lisa m

Greetings :)
I will probably cross post bc i'm feeling a bit distressed and i guess
needing some feedback via different avenues. :)

My basic question is, does it get easier to unschool AND maintain
confidence in the decision to live life this way?

In the last week I have "lost" a great yoga practice bc the parenting
beliefs of my teachers and myself were such that our internal values
were really conflicting. I am glad in my decision not to go back, but
also keep getting caught in thoughts of self doubt and also lack of
unconditional love and acceptance for how my dd (4.5) is (strong
willed, un tamed,sensitivity, authentic, full of love of life!!!
beautiful things but things that society often does not value or respect)

Last night i heard that my close friend will probably not go to a ren
fest w/ our family bc there will be swords ect there and she doesn't
think her 3yo ds is ready to that. I'm reading "Killing Monsters" and
am my self working on letting go of the old "violence is bad"
mentality. (although we went to our first ren fairre at 3, and never
worried about the kind of "violence" there.)

I feel like at almost every turn i make my parenting choices are not
met with excitement but with fear. and somehow that taps into my own
fears. Am I choosing to embrace RA bc of fear for repressing my
daughter's freedom? I think so... And i think bc there is this fear in
me, it somehow makes me sceptically and sensitive to others reactions
of fear.... does that make sense?
Somehow i need to alter my view point- embrace RA not out of fear, but
out of hope, ect.... I'm just working on how to turn these feelings
inside me around.
Then perhaps it will be "easier" for me to be met with the kind of
parenting others choose?

Thanks for listening....
Lisa

trektheory

--- In [email protected], "lisa m" <llmeuser@...> wrote:
>

> Last night i heard that my close friend will probably not go to a ren
> fest w/ our family bc there will be swords ect there and she doesn't
> think her 3yo ds is ready to that. I'm reading "Killing Monsters" and
> am my self working on letting go of the old "violence is bad"
> mentality. (although we went to our first ren fairre at 3, and never
> worried about the kind of "violence" there.)


I just wanted to mention something. I think whether or not a child is
ready for a ren. fair (though, to be honest, seeing swords isn't what
I call violence, and isn't likely to traumatize most children), some
books are too frightening for some young children. This doesn't mean
that it is wrong to read Killing Monsters to a young child, just to
some children. We have to treat each child as the individual they
are. At 8, my son was freaked out by Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, but
the 7 yr old friend he'd spent the night at had no problem with that,
or far more violent/scary movies. They are different kids, with
different needs.


>
> I feel like at almost every turn i make my parenting choices are not
> met with excitement but with fear. and somehow that taps into my own
> fears.

Do you think there may be some aspect of how you present your choices
that cause more negative reactions? Not saying it is a presentation
issue, and I certainly have no clue how you share with others, but a
different approach for some things can help. Just a thought. You can
assess it far better than I can!

I have heard so many homeschoolers in the community where I live claim
that teachers and such are antagonistic towards homeschoolers, that
they are threatened by them, etc. All I can think is, they must be
seeing a very different group than I am, or presenting their
homeschooling in a different manner, because I have had nothing but
positive comments from teachers, usually, "Good for you!" And, in
dealing with the guidance counselors in signing up for various college
admissions tests (yeah, we're at that stage of the game, sigh), the
ones in the school we are zoned for have been nothing but positive and
helpful. Certainly no pressure to enroll him!

I hope you don't feel like you are losing all your friends/social
support/network locally! Hopefully, you will find some positive,
open-minded (even if they school differently than you) people to hang
out with!

Linda

lisa m

thanks for the reply.
i don't have time to reply right now except wanted to say taht the
book "killing monsters" is a book for adults to read. sorry i didn't
make that more clear.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Monsters-Children-Make-Believe-Violence/dp/0465036961/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-9119621-2462368?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189704779&sr=8-1

