My husband's latest comments
beanmommy2
As you may know, my husband is "doubting unschooling," so to speak,
and I've been trying to enlighten him.
Two of his latest comments have been:
"I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
doing, but you're really not."
and
"Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
surprised that her son is doing so well."
In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
It might be fair to mention that I do, in fact, have a chronic
illness.
Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
professor" is one of them.
Thanks again!
Jenny
and I've been trying to enlighten him.
Two of his latest comments have been:
"I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
doing, but you're really not."
and
"Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
surprised that her son is doing so well."
In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
It might be fair to mention that I do, in fact, have a chronic
illness.
Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
professor" is one of them.
Thanks again!
Jenny
[email protected]
Jenny, is he willing to read? John Holt, or The Parenting Pit? I mention
those 2 because they are men, and sometimes men respond better to other males.
I'm sorry this is happening. I've met with criticism from DH, but he's
putting all his eggies in one basket with me now :) It took TIME and is still
taking that time, for that matter. But it's happening. Results, seeing the kids
feel good and expand, are helping the most, too. Plus, I have his culture
involved, which basically allows for the woman to be the Supreme Ruler of All
That Is Child ;) So, yes, I USE that one :)
Hang in there, Jenny! I'll get better. Hope you're feeling well.
Karen
**************It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms, and advice on AOL Money &
Finance. (http://money.aol.com/tax?NCID=aolprf00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
those 2 because they are men, and sometimes men respond better to other males.
I'm sorry this is happening. I've met with criticism from DH, but he's
putting all his eggies in one basket with me now :) It took TIME and is still
taking that time, for that matter. But it's happening. Results, seeing the kids
feel good and expand, are helping the most, too. Plus, I have his culture
involved, which basically allows for the woman to be the Supreme Ruler of All
That Is Child ;) So, yes, I USE that one :)
Hang in there, Jenny! I'll get better. Hope you're feeling well.
Karen
**************It's Tax Time! Get tips, forms, and advice on AOL Money &
Finance. (http://money.aol.com/tax?NCID=aolprf00030000000001)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: beanmommy2 <beanmommy2@...>
"I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
doing, but you're really not."
and
"Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
surprised that her son is doing so well."
-=-=-=-=-
<snort> I guess that's me. <G>
-=-=-=-=-
In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
-=-=-=-=-=
And his solution is to do what? Cut you down until you stop? Before
getting it right?
If that's his attitude, then *HE* doesn't have what it takes to
unschool.
Maybe he could back off long enough to let you have a go at it.
Being either a college professor or an entrepreneur doesn't happen
because we *stop* pursuing our goals. Both require a certain amount of
glue. A LOT of glue.
Tenacity can be fragile. Cutting down another's dream has got to be one
of the TOP things that can stop unschooling from succeeding.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
professor" is one of them.
-=-=-=-=-
Trust
Respect
Curiosity
Creativity
Honesty
Generosity
Patience
...and I'll add Tenacity <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: beanmommy2 <beanmommy2@...>
"I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
doing, but you're really not."
and
"Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
surprised that her son is doing so well."
-=-=-=-=-
<snort> I guess that's me. <G>
-=-=-=-=-
In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
-=-=-=-=-=
And his solution is to do what? Cut you down until you stop? Before
getting it right?
If that's his attitude, then *HE* doesn't have what it takes to
unschool.
Maybe he could back off long enough to let you have a go at it.
Being either a college professor or an entrepreneur doesn't happen
because we *stop* pursuing our goals. Both require a certain amount of
glue. A LOT of glue.
Tenacity can be fragile. Cutting down another's dream has got to be one
of the TOP things that can stop unschooling from succeeding.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
professor" is one of them.
-=-=-=-=-
Trust
Respect
Curiosity
Creativity
Honesty
Generosity
Patience
...and I'll add Tenacity <G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: kbcdlovejo@...
-=-=-=-=-
Trust
Respect
Curiosity
Creativity
Honesty
Generosity
Patience
...and I'll add Tenacity <G>
-=-=-=-
And after showering, I'd like to add one more:
Spousal Support.
If the spouse cannot be supportive, at the absolute *minimum*, he
should agree to not be *sabotaging* the whole process!
Children (adults too!) *need* to know that they are supported in their
choices. Having that modeled for them---parent on parent---is HUGE.
I grew up in a family which was supportive of each other's interests.
Had I grown up in a family which belittled each other's interests, I
might not have taken on so many businesses or entrepreneurial
opportunities. I might have been afraid to try new things. Or ashamed
to think new thoughts. Too scared to go out on a limb. I'm grateful to
have had a dad who was willing to pick me up when I failed---and then
support me *again* with the next "great new idea."
Parents have soooo much input here! When a child wants to try something
new or different, he needs to be/feel supported. Otherwise, how will he
get his feet up under himself?
