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From: poonam kurani <kidsdomain@...>

dear Kelly,

I seek help....as i said INDIAN HOMES ARE DIFFERENT.


I think that, if we truly cannot *at this moment*, we can say so. And
*should* say so.
But three is very little, and to him, what you're doing may not seem
nearly as important as playing with him right this minute.
If he's "tantrumming, " he's trying really hard to communicate. He
really should have to resort to that kind of communication to get your
attention.

-----HOUSEHOLD CHORES IS A VERY LONGLIST...AND TIMECONSUMING...AND
NOTHING CAN
BE CUTSHORT OR GO OUT OF THE FIXED TIMETABLE....MIL...will beging a
long crib
that will go on for days together and will have a snowball effect on
all in the
family.


-=-==-=-=-=-

I make him realise that its "freeplay time" and he cannot be supported

-=-=-=-=

Noooooo!!!!

While it's fine to expect some "freeplay time," the whole idea that "he
cannot be supported" is yucky! He's THREE---he *needs* to be supported!
He *really* NEEDS it


------
I SUPPORT HIM BY HELPING HIM MAKE CHOICES OF WHAT HE WANT TO DO....WHAT
ELSE CAN
BE DONE HERE?
-=-=-=-=-=-

so he can choose what he want to do untill i or granny can come
around.....

What are you and Granny doing that's so important that he can't get his
needs met? Seriously? He's three. If *you*, his own mother, won't meet
them, who will?

FOR EG. WE ARE CLEANING GRAINS THAT WILL BE STORED FOR ENITRE
YEAR....IT'S A
HELL LOT OF MESSY WORK.....AND "HAS TO BE" ACCOMPLISHED BY NOON. VEER
WANTS TO
PARTICIPATE BUT WILL NOT BE ALLOWED....AS I TRY TO STRIKE BALANCE
HERE....I LOSE
TIME....AND MIL WILL BEGIN CRIBBING....IF I DON'T VEER WILL THROW
TANTRUM.....OH
MY GOD, HELP ME ITS A NIGHTMARE.

-=-=-=-=-

if the tantrum persist i count up to 5. 9 out 10 time....the tantrum
has ended! He
takes his stand and has found something else to do for himself.
what do you think he's learned?
*I* think he's learned that you are not trustworthy. That he can't
count on you, his mother, to care for his needs. He's giving up on you.
Keep doing that, and he will probably learn that he really *doesn't*
need you and he won't come to you for help or comfort. Is that what you
want?
He'll still need comfort and help, but he'll look somewhere else.
I'm not to sure if this strategy is right as per unschooling
principles. No
other stand is visible for me too!


YES I AGREE, I HAVE SEEN HIM DOING THAT...CAN'T SEE ANY OTHER STRATEGY
TO HANDLE
THIS.
-=-=-=-=-=-

STOP what you're doing and attend to your child. There's NOTHING else
more important. Nothing.

You don't get this opportunity but for a few years. Enjoy it. Relish
it. You'll miss it, I promise.

COACH ME FOR SOMEMORE TIME PLS....

Love,
Poonam



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-----Original Message-----

I seek help....as i said INDIAN HOMES ARE DIFFERENT.

-=-=-

Can you tell me HOW Indian homes are different?

-=-=-=-=-=-

HOUSEHOLD CHORES IS A VERY LONGLIST...AND TIMECONSUMING...AND
NOTHING CAN BE CUTSHORT OR GO OUT OF THE FIXED TIMETABLE

-=-=-=-=-

Every home has things to be done everyday. What can't be cut short?
Why's the timetable so rigid? Help US help YOU.

-=-=-=-==-

....MIL...will beging a long crib that will go on for days together and
will have a snowball effect on
all in the family.

-=-=-=-=-=-

No one person should have that much control over the rest of the family.

Period.


-=-==-=-=-=-
>>>I make him realise that its "freeplay time" and he cannot be
supported
-=-=-=-=
>>>Noooooo!!!!
>>>While it's fine to expect some "freeplay time," the whole idea that
"he
cannot be supported" is yucky! He's THREE---he *needs* to be supported!
He *really* NEEDS it
-----
>>>I SUPPORT HIM BY HELPING HIM MAKE CHOICES OF WHAT HE WANT TO
DO....WHAT
ELSE CAN BE DONE HERE?
-=-=-=-=-=-

It has a lot to do with *attitude*, Poonam.

As a tiny, tiny child, he really and truly NEEDS to know he's supported.

Can you give us concrete examples of the problems you are struggling
with?

-=-=-=--=-=-=-
>>>>so he can choose what he want to do untill i or granny can come
around.....

>>>>What are you and Granny doing that's so important that he can't get
his
needs met? Seriously? He's three. If *you*, his own mother, won't meet
them, who will?

>>>>FOR EG. WE ARE CLEANING GRAINS THAT WILL BE STORED FOR ENITRE
YEAR....IT'S A HELL LOT OF MESSY WORK.....AND "HAS TO BE" ACCOMPLISHED
BY NOON. VEER
WANTS TO PARTICIPATE BUT WILL NOT BE ALLOWED....AS I TRY TO STRIKE
BALANCE
HERE....I LOSE TIME....AND MIL WILL BEGIN CRIBBING....IF I DON'T VEER
WILL THROW
TANTRUM.....OH MY GOD, HELP ME ITS A NIGHTMARE.
-=-=-=-=-

*Why* must something like that be "accomplished by noon"? Is there a
REAL reason? Or is it because that's what the mother-in-law says?

'Cause that's not a *real* reason! <g> It's *her* reason, and it may be
"real" to her, but that doesn't mean it should control your baby and
how you care for him.

-=-=-=-==-

>>>>STOP what you're doing and attend to your child. There's NOTHING
else
more important. Nothing.
You don't get this opportunity but for a few years. Enjoy it. Relish
it. You'll miss it, I promise.

>>>>COACH ME FOR SOMEMORE TIME PLS....

-=-=-=-=-

We're happy to, Poonam, but you'll need to be more specific.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org