Queana

Some of you may remember me... I was around a couple years ago when I
unschooled for like 5 months, but then decided not to continue and
quit posting. Well... I can't let it go. The unschooling, that is.
I can't find a community of parents anywhere else that believes, like
I do, in non-coercive parenting, I can't find women whose wisdom and
words I respect like those here (and other unschooling groups). I
just can't. I know that this is right for us, but am quite... nervous.

Nevertheless, I told the kids today that I would not be requiring any
more schoolwork from them, that they know a lot already and most of it
has been learned outside of school or school work, and that I knew
they could learn what and when they wanted or needed to. They acted
like it was Christmas. Well, the 8 y.o. did. The 12 y.o. was like,
didn't we try this before and it failed miserably? No, I said. Last
time we ended the school year early (2 months early) and so had an
extra long summer vacation, and then started up again the following
year. This time we are just quitting with the mandated schoolwork. I
don't want them to think it is temporary because that will defeat the
purpose, right?

Of course, now I am nervous... because I am afraid I will get too
absorbed in work, or other stuff and not focus enough time on them.
That has always been my rationale for not unschooling - unschooling
takes too much time.

I don't know what I'm looking for here... thoughts?

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Queana <queana7@...>


Some of you may remember me... I was around a couple years ago when I
unschooled for like 5 months, but then decided not to continue and
quit posting. Well... I can't let it go. The unschooling, that is.
I can't find a community of parents anywhere else that believes, like
I do, in non-coercive parenting, I can't find women whose wisdom and
words I respect like those here (and other unschooling groups). I
just can't. I know that this is right for us, but am quite... nervous.


-=-=-=-=-

I do remember you! Welcome back!

-==-=-=-=-

I don't want them to think it is temporary because that will defeat
the
purpose, right?

-=-=-=-=--=-

Right. Plus, you've already proved to them that it might be temporary
again, so it may take a while for them to believe you. Just be patient.
They can't help but learn, right? <g>

-=-=-=-=-=-

Of course, now I am nervous... because I am afraid I will get too
absorbed in work, or other stuff and not focus enough time on them.
That has always been my rationale for not unschooling - unschooling
takes too much time.

I don't know what I'm looking for here... thoughts?

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--

Unschooling *does* take a lot of time---especially in the beginning.
But as they get older, they start taking up the reins themselves---to
the point you can't keep up.

What were your issues last time? What made you start
"schooling-at-home" again?



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org

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carnationsgalore

> Some of you may remember me... I was around a couple years ago
> when I unschooled for like 5 months, but then decided not to
> continue and quit posting. Well... I can't let it go. The
> unschooling, that is.

Yes, I remember you. And I'm in the same boat. I have just
rejoined this group along with some others as my family has moved
back into unschooling. In the fall of 2006, my youngest daughter
decided to go to elementary school. When she didn't come home after
a couple of months, I started doing schooly stuff with my son who
was still a homeschooler. It was easy to get caught up in my old
schooled thinkings. My daughter lasted all of 3rd grade and about
one month into 4th grade when she decided she no longer wanted to be
in school. Since then, we've been been moving from relaxed
homeschooling back into unschooling. Last week I made the decision
to unschool completely, giving total power back to the kids. They
are happy to be unschoolers again but have told me they are sure
we'll migrate back to schooly stuff at some point. I didn't deny I
might start thinking like that, but asked them to help me find my
way and for us to just take life one day at a time.

Even though going to school was my daughter's idea and she has been
parented rather differently from many of her peers, school still
changed her. Since coming home, my dd9 has really been doing her
own thing. We finally did get her some curriculum and I left it up
to her to do as much or as little as she wanted. I considered it
deschooling time especially because she'd still be with us as her
brother and I were doing things together. (Guess I was thinking
learning through osmosis.) But still, when I talked to the kids
about returning to unschooling she was kind of freaked out at
first. She asked how she would get educated if we didn't follow a
schooly program. I was quite surprised by her question but we had a
really good talk.

So here I am, immersing myself back into a community of people that
make alot of sense to me. Just reading through posts is quite
helpful. :)

Beth M.

