habits
carenkh
I've been reading the threads here about limits, etc. and I'm struck
by two things:
1) I am SO freakin' grateful for this list, and for families that have
made these leaps of faith before me, and are willing to share their
stories and experiences here. There were times in the beginning that I
was *totally* going by faith, because of the experience of other
unschooling parents.
2) When I think of my *own* habits... ok, I don't even like the word
habit - it's all choices, every day. But when I think of my own
choices, what I choose doesn't come from having the "healthier" choice
forced upon me. When I notice that I'm making less-than-healthy
choices, there's usually something going on *inside*. If I'm reaching
for cookies, or craving something like these apple dumplings I made
recently - with TWO Sticks of Butter and a CAN of Mountain Dew!! -
it's usually because there is a feeling I'm having, that I'm not quite
ready to face. Well, sometimes, it's because it tastes good and is
fun, but I am an emotional eater. Because I've had the awareness that
I am, I am now apt to get out my journal and try to get things out on
paper, before I get out the baking pan, or hit the drive thru. This
awareness came from knowing *myself*. I had to get to know myself as
an adult, because I wasn't allowed to do that as a child.
THAT'S one of the reasons my kids have total freedom to choose what
they eat, when they eat, and where they eat it. I want them to know
their *own* selves, not get caught up in whether it's right or wrong
to eat something.
I am 42. I can eat as much or as little as I please, of whatever I
please. I can brush my teeth or not. I can even DRIVE to the fast-food
place when I want, and eat what I want there. I'm the one with the
debit card, so I can buy what I choose at the grocery store. Why
aren't I choosing *only* sweets and Dorito's, and filling my cart with
stuff that's barely food? Because I prefer how I feel when I eat food
as close to the source as possible, mindfully. *I* feel *better* when
I eat that way. Why do I brush my teeth? Because my mouth feels better
when I do, and actually, I've found my mood is better, too. I found
that out by *not* brushing my teeth. I had to give *myself* total
freedom when we started this journey, too. Now - *everything* is a
choice. Everything. I don't do things because my mom told me it would
be good for me. I do things because I WANT to, because of how my
choices make me feel.
Isn't that the reason someone would choose water over soda? It's not
because their mom controlled their drink choices as a child - it's
because they've seen for themselves how they feel when they drink
soda, and how they feel when they drink water, and they prefer how
they feel when they drink water.
It's scary, this choice thing, because that puts the responsibility
for my life and for how I'm feeling, squarely in my lap. Yikes! But I
absolutely would not have it any other way. This IS my life. It's so
funny, I woke up this morning, took the dog for a nice long walk and
came back to watch the latest Oprah/Eckhart video. I sat at the
computer desk, and saw a couple dirty cups, some papers piled around,
some papers spilled on the floor, some cough drop wrappers, a
Bionicle, an empty Easter basket - and the thought came to my mind
"This is the day the Lord has made. Rejoice and be glad in it." And I
*cracked UP*, here, alone at the computer, because I thought - I DID
make this day. I *did* create this, this mess is *absolutely perfect*,
it is MINE, I have ownership over it, I can clean it up or leave it
here, and either way would be PERFECT. I *no longer clean up because
my mother thinks I should*. This is HUGE for me. I don't want my kids
to wait to get to 42 before they feel that ownership for THEIR lives.
They can have it NOW - with me, with my guidance and experience and
love to help them, and the guidance and experience and love of lots of
other folks in their lives.
No habits, choices. It's ALL choices. Made as mindfully as possible.
peace,
Caren
by two things:
1) I am SO freakin' grateful for this list, and for families that have
made these leaps of faith before me, and are willing to share their
stories and experiences here. There were times in the beginning that I
was *totally* going by faith, because of the experience of other
unschooling parents.
