fire" versus " a mouse on a
highwire". If he indicated that something was crucial for you to
hear or important to him for you to hear then you could both take a
second to adjust your positions and carefully share the information.
I frequently have ask my daughter to repeat something because she
tends to get lower as she speaks .. I hear the first 4 words then she
sputters out ... I ask for her to repeat or try to clarify and because
of her difficulties it's hard for her to just give the missing
information and she will start over at the beginning which yeah you
guessed it means she runs out of steam at the exact some place!!!
She gets frustrated and I get frustrated ... I try to say to her ..
it's not you it's mom ... I didn't hear what you said so would you
mind telling me again.
Hope something here helps!!
Lisa B
Karen Swanay
Wow...yes it sure does. The idea of a signal is fantastic! Especially in
the truck when I'm driving. If it's just him wanting to talk and it's not
important to him, then he shouldn't feel compelled to repeat himself if he'd
rather not but if it's important like "I need to pee" then we can be sure I
hear. That's great!
And he's like your daughter, he repeats from the beginning and runs out of
steam at the same place...even if I actively listen and repeat "You said
you'd like a hamburger, a coke and ?" He'll just say it from the beginning
again.
I should look into that system since my hearing will only get worse as I
age. Thanks SO much Lisa!!!
Karen *sometimes an impartial observer can make things more clear.
the truck when I'm driving. If it's just him wanting to talk and it's not
important to him, then he shouldn't feel compelled to repeat himself if he'd
rather not but if it's important like "I need to pee" then we can be sure I
hear. That's great!
And he's like your daughter, he repeats from the beginning and runs out of
steam at the same place...even if I actively listen and repeat "You said
you'd like a hamburger, a coke and ?" He'll just say it from the beginning
again.
I should look into that system since my hearing will only get worse as I
age. Thanks SO much Lisa!!!
Karen *sometimes an impartial observer can make things more clear.
On 7/7/08, Lisa <jlblock01@...> wrote:
>
> How about him writing it down for you? (assuming he is a writer... if
> not perhaps he could draw it?) Also my 13 yr old has severe
> auditory processing issues ... when she is in a situation where she
> really needs to hear what's going on more clearly we use a FM system
> which has a unit with ear buds for her ears and an external microphone
> that picks up background noise at a reduced level .. the person
> speaking can wear another unit that has a clip on microphone and
> amplification so that what that person says is higher in volume.
> Among the auditory processing issues my daughter has auditory figure
> ground is a huge problem (every sound has equal importance in her
> brain so discerning what she should listen to is difficult) anyway
> this type unit is very helpful! I understand there are similar
> systems that can be installed in classrooms or homes that would have
> microphones in various places so that the person having difficulty
> would be able to hear conversation more clearly .. it basically turns
> down the world and turns up the important sounds like your family
> member who is speaking.
>
> Another idea you could use is to come up with your own system of sign
> language where he could indicate in the beginning that something is
> very important for you to hear versus something that he just wants to
> share but isn't an emergency ... that way he doesn't get frustrated
> when you can't hear and you don't panic when you are trying to figure
> out whether he said " the house is on fire" versus " a mouse on a
> highwire". If he indicated that something was crucial for you to
> hear or important to him for you to hear then you could both take a
> second to adjust your positions and carefully share the information.
>
> I frequently have ask my daughter to repeat something because she
> tends to get lower as she speaks .. I hear the first 4 words then she
> sputters out ... I ask for her to repeat or try to clarify and because
> of her difficulties it's hard for her to just give the missing
> information and she will start over at the beginning which yeah you
> guessed it means she runs out of steam at the exact some place!!!
> She gets frustrated and I get frustrated ... I try to say to her ..
> it's not you it's mom ... I didn't hear what you said so would you
> mind telling me again.
>
> Hope something here helps!!
> Lisa B
>
>
>
--
Karen
http://temptabo.blogspot.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
John Lee Clark
Karen:
I don't know if you've looked into this, but "hearing" is not the only way
you might have communication with your son. There is signing. Even if it
is not standard ASL, you two can create all sorts of gestures and home signs
that are quite clear and which will bypass the hearing issue entirely.
John
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Karen Swanay
Sent: Monday, July 07, 2008 2:30 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Respecting the mumbler
Wow...yes it sure does. The idea of a signal is fantastic! Especially in
the truck when I'm driving. If it's just him wanting to talk and it's not
important to him, then he shouldn't feel compelled to repeat himself if he'd
rather not but if it's important like "I need to pee" then we can be sure I
hear. That's great!
