Need help with unschooling!
hancai1997
I took my kids out of school this year to homeschool them. I have two
girls, eight and ten years old. After reading everything that I could
get my hands on about homeschooling, it is the unschooling philosophy
which has really appealed to me, and which I am trying to follow in my
home. However, I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to "do
more" with my kids. My ten year old was very damaged by school, in my
eyes. She was not successful, and I feel that school ultimately did a
lot to destroy her self-esteem. With both children, I can remember
them coming home and not wanting to do anything (other than veg out in
front of the TV, which they were not allowed to do). They rarely
asked questions, and they were not very imaginative at all. However,
since they have been home, they have turned into different children -
they are happy, affectionate, curious, and incredibly imaginative.
They can spend hours playing with their Polly Pockets, and they spend
hours reading for pleasure. This is how they mainly spend their days.
They get sidetracked by other things; for example, my older daughter
became fascinated with Star Wars, which led to curiosity about how the
movie was filmed, which led to watching documentaries about how the
movies were made. They are very busy with their play and reading (and
I am fine right now with all they are doing, and recognize what they
are getting out of it all), but, at the same time, the kids are very
resistant if I try to get them interested in other activities.
My husband is not happy with this. He wants me to "teach" them more,
or at least, have them do projects and experiments. However, the kids
are not cooperative with this idea at all. After reading everything
that I have read about unschooling and homeschooling, and having been
a teacher for over 10 years, I am fairly confident that they are still
in the "deschooling" stage, and I believe that in time they will
branch away from their intense "play" (which I feel is good for them
right now), and explore other areas of interest.
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school? Do you
develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this? Do you make them learn
about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
interests? Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so? Are your
children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
Any help or advice that you could give me would be appreciated - right
now, I need all the help I can get!
Thanks!
Michele
girls, eight and ten years old. After reading everything that I could
get my hands on about homeschooling, it is the unschooling philosophy
which has really appealed to me, and which I am trying to follow in my
home. However, I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to "do
more" with my kids. My ten year old was very damaged by school, in my
eyes. She was not successful, and I feel that school ultimately did a
lot to destroy her self-esteem. With both children, I can remember
them coming home and not wanting to do anything (other than veg out in
front of the TV, which they were not allowed to do). They rarely
asked questions, and they were not very imaginative at all. However,
since they have been home, they have turned into different children -
they are happy, affectionate, curious, and incredibly imaginative.
They can spend hours playing with their Polly Pockets, and they spend
hours reading for pleasure. This is how they mainly spend their days.
They get sidetracked by other things; for example, my older daughter
became fascinated with Star Wars, which led to curiosity about how the
movie was filmed, which led to watching documentaries about how the
movies were made. They are very busy with their play and reading (and
I am fine right now with all they are doing, and recognize what they
are getting out of it all), but, at the same time, the kids are very
resistant if I try to get them interested in other activities.
My husband is not happy with this. He wants me to "teach" them more,
or at least, have them do projects and experiments. However, the kids
are not cooperative with this idea at all. After reading everything
that I have read about unschooling and homeschooling, and having been
a teacher for over 10 years, I am fairly confident that they are still
in the "deschooling" stage, and I believe that in time they will
branch away from their intense "play" (which I feel is good for them
right now), and explore other areas of interest.
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school? Do you
develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this? Do you make them learn
about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
interests? Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so? Are your
children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
Any help or advice that you could give me would be appreciated - right
now, I need all the help I can get!
Thanks!
Michele
Joyce Fetteroll
On Dec 22, 2007, at 1:12 PM, hancai1997 wrote:
of 2nd grade.
teacher into the child, unschooling is about the child pulling what
intrigues them in. Our role is to create a rich environment where
there are plenty of things that *could* interest them and to help
them reach what interest them.
Unlike schooling where the answer to "Do you..."/"Should you..."
questions is "What does the teacher want to achieve,", the answer
with unschooling is "It depends. What does the child want?"
Some kids will like projects. Some won't. What do your kids like?
I suspect the answer in most cases is that the more the project feels
like it's something important that the mom wants to get into the
child, the more likely the child will pick up on that and feel
manipulated into learning.
At the beginning, it's probably best to avoid projects!
Picture getting an idea in your head that it would be fun to explore
cartoons from the beginning of film to the present day. But what if
your kids weren't wildly enthusiastic? How authentic would it feel to
pressure them?
something. Real life is actually the opposite. We do things and pick
the skills up as a side effect because we're interested in doing the
thing that interests us.
Kids don't learn English because we teach them. They learn English as
a side effect of trying to get what they want. They find words are
more effective than crying. The more effective a tool is, the more
often they pick it up. The more often they pick it up, the better
they get at it. No child ever decides to get better at English. It
just happens.
Same with math for an unschooling child. The world is full of number
manipulation. Kids want information about something that interests
them and sometimes they'll need to manipulate numbers to get it. As
a side effect they figure out how numbers work. Lots of my daughter's
early number exposure was in video games, asking questions about how
long until an event, making her own decisions on how to spend her
money, art software.
How depends on the child. Treat new ideas like comic books. How would
you introduce your child to a new comic book or cartoon? How would
you react if they shrugged their shoulders and didn't even want to
look? What if they tried it and didn't like it? How would you react?
Not everything we try is going to be met with enthusiasm. Often it
helps to just leave things out so that kids can pick them up when
they want. Keep those things rotated with new things. (It's called
strewing.)
Too often parents get the idea that the child needs to do x to get y
into them and they feel an internal pressure to get the child to do
something because their future base of knowledge depends on it. But
in real life, everything is connected to everything. There isn't just
one way or one opportunity to be exposed to addition or Columbus or
Shakespeare. Is there one way to be exposed to Superman or the Eiffel
Tower or the Spanish language? In a rich environment they will
encounter things dozens and dozens of times, picking up a little more
each time, building a bigger, more accurate picture.
world. If they turn one down, that leaves 999,999,999,999 more for
them to explore. Putting pressure on them to learn or do one
particular thing means you're in the way of them doing one of the
other 999,999,999,999 things.
tried to get them to understand what exactly we do. I think the less
they're told the details, the more vague but enthusiastic you are,
the better. Relatives worry. You don't need a daily break down to
soothe the worry. Enthusiasm and confidence go a long way.
"Everything's going great!" is good. "We'll keep doing this until it
stops working. When it stops working we'll try something else." is
another. I always used, "We just follow her interests where they
lead." The topic comes up here every couple of months so if you
search back in the archives you should find some good suggestions.
social situations. It just increases the shyness and feelings of
discomfort and inadequacy.
To a child who is shy or introverted or low on Gardner's
interpersonal intelligence scale, social "language" is like a foreign
language. Social kids pick the language up easy just like some kids
pick up spoken languages easily. Kids on the other end of the
spectrum don't pick it up easily. It takes them a long time and the
process can't be rushed.
Give them opportunities to interact but accept the pace they choose
to go at. If you take them to an unschooling park day and they won't
leave your side, don't see that as what will happen for the rest of
their lives. Accept that as what they need right now. Accept that
they will reach out as far as they need to when they're ready.
I've collected answers I've given over the past 12 years to most
common questions at:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Men seem to like it since it's more logical arguments than emotional
ones. You could try printing off some of the shorter ones and leaving
them in the bathroom for your husband.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> HowMy daughter Kat went to preschool and, later to try it out, 2 months
> old were your children when you took them out of school?
of 2nd grade.
> Do youUnlike schooling which is about moving the information from the
> develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
> etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
teacher into the child, unschooling is about the child pulling what
intrigues them in. Our role is to create a rich environment where
there are plenty of things that *could* interest them and to help
them reach what interest them.
Unlike schooling where the answer to "Do you..."/"Should you..."
questions is "What does the teacher want to achieve,", the answer
with unschooling is "It depends. What does the child want?"
Some kids will like projects. Some won't. What do your kids like?
I suspect the answer in most cases is that the more the project feels
like it's something important that the mom wants to get into the
child, the more likely the child will pick up on that and feel
manipulated into learning.
At the beginning, it's probably best to avoid projects!
Picture getting an idea in your head that it would be fun to explore
cartoons from the beginning of film to the present day. But what if
your kids weren't wildly enthusiastic? How authentic would it feel to
pressure them?
> Do you make them learnSchool leads us to believe that we need the skills before we can do
> about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
> interests?
something. Real life is actually the opposite. We do things and pick
the skills up as a side effect because we're interested in doing the
thing that interests us.
Kids don't learn English because we teach them. They learn English as
a side effect of trying to get what they want. They find words are
more effective than crying. The more effective a tool is, the more
often they pick it up. The more often they pick it up, the better
they get at it. No child ever decides to get better at English. It
just happens.
Same with math for an unschooling child. The world is full of number
manipulation. Kids want information about something that interests
them and sometimes they'll need to manipulate numbers to get it. As
a side effect they figure out how numbers work. Lots of my daughter's
early number exposure was in video games, asking questions about how
long until an event, making her own decisions on how to spend her
money, art software.
> Do you try to expose your children to newYes, of course.
> ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
How depends on the child. Treat new ideas like comic books. How would
you introduce your child to a new comic book or cartoon? How would
you react if they shrugged their shoulders and didn't even want to
look? What if they tried it and didn't like it? How would you react?
Not everything we try is going to be met with enthusiasm. Often it
helps to just leave things out so that kids can pick them up when
they want. Keep those things rotated with new things. (It's called
strewing.)