2) When I think of my *own* habits... ok, I don't even like the word
habit - it's all choices, every day. But when I think of my own
choices, what I choose doesn't come from having the "healthier" choice
forced upon me. When I notice that I'm making less-than-healthy
choices, there's usually something going on *inside*. If I'm reaching
for cookies, or craving something like these apple dumplings I made
recently - with TWO Sticks of Butter and a CAN of Mountain Dew!! -
it's usually because there is a feeling I'm having, that I'm not quite
ready to face. Well, sometimes, it's because it tastes good and is
fun, but I am an emotional eater. Because I've had the awareness that
I am, I am now apt to get out my journal and try to get things out on
paper, before I get out the baking pan, or hit the drive thru. This
awareness came from knowing *myself*. I had to get to know myself as
an adult, because I wasn't allowed to do that as a child.
THAT'S one of the reasons my kids have total freedom to choose what
they eat, when they eat, and where they eat it. I want them to know
their *own* selves, not get caught up in whether it's right or wrong
to eat something.
I am 42. I can eat as much or as little as I please, of whatever I
please. I can brush my teeth or not. I can even DRIVE to the fast-food
place when I want, and eat what I want there. I'm the one with the
debit card, so I can buy what I choose at the grocery store. Why
aren't I choosing *only* sweets and Dorito's, and filling my cart with
stuff that's barely food? Because I prefer how I feel when I eat food
as close to the source as possible, mindfully. *I* feel *better* when
I eat that way. Why do I brush my teeth? Because my mouth feels better
when I do, and actually, I've found my mood is better, too. I found
that out by *not* brushing my teeth. I had to give *myself* total
freedom when we started this journey, too. Now - *everything* is a
choice. Everything. I don't do things because my mom told me it would
be good for me. I do things because I WANT to, because of how my
choices make me feel.
Isn't that the reason someone would choose water over soda? It's not
because their mom controlled their drink choices as a child - it's
because they've seen for themselves how they feel when they drink
soda, and how they feel when they drink water, and they prefer how
they feel when they drink water.
It's scary, this choice thing, because that puts the responsibility
for my life and for how I'm feeling, squarely in my lap. Yikes! But I
absolutely would not have it any other way. This IS my life. It's so
funny, I woke up this morning, took the dog for a nice long walk and
came back to watch the latest Oprah/Eckhart video. I sat at the
computer desk, and saw a couple dirty cups, some papers piled around,
some papers spilled on the floor, some cough drop wrappers, a
Bionicle, an empty Easter basket - and the thought came to my mind
"This is the day the Lord has made. Rejoice and be glad in it." And I
*cracked UP*, here, alone at the computer, because I thought - I DID
make this day. I *did* create this, this mess is *absolutely perfect*,
it is MINE, I have ownership over it, I can clean it up or leave it
here, and either way would be PERFECT. I *no longer clean up because
my mother thinks I should*. This is HUGE for me. I don't want my kids
to wait to get to 42 before they feel that ownership for THEIR lives.
They can have it NOW - with me, with my guidance and experience and
love to help them, and the guidance and experience and love of lots of
other folks in their lives.
No habits, choices. It's ALL choices. Made as mindfully as possible.
peace,
Caren
Karen Buxcel
Caren,
What a power packed post! I read it and re-read parts of it. Just
Wonderful!!! As I was making my daily breve just moments ago, pondering on
the play day we have set up for today, I started thinking about what would
be 'appropriate' snacks to take to a play date with a vegan family. Then I
stopped myself and thought, bull****, I'll take whatever my children WANT to
take, and if it's goldfish crackers, so be it! We've got a whole group of
very good friends here who are way into nutrition, and some never, ever let
their children have sugar in any form, things like that. And my kid (3yo)
takes a root beer to our Earth Day celebration! lol!! ;)
I'm so grateful, as you are, that I'm free of the fear driven crap; what
will people think, omg, what if, what if, what if...
It's so much more joyful to see my children have a large and
expanding-every-day world of choices, rather than a narrow, skewed pool of
just a few. (and it's kinda funny watching the other children watch *my*
children eating/drinking what they choose...they just get this look in their
eye)
Again, thanks for the post! It was a good one!