ANy time we try something really, really new, it's like crawling around
on our hands and knees in the dark. Sometimes, our eyes adjust to the
dark. Sometimes we slowly rise up on two unsteady legs, toe-tapping
with our arms out in front of us before we take a real step.
If we have someone who loves us nearby with a flashlight or a Bic
lighter---or---GraciousDay---a LIGHT SWITCH!, we can move forward
faster and faster. If we have someone to hold our hands, whose eyes are
already adjusted, who can be our guide, we can take bigger and bigger
steps.
Even if we have someone *behind* us encouraging us on is better than
someone behind us making us afraid or telling us we're too incompetent
to even bother.
If we have someone we love telling us "It's too dark." and "There may
be a cliff ahead!" and "It's too scary!"---we may feel that it's best
to just stay put, sitting in one place. In the dark.
Having some we love tell us, "You can DO it!" "I believe in you!" "How
can *I* help you?" "Where do we start?" and "Let's DO it!" ---THAT can
shine a light and give us wings.
THis is true for children AND spouses---well, and anybody we love!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: kbcdlovejo@...
-=-=-=-=-
Trust
Respect
Curiosity
Creativity
Honesty
Generosity
Patience
...and I'll add Tenacity <G>
-=-=-=-
And after showering, I'd like to add one more:
Spousal Support.
If the spouse cannot be supportive, at the absolute *minimum*, he
should agree to not be *sabotaging* the whole process!
Children (adults too!) *need* to know that they are supported in their
choices. Having that modeled for them---parent on parent---is HUGE.
I grew up in a family which was supportive of each other's interests.
Had I grown up in a family which belittled each other's interests, I
might not have taken on so many businesses or entrepreneurial
opportunities. I might have been afraid to try new things. Or ashamed
to think new thoughts. Too scared to go out on a limb. I'm grateful to
have had a dad who was willing to pick me up when I failed---and then
support me *again* with the next "great new idea."
Parents have soooo much input here! When a child wants to try something
new or different, he needs to be/feel supported. Otherwise, how will he
get his feet up under himself?
ANy time we try something really, really new, it's like crawling around
on our hands and knees in the dark. Sometimes, our eyes adjust to the
dark. Sometimes we slowly rise up on two unsteady legs, toe-tapping
with our arms out in front of us before we take a real step.
If we have someone who loves us nearby with a flashlight or a Bic
lighter---or---GraciousDay---a LIGHT SWITCH!, we can move forward
faster and faster. If we have someone to hold our hands, whose eyes are
already adjusted, who can be our guide, we can take bigger and bigger
steps.
Even if we have someone *behind* us encouraging us on is better than
someone behind us making us afraid or telling us we're too incompetent
to even bother.
If we have someone we love telling us "It's too dark." and "There may
be a cliff ahead!" and "It's too scary!"---we may feel that it's best
to just stay put, sitting in one place. In the dark.
Having some we love tell us, "You can DO it!" "I believe in you!" "How
can *I* help you?" "Where do we start?" and "Let's DO it!" ---THAT can
shine a light and give us wings.
THis is true for children AND spouses---well, and anybody we love!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
brad jones
No, there are no "necessary traits". Sounds to me like he has a certain definition of "right way" and "successful" perhaps different than your's. He simply needs to be convinced his opinion is not the only one that counts....
So if you are asking how to convince him of that. Sounds like he simply needs to be convinced to trust your opinion more or as much as his own. Why does he not?
beanmommy2 <beanmommy2@...> wrote:
As you may know, my husband is "doubting unschooling," so to speak,
and I've been trying to enlighten him.
Two of his latest comments have been:
"I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
doing, but you're really not."
and
"Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
surprised that her son is doing so well."
In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
It might be fair to mention that I do, in fact, have a chronic
illness.
Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
professor" is one of them.
Thanks again!
Jenny
---------------------------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
So if you are asking how to convince him of that. Sounds like he simply needs to be convinced to trust your opinion more or as much as his own. Why does he not?
beanmommy2 <beanmommy2@...> wrote:
As you may know, my husband is "doubting unschooling," so to speak,
and I've been trying to enlighten him.
Two of his latest comments have been:
"I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
doing, but you're really not."
and
"Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
surprised that her son is doing so well."
In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
It might be fair to mention that I do, in fact, have a chronic
illness.
Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
professor" is one of them.
Thanks again!
Jenny
---------------------------------
Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
And sadly, this is the story of my life. :-(
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to help my children do otherwise.
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to help my children do otherwise.
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
> Had I grown up in a family which belittled each other's interests, I
> might not have taken on so many businesses or entrepreneurial
> opportunities. I might have been afraid to try new things. Or ashamed
> to think new thoughts. Too scared to go out on a limb.
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
And sadly, this is the story of my life. :-(
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to help my children do otherwise.