Too often parents get the idea that the child needs to do x to get y
into them and they feel an internal pressure to get the child to do
something because their future base of knowledge depends on it. But
in real life, everything is connected to everything. There isn't just
one way or one opportunity to be exposed to addition or Columbus or
Shakespeare. Is there one way to be exposed to Superman or the Eiffel
Tower or the Spanish language? In a rich environment they will
encounter things dozens and dozens of times, picking up a little more
each time, building a bigger, more accurate picture.
> Are yourYou back off. There are a billion ideas/concepts/activities in the
> children resistant when you try to expose them to new
> ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
world. If they turn one down, that leaves 999,999,999,999 more for
them to explore. Putting pressure on them to learn or do one
particular thing means you're in the way of them doing one of the
other 999,999,999,999 things.
> Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?Mostly, but mostly because they aren't pushy types and I've never
tried to get them to understand what exactly we do. I think the less
they're told the details, the more vague but enthusiastic you are,
the better. Relatives worry. You don't need a daily break down to
soothe the worry. Enthusiasm and confidence go a long way.
"Everything's going great!" is good. "We'll keep doing this until it
stops working. When it stops working we'll try something else." is
another. I always used, "We just follow her interests where they
lead." The topic comes up here every couple of months so if you
search back in the archives you should find some good suggestions.
> If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,As a shy child I can tell you the *worst* thing is to push them into
> concern you?
social situations. It just increases the shyness and feelings of
discomfort and inadequacy.
To a child who is shy or introverted or low on Gardner's
interpersonal intelligence scale, social "language" is like a foreign
language. Social kids pick the language up easy just like some kids
pick up spoken languages easily. Kids on the other end of the
spectrum don't pick it up easily. It takes them a long time and the
process can't be rushed.
> What do you do to help your child overcome his or herFollow your child's lead. Support them in going at their own pace.
> shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it?
Give them opportunities to interact but accept the pace they choose
to go at. If you take them to an unschooling park day and they won't
leave your side, don't see that as what will happen for the rest of
their lives. Accept that as what they need right now. Accept that
they will reach out as far as they need to when they're ready.
I've collected answers I've given over the past 12 years to most
common questions at:
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
Men seem to like it since it's more logical arguments than emotional
ones. You could try printing off some of the shorter ones and leaving
them in the bathroom for your husband.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nance Confer
unschoolingbasicsWhat does your DH do with them?
What reading has he done about unschooling?
Nance
My husband is not happy with this. He wants me to "teach" them more,
or at least, have them do projects and experiments.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
What reading has he done about unschooling?
Nance
My husband is not happy with this. He wants me to "teach" them more,
or at least, have them do projects and experiments.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Joni Zander
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school?
My oldest (now 15) had just finished 1st grade when we chose to unschool.
My youngest (now 11) had done one year of a co-op preschool. (The day we
started unschooling was the day she stopped taking naps - not wanting to
miss her older sis being around!)
========
Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your
own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
We generally develop activities together. We live as cooperatively as
possible. If they want me to put something together for them, I try to do
so, with as much input as they care to give. If they have something they
want to do, I try to make that happen with as much or as little help as they
want.
==========
Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely let them
follow their own
interests?
This is mostly a matter of semantics, but adjusting the words you use will
help you get the concepts, so: I'm not sure how you would MAKE anyone learn
anything, so, no, we don't make them learn about certain things. But we
also don't wait around for them to show an interest in something, either.
We approach it more like you would with a friend - sharing things we find
interesting, but having no attachment to whether they are interested in what
we share.
We view learning differently than schools do. Learning is what happens when
you are engaged in an interest, not a result of someone teaching something
(although every once in a while learning can happen when someone is teaching
something, but only if the learner is interested and engaged in the
information). Our kids own all their own learning because they've come to
it on their own terms.
============
Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
Sure, but not as a teacher would. More as a friend would. If I'm doing
something I am interested in, the kids are always welcome to join in, and I
try to always mention what I'm working on and invite them to join me. But I
don't have any idea one way or the other about whether they will or should
join me - there is no attachment there on my part at all. I also try not to
assume that if they didn't want to join me in it last time or 10 times ago,
that they won't change their mind this time and want to join in.
That being said, there aren't things I think they should be exposed to. I
don't try to contrive interest in something because I think my kids should
be exposed to it. It is all genuine for me - what I'm interested in and
invite them to join me. If I find something that I think they might be
interested in, I'll let them know about it and see if they want to do
whatever it is, but again, I have no attachment to it - they can say no
thanks just as easily as yes with no judgment from me.
=============
Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Sure, sometimes. And often it seems like they are more receptive if a
friend suggests something new than if I do. If they aren't interested then
no big deal. If there is something that they were interested in yesterday,
but not today, still no big deal. And the other way around, if they weren't
interested in something yesterday, but they are today then we try to make it
happen. They are completely free to choose all the time, just as I am.
=============
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
Some are (some are even unschoolers themselves), some aren't. We are pretty
confident in what we are doing and have been most of the time, so it hasn't
been a big deal. I really think people pick up on your confidence or lack
there of more than on what you are doing. I'm guessing that since you were
a teacher, you will get less grief than most unschoolers because they think
you are more qualified (even though we know it really doesn't make any
difference).
===============
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you?
My kids are both watchers. They don't jump into things right away but stand
on the sidelines figuring stuff out first. This is part of their learning
on their own terms. So no, it doesn't concern me.
================
What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it?
With a shy child, I think the best thing you can do is model interactions
for them. For example, someone comes over to introduce your child to
theirs. Rather than trying to get your child to interact, give them a
second to choose to interact and then interact for them. You can start
talking to the new child, asking her getting to know you kinds of questions
while giving your child the space to not be so uncomfortable - shifting the
focus from your child hiding behind you to the new child who has just been
introduced.
What I wouldn't do and talk about how shy your child is - there is no need
to label your child, because I'm sure that sometimes she is shy and
sometimes she is not.
By taking the pressure to talk to others off your child, you give her the
space to figure it all out. When you focus on the problem of being shy, she
focuses on being shy and thinking something is wrong with her that needs to
be fixed.
Another common interaction where I notice kids being shy and not wanting to
be in the spotlight is when they or someone else is leaving. I see so many
parents tell their kids what to say as they are leaving ("Say thank you for
having me." or "What do you say?") without even giving the kid a chance to
come up with it on his own. I find it much more respectful for the parent
to just say whatever it is directly to the other person. This takes the
spotlight off the kid long enough for them to choose whether they want to
participate in the expected niceties or not.
So, what I'm trying to say, in a very round about way, is to take the
spotlight off your kid as much as you can so they can come out of their
shyness on their own terms.
=================
If you have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
I don't have an anxious child, but I would just support them in what they
need help dealing with - making their world as comfortable for them as they
can so they can learn to do the same for themselves as they grow. And just
like with a childing acting shy - take the spotlight off them as much as you
can.
Good luck - and keep those questions coming!
--
Joni Zander
PhotoCEO@...
ChoosingFreedom@...
Life/Parent Coaching at http://choosingfreedomjoy.blogspot.com
blogging at http://ajoyfuljourney.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school?
My oldest (now 15) had just finished 1st grade when we chose to unschool.
My youngest (now 11) had done one year of a co-op preschool. (The day we
started unschooling was the day she stopped taking naps - not wanting to
miss her older sis being around!)
========
Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your
own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
We generally develop activities together. We live as cooperatively as
possible. If they want me to put something together for them, I try to do
so, with as much input as they care to give. If they have something they
want to do, I try to make that happen with as much or as little help as they
want.
==========
Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely let them
follow their own
interests?
This is mostly a matter of semantics, but adjusting the words you use will
help you get the concepts, so: I'm not sure how you would MAKE anyone learn
anything, so, no, we don't make them learn about certain things. But we
also don't wait around for them to show an interest in something, either.
We approach it more like you would with a friend - sharing things we find
interesting, but having no attachment to whether they are interested in what
we share.
We view learning differently than schools do. Learning is what happens when
you are engaged in an interest, not a result of someone teaching something
(although every once in a while learning can happen when someone is teaching
something, but only if the learner is interested and engaged in the
information). Our kids own all their own learning because they've come to
it on their own terms.
============
Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
Sure, but not as a teacher would. More as a friend would. If I'm doing
something I am interested in, the kids are always welcome to join in, and I
try to always mention what I'm working on and invite them to join me. But I
don't have any idea one way or the other about whether they will or should
join me - there is no attachment there on my part at all. I also try not to
assume that if they didn't want to join me in it last time or 10 times ago,
that they won't change their mind this time and want to join in.
That being said, there aren't things I think they should be exposed to. I
don't try to contrive interest in something because I think my kids should
be exposed to it. It is all genuine for me - what I'm interested in and
invite them to join me. If I find something that I think they might be
interested in, I'll let them know about it and see if they want to do
whatever it is, but again, I have no attachment to it - they can say no
thanks just as easily as yes with no judgment from me.
=============
Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Sure, sometimes. And often it seems like they are more receptive if a
friend suggests something new than if I do. If they aren't interested then
no big deal. If there is something that they were interested in yesterday,
but not today, still no big deal. And the other way around, if they weren't
interested in something yesterday, but they are today then we try to make it
happen. They are completely free to choose all the time, just as I am.
=============
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
Some are (some are even unschoolers themselves), some aren't. We are pretty
confident in what we are doing and have been most of the time, so it hasn't
been a big deal. I really think people pick up on your confidence or lack
there of more than on what you are doing. I'm guessing that since you were
a teacher, you will get less grief than most unschoolers because they think
you are more qualified (even though we know it really doesn't make any
difference).
===============
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you?