Joanne

Hello Queana, nice to see you again. :-)

>>>I can't find a community of parents anywhere else that believes,
like I do, in non-coercive parenting, I can't find women whose
wisdom and words I respect like those here (and other unschooling
groups). I just can't.>>>

Then read and post and share with us. :-)

>>>I know that this is right for us, but am quite... nervous.>>>

Nervous is okay. We all have those moments. I try to not act on them
and they usually pass. I come here, or I read some things I have
saved and it usually conforms what I know to be true.

>>>That has always been my rationale for not unschooling -
unschooling takes too much time.>>>

Yes, it takes time. But the time is time well spent...it's time
enjoyed, not time spent being frustrated with school work or trying
to force a child to do something.

Get involved! Do fun stuff! Be fun! Ask your kids for ideas!

I'm glad your back!!
Joanne
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/

Queana

--- In [email protected], kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> I do remember you! Welcome back!
>
> -==-=-=-=-
>

Thank you!!


> I don't want them to think it is temporary because that will defeat
> the
> purpose, right?
>
> -=-=-=-=--=-
>
> Right. Plus, you've already proved to them that it might be temporary
> again, so it may take a while for them to believe you. Just be patient.
> They can't help but learn, right? <g>
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-
>

Yes... and I am reminding myself that they are deschooling all over
again, as am I (although I'm not sure that's entirely possible for me).


> Of course, now I am nervous... because I am afraid I will get too
> absorbed in work, or other stuff and not focus enough time on them.
> That has always been my rationale for not unschooling - unschooling
> takes too much time.
>
> I don't know what I'm looking for here... thoughts?
>
> -=-=-=-=-=-=-=--
>
> Unschooling *does* take a lot of time---especially in the beginning.
> But as they get older, they start taking up the reins themselves---to
> the point you can't keep up.
>
> What were your issues last time? What made you start
> "schooling-at-home" again?
>

Well... there were many reasons really. My kids were enrolled in an
online homeschooling program which I worked for at the time, and I
(and they) felt loyal to it and didn't want to unenroll which would
mean a lot of creative finagling if they were unschooling. My kids
have always loved learning, and haven't become angry and jaded to it
like many kids who begin unschooling. I figured we must be doing just
fine since they still spent most of the day learning other stuff, and
were not turned off to schoolish stuff, and overall my relationship
with them was great. The job I was in was exhausting. I would get
wrapped up in it and my own stuff and not spend time doing things with
the kids.

What didn't work about homeschooling, though, is what has brought me
back. And it has more to do with relationship and parenting stuff
than education stuff. I have always believed in parenting as
non-coercively as possible. I respect my kids immensely, and treat
them as autonomous intelligent people. We've never limited games, tv,
etc. and never had set bedtimes. The things we do enforce, though,
are the things that are bothering me. Chores... this is my husband's
big thing, which I can't really control anyway. The chores they do
are tied to their allowance. They actually are fine with it usually,
but my husband is extremely demanding about it (i.e., do it right this
second).

My 12 y.o. is very stingy with his younger brother (8). 8 y.o. will
share and do anything for 12 y.o., but it is not reciprocated at all.
This really bothers me. I make him share sometimes, and I'm sure
that has contributed. I remember my 17 y.o. being similar with the 12
y.o. when they were younger, but he outgrew it. Still, it really gets
under my skin and I don't know if I should stay out of it or what. An
example would be, they both play Teen Second Life. 12 y.o. will get
some cool item which he could copy and give a copy to 8 y.o. with no
loss for himself but refuses to do it when asked.

My 12 y.o. was doing algebra, and would constantly go around saying,
"I hate math", which bothers me. Especially since he's really good at
it. What's the point of making a 12 y.o. learn Algebra just because
he's ready for it... if he wants to learn it in college he has plenty
of time for that.