And he's like your daughter, he repeats from the beginning and runs out of
steam at the same place...even if I actively listen and repeat "You said
you'd like a hamburger, a coke and ?" He'll just say it from the beginning
again.
I should look into that system since my hearing will only get worse as I
age. Thanks SO much Lisa!!!
Karen *sometimes an impartial observer can make things more clear.
On 7/7/08, Lisa <HYPERLINK
"mailto:jlblock01%40yahoo.com"[email protected]> wrote:
Karen
HYPERLINK "http://temptabo.blogspot.com/"http://temptabo.-blogspot.-com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I don't know if you've looked into this, but "hearing" is not the only way
you might have communication with your son. There is signing. Even if it
is not standard ASL, you two can create all sorts of gestures and home signs
that are quite clear and which will bypass the hearing issue entirely.
John
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Karen Swanay
Sent: Monday, July 07, 2008 2:30 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: [unschoolingbasics] Re: Respecting the mumbler
Wow...yes it sure does. The idea of a signal is fantastic! Especially in
the truck when I'm driving. If it's just him wanting to talk and it's not
important to him, then he shouldn't feel compelled to repeat himself if he'd
rather not but if it's important like "I need to pee" then we can be sure I
hear. That's great!
And he's like your daughter, he repeats from the beginning and runs out of
steam at the same place...even if I actively listen and repeat "You said
you'd like a hamburger, a coke and ?" He'll just say it from the beginning
again.
I should look into that system since my hearing will only get worse as I
age. Thanks SO much Lisa!!!
Karen *sometimes an impartial observer can make things more clear.
On 7/7/08, Lisa <HYPERLINK
"mailto:jlblock01%40yahoo.com"[email protected]> wrote:
>--
> How about him writing it down for you? (assuming he is a writer... if
> not perhaps he could draw it?) Also my 13 yr old has severe
> auditory processing issues ... when she is in a situation where she
> really needs to hear what's going on more clearly we use a FM system
> which has a unit with ear buds for her ears and an external microphone
> that picks up background noise at a reduced level .. the person
> speaking can wear another unit that has a clip on microphone and
> amplification so that what that person says is higher in volume.
> Among the auditory processing issues my daughter has auditory figure
> ground is a huge problem (every sound has equal importance in her
> brain so discerning what she should listen to is difficult) anyway
> this type unit is very helpful! I understand there are similar
> systems that can be installed in classrooms or homes that would have
> microphones in various places so that the person having difficulty
> would be able to hear conversation more clearly .. it basically turns
> down the world and turns up the important sounds like your family
> member who is speaking.
>
> Another idea you could use is to come up with your own system of sign
> language where he could indicate in the beginning that something is
> very important for you to hear versus something that he just wants to
> share but isn't an emergency ... that way he doesn't get frustrated
> when you can't hear and you don't panic when you are trying to figure
> out whether he said " the house is on fire" versus " a mouse on a
> highwire". If he indicated that something was crucial for you to
> hear or important to him for you to hear then you could both take a
> second to adjust your positions and carefully share the information.
>
> I frequently have ask my daughter to repeat something because she
> tends to get lower as she speaks .. I hear the first 4 words then she
> sputters out ... I ask for her to repeat or try to clarify and because
> of her difficulties it's hard for her to just give the missing
> information and she will start over at the beginning which yeah you
> guessed it means she runs out of steam at the exact some place!!!
> She gets frustrated and I get frustrated ... I try to say to her ..
> it's not you it's mom ... I didn't hear what you said so would you
> mind telling me again.
>
> Hope something here helps!!
> Lisa B
>
>
>
Karen
HYPERLINK "http://temptabo.blogspot.com/"http://temptabo.-blogspot.-com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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Checked by AVG.
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pelirojita
Hi Karen,
I would just like to add that I feel your pain. I am deaf in my right
ear and partially deaf in my left and my hearing aid is not only
uncomfortable but also does not help with the distortion that I have
in my hearing. My son is only 3 years old, but he has already
learned that when he wants me to hear him, he gets right up to my
face, puts his hand under my chin and turns my head toward him. My
husband has a loud booming voice and I am doing pretty well with my 3
year-old so far, though he is happy to resort to his baby sign when
necessary which has been helpful for context.