My kids are both watchers. They don't jump into things right away but stand
on the sidelines figuring stuff out first. This is part of their learning
on their own terms. So no, it doesn't concern me.
================
What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it?
With a shy child, I think the best thing you can do is model interactions
for them. For example, someone comes over to introduce your child to
theirs. Rather than trying to get your child to interact, give them a
second to choose to interact and then interact for them. You can start
talking to the new child, asking her getting to know you kinds of questions
while giving your child the space to not be so uncomfortable - shifting the
focus from your child hiding behind you to the new child who has just been
introduced.
What I wouldn't do and talk about how shy your child is - there is no need
to label your child, because I'm sure that sometimes she is shy and
sometimes she is not.
By taking the pressure to talk to others off your child, you give her the
space to figure it all out. When you focus on the problem of being shy, she
focuses on being shy and thinking something is wrong with her that needs to
be fixed.
Another common interaction where I notice kids being shy and not wanting to
be in the spotlight is when they or someone else is leaving. I see so many
parents tell their kids what to say as they are leaving ("Say thank you for
having me." or "What do you say?") without even giving the kid a chance to
come up with it on his own. I find it much more respectful for the parent
to just say whatever it is directly to the other person. This takes the
spotlight off the kid long enough for them to choose whether they want to
participate in the expected niceties or not.
So, what I'm trying to say, in a very round about way, is to take the
spotlight off your kid as much as you can so they can come out of their
shyness on their own terms.
=================
If you have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
I don't have an anxious child, but I would just support them in what they
need help dealing with - making their world as comfortable for them as they
can so they can learn to do the same for themselves as they grow. And just
like with a childing acting shy - take the spotlight off them as much as you
can.
Good luck - and keep those questions coming!
--
Joni Zander
PhotoCEO@...
ChoosingFreedom@...
Life/Parent Coaching at http://choosingfreedomjoy.blogspot.com
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
ENSEMBLE S-WAYNFORTH
========================
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school? Do you
develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this? Do you make them learn
about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
interests? Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so? Are your
children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
==================
My children have never been in school so I cannot answer your first question. I can answer many of the other questions, however. I do introduce ideas and concepts all the time, usually in conversation about something else, or while watching television. It isn't really me thinking about introducing an idea or a concept, however, it's just about having a conversation. It is a bad thing to turn the introduction of concepts and ideas into teaching moments. Y'know, when you see something cool and you frame it into a mini-lesson and suddenly it becomes less cool. When I see something cool, I share it. Like the other day when a kitten was sleeping in the cat tower with her head sticking out of the hole hanging down, I shared that. I didn't talk about the potentially beneficial nature of letting blood flow to your brain or anything else, it was cute moment that I wanted to share. Seeking things out that they like, like the kitten moment, means that they trust
that I can find interesting things. I've found Potterpuppetpals.com for them and shared and homestarrunner.com and the other day Mystery Science Theater 3000 and they enjoy all those kinds of things, so that kind of sharing, that kind of opening up their vistas of the world, means that they trust when I suggest going to do something, or watching something on-line, or playing a certain game, they trust me and they are willing to give it a go.
That isn't always true. Simon often doesn't like to go out to do new things. Or to meet new people in groups. That can be really hard. If he knows a friend will be there, he is absolutely open to it, but if it is a group event with no one that he knows it is almost always a no go. There are times that means that we don't go and do something, there are times that means that David and Linnaea will go while Simon and I stay home. It depends on the thing, on the situation. Sometimes he will go along and bring something else to do, a game, a DVD, a book, something so that he has an out if he doesn't want to be involved in the activity. There are many options that are offered when someone wants to go and someone doesn't. So, what I do with a shy child is to help him be shy. If he wants to stay home rather than do some group activity, we stay home; if he wants to go, but gets overwhelmed when there I tend to hang back with him, or play openly with him hoping
that my boldness will balance his shyness somehow. Forcing him to face up to being shy makes it harder, makes him more shy, less comfortable with himself. I don't think it would do anything but make him less willing to go places.
I don't know that my relatives are supportive of what we do, but they are supportive of me and of David. We don't live anywhere near family. We live in the UK and my family are in Boston, Minnesota and L.A. and David's family are in Brisbane, Australia (well, his brother lives in the UK but we see him about once a year). My mom is pretty supportive, actually, my dad (they are divorced) doesn't like what we do, but he likes the kids, and he likes David and me, so it isn't a big point of contention. I think I'm quite good at keeping people from confronting me more than once. Not necessarily a good way to open communication, but it tends to keep people from offering too much advice or many opinions counter to my own.
I think it is important for you to see your children as recovering from school. I think it is probably helpful if you can help your husband to see them that way as well. Is he around much, or mainly evenings and weekends? If not it might help if you take pictures of what they are doing and e-mail them to him. Let him see them exploring the science of movie magic and reading and creating Polly Pocket tableaux, share their days with him. Talk to him about how they are learning to explore the world all over again, how the curiousity that school robbed from them has to be allowed to grow and blossom in its own terms and in its own time. It is a big thing to be acclimated to learning to someone else's time table and expectations. Now they are free from those things, help him to see how recreating the same thing will only stunt their growth.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school? Do you
develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this? Do you make them learn
about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
interests? Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so? Are your
children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
==================
My children have never been in school so I cannot answer your first question. I can answer many of the other questions, however. I do introduce ideas and concepts all the time, usually in conversation about something else, or while watching television. It isn't really me thinking about introducing an idea or a concept, however, it's just about having a conversation. It is a bad thing to turn the introduction of concepts and ideas into teaching moments. Y'know, when you see something cool and you frame it into a mini-lesson and suddenly it becomes less cool. When I see something cool, I share it. Like the other day when a kitten was sleeping in the cat tower with her head sticking out of the hole hanging down, I shared that. I didn't talk about the potentially beneficial nature of letting blood flow to your brain or anything else, it was cute moment that I wanted to share. Seeking things out that they like, like the kitten moment, means that they trust
that I can find interesting things. I've found Potterpuppetpals.com for them and shared and homestarrunner.com and the other day Mystery Science Theater 3000 and they enjoy all those kinds of things, so that kind of sharing, that kind of opening up their vistas of the world, means that they trust when I suggest going to do something, or watching something on-line, or playing a certain game, they trust me and they are willing to give it a go.
That isn't always true. Simon often doesn't like to go out to do new things. Or to meet new people in groups. That can be really hard. If he knows a friend will be there, he is absolutely open to it, but if it is a group event with no one that he knows it is almost always a no go. There are times that means that we don't go and do something, there are times that means that David and Linnaea will go while Simon and I stay home. It depends on the thing, on the situation. Sometimes he will go along and bring something else to do, a game, a DVD, a book, something so that he has an out if he doesn't want to be involved in the activity. There are many options that are offered when someone wants to go and someone doesn't. So, what I do with a shy child is to help him be shy. If he wants to stay home rather than do some group activity, we stay home; if he wants to go, but gets overwhelmed when there I tend to hang back with him, or play openly with him hoping
that my boldness will balance his shyness somehow. Forcing him to face up to being shy makes it harder, makes him more shy, less comfortable with himself. I don't think it would do anything but make him less willing to go places.
I don't know that my relatives are supportive of what we do, but they are supportive of me and of David. We don't live anywhere near family. We live in the UK and my family are in Boston, Minnesota and L.A. and David's family are in Brisbane, Australia (well, his brother lives in the UK but we see him about once a year). My mom is pretty supportive, actually, my dad (they are divorced) doesn't like what we do, but he likes the kids, and he likes David and me, so it isn't a big point of contention. I think I'm quite good at keeping people from confronting me more than once. Not necessarily a good way to open communication, but it tends to keep people from offering too much advice or many opinions counter to my own.
I think it is important for you to see your children as recovering from school. I think it is probably helpful if you can help your husband to see them that way as well. Is he around much, or mainly evenings and weekends? If not it might help if you take pictures of what they are doing and e-mail them to him. Let him see them exploring the science of movie magic and reading and creating Polly Pocket tableaux, share their days with him. Talk to him about how they are learning to explore the world all over again, how the curiousity that school robbed from them has to be allowed to grow and blossom in its own terms and in its own time. It is a big thing to be acclimated to learning to someone else's time table and expectations. Now they are free from those things, help him to see how recreating the same thing will only stunt their growth.
Schuyler
www.waynforth.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
hancai1997
Thank you for all of your wonderful responses to my questions! It's
nice to get confirmation of what I felt in my heart was the way to
approach my children - following their lead, sharing my interests and
observations with them, letting them grow at their own speed. I see
their progress, and I see all that they are learning and doing during
the day. My husband, on the other hand, isn't around to see it, and
on top of that has people constantly asking him how the homeschooling
is going - and has no good response for them (in his eyes). I have
had many conversations with him about all that we are doing, and I
think that he partially understands. I think one of the biggest
issues for him is that he is so used to traditional education, and all
of the very clearly defined measurements of what students are being
taught, that it is very scary for him to have the kids home in a
situation where there are very few measurements of what they are being
taught. He has trouble viewing it from the standpoint of looking at
what they are learning! He wants to see me doing "projects" with
them, but I know that the kids will recognize the projects as an
attempt to "teach" them and they will completely rebel. I've decided
to try keeping a journal/list of what the kids do and learn every day,
so that hopefully I can come up with enough "evidence" that they are
being exposed to a variety of concepts and ideas to please him. In
addition, I do realize that I need to educate him more about
unschooling. I have asked him to read material about unschooling and
relaxed homeschooling, but he so far has not done so (he really
doesn't like to read). So, I think I will just pull a bunch of
relevant material and simply start reading it aloud to him.