=-=-=-=-
GREAT for your children!
But it's not too late to heal that child in *you*!
What do you want to do?
I'm your biggest cheerleader! And butt-kicker! <G>
*I* know you can do it! Can I help in some way?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
And sadly, this is the story of my life. :-(
I'm so grateful for the opportunity to help my children do otherwise.
=-=-=-=-
GREAT for your children!
But it's not too late to heal that child in *you*!
What do you want to do?
I'm your biggest cheerleader! And butt-kicker! <G>
*I* know you can do it! Can I help in some way?
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Melissa Gray
Sending big raspberries to your husband, and big hugs to you.
The first thing I had to learn in unschooling is that I couldn't
possibly do it the way everyone else was doing it. Our family is
different from every other family on the planet, and thus our needs
and desires are different.
The second item is addressed by my favorite quote "I have never let
my schooling get in the way of my education", Twain. Sure, having a
college degree, and even experience teaching in a university setting
is cool. But is by no means the penultimate in being educated, and it
doesn't necessarily reflect wisdom. My MIL was an eighth grade
graduate, but one of the most intelligent, knowledge-filled people I
know. Mostly this was because she had a great passion for knowledge,
and the support of her family in choosing a life that suited her.
Chronic illnesses don't change my opinion on whether or not
unschooling is effective, I think. If we believe that we learn
through living, then living a quality life, regardless of physical
limitations, is important. We actually came to unschooling when I was
on bedrest for premature labor. Up until then, we had followed a
school-at-home program. Lo and behold, they were learning MORE
without me interrupting them lol!
I like Kelly's list of traits. She's much better spoken than I am,
but I wanted to share my short points.
Good luck.
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
The first thing I had to learn in unschooling is that I couldn't
possibly do it the way everyone else was doing it. Our family is
different from every other family on the planet, and thus our needs
and desires are different.
The second item is addressed by my favorite quote "I have never let
my schooling get in the way of my education", Twain. Sure, having a
college degree, and even experience teaching in a university setting
is cool. But is by no means the penultimate in being educated, and it
doesn't necessarily reflect wisdom. My MIL was an eighth grade
graduate, but one of the most intelligent, knowledge-filled people I
know. Mostly this was because she had a great passion for knowledge,
and the support of her family in choosing a life that suited her.
Chronic illnesses don't change my opinion on whether or not
unschooling is effective, I think. If we believe that we learn
through living, then living a quality life, regardless of physical
limitations, is important. We actually came to unschooling when I was
on bedrest for premature labor. Up until then, we had followed a
school-at-home program. Lo and behold, they were learning MORE
without me interrupting them lol!
I like Kelly's list of traits. She's much better spoken than I am,
but I wanted to share my short points.
Good luck.
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
On Mar 4, 2008, at 11:39 AM, beanmommy2 wrote:
> As you may know, my husband is "doubting unschooling," so to speak,
> and I've been trying to enlighten him.
>
> Two of his latest comments have been:
>
> "I think you *think* you're doing what these other unschoolers are
> doing, but you're really not."
>
> and
>
> "Well, it depends on the family. Sure, if the parent is a college
> professor, their kid is going to learn a lot and do well. And if the
> parent has her own business grooming dogs or whatever, then she's
> obviously got drive and an entreprenuerial capability, so I'm not
> surprised that her son is doing so well."
>
> In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can be
> good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
> doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
>
> It might be fair to mention that I do, in fact, have a chronic
> illness.
>
> Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking? Also, is there a
> list anywhere (or would you care to write one?) about what kinds of
> traits a parents "needs" to be successful at unschooling? I'm sure
> there are necessary traits, but I tend to doubt that "be a college
> professor" is one of them.
>
> Thanks again!
> Jenny
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Melissa Gray <autismhelp@...>
I like Kelly's list of traits. She's much better spoken than I am,
but I wanted to share my short points.
-=-=-=-=-
Bullshit.
The more you DO it, the better you get.
I just write more.
Hint hint!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: Melissa Gray <autismhelp@...>
I like Kelly's list of traits. She's much better spoken than I am,
but I wanted to share my short points.
-=-=-=-=-
Bullshit.
The more you DO it, the better you get.
I just write more.
Hint hint!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
swissarmy_wife
I won't even ask how you did it. I don't cry easily. I AM pregnant
but even then... something about your words made me BURST into
tears!!! Thanks for the mascara stains. :-P
OK - what do I want to do?
1. Be the parent I wished I had my entire life.
2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
3. Go through this life slowly eradicating the guilt I feel every day,
without projecting it onto my children.
4. Have this baby naturally. (I've had two c-sections)
5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschool
regulations!!! :-)
-and-
6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
the background of a mural I've been planning! Whatchya think hunny?!?
(he reads here a lot.)