Karen
in SD
What a power packed post! I read it and re-read parts of it. Just
Wonderful!!! As I was making my daily breve just moments ago, pondering on
the play day we have set up for today, I started thinking about what would
be 'appropriate' snacks to take to a play date with a vegan family. Then I
stopped myself and thought, bull****, I'll take whatever my children WANT to
take, and if it's goldfish crackers, so be it! We've got a whole group of
very good friends here who are way into nutrition, and some never, ever let
their children have sugar in any form, things like that. And my kid (3yo)
takes a root beer to our Earth Day celebration! lol!! ;)
I'm so grateful, as you are, that I'm free of the fear driven crap; what
will people think, omg, what if, what if, what if...
It's so much more joyful to see my children have a large and
expanding-every-day world of choices, rather than a narrow, skewed pool of
just a few. (and it's kinda funny watching the other children watch *my*
children eating/drinking what they choose...they just get this look in their
eye)
Again, thanks for the post! It was a good one!
Karen
in SD
On Wed, Apr 23, 2008 at 7:09 AM, carenkh <carenkh@...> wrote:
> I've been reading the threads here about limits, etc. and I'm struck
> by two things:
>
> 1) I am SO freakin' grateful for this list, and for families that have
> made these leaps of faith before me, and are willing to share their
> stories and experiences here. There were times in the beginning that I
> was *totally* going by faith, because of the experience of other
> unschooling parents.
>
> 2) When I think of my *own* habits... ok, I don't even like the word
> habit - it's all choices, every day. But when I think of my own
> choices, what I choose doesn't come from having the "healthier" choice
> forced upon me. When I notice that I'm making less-than-healthy
> choices, there's usually something going on *inside*. If I'm reaching
> for cookies, or craving something like these apple dumplings I made
> recently - with TWO Sticks of Butter and a CAN of Mountain Dew!! -
> it's usually because there is a feeling I'm having, that I'm not quite
> ready to face. Well, sometimes, it's because it tastes good and is
> fun, but I am an emotional eater. Because I've had the awareness that
> I am, I am now apt to get out my journal and try to get things out on
> paper, before I get out the baking pan, or hit the drive thru. This
> awareness came from knowing *myself*. I had to get to know myself as
> an adult, because I wasn't allowed to do that as a child.
>
> THAT'S one of the reasons my kids have total freedom to choose what
> they eat, when they eat, and where they eat it. I want them to know
> their *own* selves, not get caught up in whether it's right or wrong
> to eat something.
>
> I am 42. I can eat as much or as little as I please, of whatever I
> please. I can brush my teeth or not. I can even DRIVE to the fast-food
> place when I want, and eat what I want there. I'm the one with the
> debit card, so I can buy what I choose at the grocery store. Why
> aren't I choosing *only* sweets and Dorito's, and filling my cart with
> stuff that's barely food? Because I prefer how I feel when I eat food
> as close to the source as possible, mindfully. *I* feel *better* when
> I eat that way. Why do I brush my teeth? Because my mouth feels better
> when I do, and actually, I've found my mood is better, too. I found
> that out by *not* brushing my teeth. I had to give *myself* total
> freedom when we started this journey, too. Now - *everything* is a
> choice. Everything. I don't do things because my mom told me it would
> be good for me. I do things because I WANT to, because of how my
> choices make me feel.
>
> Isn't that the reason someone would choose water over soda? It's not
> because their mom controlled their drink choices as a child - it's
> because they've seen for themselves how they feel when they drink
> soda, and how they feel when they drink water, and they prefer how
> they feel when they drink water.
