[email protected]

Any suggestions for the nitty gritty of letting go of our
preconditions?

-=-=-=-=-

Meant to get to this one and forgot.

1) Make a decision and Do it. No one can do it for you. You are the
ONLY one with the power over yourself.

If you need "permission," I would be honored to give it to you: You
have my permission to let go of whatever is keeping from having a
joyful life. <g>

But *you* are the only one that can do the work. And first, you have to
decide that is the path you will take.

2) Think about your expectations as parents. Did you really expect a
three year old to pick up after himself? Did you really expect an eight
year old to *care*? Did you not expect to have to clean and cook and
care for others than yourself daily? 'Cause all that really comes with
the "kid package."

Who did you expect would clean the house when you had kids? The magic
house cleaning fairy? Did you really think the children would pick up
after themselves? Did you pick up after yourself? Did you never toss
Cheerios on the floor? Give me your mom's number, so's I can check!
<BWG>

Cheerios on the floor came with the package---it's part of the
expectation. Really. Kids are messy.

3) Be grateful. Grateful for *everything* you have---even if it's not
much. It's probably a whole lot more than that of more than half the
world! If you're sitting in a warm house with computer access, you have
more than most. Hell, if you're whining about having to care for
healthy children, you have more than most! There's probably some secret
law of physics that states those with the most whine the most! <bwg> We
are SOOO lucky to have what we have! Most of us have washer/dryers--or
access to them instead of rocks and streams. Stoves and ovens instead
of open fire pits. Multiple entertainment machines: radio, tv,
computers, video games, iPods, whatever. We're lucky to have clothes to
fold and dishes to wash and healthy, happy children snuggled up next to
us. I have so many friends who *can't* have children or who have lost
children---I feel especially lucky to have the two I do. Start and end
each day with a feeling of gratitude---it'll show.

4) Realize that NOTHING is more important than the children. Dishes can
wait. No matter how lucky I am to HAVE dishes and food on them, they'll
still be in the sink when I finish attending to the child. Laundry can
wait. Dirty clothes can still be worn---some people wear the same
outfit every day for years. And that pile will still be there after a
game of poker (they won't fold themselves, but they really don't have
to be folded to be worn! <g>). Supper can be a PB&J---or McDonanld's
tonight (well, except for Deb Lewis, who has never eaten there! <G>);
no one will starve. No matter how many emails I have on my screen, they
TOO will still be there when I get back! And some, I don't even have to
answer!!! <G>

5) Say "no" more. Give yourself permission NOT to do things. Tell
others, "no." (Tell your kids, "yes." See #6) "No, I can't bake cookies
for the church bake sale, I need to play with my kids."

6) Say "yes" more. Yes to your children, to yourself, and to your
spouse. If your first response is no, rethink WHY you think that. There
*might* be a way. Brainstorm possibilities---even if they won't work.
You never know! <g>

7) Heal the child in *you* by being the parent you wish you had.
Better: be the parent your child would wish for. <g> But you can heal
the wounds inside you as you give your child the best parent you can
be. You'll be surprised how much this can help. If you were that child
in front of you, what would *you* want your parent to do right now? By
giving our children the time and love ---and respect and trust and
generosity and freedom--that we never had, we can heal ourselves and
revel in what we *can* give our children.

I'm sure others can add to the list, but that's a start! <G>



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
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Photoartist

New kid on the block, so just sort of jumping in...


>>2) Think about your expectations as parents. Did you really expect a
three year old to pick up after himself?<<

Actually, yes, and they did. ;o)

>>Did you really expect an eight year old to *care*? <<

See previous answer. ;o)

>>Did you not expect to have to clean and cook and care for others than
>>yourself daily? 'Cause all that really comes with the "kid package."<<

Expected all those things and took them in stride.

>>Who did you expect would clean the house when you had kids? The magic
>>house cleaning fairy? Did you really think the children would pick up
>>after themselves? Did you pick up after yourself? Did you never toss
>>Cheerios on the floor? Give me your mom's number, so's I can check! <<

We all pick up after ourselves. We're all part of the team.

>>3) Be grateful. Grateful for *everything* you have---even if it's not
much. It's probably a whole lot more than that of more than half the
world! <<

AMEN!

>>4) Realize that NOTHING is more important than the children.<<

While I agree with this statement, I do believe that the concept of teaching
children responsibility and teamwork negates a child's importance. The
opposite, actually. ;o)

>>7) Heal the child in *you* by being the parent you wish you had.
Better: be the parent your child would wish for. <g> But you can heal
the wounds inside you as you give your child the best parent you can
be. You'll be surprised how much this can help. If you were that child
in front of you, what would *you* want your parent to do right now? By
giving our children the time and love ---and respect and trust and
generosity and freedom--that we never had, we can heal ourselves and
revel in what we *can* give our children.<<

This we are doing, and we definitely see the positive results. Happy,
well-adjusted, loving, respectful, responsible kids growing up to be
wonderful adults.


Blue

Robert Saxon

Um, Blue,

>>4) Realize that NOTHING is more important than the children.<<

> While I agree with this statement, I do believe that the concept of
teaching
> children responsibility and teamwork negates a child's importance. The
> opposite, actually. ;o)


I'm confoosed. Could you elucidate on this one, please?