Is that too much to ask???
but even then... something about your words made me BURST into
tears!!! Thanks for the mascara stains. :-P
OK - what do I want to do?
1. Be the parent I wished I had my entire life.
2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
3. Go through this life slowly eradicating the guilt I feel every day,
without projecting it onto my children.
4. Have this baby naturally. (I've had two c-sections)
5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschool
regulations!!! :-)
-and-
6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
the background of a mural I've been planning! Whatchya think hunny?!?
(he reads here a lot.)
Is that too much to ask???
>
> GREAT for your children!
>
> But it's not too late to heal that child in *you*!
>
> What do you want to do?
>
> I'm your biggest cheerleader! And butt-kicker! <G>
>
> *I* know you can do it! Can I help in some way?
>
>
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
Melissa Gray
Yeah, every time I write about how this disability or that shouldn't
stop you from unschooling, someone gets pissed off.
So, I don't.
Teehee. Give me a few more years, and I'll be just like Kelly <sigh>
with *stars* in my eyes. (hugs)
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
stop you from unschooling, someone gets pissed off.
So, I don't.
Teehee. Give me a few more years, and I'll be just like Kelly <sigh>
with *stars* in my eyes. (hugs)
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
On Mar 4, 2008, at 2:45 PM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: Melissa Gray <autismhelp@...>
>
> I like Kelly's list of traits. She's much better spoken than I am,
> but I wanted to share my short points.
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Bullshit.
>
> The more you DO it, the better you get.
>
> I just write more.
>
> Hint hint!
>
> ~Kelly
>
> Kelly Lovejoy
> Conference Coordinator
> Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa Gray
(hugs)
Your list is alot like mine when we started unschooling...and when I
realized that unschooling was just as important for ME as it was the
kids. Maybe more so, because they take it for GRANTED....that they
deserve good parents and freedom and choices. Me, i'm slowly pounding
it into my thick skull.
I had a c-section with my first....followed by six vbacs. It can be
done!!! Legislation has made it more difficult, requires
intervention, which in turn increases your chances of csection.
Good luck....
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
Your list is alot like mine when we started unschooling...and when I
realized that unschooling was just as important for ME as it was the
kids. Maybe more so, because they take it for GRANTED....that they
deserve good parents and freedom and choices. Me, i'm slowly pounding
it into my thick skull.
I had a c-section with my first....followed by six vbacs. It can be
done!!! Legislation has made it more difficult, requires
intervention, which in turn increases your chances of csection.
Good luck....
Melissa
Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
Wife to Zane
blog me at
http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
On Mar 4, 2008, at 2:47 PM, swissarmy_wife wrote:
> I won't even ask how you did it. I don't cry easily. I AM pregnant
> but even then... something about your words made me BURST into
> tears!!! Thanks for the mascara stains. :-P
>
> OK - what do I want to do?
>
> 1. Be the parent I wished I had my entire life.
> 2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
> 3. Go through this life slowly eradicating the guilt I feel every day,
> without projecting it onto my children.
> 4. Have this baby naturally. (I've had two c-sections)
> 5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschool
> regulations!!! :-)
> -and-
> 6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
> Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
> the background of a mural I've been planning! Whatchya think hunny?!?
> (he reads here a lot.)
>
> Is that too much to ask???
>
> >
> > GREAT for your children!
> >
> > But it's not too late to heal that child in *you*!
> >
> > What do you want to do?
> >
> > I'm your biggest cheerleader! And butt-kicker! <G>
> >
> > *I* know you can do it! Can I help in some way?
> >
> >
> >
> > ~Kelly
> >
> > Kelly Lovejoy
> > Conference Coordinator
> > Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
> > http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
> >
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Karen Swanay
I have Systemic Lupus, Fibromyalgia and Sjogren's syndrome (for
now...autoimmune disorders tend to collect over the years) and I find
unschooling EASIER on me physically than school was. Your husband
doesn't understand I'm guessing. For me when I don't feel well, the
boys know I need some time to just rest so we do quiet things
together. When I'm having good days we do more rowdy stuff and things
that require energy. And this is SOOO much easier than it was when I
had them in school. Not to mention that school exposes the kids to
more germs which meant I was sick more. Now I don't totally "get"
unschooling yet. But I think the energy I'm using is the same or
perhaps more than I would use if I were doing it as some of these
ladies do so it can only get better.
Karen
now...autoimmune disorders tend to collect over the years) and I find
unschooling EASIER on me physically than school was. Your husband
doesn't understand I'm guessing. For me when I don't feel well, the
boys know I need some time to just rest so we do quiet things
together. When I'm having good days we do more rowdy stuff and things
that require energy. And this is SOOO much easier than it was when I
had them in school. Not to mention that school exposes the kids to
more germs which meant I was sick more. Now I don't totally "get"
unschooling yet. But I think the energy I'm using is the same or
perhaps more than I would use if I were doing it as some of these
ladies do so it can only get better.