>
> It's scary, this choice thing, because that puts the responsibility
> for my life and for how I'm feeling, squarely in my lap. Yikes! But I
> absolutely would not have it any other way. This IS my life. It's so
> funny, I woke up this morning, took the dog for a nice long walk and
> came back to watch the latest Oprah/Eckhart video. I sat at the
> computer desk, and saw a couple dirty cups, some papers piled around,
> some papers spilled on the floor, some cough drop wrappers, a
> Bionicle, an empty Easter basket - and the thought came to my mind
> "This is the day the Lord has made. Rejoice and be glad in it." And I
> *cracked UP*, here, alone at the computer, because I thought - I DID
> make this day. I *did* create this, this mess is *absolutely perfect*,
> it is MINE, I have ownership over it, I can clean it up or leave it
> here, and either way would be PERFECT. I *no longer clean up because
> my mother thinks I should*. This is HUGE for me. I don't want my kids
> to wait to get to 42 before they feel that ownership for THEIR lives.
> They can have it NOW - with me, with my guidance and experience and
> love to help them, and the guidance and experience and love of lots of
> other folks in their lives.
>
> No habits, choices. It's ALL choices. Made as mindfully as possible.
>
> peace,
> Caren
>
>
>
--
"When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know
peace."
Jimi Hendrix
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
If the snacks are solely for your kids, go for it. But, if it's a kind
of "pooled resources" snack time, I've often taken that into
consideration and tried to bring something that is okay with us and not
"offensive" to the others who might want to be snacking on it. We'll
generally not bring peanut containing items to group activities for
instance. I might mention to DS as we're packing snacks that "Billy's
family prefers to have vegan foods - what stuff do we have that Billy
might like?" (Aside: DS is almost 10 and knows what's vegan, what's
vegetarian, and what's "omnivore" - often he'll look at our meal and say
"This is a vegan meal" or "this is a really omnivore meal") He's usually
pretty amenable to looking for something suitable as a compromise
because he knows he's not *required* to do it nor is he limited when
we're at home or out other places (although we do tend toward a
plant-based diet at home). Sometimes we'll bring a couple different
types of items - maybe some of DS' favorite cookies (not vegan, some are
vegetarian though, generally organic either way) AND some home made
trail mix (dried fruits, nuts, fruit juice sweetened chocolate chips -
some vegans won't eat regular sugar because sometimes it's processed
using bone char from animals) - both items DS likes and at least one
that's suitable for vegans to share.
Deb
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
of "pooled resources" snack time, I've often taken that into
consideration and tried to bring something that is okay with us and not
"offensive" to the others who might want to be snacking on it. We'll
generally not bring peanut containing items to group activities for
instance. I might mention to DS as we're packing snacks that "Billy's
family prefers to have vegan foods - what stuff do we have that Billy
might like?" (Aside: DS is almost 10 and knows what's vegan, what's
vegetarian, and what's "omnivore" - often he'll look at our meal and say
"This is a vegan meal" or "this is a really omnivore meal") He's usually
pretty amenable to looking for something suitable as a compromise
because he knows he's not *required* to do it nor is he limited when
we're at home or out other places (although we do tend toward a
plant-based diet at home). Sometimes we'll bring a couple different
types of items - maybe some of DS' favorite cookies (not vegan, some are
vegetarian though, generally organic either way) AND some home made
trail mix (dried fruits, nuts, fruit juice sweetened chocolate chips -
some vegans won't eat regular sugar because sometimes it's processed
using bone char from animals) - both items DS likes and at least one
that's suitable for vegans to share.
Deb
**********************************************************************
This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
the system manager.
This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept by
MIMEsweeper for the presence of computer viruses.
CNC Software, Inc.
www.mastercam.com
**********************************************************************
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joyce Fetteroll
> But, if it's a kindYes. When you're filled to the brim with freedom you'll be generous
> of "pooled resources" snack time, I've often taken that into
> consideration and tried to bring something that is okay with us and
> not
> "offensive" to the others who might want to be snacking on it.
with the freedom to limit yourself for the sake of others.
When you allow yourself to feel controlled, you'll want to grasp
control and damn what others think.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Hema A. Bharadwaj
I've posted the thread on this below... as i changed the topic.