Again, thank you for all of your responses. It is so helpful to hear
confirmation of all that I feel and know.
nice to get confirmation of what I felt in my heart was the way to
approach my children - following their lead, sharing my interests and
observations with them, letting them grow at their own speed. I see
their progress, and I see all that they are learning and doing during
the day. My husband, on the other hand, isn't around to see it, and
on top of that has people constantly asking him how the homeschooling
is going - and has no good response for them (in his eyes). I have
had many conversations with him about all that we are doing, and I
think that he partially understands. I think one of the biggest
issues for him is that he is so used to traditional education, and all
of the very clearly defined measurements of what students are being
taught, that it is very scary for him to have the kids home in a
situation where there are very few measurements of what they are being
taught. He has trouble viewing it from the standpoint of looking at
what they are learning! He wants to see me doing "projects" with
them, but I know that the kids will recognize the projects as an
attempt to "teach" them and they will completely rebel. I've decided
to try keeping a journal/list of what the kids do and learn every day,
so that hopefully I can come up with enough "evidence" that they are
being exposed to a variety of concepts and ideas to please him. In
addition, I do realize that I need to educate him more about
unschooling. I have asked him to read material about unschooling and
relaxed homeschooling, but he so far has not done so (he really
doesn't like to read). So, I think I will just pull a bunch of
relevant material and simply start reading it aloud to him.
Again, thank you for all of your responses. It is so helpful to hear
confirmation of all that I feel and know.
Jodi Bezzola
Hi Michele,
I've read the responses to your questions with so much interest. We have twin 3 year old girls and are unschooling. I just started reading about it a few months ago, and have since devoured everything I can get my hands on (I love learning too when I follow my interests!!!).
I can so relate to your challenges of getting the information across to your husband...mine doesn't enjoy reading either. I loved the one idea of printing short q & a and leaving them in the bathroom though!
I applaud what you're doing, and wish you all the best during the deschooling process.
Jodi
hancai1997 <hancai1997@...> wrote:
I took my kids out of school this year to homeschool them. I have two
girls, eight and ten years old. After reading everything that I could
get my hands on about homeschooling, it is the unschooling philosophy
which has really appealed to me, and which I am trying to follow in my
home. However, I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to "do
more" with my kids. My ten year old was very damaged by school, in my
eyes. She was not successful, and I feel that school ultimately did a
lot to destroy her self-esteem. With both children, I can remember
them coming home and not wanting to do anything (other than veg out in
front of the TV, which they were not allowed to do). They rarely
asked questions, and they were not very imaginative at all. However,
since they have been home, they have turned into different children -
they are happy, affectionate, curious, and incredibly imaginative.
They can spend hours playing with their Polly Pockets, and they spend
hours reading for pleasure. This is how they mainly spend their days.
They get sidetracked by other things; for example, my older daughter
became fascinated with Star Wars, which led to curiosity about how the
movie was filmed, which led to watching documentaries about how the
movies were made. They are very busy with their play and reading (and
I am fine right now with all they are doing, and recognize what they
are getting out of it all), but, at the same time, the kids are very
resistant if I try to get them interested in other activities.
My husband is not happy with this. He wants me to "teach" them more,
or at least, have them do projects and experiments. However, the kids
are not cooperative with this idea at all. After reading everything
that I have read about unschooling and homeschooling, and having been
a teacher for over 10 years, I am fairly confident that they are still
in the "deschooling" stage, and I believe that in time they will
branch away from their intense "play" (which I feel is good for them
right now), and explore other areas of interest.
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school? Do you
develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this? Do you make them learn
about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
interests? Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so? Are your
children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
Any help or advice that you could give me would be appreciated - right
now, I need all the help I can get!
Thanks!
Michele
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I've read the responses to your questions with so much interest. We have twin 3 year old girls and are unschooling. I just started reading about it a few months ago, and have since devoured everything I can get my hands on (I love learning too when I follow my interests!!!).
I can so relate to your challenges of getting the information across to your husband...mine doesn't enjoy reading either. I loved the one idea of printing short q & a and leaving them in the bathroom though!
I applaud what you're doing, and wish you all the best during the deschooling process.
Jodi
hancai1997 <hancai1997@...> wrote:
I took my kids out of school this year to homeschool them. I have two
girls, eight and ten years old. After reading everything that I could
get my hands on about homeschooling, it is the unschooling philosophy
which has really appealed to me, and which I am trying to follow in my
home. However, I am getting a lot of pressure from my husband to "do
more" with my kids. My ten year old was very damaged by school, in my
eyes. She was not successful, and I feel that school ultimately did a
lot to destroy her self-esteem. With both children, I can remember
them coming home and not wanting to do anything (other than veg out in
front of the TV, which they were not allowed to do). They rarely
asked questions, and they were not very imaginative at all. However,
since they have been home, they have turned into different children -
they are happy, affectionate, curious, and incredibly imaginative.
They can spend hours playing with their Polly Pockets, and they spend
hours reading for pleasure. This is how they mainly spend their days.
They get sidetracked by other things; for example, my older daughter
became fascinated with Star Wars, which led to curiosity about how the
movie was filmed, which led to watching documentaries about how the
movies were made. They are very busy with their play and reading (and
I am fine right now with all they are doing, and recognize what they
are getting out of it all), but, at the same time, the kids are very
resistant if I try to get them interested in other activities.
My husband is not happy with this. He wants me to "teach" them more,
or at least, have them do projects and experiments. However, the kids
are not cooperative with this idea at all. After reading everything
that I have read about unschooling and homeschooling, and having been
a teacher for over 10 years, I am fairly confident that they are still
in the "deschooling" stage, and I believe that in time they will
branch away from their intense "play" (which I feel is good for them
right now), and explore other areas of interest.
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school? Do you
develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this? Do you make them learn
about certain things, or do you completely let them follow their own
interests? Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so? Are your
children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
Any help or advice that you could give me would be appreciated - right
now, I need all the help I can get!
Thanks!
Michele
---------------------------------
Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
On Dec 23, 2007 5:47 PM, hancai1997 <hancai1997@...> wrote:
Today, our project was a new game for the new 360 with as little cash output
as possible.
We slimmed our collection of ps2 games, got The Simpsons Game and still have
$2 on credit at our local store. :D
Ease daddy into the deal, give him descriptions of your day that fulfill his
need to hear that his kids *learned.* Add this to the list of *projects* you
already are facilitating in any one day.
Leave printout pages from Sandradodd.com and Joyfullyrejoycing.com in the
bathroom, on the microwave (while he stands there waiting for whatever to
cook), wherever he hangs out.... bite sized information for bite sized
pieces of his attention. :)
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> He wants to see me doing "projects" with them,We got projects, we always got projects!
>
>
>
>
Today, our project was a new game for the new 360 with as little cash output
as possible.
We slimmed our collection of ps2 games, got The Simpsons Game and still have
$2 on credit at our local store. :D
Ease daddy into the deal, give him descriptions of your day that fulfill his
need to hear that his kids *learned.* Add this to the list of *projects* you
already are facilitating in any one day.
Leave printout pages from Sandradodd.com and Joyfullyrejoycing.com in the
bathroom, on the microwave (while he stands there waiting for whatever to
cook), wherever he hangs out.... bite sized information for bite sized
pieces of his attention. :)
--
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa
I just wanted to add a bit here about shy children. First my
disclaimer... I do not have a shy child... but my children have
several friends that are VERY shy and have always been very shy! I
have observed what I feel are good and bad ways of "handling" (I have
tried to stop handling things at my house but it's the only word I can
think of for what I have observed!)
First... try hard not to think of being shy as something wrong that
needs to be fixed! They aren't broken! Their personalities are
different from yours perhaps but they are really FINE!
I have observed one friend that perceives her child's shyness as being
broken... she has pushed this child, humiliated her in front of
everyone numerous times (you freak why can't you play with other kids
what's wrong with you??...YES she has said this outloud!) and many
other extremely damaging things that I feel have led to this child
having serious issues with anxiety and depression(some of you have
heard my stories about this child here before..she's sadly my best
example of the damage adults to to children!) When she is with us and
feels safe she's the most engaging, enjoyable child you will meet!
She's funny and so exquisitely bright! At her house she skulks
around trying to be invisible hoping that no one will engage with her
because it's always negative! Her mother will sign her up for things
and literally just drop her off at the door causing her to have a
complete panic attack! She thinks that's the way to CURE shyness!
On the other hand I have a friend who has a son that is very shy... he
does attend traditional schools (small private school which is a good
fit for him) she discusses with him what activities are available and
whether he would like to attend, she tries to coordinate with other
parents so that there will be a child in the class etc that he knows
so he will feel a bit more comfortable... she sits in the hallway or
lobby quietly reading a book in case the activity doesn't work out he
knows he can leave(which he rarely does) When he wants to try out
something that is a lesson or commitment type thing they always
arrange a trial lesson period so he can determine whether it's a good
fit.
To me this is such a wonderful way to allow kids to listen to their
inner voices and know how to avoid getting stuck in something that is
a bad fit. There are no lectures about money spent or time wasted
or his obligation to the "team" etc. He is the most responsible kid
you will meet... he doesn't use his freedom as a cop out as lots of
people have told his mother she is training him to do by allowing him
so much say over his own life!
Anyway I just wanted to have my little soap box moment here about the
whole shyness thing... people don't HAVE to hang out in groups of
people to be "normal" some people never feel comfortable in that
arena, some people are very happy to be somewhat solitary.