Karen
swissarmy_wife
Yeah emotional baggage doesn't die easily. But we're getting there.
I can honestly say that of all the things I've done to try and "heal"
unschooling is the one that works.
thanks for the kind words!
--- In [email protected], Melissa Gray
<autismhelp@...> wrote:
I can honestly say that of all the things I've done to try and "heal"
unschooling is the one that works.
thanks for the kind words!
--- In [email protected], Melissa Gray
<autismhelp@...> wrote:
>
> (hugs)
>
> Your list is alot like mine when we started unschooling...and when I
> realized that unschooling was just as important for ME as it was the
> kids. Maybe more so, because they take it for GRANTED....that they
> deserve good parents and freedom and choices. Me, i'm slowly pounding
> it into my thick skull.
>
> I had a c-section with my first....followed by six vbacs. It can be
> done!!! Legislation has made it more difficult, requires
> intervention, which in turn increases your chances of csection.
> Good luck....
>
> Melissa
> Mom to Joshua, Breanna, Emily, Rachel, Samuel, Daniel and Avari
> Wife to Zane
>
> blog me at
> http://startlinglives.blogspot.com/
diana jenner
On Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 12:47 PM, swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
wrote:
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
wrote:
> OK - what do I want to do?Methinks there is no such thing as asking too much ;)
>
> 1. Be the parent I wished I had my entire life.
>
> **Me too!!
>
> 2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
>
> **I've begun parenting MYSELF through memories of my childhood (imagining
> the difference if I'd been my own mama) and providing lots and lots of
> gentle, loving parenting to my own mama as well.
>
> 3. Go through this life slowly eradicating the guilt I feel every day,
> without projecting it onto my children.
>
> **I had a little meeting with Guilt one day.. we sat down and I thanked G
> for a job well done in my life, how much I appreciated all of the things
> that G has helped me recognize in my life. And "here's your pinkslip, your
> services are no longer needed" really helped! When Guilt stops by for a
> visit now and then, I thank G for coming and ask what is the real message
> Guilt is giving me right now?? Always insightful :)
>
>
> 4. Have this baby naturally. (I've had two c-sections)
>
> **You Can Do It!! :) Dayna Martin (an amazing unschooling mama, check her
> out on YouTube) just had the most beautiful, fearless birth I'd ever heard
> of... what is possible is way bigger than even *I* suspected :D
>
> 5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschool
> regulations!!! :-)
>
> **I haven't had the energy to do this my own self, so kudos to you :)
>
> -and-
> 6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
> Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
> the background of a mural I've been planning! Whatchya think hunny?!?
> (he reads here a lot.)
>
> **Nesting?? I love the catharsis of painting -- much like when I'm baking,
> I can work things out in my head and *feel productive* at the same time --
> soon I'm done with the physical work and I've resolved all kinds of things
> in my own head :)
>
>
> Is that too much to ask???
>
>
>
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
I won't even ask how you did it. I don't cry easily. I AM pregnant
but even then... something about your words made me BURST into
tears!!! Thanks for the mascara stains. :-P
-=-=-=-
LOL! Glad to help!
See what I've done already?! <BWG> (yikes!)
-=-=-=-=-
OK - what do I want to do?
1. Be the parent I wished I had my entire life.
-=-=-=-=-
Just stay the course. That's a long-term goal and lasts the span of
your life and your children's lives.
You can be better every single day.
And what a gift to your kids!
-=-=-=-=-=-
2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
-=-=-=-=
Yeah---a big part of that is healing the child in you by being the
parent you wished you'd had.
Maybe consider that the reason you are working so hard now to be the
BEST parent you can be is *because* of the creepy parents you had!
They made you a better parent by being crappy ones. Look for the GOOD
in what's happened---'cause you can't *change* it!
-=-=-=-
3. Go through this life slowly eradicating the guilt I feel every day,
without projecting it onto my children.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm not a big fan of feeling "guilty."
"Guilty" is what a man says when his luck has run out in court. <g>
What have you done to feel guilty about anyway? (No need to answer
here! Just ask yourself.)
You don't have to slowly eradicate a guilty feeling. Just stop. Now.
Who needs guilt???
=-=-=-=-=-=-
4. Have this baby naturally. (I've had two c-sections)
-=-=-=-=-
Weeeelll---I can't help you there! <G>
But good luck with that! <G>
-=-=-=-
5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschool
regulations!!! :-)
-=-=-=-=-=-
Have you looked into serving on the local school board?
Or even showing up at the statehouse when they are discussing
homeschool legislation? Or volunteering for a local legislator?
-=-=-=-=-=-
6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
the background of a mural I've been planning!
