Tina Bragdon

Ok, I tried to follow the "anything postitive about not having a TV
thread and got totally lost, so decided to do my own post!

I have struggled lately with the issue of television. I can see
especially in the last few days with my struggles with it that I have
not totally flipped my internal paradigm with it even though I
thought
I had....I still have the same fears come up. I go back to various
posts about TV I have bookmarked like off Sandra's website, and read
them and it sinks in for awhile, but I really see areas my thoughts
have not changed. I have a 7 yr old dd who has always watched shows
*I* deem acceptable (I am ashamed to even say this on an unschooling
list...but I have realized I have been thinking this way deep
down...leave it to my kids to point out things like that) like
Treehouse TV, Discovery Kids, etc but lately has discovered channels
like YTv and "older" kids shows, ones that show characters with
flippant attitudes, older themes, etc.

I am wandering into territory with this that is making me
uncomfortable, and really making me realize I need to put my money
where my mouth is, do I really trust my kids and trust natural
learning?
I find myself cringing when I keep thinking she needs "something
better
to do" (who am I to judge that?) or feeling like the whole day has
gone
by with her "just watching TV." She makes many plans and asks about
things she wants to do with me, such as puzzles, baking cookies, etc
but it seems to go by the wayside and the tv is on all day and she
has
watched like literally 7-8 shows in a row., then she complains we
never
do anything together.. I find myself swinging widely on
this...there's
days I feel angry at myself because I have not been more proactive in
offering other options and she is watching TV and I am off doing my
own
thing and not watching with her(this is painful for me to admit),
days I want to throw out the
tv completely, etc We have brainstormed possibly getting an on-paper
tv guide and picking out what she wants to watch each day, and making
a
list of things we want to do together (me stopping what I am doing
and
her turning it off), etc but so far that has not materialized. I also
feel she may do this just to "please" me if that makes sense. It's
like
I am quiet about it, and then end up nagging when I try to express my
thought to her about it.

I am more relaxed than I used to be, as I described above I have
times
I generally feel fine with the tv but then days I feel like this.
The
whole "doing nothing but watching TV" feeling ties into an
undercurrent
of doubt I am feeling at present about unschooling. When I have a dd
who struggles with reading for example and shows very little interest
in writing (although when I compare her with "her" and not others she
is growing by leaps and bounds) and a 4 yr old ds who is awaiting
genetic testing and has been diagnosed with developmental delay with
being in size/gross motor skills/speech like an 18 mo-2 yr old, (and
with the OT freaking out for example that he is not doing more
coloring
or playdough or whatever...why I got him a diagnosis is a whole other
post that I will put up someday but basically his physical challenges
were causing him alot of difficulty in his life) it is hard to
silence
those schooly voices in my head that they are watching it "too much"
and that "all those studies" are right or that maybe she would be
reading better if she didn't watch so much, etc. I am just trying to
reconcile that voice with the realization that if I TRULY believe
that
everything in my children's lives is valuable and they can learn from
it, that I would not limit TV now would I?

OK, I need serious help here! Ren and others who used to limit TV,
how
did you quiet your fears and change your views?

I am really looking forward to personal antecdotes, rebuttals to
things
like Jane Healy's work, and words of wisdom!

Tina, dp James, dd Stephanie (7) and ds Jonathan (4) here in Manitoba
Canada

carenkh

--- In [email protected], "Tina Bragdon"
<jamesandtina942@...> wrote:
>maybe she would be
> reading better if she didn't watch so much, etc.


I only have a minute, so won't go into my whole learning curve... but
I DO want to say, my 8 1/2 y.o. watches *lots* of TV at various times.
Well - most times, actually. He is learning to read just fine, and at
the perfect time for him. His Dad was getting a little worried a few
months ago. I think you can't *keep* them from reading, there's so
much motivation to learn in their daily lives. Seth was frustrated
about a year ago that he wasn't reading, but never wanted to sit down
and sound out words or anything, so I told him I believed that he
would learn when it was time for him to, and until then, I'd be happy
to read for him. And it's happening! Just yesterday, on the bus he
read "Do Not Open Window While Air Conditioner is On". We were both
so excited! :)

There's a lot of reading on TV - like signs characters hold up, or if
someone reads a note. I know this was motivating to him.

I know you'll get lots of experiences here. I'm a new member to this
list (hey everybody!), but I believe it's a place where you can be
honest about where you are and no one will bash you. Thanks for
taking a risk!

peace,
Caren

Kelli Traaseth

I think it goes beyond TV. The trust that you have to have that your child will be OK if you don't control them.

Is your children's happiness one of the most important things to you? Is their joy in life the goal in your parenting? For me, joy and happiness is more important than what they end up being when they grow up, or if they are learning enough or reading at the right age.