Wrt habits.... i find that they are not a choice always. perhaps you don't
get up early from doing it all those years. but i still do i get up and
then choose to go back to bed. there are many habits that i can choose to
leave behind... but my brain still is catching up... so i find i'm still
waking around 6-7 every morning... unless i'm bone tired.... and its been
about 15 years since i left that regime like lifestyle.
also... water drinking is something i've wanted to do... so i tried to make
a conscious choice by making it an everyday thing... i taped a note to the
fridge and asked my partner and kids to remind me... and sure enough....
ever since then .. its been a year or more... and i'm still reminded of
water early in the morning... even as i drink my coffee. sometimes i choose
to drink water first.
i was talking about the creation of a habit based on choice. and old habits
can be annoying.... so making a new one has to be a conscious choice. i was
talking about my efforts at remembering to stop and think... before
reacting.
I don't think you and i understand each other on this topic. and if
everything could be perfectly expressed in words then life woudl be
differnet. i guess i get people better when i meet them and speak face to
face.
anyway thanks for trying to clarify what you think about this.
best, hema
from hema:
Some one said... creating new habits requires us to stay with
something consistently for 21 days... thats how long it takes the
brain to make new synapses. so then on you will probably have it down
to a habit... or at least your brain will remind you that its
something you should do. For e.g. i started my day with 2 glasses of
water for 21 days (this was about a year ago).... and sure enough
although its been so long... i'm still reminded to drink water every
morning as i make my coffee pot ready. not that i always listen to my
brain. so as i really want to create a habit of stop and think before
reacting (to messes or whatever)... then it takes consistent effort.
and its paying off for sure :-)
-=-=-=-=-
I've heard that too.
Oddly enough, 12 years of schooling doesn't form the "habit" of getting
up early every day.
But I don't want to live by "habit." I want to make conscious choices
every single moment.
Your water drinking isn't a "habit." It's a choice. A choice you make
every day.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org<http://www.liveandlearnconference.org/>
--
Hema A. Bharadwaj
Pune, India
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Wrt habits.... i find that they are not a choice always. perhaps you don't
get up early from doing it all those years. but i still do i get up and
then choose to go back to bed. there are many habits that i can choose to
leave behind... but my brain still is catching up... so i find i'm still
waking around 6-7 every morning... unless i'm bone tired.... and its been
about 15 years since i left that regime like lifestyle.
also... water drinking is something i've wanted to do... so i tried to make
a conscious choice by making it an everyday thing... i taped a note to the
fridge and asked my partner and kids to remind me... and sure enough....
ever since then .. its been a year or more... and i'm still reminded of
water early in the morning... even as i drink my coffee. sometimes i choose
to drink water first.
i was talking about the creation of a habit based on choice. and old habits
can be annoying.... so making a new one has to be a conscious choice. i was
talking about my efforts at remembering to stop and think... before
reacting.
I don't think you and i understand each other on this topic. and if
everything could be perfectly expressed in words then life woudl be
differnet. i guess i get people better when i meet them and speak face to
face.
anyway thanks for trying to clarify what you think about this.
best, hema
from hema:
Some one said... creating new habits requires us to stay with
something consistently for 21 days... thats how long it takes the
brain to make new synapses. so then on you will probably have it down
to a habit... or at least your brain will remind you that its
something you should do. For e.g. i started my day with 2 glasses of
water for 21 days (this was about a year ago).... and sure enough
although its been so long... i'm still reminded to drink water every
morning as i make my coffee pot ready. not that i always listen to my
brain. so as i really want to create a habit of stop and think before
reacting (to messes or whatever)... then it takes consistent effort.
and its paying off for sure :-)
-=-=-=-=-
I've heard that too.
Oddly enough, 12 years of schooling doesn't form the "habit" of getting
up early every day.
But I don't want to live by "habit." I want to make conscious choices
every single moment.
Your water drinking isn't a "habit." It's a choice. A choice you make
every day.
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org<http://www.liveandlearnconference.org/>
--
Hema A. Bharadwaj
Pune, India
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]