Lisa B
disclaimer... I do not have a shy child... but my children have
several friends that are VERY shy and have always been very shy! I
have observed what I feel are good and bad ways of "handling" (I have
tried to stop handling things at my house but it's the only word I can
think of for what I have observed!)
First... try hard not to think of being shy as something wrong that
needs to be fixed! They aren't broken! Their personalities are
different from yours perhaps but they are really FINE!
I have observed one friend that perceives her child's shyness as being
broken... she has pushed this child, humiliated her in front of
everyone numerous times (you freak why can't you play with other kids
what's wrong with you??...YES she has said this outloud!) and many
other extremely damaging things that I feel have led to this child
having serious issues with anxiety and depression(some of you have
heard my stories about this child here before..she's sadly my best
example of the damage adults to to children!) When she is with us and
feels safe she's the most engaging, enjoyable child you will meet!
She's funny and so exquisitely bright! At her house she skulks
around trying to be invisible hoping that no one will engage with her
because it's always negative! Her mother will sign her up for things
and literally just drop her off at the door causing her to have a
complete panic attack! She thinks that's the way to CURE shyness!
On the other hand I have a friend who has a son that is very shy... he
does attend traditional schools (small private school which is a good
fit for him) she discusses with him what activities are available and
whether he would like to attend, she tries to coordinate with other
parents so that there will be a child in the class etc that he knows
so he will feel a bit more comfortable... she sits in the hallway or
lobby quietly reading a book in case the activity doesn't work out he
knows he can leave(which he rarely does) When he wants to try out
something that is a lesson or commitment type thing they always
arrange a trial lesson period so he can determine whether it's a good
fit.
To me this is such a wonderful way to allow kids to listen to their
inner voices and know how to avoid getting stuck in something that is
a bad fit. There are no lectures about money spent or time wasted
or his obligation to the "team" etc. He is the most responsible kid
you will meet... he doesn't use his freedom as a cop out as lots of
people have told his mother she is training him to do by allowing him
so much say over his own life!
Anyway I just wanted to have my little soap box moment here about the
whole shyness thing... people don't HAVE to hang out in groups of
people to be "normal" some people never feel comfortable in that
arena, some people are very happy to be somewhat solitary.
Lisa B
Vicki
Lisa that was very nicely said!
Thank you!
I recently had a doctor tell me that I was messing up my son because he
prefers reading to team sports and that I need to 'put him under a
stranger's supervision to make sure he developes right'.
Needless to say, we will never be using that doctor's office again. So
what if my son's a reader! When he goes bowling with other ten year
olds he fits right in and plays just like any other ten year old. I'll
put my son into sports when he says, "Hey mom, can I join the soccer
team?"
Who says all children must follow one set course? I love how the
second mom you mention is always respecting her child's needs.
Vicki
Thank you!
I recently had a doctor tell me that I was messing up my son because he
prefers reading to team sports and that I need to 'put him under a
stranger's supervision to make sure he developes right'.
Needless to say, we will never be using that doctor's office again. So
what if my son's a reader! When he goes bowling with other ten year
olds he fits right in and plays just like any other ten year old. I'll
put my son into sports when he says, "Hey mom, can I join the soccer
team?"
Who says all children must follow one set course? I love how the
second mom you mention is always respecting her child's needs.
Vicki
carle dehning
Thanks for this Lisa,
My son Thomas [5]is the same, he is very aware of his 'comfort-zone'. At his
Birthday party he very quietely 'checked out' after 40mins, why, well it was
simple the people were irritating him and he needed to be alone. We let him
be and then he slowly joined the party again. We did NOT make an issue of it
and allowed him to find his balance.
The truth is he has more developed sense of self understanding than most
adults [me included] will ever have. And children in todays fast world need
this more than anything.
So thanks for affirming this approach to parenting
Carle
--
ENVIRONMENTAL HOMESCHOOLING
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EnvironmentalHomeschooling/?yguid=317855850
P Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
My son Thomas [5]is the same, he is very aware of his 'comfort-zone'. At his
Birthday party he very quietely 'checked out' after 40mins, why, well it was
simple the people were irritating him and he needed to be alone. We let him
be and then he slowly joined the party again. We did NOT make an issue of it
and allowed him to find his balance.
The truth is he has more developed sense of self understanding than most
adults [me included] will ever have. And children in todays fast world need
this more than anything.
So thanks for affirming this approach to parenting
Carle
--
ENVIRONMENTAL HOMESCHOOLING
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/EnvironmentalHomeschooling/?yguid=317855850
P Please consider the environment before printing this e-mail
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Amanda Horein
I am a bit behind in email and haven't read all the other responses, I
apologize for any repeating.
3 weeks of KG before we took her out.
Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your
do a bit of structure this past year with a "Hogwarts" type curriculum (but
we were very relaxed about it). She loved the "Potions" (experiments) and
"Honeydukes" (cooking) part of it, but didn't like having to do assignments
and she didn't really like the rest of it at all. However, we still do some
experiments and cooking, just not "every day" or "every week", just when she
feels like it.
Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely let them
like.
Do you try to expose your children to new ideas/concepts/activites, and, if
strewing as they don't seem too interested in that at this time.
Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
need to learn to deal with it or we throw the idea out the window and
"forget" it.
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
with them. It is not a topic most people are open to. Many of them still
make comments every so often, but I have learned to let them slide. I just
don't care anymore what they say, however, it has taken me 3 1/2 years to
get to this point. The two things that have helped me the most are having
the phrase "we are just going to try this for this year" handy and
(especially with my in laws) just smiling and nodding. At which point I turn
to my lists for support (most of the time just reading helps me stay
concrete in my decisions).
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof, concern
who talked to her. Now, she is about the same, except for most gruff males
(nearly all of my uncles who are fully bearded for example). She won't talk
to them. Not sure I blame her. They are pretty scary, plus she doesn't see
them a lot so she isn't used to them. She is mostly extroverted, like my
husband.
My youngest could be considered really "shy" and that is what most people
say to her when she hides behind me when they talk to her, however, the
reality is more like this. She is an introvert. She needs time to take in
a situation before acting on it. When we go to a gathering it is typical
that she spends the first 1/2 hour to hour on my lap. It's where she feels
safe. It is where she can observe while still having mom's protection. I
don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's beautiful and a
wonderful escape for me if there is someone I want to avoid <bwg>.
What do you do to help your child overcome his or her shyness, or do you
There is nothing wrong with me. If she wants to not be shy when she is
older she will find a way to overcome it. I have begun overcoming it over
the last year and a half, but it has been my choice.
If you have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
key is to support them and let them be themselves. I know that I have
anxious feelings, but they are not so bad now that I give myself permission
to have them.
--
Amanda
Wife to Roger (nearly 10 years)
Mum to Marti (7) and Lilly (4)
Babysitter to Stella (3)
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
"Real luxury is time and opportunity to read for pleasure"
-Jane Brody
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
apologize for any repeating.
> How old were your children when you took them out of school?My oldest is 7 1/2. She went to 1/2 a year of preschool which she loved and
>
3 weeks of KG before we took her out.
Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on your
> own, etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?I tried to do a bit of a curriculum with Marti. She hated it. We tried to
>
do a bit of structure this past year with a "Hogwarts" type curriculum (but
we were very relaxed about it). She loved the "Potions" (experiments) and
"Honeydukes" (cooking) part of it, but didn't like having to do assignments
and she didn't really like the rest of it at all. However, we still do some
experiments and cooking, just not "every day" or "every week", just when she
feels like it.
Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely let them
> follow their own interests?We don't make them do anything. They are free to do almost anything they
>
like.
Do you try to expose your children to new ideas/concepts/activites, and, if
> so, how do you do so?A little, through books, activities and movies, but I don't do a lot of
>
strewing as they don't seem too interested in that at this time.
Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
> ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?Very much so. I just give them the time and space and perhaps advice they
>
need to learn to deal with it or we throw the idea out the window and
"forget" it.
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
>Most of them are supportive of homeschooling. We don't discuss unschooling
with them. It is not a topic most people are open to. Many of them still
make comments every so often, but I have learned to let them slide. I just
don't care anymore what they say, however, it has taken me 3 1/2 years to
get to this point. The two things that have helped me the most are having
the phrase "we are just going to try this for this year" handy and
(especially with my in laws) just smiling and nodding. At which point I turn
to my lists for support (most of the time just reading helps me stay
concrete in my decisions).
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof, concern
> you?No. When my oldest was younger she would talk to anyone, except the person
>
who talked to her. Now, she is about the same, except for most gruff males
(nearly all of my uncles who are fully bearded for example). She won't talk
to them. Not sure I blame her. They are pretty scary, plus she doesn't see
them a lot so she isn't used to them. She is mostly extroverted, like my
husband.
My youngest could be considered really "shy" and that is what most people
say to her when she hides behind me when they talk to her, however, the
reality is more like this. She is an introvert. She needs time to take in
a situation before acting on it. When we go to a gathering it is typical
that she spends the first 1/2 hour to hour on my lap. It's where she feels
safe. It is where she can observe while still having mom's protection. I
don't think there is anything wrong with that. It's beautiful and a
wonderful escape for me if there is someone I want to avoid <bwg>.
What do you do to help your child overcome his or her shyness, or do you
> feel that he or she will simply outgrow it?My youngest may never outgrow it. I was "shy" as a child and I am shy now.
>
There is nothing wrong with me. If she wants to not be shy when she is
older she will find a way to overcome it. I have begun overcoming it over
the last year and a half, but it has been my choice.