-=-=-=-=-=-
Can ya' beat YELLOW? I have a yellow HOUSE! <g> Grey shutters and white
trim and dark green highlights (doors, risers, etc.) Bright and cheery!
Oh---my room and Duncan's room are both yellow too---I forgot! Just
very different yellows. My room's mellower than Dunc's. His is bright
golden yellow. With deep red and black---and dragons!
What kind of mural? Send us photos! Ren's a mural queen!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Whatchya think hunny?!? (he reads here a lot.)
-=-=-=-=-
Cool!
He doesn't think we're *too* crazy, does he? <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-
Is that too much to ask???
=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ya' know---what's the worst that can happen if you ask?
Someone says "no"??? So....find someone else to ask. <g>
In my opinion, you haven't even BEGUN to start doing!
I bet there's *much* longer list just waiting to be begun!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
I won't even ask how you did it. I don't cry easily. I AM pregnant
but even then... something about your words made me BURST into
tears!!! Thanks for the mascara stains. :-P
-=-=-=-
LOL! Glad to help!
See what I've done already?! <BWG> (yikes!)
-=-=-=-=-
OK - what do I want to do?
1. Be the parent I wished I had my entire life.
-=-=-=-=-
Just stay the course. That's a long-term goal and lasts the span of
your life and your children's lives.
You can be better every single day.
And what a gift to your kids!
-=-=-=-=-=-
2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
-=-=-=-=
Yeah---a big part of that is healing the child in you by being the
parent you wished you'd had.
Maybe consider that the reason you are working so hard now to be the
BEST parent you can be is *because* of the creepy parents you had!
They made you a better parent by being crappy ones. Look for the GOOD
in what's happened---'cause you can't *change* it!
-=-=-=-
3. Go through this life slowly eradicating the guilt I feel every day,
without projecting it onto my children.
-=-=-=-=-=-
I'm not a big fan of feeling "guilty."
"Guilty" is what a man says when his luck has run out in court. <g>
What have you done to feel guilty about anyway? (No need to answer
here! Just ask yourself.)
You don't have to slowly eradicate a guilty feeling. Just stop. Now.
Who needs guilt???
=-=-=-=-=-=-
4. Have this baby naturally. (I've had two c-sections)
-=-=-=-=-
Weeeelll---I can't help you there! <G>
But good luck with that! <G>
-=-=-=-
5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschool
regulations!!! :-)
-=-=-=-=-=-
Have you looked into serving on the local school board?
Or even showing up at the statehouse when they are discussing
homeschool legislation? Or volunteering for a local legislator?
-=-=-=-=-=-
6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
the background of a mural I've been planning!
-=-=-=-=-=-
Can ya' beat YELLOW? I have a yellow HOUSE! <g> Grey shutters and white
trim and dark green highlights (doors, risers, etc.) Bright and cheery!
Oh---my room and Duncan's room are both yellow too---I forgot! Just
very different yellows. My room's mellower than Dunc's. His is bright
golden yellow. With deep red and black---and dragons!
What kind of mural? Send us photos! Ren's a mural queen!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Whatchya think hunny?!? (he reads here a lot.)
-=-=-=-=-
Cool!
He doesn't think we're *too* crazy, does he? <g>
-=-=-=-=-=-
Is that too much to ask???
=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ya' know---what's the worst that can happen if you ask?
Someone says "no"??? So....find someone else to ask. <g>
In my opinion, you haven't even BEGUN to start doing!
I bet there's *much* longer list just waiting to be begun!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
Karen Swanay
> -----Original Message-----********************************
> From: swissarmy_wife <heatherbean@...>
>
>
> 2. Stop wishing I had the parent I always wanted.
>
We get two chances at a parent-child relationship, the first one we
have no control over, the second one (with our kids) we can build in
the way we wish we had been parented.
Karen
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: diana jenner <hahamommy@...>
Methinks there is no such thing as asking too much ;)
-=-=-=-
Diana GETS this!
Two years ago when Hannah was first admitted to the hospital, I called
and asks Diana what she needed. Usually people say, "AW, thanks. I'm
just fine. Thanks for asking, but I'm fine. Really."
Diana said, through tears: "I can't find my Birkenstocks!"
Humph---*I* can DO that! What size?
I went right out that night and bought and sent her a scrumptious pair
of shoes.
I don't know what became of the missing pair of shoes; but because she
asked, I could DO something. Something simple, but it was important at
the time. To Diana.
And it allowed me to help *her*.
What many people fail to understand is that others *want* to help. If
someone cares for you (and sometimes if he doesn't even *know* you!
Check out freecycle!), he doesn't want you to fail or be lost or be
needy. People *will* help. Sometimes you *do* have to ask though!
Always ask. They can only say no. You have nothing to lose!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
From: diana jenner <hahamommy@...>
Methinks there is no such thing as asking too much ;)
-=-=-=-
Diana GETS this!