--Rob Saxon


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Photoartist

Never underestimate the power of a "not". LOL

It should've said, "While I agree with this statement, I *don't* believe
that the concept of
teaching children responsibility and teamwork negates a child's importance.
The opposite, actually."

Sorry about that!

Blue

----- Original Message -----

Um, Blue,

>>4) Realize that NOTHING is more important than the children.<<

> While I agree with this statement, I do believe that the concept of
teaching
> children responsibility and teamwork negates a child's importance. The
> opposite, actually. ;o)


I'm confoosed. Could you elucidate on this one, please?

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Photoartist <photoartist@...>

>>4) Realize that NOTHING is more important than the children.<<

While I agree with this statement, I do believe that the concept of
teaching
children responsibility and teamwork negates a child's importance. The
opposite, actually. ;o)


-=-=-=-=-

Could you please explain how you go about teaching children
responsibility and teamwork?


~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org


________________________________________________________________________
More new features than ever. Check out the new AOL Mail ! -
http://webmail.aol.com

Debra Rossing

Realize that NOTHING is more important than the children. Dishes can
wait. No matter how lucky I am to HAVE dishes and food on them, they'll
still be in the sink when I finish attending to the child. Laundry can
wait. Dirty clothes can still be worn---some people wear the same
outfit every day for years. And that pile will still be there after a
game of poker (they won't fold themselves, but they really don't have
to be folded to be worn! <g>). Supper can be a PB&J---or McDonanld's
tonight (well, except for Deb Lewis, who has never eaten there! <G>);
no one will starve. No matter how many emails I have on my screen, they
TOO will still be there when I get back! And some, I don't even have to
answer!!! <G>
---------------------------------
My mom's motto (long before the commercial for frozen pizza) was What do
you want on your tombstone? "She had a really clean house" or "She
always had time to play with the kids" And she *really* had to make that
choice daily because she had a stroke when I was 5 (brother was 3 yrs
old sister was 3 months old) - there was literally a time when crossing
the room to straighten the table cloth could have been the last straw
for her enlarged heart (she now has an artificial mitral valve and a
pacemaker, she's 70 yrs old and loves playing with her 5 grandkids).

Deb


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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Photoartist

I corrected the mistake in that sentence in a previous post, but in answer
to your question, in our family teaching responsibility and teamwork is a
habit that is built into each member of the family every day. So from birth
they see it modeled and it continues to be the standard for everyone. There
has never been an issue in our family with having the children take care of
age-appropriate responsibilities from the time they are toddlers. It's the
norm, so it's never really been a question of how to, or whether or not to,
be respectful and responsible. :o)

Blue

----- Original Message -----

-=-=-=-=-

Could you please explain how you go about teaching children
responsibility and teamwork?

carenkh

Your saying your kids have never *not* wanted to take care of their
things?

Caren

--- In [email protected], "Photoartist"
<photoartist@...> wrote:
>
> I corrected the mistake in that sentence in a previous post, but in
answer
> to your question, in our family teaching responsibility and teamwork
is a
> habit that is built into each member of the family every day. So
from birth
> they see it modeled and it continues to be the standard for
everyone. There
> has never been an issue in our family with having the children take
care of
> age-appropriate responsibilities from the time they are toddlers.
It's the
> norm, so it's never really been a question of how to, or whether or
not to,
> be respectful and responsible. :o)
>
> Blue
>
> ----- Original Message -----
>
> -=-=-=-=-
>
> Could you please explain how you go about teaching children
> responsibility and teamwork?
>

Photoartist

Not at all. I'm saying it doesn't become an issue. Sometimes I don't want to
load the dishwasher. I just do it because it needs to be done. I don't have
to be singing the whole time, but I do have to get it done. It works the
same for the children. ;o)

Blue

----- Original Message -----

Your saying your kids have never *not* wanted to take care of their
things?

Caren

wisdomalways5

Do you allow yourself to NOT do it when you do not want to?

Julie


--- In [email protected], "Photoartist"
<photoartist@...> wrote:
>
> Not at all. I'm saying it doesn't become an issue. Sometimes I
don't want to
> load the dishwasher. I just do it because it needs to be done. I
don't have
> to be singing the whole time, but I do have to get it done. It
works the
> same for the children. ;o)
>
> Blue
>
> ----- Original Message -----
>
> Your saying your kids have never *not* wanted to take care of their
> things?
>
> Caren
>

[email protected]

-----Original Message-----
From: Photoartist <photoartist@...


>>>>>Could you please explain how you go about teaching children
responsibility and teamwork?<<<<<<<

I corrected the mistake in that sentence in a previous post, but in
answer
to your question, in our family teaching responsibility and teamwork is
a
habit that is built into each member of the family every day. So from
birth
they see it modeled and it continues to be the standard for everyone.
There
has never been an issue in our family with having the children take
care of
age-appropriate responsibilities from the time they are toddlers. It's
the
norm, so it's never really been a question of how to, or whether or not
to,
be respectful and responsible. :o)

-=-=-=-=-=-

That doesn't answer my question.

How do you go about teaching children responsibility and teamwork?

Dismissively saying, "yeah---we've always done it this way, and it
works," doesn't explain how that's *teaching* respect and
responsibility and teamwork.

If you believe it can be *taught*, I'd like to know *how*.



~Kelly

Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org








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