If you have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
> anxiousness?I don't have an anxious child, but I myself am anxious. Mostly, I think the
>
key is to support them and let them be themselves. I know that I have
anxious feelings, but they are not so bad now that I give myself permission
to have them.
--
Amanda
Wife to Roger (nearly 10 years)
Mum to Marti (7) and Lilly (4)
Babysitter to Stella (3)
http://whatmykidstaughtme.blogspot.com/
"Real luxury is time and opportunity to read for pleasure"
-Jane Brody
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
First, I apologize for being so slow to answer. We had some minor
computer trouble last month. After hooking back up, we're down to one
computer and a WOWer, so my time was limited. Then with the holidays
and such, I just decided to take a break. I'm just now able to respond
to emails (at least it wasn't a busy list month!!! <G>)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From: hancai1997 <hancai1997@...>
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school?
-=-=-=-=-
Cameron (20 next month) was 13 when we took him out of school. Duncan
(11) has never been.
-=-=-=-=-
Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on
your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
-=-=-=-=-
I *wanted* to! <G> And I shot myself in the foot a couple of times
trying to get Cameron to do *something*. What was suggested to me---and
what I finally DID---was to just back off. We watched a LOT of movies
and stayed home more than normal. He slept a LOT. *I* would engage
mySELF in projects, but not expect him to play along. His little
brother would though, so I had company. <g> But Cameron did a lot of
what seemed like nothing for along, long time.
He was healing from school and just needed a lot of time to get to know
himself again.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely let
them follow their own
interests?
-=-=-=-=-
You really can't MAKE anyone learn about certain things. You can
certainly make things seem more interesting. <g> But not by making
them. His own interests eventually led to MANY other things. In his own
time, in his own way.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
-=-=-=-=-=-
Certainly. We talk. A lot. We travel. A lot. I keep *myself* involved
in as many activities as I can. That way *they* see *me* be interested
and interesting. I set as good of an example as I can.
-=-=-=-=-
Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
-=-=-=-==-
Cameron was at first. Then I stopped trying. <g> I started exposing
*myself* to new things, and eventually, he started to tag along.
Stop trying to *make* them do anything. "Be the change you want to
see." <g> *Show* them how a person who is interested in lots of new
things LOOKS.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
-=-=-=-=-
I'm dismissive. It's none of their business.
-=-=-=-=-
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
-=-=-=-=-=
Cameron would have qualified as a shy child. Mostly, we just supported
him and spoke for him and let him see how *we* dealt with situations.
He took his cues from us.
I don't think pushing him to handle what he wasn't yet ready for would
have helped at ALL. I think it would have prolonged his process.
Now we're AMAZED at how NOT shy he is. He's comfortable with Who He
Is---and that confidence shows. He blows me away with how he handles
new situations and people. Just by our "leading by example." Go figure!
<G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
computer trouble last month. After hooking back up, we're down to one
computer and a WOWer, so my time was limited. Then with the holidays
and such, I just decided to take a break. I'm just now able to respond
to emails (at least it wasn't a busy list month!!! <G>)
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
From: hancai1997 <hancai1997@...>
I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - I would
love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for me. How
old were your children when you took them out of school?
-=-=-=-=-
Cameron (20 next month) was 13 when we took him out of school. Duncan
(11) has never been.
-=-=-=-=-
Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or on
your own,
etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
-=-=-=-=-
I *wanted* to! <G> And I shot myself in the foot a couple of times
trying to get Cameron to do *something*. What was suggested to me---and
what I finally DID---was to just back off. We watched a LOT of movies
and stayed home more than normal. He slept a LOT. *I* would engage
mySELF in projects, but not expect him to play along. His little
brother would though, so I had company. <g> But Cameron did a lot of
what seemed like nothing for along, long time.
He was healing from school and just needed a lot of time to get to know
himself again.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely let
them follow their own
interests?
-=-=-=-=-
You really can't MAKE anyone learn about certain things. You can
certainly make things seem more interesting. <g> But not by making
them. His own interests eventually led to MANY other things. In his own
time, in his own way.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
-=-=-=-=-=-
Certainly. We talk. A lot. We travel. A lot. I keep *myself* involved
in as many activities as I can. That way *they* see *me* be interested
and interesting. I set as good of an example as I can.
-=-=-=-=-
Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal with it?
-=-=-=-==-
Cameron was at first. Then I stopped trying. <g> I started exposing
*myself* to new things, and eventually, he started to tag along.
Stop trying to *make* them do anything. "Be the change you want to
see." <g> *Show* them how a person who is interested in lots of new
things LOOKS.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with them?
-=-=-=-=-
I'm dismissive. It's none of their business.
-=-=-=-=-
If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it? If you
have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal with the
anxiousness?
-=-=-=-=-=
Cameron would have qualified as a shy child. Mostly, we just supported
him and spoke for him and let him see how *we* dealt with situations.
He took his cues from us.
I don't think pushing him to handle what he wasn't yet ready for would
have helped at ALL. I think it would have prolonged his process.
Now we're AMAZED at how NOT shy he is. He's comfortable with Who He
Is---and that confidence shows. He blows me away with how he handles
new situations and people. Just by our "leading by example." Go figure!
<G>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: hancai1997 <hancai1997@...>
To: [email protected]
My husband, on the other hand, isn't around to see it, and
on top of that has people constantly asking him how the homeschooling
is going - and has no good response for them (in his eyes).
-=-=-=-=-=-
How about:
"Great! Thanks for asking! Please pass the bean dip!"
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
From: hancai1997 <hancai1997@...>
To: [email protected]
My husband, on the other hand, isn't around to see it, and
on top of that has people constantly asking him how the homeschooling
is going - and has no good response for them (in his eyes).
-=-=-=-=-=-
How about:
"Great! Thanks for asking! Please pass the bean dip!"
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
Vickisue Gray
Very nice, Kelly!
I'm still struggling at times with all this, myself. I *feel*
I should at least make sure he can write a decent paper
as my 10yo ds is always designing games and quite clever
games at that, but he doesn't like to write out his
rules/directions/etc. He would be fourth grade if he was back
in school and that's the level he is supposed to be able to write
a paper/book report/beginning research papers so they say.
(I don't know if he can or can't. I just know he doesn't.)
Then I tell myself he is a serious reader which he is so since
he reads, he will be able to formulate a decent paper without
my interference.
I think I spend more time worrying if he'll miss something important
in his *education if I don't make sure he covers all the *educational
milestones (for lack of a better word).
I don't really know why I worry as by Florida standards, at ten he could
pass the high school test already (but that's not saying much).
Am I just getting sucked back into the systems mind warping ideas on
education?
Since we began unschooling near two years ago, my son has been
happier then ever. He is always learning just not in the classical sense
so many spout about. Yet he is learning so much more! I find myself
amazed at just how much he knows then a day will go by and I worry
again if I'm doing enough.
Am I just being weird and overly worried I'll fail him?
Vicki who at the moment feels wishy-washy about the job I'm doing.
http://balderdashandblokus.blogspot.com/
____________________________________________________________________________________
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I'm still struggling at times with all this, myself. I *feel*
I should at least make sure he can write a decent paper
as my 10yo ds is always designing games and quite clever
games at that, but he doesn't like to write out his
rules/directions/etc. He would be fourth grade if he was back
in school and that's the level he is supposed to be able to write
a paper/book report/beginning research papers so they say.
(I don't know if he can or can't. I just know he doesn't.)
Then I tell myself he is a serious reader which he is so since
he reads, he will be able to formulate a decent paper without
my interference.
I think I spend more time worrying if he'll miss something important
in his *education if I don't make sure he covers all the *educational
milestones (for lack of a better word).
I don't really know why I worry as by Florida standards, at ten he could
pass the high school test already (but that's not saying much).
Am I just getting sucked back into the systems mind warping ideas on
education?
Since we began unschooling near two years ago, my son has been
happier then ever. He is always learning just not in the classical sense
so many spout about. Yet he is learning so much more! I find myself
amazed at just how much he knows then a day will go by and I worry
again if I'm doing enough.
Am I just being weird and overly worried I'll fail him?
Vicki who at the moment feels wishy-washy about the job I'm doing.
http://balderdashandblokus.blogspot.com/
____________________________________________________________________________________
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...>
I'm still struggling at times with all this, myself. I *feel*
I should at least make sure he can write a decent paper
as my 10yo ds is always designing games and quite clever
games at that, but he doesn't like to write out his
rules/directions/etc.
-=-=-=-=-
You know, I've successfully run several businesses, and although I
*can* keep the financial records, I HATE it and avoid it until I
absolutely *must* get them done. Or better yet, I hire or bribe someone
to do them for me. I'm 47. <G> Certainly I *should* be able to do them.
How can you be sure he *can* write anyway?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
He would be fourth grade if he was back
in school and that's the level he is supposed to be able to write
a paper/book report/beginning research papers so they say.
(I don't know if he can or can't. I just know he doesn't.
Then I tell myself he is a serious reader which he is so since
he reads, he will be able to formulate a decent paper without
my interference.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Cameron spent his first few years as an unschooler (after leaving
school) refusing to read. He actually said that he would never read
another book EVER.
But the first "piece" that he wrote after leaving school was a
published article. So not only did he not write for years, but he
didn't read either. Then he started doing both---and really, really
well.
I had no "proof" that he could read or write, but we talked a lot
about both. We discussed newscasters' and sportscasters' grammar. We
examined plots and motives. We talked about adventures and movies and
Family Guy. <g> So he could "write" in his head.
Can you DEFINE "paper?" I mean---what would a ten year old's "paper"
look like?