The time factor... it's not that I don't want to spend the time. It's
that I don't necessarily trust myself to do it. For homeschooling, I
spent a few hours on the weekend planning and maybe a couple hours a
day actively working with the kids. A lot of the planning was done
for me by the program we were using, and some of the work they could
do independently (especially the 12 y.o.). That was about all the
on-time I had with the kids during the week, except for the occasional
WOW session, book reading, tv show or outing. I get bored/distracted
easily, there are few video games I enjoy, and when I'm reading
something (online or off) I am good at ignoring everything around me.
It is hard for me to remain focused with them unless we are doing
something I enjoy. But I think I was using the school time as
rationale for not spending other on-time with them. At least I would
get in that requirement each day and that would count for something.
Not to mention the taekwondo, gymnastics, scouts (cub and boy),
volunteering at the humane society... I don't want school work to be
my only on-time with my kids. But I don't want the lack of schoolwork
to allow me to not have that time.

So, there's my weaknesses, and failings, and fears. :)

~Q~
aka Sarah

Queana

--- In [email protected], "carnationsgalore"
<addled.homemaker@...> wrote:
>
> > Some of you may remember me... I was around a couple years ago
> > when I unschooled for like 5 months, but then decided not to
> > continue and quit posting. Well... I can't let it go. The
> > unschooling, that is.
>
> Yes, I remember you. And I'm in the same boat. I have just
> rejoined this group along with some others as my family has moved
> back into unschooling.

I remember you, too! Welcome back!

In the fall of 2006, my youngest daughter
> decided to go to elementary school. When she didn't come home after
> a couple of months, I started doing schooly stuff with my son who
> was still a homeschooler. It was easy to get caught up in my old
> schooled thinkings.

Yes it is! I write curriculum for a living for gods sake.


My daughter lasted all of 3rd grade and about
> one month into 4th grade when she decided she no longer wanted to be
> in school. Since then, we've been been moving from relaxed
> homeschooling back into unschooling. Last week I made the decision
> to unschool completely, giving total power back to the kids. They
> are happy to be unschoolers again but have told me they are sure
> we'll migrate back to schooly stuff at some point. I didn't deny I
> might start thinking like that, but asked them to help me find my
> way and for us to just take life one day at a time.
>

Yes, my kids are on to my wishywashiness too lol.


> Even though going to school was my daughter's idea and she has been
> parented rather differently from many of her peers, school still
> changed her. Since coming home, my dd9 has really been doing her
> own thing. We finally did get her some curriculum and I left it up
> to her to do as much or as little as she wanted. I considered it
> deschooling time especially because she'd still be with us as her
> brother and I were doing things together. (Guess I was thinking
> learning through osmosis.) But still, when I talked to the kids
> about returning to unschooling she was kind of freaked out at
> first. She asked how she would get educated if we didn't follow a
> schooly program. I was quite surprised by her question but we had a
> really good talk.
>

Wow... the school really got its hooks in her, eh?

> So here I am, immersing myself back into a community of people that
> make alot of sense to me. Just reading through posts is quite
> helpful. :)
>
> Beth M.
>

marji

At 10:55 2/20/2008, you wrote:
> >
> > Right. Plus, you've already proved to them that it might be temporary
> > again, so it may take a while for them to believe you. Just be patient.
> > They can't help but learn, right? <g>

>Yes... and I am reminding myself that they are deschooling all over
>again, as am I (although I'm not sure that's entirely possible for me).

Of course it's ABSOLUTELY possible for you! You are limited only by
your thoughts and beliefs! Belief in schoolish ways is not written
into your DNA. It's a belief, and you get to choose every single
thought and belief you have. While most of our thoughts and beliefs
got into our heads by default, you still get to evaluate them for
their accuracy, and you get to reject thoughts and beliefs you find
to be inaccurate or not fitting with your view of life.

:-)

You have all the power about what goes on in your head.

That's why it's so important to surround yourself with people (either
in real life or virtually) who are doing what you want to be doing
and will support you in making your transition.

~Marji :-)












~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<http://www.joyfullyparenting.com/>Joyfully Parenting & Life Coaching
<http://zintz-kunkel.blogspot.com/>Our Unschooling Life (a 'blog)
Live Fully ~ Live JoyFully!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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