thanks again!!!
--- In [email protected], "trektheory"
<trektheory@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected], "lisa m" <llmeuser@> wrote:
> >
>
> > Last night i heard that my close friend will probably not go to a ren
> > fest w/ our family bc there will be swords ect there and she doesn't
> > think her 3yo ds is ready to that. I'm reading "Killing Monsters" and
> > am my self working on letting go of the old "violence is bad"
> > mentality. (although we went to our first ren fairre at 3, and never
> > worried about the kind of "violence" there.)
>
>
> I just wanted to mention something. I think whether or not a child is
> ready for a ren. fair (though, to be honest, seeing swords isn't what
> I call violence, and isn't likely to traumatize most children), some
> books are too frightening for some young children. This doesn't mean
> that it is wrong to read Killing Monsters to a young child, just to
> some children. We have to treat each child as the individual they
> are. At 8, my son was freaked out by Scooby Doo on Zombie Island, but
> the 7 yr old friend he'd spent the night at had no problem with that,
> or far more violent/scary movies. They are different kids, with
> different needs.
>
>
> >
> > I feel like at almost every turn i make my parenting choices are not
> > met with excitement but with fear. and somehow that taps into my own
> > fears.
>
> Do you think there may be some aspect of how you present your choices
> that cause more negative reactions? Not saying it is a presentation
> issue, and I certainly have no clue how you share with others, but a
> different approach for some things can help. Just a thought. You can
> assess it far better than I can!
>
> I have heard so many homeschoolers in the community where I live claim
> that teachers and such are antagonistic towards homeschoolers, that
> they are threatened by them, etc. All I can think is, they must be
> seeing a very different group than I am, or presenting their
> homeschooling in a different manner, because I have had nothing but
> positive comments from teachers, usually, "Good for you!" And, in
> dealing with the guidance counselors in signing up for various college
> admissions tests (yeah, we're at that stage of the game, sigh), the
> ones in the school we are zoned for have been nothing but positive and
> helpful. Certainly no pressure to enroll him!
>
> I hope you don't feel like you are losing all your friends/social
> support/network locally! Hopefully, you will find some positive,
> open-minded (even if they school differently than you) people to hang
> out with!
>
> Linda
>

Kendrah Nilsestuen

<<This doesn't mean
that it is wrong to read Killing Monsters to a young child, just to
some children.>>

Not sure if this has been mentioned... Killing Monsters is a book for
adults (although I suppose some child might show interest) but it is
not a picture book, or a fictional story. It is a book to help
parents deal with their fears of children acting out fantasy, and
make believe violence. A good read by the way. :)

Kendrah

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

lisa m

Thanks so much for the reply. :)

--- In [email protected], "trektheory"
<trektheory@...> wrote:

>
> I just wanted to mention something. I think whether or not a child is
> ready for a ren. fair (though, to be honest, seeing swords isn't what
> I call violence, and isn't likely to traumatize most children), some
> books are too frightening for some young children. This doesn't mean
> that it is wrong to read Killing Monsters to a young child, just to
> some children.


I just wanted to say that Killing monsters
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Monsters-Children-Make-Believe-Violence/dp/0465036961/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-9119621-2462368?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189779738&sr=8-1
is a book for adults. i'm sorry i didnt' make that more clear. i
totally agree on varying degrees of what is scary for kids. kathrynn
only likes really mild movies and anything w/ much violence at all we
skip through at her request. this doesn't mean she doesn't like to
wrestle or stick fight or use our hands to mock fight tho. :)


>
> Do you think there may be some aspect of how you present your choices
> that cause more negative reactions? Not saying it is a presentation
> issue, and I certainly have no clue how you share with others, but a
> different approach for some things can help. Just a thought. You can
> assess it far better than I can!

I don't really think this is the issue. My friends and i have very
calm talks about our parenting that don't come from a defensive stance
but a sharing stance. i just think that my friends choose to side with
the studies that show that violence is x,y, and z, while i am choosing
to want to trust my child more then trust the studies blindly.



>
> I hope you don't feel like you are losing all your friends/social
> support/network locally! Hopefully, you will find some positive,
> open-minded (even if they school differently than you) people to hang
> out with!
>


I am so lucky that i do have some open minded and positive and
respectful friends. I am SO grateful for that. However, I guess i just
feel sad that there is no one with which i can really connect to
locally who understands radical unschooling. They all employ either
media or food or some kind of "artificial" limits, and those are the
areas which are hardest for me to relinquish control to begin with ,
you know what i mean? I guess i wish i had someone locally to journey
with me as i let go of my own personal control/limit issues.

I keep reminding myself that i do have ppl to journey with- i have a
huge on line community available to me.
And, I am so grateful for lists such as these. Wheeewww, i don't think
i could make it with them. :)

Thanks so much. :)
lisa