My father had a low west-Texan drawl that was very difficult for me to
hear much less understand and he used to chalk up my inability to make
out what he was saying to my not paying attention. Very frustrating
on both our parts.
I would like to second the previous poster on the reflective hearing.
My husband and I have been together 8 years, under the same roof for
5, and he will still try to speak to me from another room. I "know"
he is talking but have no idea what he is saying except for a word
hear and there. I used to give him the talk on how he "of ALL people"
should be understanding and tolerant of my hearing issues and not try
to talk to me from another room. Now I just take a moment to try and
guess what I thought he said and I will repeat it back to him even if
it makes absolutely no sense. This frequently leads to us laughing
uproariously together since I am so far off the mark of what he was
trying to say.
I have also found over time that he is starting to get a sense of just
how messed up my hearing is (I used to try once or twice to hear and
if I can't get it by that time, I would just smile and nod my head and
pretend to understand...when it suited his purpose he would take this
as me FINALLY getting it, so he wasn't aware of just how much I was
missing.) This greater understanding has led him to make further
efforts to work with my hearing issues.
In my experience the hearing people of the planet, while they are
well-meaning, really don't get the hearing challenges for those of us
with distortion issues. Everyone thinks that amplification is the
solution. Even the various audiologists I have gone to for hearing
aid help, though very well-meaning, just don't get what life is like
from my end because they have never been hard of hearing and hearing
aids are a very flawed semi-solution.
I do teach at university and my method with my students is if I can't
get it on the second try I have them either spell it for me or right
it on the white board in the room (I teach small classes, max 20
students, so writing on the board is quick and easy for most
students.) This has been very effective and within a few classes my
students will already be moving towards the board when I am obviously
not getting the first comment. I teach a lot about learning styles,
so it just reinforces how to get info across to visual learners (of
which I am an EXTREME example) so the whole process actually segues
with the point of my class.
So, this long post was to further support the recommendations to use
reflective listening, special signs, have your son spell things out
(to his ability level) and maybe even consider getting one of those
small whiteboards to keep in high communication areas (kitchen, car,
etc as a mobile visual aid). I have found these to work well with
everyone from my 3 year old, to my husband to a room full of college kids.
Also, I have used some products from the Soundbytes catalog
(http://www.soundbytes.com/) to help with some of my specific hearing
challenges and can recommend their products and service (I am not
affiliated with them in any way...).
Good luck,
Kerry
I would just like to add that I feel your pain. I am deaf in my right
ear and partially deaf in my left and my hearing aid is not only
uncomfortable but also does not help with the distortion that I have
in my hearing. My son is only 3 years old, but he has already
learned that when he wants me to hear him, he gets right up to my
face, puts his hand under my chin and turns my head toward him. My
husband has a loud booming voice and I am doing pretty well with my 3
year-old so far, though he is happy to resort to his baby sign when
necessary which has been helpful for context.
My father had a low west-Texan drawl that was very difficult for me to
hear much less understand and he used to chalk up my inability to make
out what he was saying to my not paying attention. Very frustrating
on both our parts.
I would like to second the previous poster on the reflective hearing.
My husband and I have been together 8 years, under the same roof for
5, and he will still try to speak to me from another room. I "know"
he is talking but have no idea what he is saying except for a word
hear and there. I used to give him the talk on how he "of ALL people"
should be understanding and tolerant of my hearing issues and not try
to talk to me from another room. Now I just take a moment to try and
guess what I thought he said and I will repeat it back to him even if
it makes absolutely no sense. This frequently leads to us laughing
uproariously together since I am so far off the mark of what he was
trying to say.
I have also found over time that he is starting to get a sense of just
how messed up my hearing is (I used to try once or twice to hear and
if I can't get it by that time, I would just smile and nod my head and
pretend to understand...when it suited his purpose he would take this
as me FINALLY getting it, so he wasn't aware of just how much I was
missing.) This greater understanding has led him to make further
efforts to work with my hearing issues.
In my experience the hearing people of the planet, while they are
well-meaning, really don't get the hearing challenges for those of us
with distortion issues. Everyone thinks that amplification is the
solution. Even the various audiologists I have gone to for hearing
aid help, though very well-meaning, just don't get what life is like
from my end because they have never been hard of hearing and hearing
aids are a very flawed semi-solution.