Two years ago when Hannah was first admitted to the hospital, I called
and asks Diana what she needed. Usually people say, "AW, thanks. I'm
just fine. Thanks for asking, but I'm fine. Really."
Diana said, through tears: "I can't find my Birkenstocks!"
Humph---*I* can DO that! What size?
I went right out that night and bought and sent her a scrumptious pair
of shoes.
I don't know what became of the missing pair of shoes; but because she
asked, I could DO something. Something simple, but it was important at
the time. To Diana.
And it allowed me to help *her*.
What many people fail to understand is that others *want* to help. If
someone cares for you (and sometimes if he doesn't even *know* you!
Check out freecycle!), he doesn't want you to fail or be lost or be
needy. People *will* help. Sometimes you *do* have to ask though!
Always ask. They can only say no. You have nothing to lose!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
diana jenner
I gotta tell ya, it was a HUGE blessing to be told yes :D
After my first bout of grieving, more people than you can count said
"Anything I can do, just call!" Most folk, deep down inside, would prefer I
didn't call at all -- especially when I would call with "Can you come over
and do some laundry so I can be with my kids?" or answer that question with
"I'd sure like someone to come over and vacuum or the bathroom really needs
tending" A very small handful took themselves at their word and did come
over and give the exact kind of help I needed -- the vast majority though
realized how empty their offers were and most of them were what I would have
considered "good friends"
The now *found* birks have become Hayden's :)
After my first bout of grieving, more people than you can count said
"Anything I can do, just call!" Most folk, deep down inside, would prefer I
didn't call at all -- especially when I would call with "Can you come over
and do some laundry so I can be with my kids?" or answer that question with
"I'd sure like someone to come over and vacuum or the bathroom really needs
tending" A very small handful took themselves at their word and did come
over and give the exact kind of help I needed -- the vast majority though
realized how empty their offers were and most of them were what I would have
considered "good friends"
The now *found* birks have become Hayden's :)
On Tue, Mar 4, 2008 at 2:21 PM, <kbcdlovejo@...> wrote:
> -----Original Message-----
> From: diana jenner <hahamommy@... <hahamommy%40gmail.com>>
>
> Methinks there is no such thing as asking too much ;)
>
> -=-=-=-
>
> Diana GETS this!
>
> Two years ago when Hannah was first admitted to the hospital, I called
> and asks Diana what she needed. Usually people say, "AW, thanks. I'm
> just fine. Thanks for asking, but I'm fine. Really."
>
> Diana said, through tears: "I can't find my Birkenstocks!"
>
> Humph---*I* can DO that! What size?
>
> I went right out that night and bought and sent her a scrumptious pair
> of shoes.
>
> I don't know what became of the missing pair of shoes; but because she
> asked, I could DO something. Something simple, but it was important at
> the time. To Diana.
>
> And it allowed me to help *her*.
>
> What many people fail to understand is that others *want* to help. If
> someone cares for you (and sometimes if he doesn't even *know* you!
> Check out freecycle!), he doesn't want you to fail or be lost or be
> needy. People *will* help. Sometimes you *do* have to ask though!
>
> Always ask. They can only say no. You have nothing to lose!
>
>
>
>
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], "diana jenner"
<hahamommy@...> wrote:
pretty free day on the computer, and all day I've been
watching/participating in these post on my state yahoo group.
Everyone is so wrapped up trying to keep the DOE on task, and abiding
by their own laws, that they have completely dropped the idea of
changing and repealing the ridiculous statutes that we have! I swear
to you I think the DOE is doing it on purpose. I think its a tactic
to keep US at bay, while we think we're keeping THEM at bay. As of
now, I am flying under the radar, but I may have to enroll in order to
gt involved. *sigh*
(as of April) and REALLY needing some color. And by some, I mean the
whole rainbow and beyond! Every wall was white when we moved in!
<hahamommy@...> wrote:
> > 5. Get into politics little by little. Down with homeschoolI love politics. Opinions come naturally to me. ;-) I've had a
> > regulations!!! :-)
> >
>
>
> > **I haven't had the energy to do this my own self, so kudos to you :)
pretty free day on the computer, and all day I've been
watching/participating in these post on my state yahoo group.
Everyone is so wrapped up trying to keep the DOE on task, and abiding
by their own laws, that they have completely dropped the idea of
changing and repealing the ridiculous statutes that we have! I swear
to you I think the DOE is doing it on purpose. I think its a tactic
to keep US at bay, while we think we're keeping THEM at bay. As of
now, I am flying under the radar, but I may have to enroll in order to
gt involved. *sigh*
> >baking,
>
>
> > -and-
> > 6. I want to paint! and now that I wrote that, and I'm going to Home
> > Depot anyway, I'm thinking about a gallon of bright sunny yellow for
> > the background of a mural I've been planning! Whatchya think hunny?!?
