Rebecca De Hate

Saturday the boys and I went to another park and after garrett's
dad picked him up -- Ian and I spent some more time playing. But when
a little boy showed up that was quite disfigured in the face Ian
didn't want to stay much longer. I was also a little sad how Ian
responded. I really feel that it is not good to put our expectations
on him and I didn't push anything. This is how it went. when Ian
finally saw the boy first he started staring. Which I wanted to too
but I know ... so I just whispered in Ians ears that sometimes people
don't always look the same but it was ok and he was just like him
(something like that?). but when the boy was near Ian kind of made the
comment to me that he didn't want to play with someone like that????
at one point I even had a opportunity to help the dad get the little
boy down from something (I was afraid he might fall -- but like most
little guys he was just fine) so I showed Ian that it was ok --- I
didn't plan that it just happened and later I realized that just maybe
Ian saw that I was worried, or scared of the little guy so maybe.???
Anyway when we left I tried to explain some more about sometimes
people are born or have accidents that do this .....What do we do in
these situations???? I can't make Ian play with him and I'm sure the
little boy did look scary or weird to Ian.
I just felt sad. I can only imagine how the dad feels -- he has to
get that -- people staring, little kids not playing with him.. He
brought him at a time when there was no one -- just us -- Gosh
sometimes this world is tough.

Joyce Fetteroll

On May 18, 2008, at 11:27 AM, Rebecca De Hate wrote:

> Anyway when we left I tried to explain some more about sometimes
> people are born or have accidents that do this .....What do we do in
> these situations????


By seeing that his reaction was perfectly understandable and expected
from where he is in his understanding of the world.

Look at it from his point of view. What would help you if you saw
something frightening? Would explanations that it was normal help?
Basically what you're saying is that scary things exist.

How about reading some books about kids with differences? Have a
conversation about how you think it must be to be like that, that it
would make you sad if people laughed at you. If he gives some
responses that sound hurtful, like "I'd run up and punch him." try
not to get angry with him! It's an honest reaction to feeling
powerless and scared. But give him feedback on how you'd feel if you
were the little boy who'd been punched.

One of the tricky things is that more goes into kids than we think.
So even if their reactions to what you're saying aren't lining up
with what you'd expect, the information is getting processed.

Joyce

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