I do teach at university and my method with my students is if I can't
get it on the second try I have them either spell it for me or right
it on the white board in the room (I teach small classes, max 20
students, so writing on the board is quick and easy for most
students.) This has been very effective and within a few classes my
students will already be moving towards the board when I am obviously
not getting the first comment. I teach a lot about learning styles,
so it just reinforces how to get info across to visual learners (of
which I am an EXTREME example) so the whole process actually segues
with the point of my class.
So, this long post was to further support the recommendations to use
reflective listening, special signs, have your son spell things out
(to his ability level) and maybe even consider getting one of those
small whiteboards to keep in high communication areas (kitchen, car,
etc as a mobile visual aid). I have found these to work well with
everyone from my 3 year old, to my husband to a room full of college kids.
Also, I have used some products from the Soundbytes catalog
(http://www.soundbytes.com/) to help with some of my specific hearing
challenges and can recommend their products and service (I am not
affiliated with them in any way...).
Good luck,
Kerry
Matt & Jessica
We are a very joking around kind of family, so this wouldn't work for all families at ALL! But, our dd actually started this on her own and it works for us:).
Have you seen the new version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? There is a scene where they say, "Mumbler!!!" and go on and on. Well dd thought this was SO FUNNY. So she started doing it to us when she couldn't hear us. So we did the same to her. Now it works for her to keep her voice up. If we could just get her to slow down, lol! She is such a fast talker. Sometimes she is in such a hurry (she gets excited) that she skips letters and even words sometimes!
Of course we do this COMPLETELY joking. She knows it and we know it. It isn't meant to be mean so we all laugh about it:). Amazingly enough her and I are both VERY sensitive to most things in life but as a family we all love sarcasm. :)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Have you seen the new version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? There is a scene where they say, "Mumbler!!!" and go on and on. Well dd thought this was SO FUNNY. So she started doing it to us when she couldn't hear us. So we did the same to her. Now it works for her to keep her voice up. If we could just get her to slow down, lol! She is such a fast talker. Sometimes she is in such a hurry (she gets excited) that she skips letters and even words sometimes!
Of course we do this COMPLETELY joking. She knows it and we know it. It isn't meant to be mean so we all laugh about it:). Amazingly enough her and I are both VERY sensitive to most things in life but as a family we all love sarcasm. :)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Matt & Jessica
I didn't catch that at first (the fact that you have a physical problem hearing him) sorry!
My Mom also has a problem hearing. It was very frustrating as a child. Even now as an adult, especially on the phone. I still have a low tolerance of being able to repeat myself. It drives me crazy and sometimes I hear myself getting mean when I am trying not to.
I understand where your son is coming from and where you are coming from since I do have a mumbler:). When I was little it was always my fault so I think you are doing wonderful by taking the "blame". I love the idea of a signal! Also my dd will either take me to "it" if we are able to, draw a picture, or whisper it in my ear. I don't know why, but she talks louder when it is whispered IN my ear than talking sometimes. Also getting face to face at their level helps!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My Mom also has a problem hearing. It was very frustrating as a child. Even now as an adult, especially on the phone. I still have a low tolerance of being able to repeat myself. It drives me crazy and sometimes I hear myself getting mean when I am trying not to.
I understand where your son is coming from and where you are coming from since I do have a mumbler:). When I was little it was always my fault so I think you are doing wonderful by taking the "blame". I love the idea of a signal! Also my dd will either take me to "it" if we are able to, draw a picture, or whisper it in my ear. I don't know why, but she talks louder when it is whispered IN my ear than talking sometimes. Also getting face to face at their level helps!
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Ren Allen
~~Amazingly enough her and I are both
VERY sensitive to most things in life but as a family we all love
sarcasm. :)~~
Works well here too. It might bother some unschooling families at how
much we tend to joke. Just tonight Jared was teasing another
unschooling Mum and calling her a "stalker" and "predator" over
something funny that happened.
I guess we tend to be around people that don't mind a completely
twisted sense of humor because nobody seemed offended (in fact, it was
another Mum that goaded him on);)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com
VERY sensitive to most things in life but as a family we all love
sarcasm. :)~~
Works well here too. It might bother some unschooling families at how
much we tend to joke. Just tonight Jared was teasing another
unschooling Mum and calling her a "stalker" and "predator" over
something funny that happened.
I guess we tend to be around people that don't mind a completely
twisted sense of humor because nobody seemed offended (in fact, it was
another Mum that goaded him on);)
Ren
learninginfreedom.com