> > (he reads here a lot.)
> >
>
>
> > **Nesting?? I love the catharsis of painting -- much like when I'm
> > I can work things out in my head and *feel productive* at the sametime --
> > soon I'm done with the physical work and I've resolved all kindsof things
> > in my own head :)A little bit of nesting a little bit of hobby a little bit of new home
> >
(as of April) and REALLY needing some color. And by some, I mean the
whole rainbow and beyond! Every wall was white when we moved in!
>Yeah I agree. One can never ask too much!
> Methinks there is no such thing as asking too much ;)
swissarmy_wife
--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
With deep red and black---and dragons!
Awesome!
> What kind of mural? Send us photos! Ren's a mural queen!
Something I saw on a television show. I guess you'll have to wait on
> He doesn't think we're *too* crazy, does he? <g>
Nope. He's right on board and totally into unschooling. Did I
mention he is a superhero? :-)
> In my opinion, you haven't even BEGUN to start doing!
Not lately. Pregnancy really sucks the creativity right out of me.
I've definitely been feeling moody and a little down lately. Well,
that and its not spring yet. WTF? :-)
> I bet there's *much* longer list just waiting to be begun!
oh the list is long! very very long. I just went with some of the
things on the top of the list. Now that you mention it, I make make
my own list and keep it for personal use though. Thanks!
Joyce Fetteroll
On Mar 4, 2008, at 12:39 PM, beanmommy2 wrote:
he doesn't know how to go about getting it. And the way he's chosen
to do it is really lousy. Like a 3 yo who kicks because he wants his
juice *now*.
Sympathize. Let him know you understand he's scared because he loves
his kids. (Compassion and understanding are great helps for worries.)
But you love them just as much and that's why you're doing so much
reading so you can get it right.
Turn the situation around. What if he'd gotten involved in some
philosophy that felt cultish to you and drew your children into it?
I'm thinking you'd be scared too. I suspect it would feel more
comforting to cling to your own philosophy than to find out more
about his. Sort of like a sane life line to help you pull your kids
back from something that could damage them.
Emphasize (in a compassionate way) that you love your kids and won't
hurt them for the world. Share what you're finding out about
unschooling. (Information is a great cure for fears.)
How would you handle it if one of your kids was rude to you because
they were scared and felt powerless and didn't know how to fix the
situation?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> In other words ... it sounds like he's saying, "Unschooling can beHe's scared. He loves his kids and he wants what's best for them but
> good, and these families are obviously successful, but you're not
> doing it right, and I don't think you have what it takes."
> Anyway, any comments about that sort of thinking?
he doesn't know how to go about getting it. And the way he's chosen
to do it is really lousy. Like a 3 yo who kicks because he wants his
juice *now*.
Sympathize. Let him know you understand he's scared because he loves
his kids. (Compassion and understanding are great helps for worries.)
But you love them just as much and that's why you're doing so much
reading so you can get it right.
Turn the situation around. What if he'd gotten involved in some
philosophy that felt cultish to you and drew your children into it?
I'm thinking you'd be scared too. I suspect it would feel more
comforting to cling to your own philosophy than to find out more
about his. Sort of like a sane life line to help you pull your kids
back from something that could damage them.
Emphasize (in a compassionate way) that you love your kids and won't
hurt them for the world. Share what you're finding out about
unschooling. (Information is a great cure for fears.)
How would you handle it if one of your kids was rude to you because
they were scared and felt powerless and didn't know how to fix the
situation?
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Debra Rossing
>**Nesting?? I love the catharsis of painting -- much like when I'mbaking, > I can work things out in my head and *feel productive* at the
same time --
> soon I'm done with the physical work and I've resolved all kinds ofthings > in my own head :)
LOL I just *had to* bake last night (I made a batch of Fudge Ecstasy
cookies - DS and DH LOVE them to pieces). I was grumbly because when I
got home, DH hadn't touched the two+ days of dishes in the sink and in
looking for something tucked away, had left stacks of stuff from one
cupboard all over the place (I got hit in the head with something that
fell off the top of the fridge when I opened the freezer!) So I baked
and did dishes (actually I find washing dishes with a nice orange oil
scented soap and maybe a nice votive candle on the window ledge above
the sink quite therapeutic) and by the time DH got home (he took his mom
to the hospital to visit FIL who has been in there since Dec 2) I was
relaxed and calm and ready to be there for him (visits to his dad always
get him tense).
The last two weekends, DH accused me of nesting because I was rooting
through closets and even the basement storage areas and such - I was
looking for stuff to give to a fund raiser tag sale at church. I AM not
nesting guys. At least, not for myself. I told DH that since his sister
was on bedrest for these last few weeks (really high blood pressure
going on) and couldn't nest for herself, I was nesting in surrogate LOL
Deb
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