--=-=-=-=-=-
I think I spend more time worrying if he'll miss something important
in his *education if I don't make sure he covers all the *educational
milestones (for lack of a better word).
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I think you need to find a new "worry." <bwg> Find something else to
concern your mind with! Get a hobby!
-=-=-=-=-
I don't really know why I worry as by Florida standards, at ten he could
pass the high school test already (but that's not saying much).
Am I just getting sucked back into the systems mind warping ideas on
education?
-=-=-=
Yep!
-=-=-=-=-
Since we began unschooling near two years ago, my son has been
happier then ever. He is always learning just not in the classical
sense
so many spout about. Yet he is learning so much more! I find myself
amazed at just how much he knows then a day will go by and I worry
again if I'm doing enough.
Am I just being weird and overly worried I'll fail him?
-=-=-=-
Yep.
Really---go get worries about your knitting or gardening or playing
your cello!
Offer your son as many different things as you can. Give him paper and
pencils and computers and books and movies and talk a lot. Answer his
questions---and write his rules and directions down FOR him. Put them
in a special book for him. Be his secretary (like *my*
accountant/bookkeeper! <g>).
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
From: Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...>
I'm still struggling at times with all this, myself. I *feel*
I should at least make sure he can write a decent paper
as my 10yo ds is always designing games and quite clever
games at that, but he doesn't like to write out his
rules/directions/etc.
-=-=-=-=-
You know, I've successfully run several businesses, and although I
*can* keep the financial records, I HATE it and avoid it until I
absolutely *must* get them done. Or better yet, I hire or bribe someone
to do them for me. I'm 47. <G> Certainly I *should* be able to do them.
How can you be sure he *can* write anyway?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
He would be fourth grade if he was back
in school and that's the level he is supposed to be able to write
a paper/book report/beginning research papers so they say.
(I don't know if he can or can't. I just know he doesn't.
Then I tell myself he is a serious reader which he is so since
he reads, he will be able to formulate a decent paper without
my interference.
-=-=-=-=-=-
Cameron spent his first few years as an unschooler (after leaving
school) refusing to read. He actually said that he would never read
another book EVER.
But the first "piece" that he wrote after leaving school was a
published article. So not only did he not write for years, but he
didn't read either. Then he started doing both---and really, really
well.
I had no "proof" that he could read or write, but we talked a lot
about both. We discussed newscasters' and sportscasters' grammar. We
examined plots and motives. We talked about adventures and movies and
Family Guy. <g> So he could "write" in his head.
Can you DEFINE "paper?" I mean---what would a ten year old's "paper"
look like?
--=-=-=-=-=-
I think I spend more time worrying if he'll miss something important
in his *education if I don't make sure he covers all the *educational
milestones (for lack of a better word).
-=-=-=-=-=-=-
I think you need to find a new "worry." <bwg> Find something else to
concern your mind with! Get a hobby!
-=-=-=-=-
I don't really know why I worry as by Florida standards, at ten he could
pass the high school test already (but that's not saying much).
Am I just getting sucked back into the systems mind warping ideas on
education?
-=-=-=
Yep!
-=-=-=-=-
Since we began unschooling near two years ago, my son has been
happier then ever. He is always learning just not in the classical
sense
so many spout about. Yet he is learning so much more! I find myself
amazed at just how much he knows then a day will go by and I worry
again if I'm doing enough.
Am I just being weird and overly worried I'll fail him?
-=-=-=-
Yep.
Really---go get worries about your knitting or gardening or playing
your cello!
Offer your son as many different things as you can. Give him paper and
pencils and computers and books and movies and talk a lot. Answer his
questions---and write his rules and directions down FOR him. Put them
in a special book for him. Be his secretary (like *my*
accountant/bookkeeper! <g>).
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com
Pamela Sorooshian
On Jan 2, 2008, at 5:19 PM, kbcdlovejo@... wrote:
do. Keep your eyes on his strengths....that is what will support his
growth.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>Don't find a new "worry." Just turn your head - look at what he CAN
> I think you need to find a new "worry." <bwg> Find something else to
> concern your mind with! Get a hobby!
do. Keep your eyes on his strengths....that is what will support his
growth.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
diana jenner
On Jan 2, 2008 2:38 PM, Vickisue Gray <vickisue_gray@...> wrote:
Lois" if you're familiar with Malcom in the Middle). What would I consider a
Nice thing for MY mom to have done if I were creating games and had an
aversion to the minutia of actually documenting the
rules/directions/details? *I* would want my mom to lovingly sit with me, pen
and paper at the ready to transcribe for me my ideas. Complete with
rewrites. (Martyrs need not apply). So I might offer that. Even as a jumping
off place for what *his* ideals for the Nice thing for Mom to do in this
situation.
When Hayden was young, he would write and write and write. I would sit with
him and spell every single word of amazing tales for a 4 year old. My
transcription services were unwanted; the writing was his own. We've just
found those notebooks again. They're filled with memories of an incredibly
patient diana. An indulgent mama with whom a son shared great tales of
ladders to the moon and visits to the stars and to heaven. That's a legacy.
unschooling. Look at your boy and see him as whole, complete and perfect.
Send away school-induced fear.
If he were hit by a bus tomorrow, what would you regret? Not enough
classical learning or not enough joy? Provide many more opportunities for
whichever you choose ;)
One cannot regret Joy.
necessary. Use exhales to blow away your doubts. Use inhales to strengthen
your Trust in the job you're meant to do. :D
Easy and Free, the best kind of fixes there are :D
-
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I'm still struggling at times with all this, myself. I *feel***There's a voice in my head I like to call "Nice Mom" (also known as "NOT
> I should at least make sure he can write a decent paper
> as my 10yo ds is always designing games and quite clever
> games at that, but he doesn't like to write out his
> rules/directions/etc.
>
Lois" if you're familiar with Malcom in the Middle). What would I consider a
Nice thing for MY mom to have done if I were creating games and had an
aversion to the minutia of actually documenting the
rules/directions/details? *I* would want my mom to lovingly sit with me, pen
and paper at the ready to transcribe for me my ideas. Complete with
rewrites. (Martyrs need not apply). So I might offer that. Even as a jumping
off place for what *his* ideals for the Nice thing for Mom to do in this
situation.
When Hayden was young, he would write and write and write. I would sit with
him and spell every single word of amazing tales for a 4 year old. My
transcription services were unwanted; the writing was his own. We've just
found those notebooks again. They're filled with memories of an incredibly
patient diana. An indulgent mama with whom a son shared great tales of
ladders to the moon and visits to the stars and to heaven. That's a legacy.
> Am I just getting sucked back into the systems mind warping ideas on**Maybe you've just lost sight of what's really important. The WHY behind
> education?
>
unschooling. Look at your boy and see him as whole, complete and perfect.
Send away school-induced fear.
> Since we began unschooling near two years ago, my son has been**Yay! What could possibly be better than that?!?!?!
> happier then ever.
>
If he were hit by a bus tomorrow, what would you regret? Not enough
classical learning or not enough joy? Provide many more opportunities for
whichever you choose ;)
One cannot regret Joy.
>**YES! :D And the cure is breathing. And again. And again. Repeat as
> Am I just being weird and overly worried I'll fail him?
>
necessary. Use exhales to blow away your doubts. Use inhales to strengthen
your Trust in the job you're meant to do. :D
Easy and Free, the best kind of fixes there are :D
-
~diana :)
xoxoxoxo
hannahbearski.blogspot.com
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Joanne
Hi Michele,
Congratulations for removing your children from school. :-)
me.>>>>
1) How old were your children when you took them out of school?
I have three kids that I removed in 2004. They were in the first,
fourth and repeating the fifth grade when I removed them.
2) Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or
on your own, etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
We all think up ideas for various activites and projects. Sometimes
I suggest something, other times one of them will. My kids are very
into creating things and experimenting with stuff and they're
usually up for anything.
3) Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely
let them follow their own interests?
No, I don't *make* them learn certain things. That would go against
everything that I trust about unschooling. To be honest, I learn
stuff from my nine year old. She's the type of person that HATES
when there's something she doesn't know. Take algebra for example.
She was watching Apollo 13 last year with my husband (she's big into
space and astronomy) and saw them figuring out math (I didn't see
the movie but i think it was the scene where they're trying to get
the ship back) and she asked my husband what they were doing. He
said it looked liked algebra. Since then, she's on a quest to learn
it and won't rest until she does. She's been asking my husband to
show her how to do it but he told her he needs to brush up on it
first and kept putting her off. She used her own money to buy a used
algebra textbook from a used book store and that night she asked him
to read her a bedtime story (you know where this is going, right-
lol) He went into her room, snuggled up in bed with her and asked
for the book. She pulled out the algebra book from under her pillow
and gave it to him. lol I love that she thinks nothing is out of her
reach. She wants to learn everything. I also love that she took her
learning into her own hands and didn't wait for my husband to buy a
book on his own. And to think...it started with a movie.
4) Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
Yes, we do this by just trying to live an interesting life. They
expose me to lots of new stuff also. A museum near us just had an
exhibit of dresses that belonged to Princess Diana and my daughters
asked if we could go. It was a very interesting day and we found out
a lot about her that we didn't know. If it wasn't for my daughters
suggesting it, I probbaly wouldn't have gone.
5) Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
Sometimes...but I have found my kids enjoy trying new stuff so
they're pretty much open to new ideas. When they don't want to do
something I suggested, I try *very hard* not to take it personal, or
at least not to let it show. That's been tough for me but I'm better
at it than I was.
6) Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with
them?
My mother was very supportive. She thought homeschooling/unschooling
was fantastic. As far as other relatives, it doesn't come up much
but they're kind of used to me and my off-the-beaten-path ideas. :-)
7) If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it?
Can't help you there. All three of my kids are quite outgoing and
are usually the first ones to introduce themselves to other kids and
start playing with them.
I don't think being shy is something you should help your child
overcome or hope they grow out of it. It's part of who they are
right now. That needs to be respected, not changed. People change on
their own and evolve over time so she may well end up a more
outgoing person later on in life but honor her for who she is right
now. If she wants help with making new friends or starting a
conversation, then by all means, help her. But if she's fine with it
and it's not getting in the way of her being happy, I'd leave it
alone.
8) If you have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal
with the anxiousness?
My middle daughter has had anxiety issues since she moved in with
us. (We adopted her when she was seven after she was abused and in
foster care for four years) and still will worry and become overly
anxious about things. It was hard in the beginning because that
anxiousness was mixed in with a lot of anger. As the anger subsided,
so did a lot of her fears (weather was a big trigger for her) but I
have found that two things helped her the most. One is talking to
her about things before they happen. The other is giving her tools
to calm herself down.
9) Any help or advice that you could give me would be appreciated -
right now, I need all the help I can get!
Just what you're doing is great. Asking questions and reading about
unschooling is a step in the right direction. :-)
You might want to read some of the past editions of Unschooling
Voices because it addresses some of the questions you brought up
here. Unschooling Voices is a monthly mix of blog posts on
unschooling from various bloggers, a lot of whom are members here.
Here's the link, Scroll down the page for the links to past
editions. Click on each month to read the posts.
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/2007/01/unschooling-voices-
main-page.html
If that doesn't workm try here:
http://tinyurl.com/26pt6x
~~ Joanne ~~
Congratulations for removing your children from school. :-)
>>>I have several questions that I hope someone (many people - Iwould love to hear lots of opinions) would be willing to answer for
me.>>>>
1) How old were your children when you took them out of school?
I have three kids that I removed in 2004. They were in the first,
fourth and repeating the fifth grade when I removed them.
2) Do you develop activities/projects for them (with their help, or
on your own, etc.), and, if so, how do they take to this?
We all think up ideas for various activites and projects. Sometimes
I suggest something, other times one of them will. My kids are very
into creating things and experimenting with stuff and they're
usually up for anything.
3) Do you make them learn about certain things, or do you completely
let them follow their own interests?
No, I don't *make* them learn certain things. That would go against
everything that I trust about unschooling. To be honest, I learn
stuff from my nine year old. She's the type of person that HATES
when there's something she doesn't know. Take algebra for example.
She was watching Apollo 13 last year with my husband (she's big into
space and astronomy) and saw them figuring out math (I didn't see
the movie but i think it was the scene where they're trying to get
the ship back) and she asked my husband what they were doing. He
said it looked liked algebra. Since then, she's on a quest to learn
it and won't rest until she does. She's been asking my husband to
show her how to do it but he told her he needs to brush up on it
first and kept putting her off. She used her own money to buy a used
algebra textbook from a used book store and that night she asked him
to read her a bedtime story (you know where this is going, right-
lol) He went into her room, snuggled up in bed with her and asked
for the book. She pulled out the algebra book from under her pillow
and gave it to him. lol I love that she thinks nothing is out of her
reach. She wants to learn everything. I also love that she took her
learning into her own hands and didn't wait for my husband to buy a
book on his own. And to think...it started with a movie.
4) Do you try to expose your children to new
ideas/concepts/activites, and, if so, how do you do so?
Yes, we do this by just trying to live an interesting life. They
expose me to lots of new stuff also. A museum near us just had an
exhibit of dresses that belonged to Princess Diana and my daughters
asked if we could go. It was a very interesting day and we found out
a lot about her that we didn't know. If it wasn't for my daughters
suggesting it, I probbaly wouldn't have gone.
5) Are your children resistant when you try to expose them to new
> ideas/concepts/activities, and if they are, how do you deal withit?
Sometimes...but I have found my kids enjoy trying new stuff so
they're pretty much open to new ideas. When they don't want to do
something I suggested, I try *very hard* not to take it personal, or
at least not to let it show. That's been tough for me but I'm better
at it than I was.
6) Are your relatives supportive, and if not, how do you deal with
them?
My mother was very supportive. She thought homeschooling/unschooling
was fantastic. As far as other relatives, it doesn't come up much
but they're kind of used to me and my off-the-beaten-path ideas. :-)
7) If you have a shy child, do social interactions, or lack thereof,
concern you? What do you do to help your child overcome his or her
shyness, or do you feel that he or she will simply outgrow it?
Can't help you there. All three of my kids are quite outgoing and
are usually the first ones to introduce themselves to other kids and
start playing with them.
I don't think being shy is something you should help your child
overcome or hope they grow out of it. It's part of who they are
right now. That needs to be respected, not changed. People change on
their own and evolve over time so she may well end up a more
outgoing person later on in life but honor her for who she is right
now. If she wants help with making new friends or starting a
conversation, then by all means, help her. But if she's fine with it
and it's not getting in the way of her being happy, I'd leave it
alone.
8) If you have an anxious child, how do you help your child to deal
with the anxiousness?
My middle daughter has had anxiety issues since she moved in with
us. (We adopted her when she was seven after she was abused and in
foster care for four years) and still will worry and become overly
anxious about things. It was hard in the beginning because that
anxiousness was mixed in with a lot of anger. As the anger subsided,
so did a lot of her fears (weather was a big trigger for her) but I
have found that two things helped her the most. One is talking to
her about things before they happen. The other is giving her tools
to calm herself down.
9) Any help or advice that you could give me would be appreciated -
right now, I need all the help I can get!
Just what you're doing is great. Asking questions and reading about
unschooling is a step in the right direction. :-)
You might want to read some of the past editions of Unschooling
Voices because it addresses some of the questions you brought up
here. Unschooling Voices is a monthly mix of blog posts on
unschooling from various bloggers, a lot of whom are members here.
Here's the link, Scroll down the page for the links to past
editions. Click on each month to read the posts.
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/2007/01/unschooling-voices-
main-page.html
If that doesn't workm try here:
http://tinyurl.com/26pt6x
~~ Joanne ~~
Vickisue Gray
OK...wow...this one hit hard as there's been way too much death around here
this past year. (Our throughbred in the Christmas tornado last year, my daughter's
two best friends, four of our mini's someone attempted to steal which went terribly
bad, and recently, my spouse witnessed a freak accident that killed a co-worker and
friend when a tree fell on him.)
~~If he were hit by a bus tomorrow, what would you regret? Not enough
classical learning or not enough joy? Provide many more opportunities for
whichever you choose ;)
One cannot regret Joy.
<g> Think I even said something like this early in 2007 when my daughter's
friends were killed.
Point taken. I have done the writting for him. When he was little (which I still have)
and the game rules. You are right about assisting him and we both have enjoyed those
times. You all are right about letting them be. Thanks for helping me over my
self doubt.
Vicki ~ who's going to practice that breathing!
____________________________________________________________________________________
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
this past year. (Our throughbred in the Christmas tornado last year, my daughter's
two best friends, four of our mini's someone attempted to steal which went terribly
bad, and recently, my spouse witnessed a freak accident that killed a co-worker and
friend when a tree fell on him.)
~~If he were hit by a bus tomorrow, what would you regret? Not enough
classical learning or not enough joy? Provide many more opportunities for
whichever you choose ;)
One cannot regret Joy.
<g> Think I even said something like this early in 2007 when my daughter's
friends were killed.
Point taken. I have done the writting for him. When he was little (which I still have)
and the game rules. You are right about assisting him and we both have enjoyed those
times. You all are right about letting them be. Thanks for helping me over my
self doubt.
Vicki ~ who's going to practice that breathing!
____________________________________________________________________________________
Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
carenkh
Thought this post was very timely for this discussion:
http://christinekane.com/blog/the-architecture-of-delight/
I have learned the biggest gift I can give my boys - and myself - is
to be HERE, NOW. I trust completely that they will have the resources
to do anything they need, or want, to do in the future - or will know
they have the ability to find those resources. THEN. When they need them.
I had to laugh, thinking of what use a paper would be to a
ten-year-old boy. Gave me visions of a ten-year-old, dressed in a
business suit, giving a presentation. If my guys wanted to do that,
we'd look into how to accomplish that, but today, they're content
dressed in sweats and T-shirts, putting together mutant Bionicles and
playing World of Warcraft. (oh, except Evan, who heard someone on TV
say teenage boys shouldn't wear sweatpants, and hasn't since)
What do they need NOW? Love, connection, unconditional support. And a
snack, so I need to go ---
peace,
Caren
http://christinekane.com/blog/the-architecture-of-delight/
I have learned the biggest gift I can give my boys - and myself - is
to be HERE, NOW. I trust completely that they will have the resources
to do anything they need, or want, to do in the future - or will know
they have the ability to find those resources. THEN. When they need them.
I had to laugh, thinking of what use a paper would be to a
ten-year-old boy. Gave me visions of a ten-year-old, dressed in a
business suit, giving a presentation. If my guys wanted to do that,
we'd look into how to accomplish that, but today, they're content
dressed in sweats and T-shirts, putting together mutant Bionicles and
playing World of Warcraft. (oh, except Evan, who heard someone on TV
say teenage boys shouldn't wear sweatpants, and hasn't since)
What do they need NOW? Love, connection, unconditional support. And a
snack, so I need to go ---
peace,
Caren