We did limit TV years ago. My oldest 2 kids may have watched TV more after I decided that we didn't want to do limits anymore. And there still may be days that my youngest, who has never been limited, will watch a few hours of TV. But there will also be days that the TV doesn't get turned on at all.

When we moved to a new town, I think all of them watched more. There wasn't as much in our lives at that time and maybe they needed that safe thing, as far as it wasn't changing like their home or town.

But really, TV is just another resource in our life. It's just like a book or a computer or a sewing machine. If there's something on that they want to watch they'll watch it. If they feel like laying around a bit, they might watch it or they might not. We do other things too so they will often choose to do something else.

Let go of time limits and what is "good" and "bad". Some days Kyra (dd10) will play (talk, write, watch music/videos) on the computer for a few hours, some days she won't be on it at all. When we first got our sewing machine she'd get up and sew and sew. But now she hasn't been on the sewing machine that much. My son (14) will hardly ever turn on the TV. But he will play World of Warcraft right now for hours. He has some goals that he wants to attain in that game right now and it's important to him. So that's what he's doing. He will come up and go with us to walk the dog, he will watch a video or 2 with his sister also, but he will spend hours playing.

I look at his gaming right now as his "specialty". ;)

Maybe it will take some time to see all they are learning, with and without TV. Maybe it will take some time to see that TV isn't bad, look at the happiness and joy that's in their faces. For me, the joy and happiness transcended the worry. :)

Kelli~ mom to Alec 14, Abbi 12 and Kyra 10

You can read about us at: ourjoyfullife.blogspot.com


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Ren Allen

~~I know you'll get lots of experiences here. I'm a new member to this
list (hey everybody!), but I believe it's a place where you can be
honest about where you are and no one will bash you. Thanks for
taking a risk!~~

Yes! I think sharing our journey and asking questions and finding
folks who have been through similar things is exactly what this list
is for. When people feel "bashed" its usually because they weren't
expecting to be questioned at all and direct questioning can feel very
personal.

Welcome to the list Caren!! It's really great to have you here.:)

Ren
learninginfreedom.com

Fetteroll

On Aug 15, 2007, at 1:36 AM, Tina Bragdon wrote:

> I can see
> especially in the last few days with my struggles with it that I have
> not totally flipped my internal paradigm with it even though I
> thought
> I had

What I see in your post is less about TV and more about your
frustration with what you're doing or not doing and then you're
seeking out TV as a scapegoat.

If she was filling her time with reading or drawing and then
complaing that you never do anything, would the problem lie with the
reading or drawing? Or would the problem be the lack of planning on
your part? Don't beat yourself up tho! Just plan :-) And rather than
planning in order to subtract TV from her life, see the planning as
*adding* more choices to her life. Let her choose TV or some other
plan. Right now the most exciting option is apparently TV.

TiVo can be a hugely freeing service! It can record programs while
you're out and save them for when you have free time. (With DirecTV
satellite it was a bargain at only $5/mo but with Verizon cable it's
$15/mo but still well worth it.) Before we got it, I taped whatever
she wanted to watch during the day so she could have it later. Often
she chose not to watch. Part of the draw was that she felt she *had*
to watch when the programs were on because otherwise they'd be gone.
When she had a choice to watch whenever, it freed her to choose not
to watch :-)

> lately has discovered channels
> like YTv and "older" kids shows, ones that show characters with
> flippant attitudes, older themes, etc.

And?

She's growing up. How can she know what's good to her if someone else
decides for her? It's sort of like learning good art from bad by only
seeing what someone else believes is good art and never seeing the
rest to learn how to observe yourself.

As for the flippant attitudes, yes, sometimes kids play around with
those in real life. Sometimes kids play around being goth too. It
doesn't mean they've decided that's the best way to be for all time.
It's part of learning by experience.

Do you think there are greater things to be gained in life by being
flippant? Do you think your daughter is so unintelligent that she
won't see that too?

Joyce



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[email protected]

In a message dated 8/15/2007 9:20:48 A.M. Central Daylight Time, writes:
"carenkh" _carenkh@... _ (mailto:carenkh@...?Subject=
Re:%20for%20Ren%20and%20others%20who%20used%20to%20limit%20TV.) writes:

There's a lot of reading on TV - like signs characters hold up, or if
someone reads a note. I know this was motivating to him.


******************************************************


My son started watching TV before her was 2, and her really got into it!
He's 11 now and still does. I have never limited him, but I think he has
gotten a lot of good information from it, and he's gotten a lot of enjoyment.

Sometimes he'll come up with a piece of information or random fact---and
when we ask him where he got it, it's usually TV (or video games---his main
passion!)

From the first television show he ever watched, we have used the closed
captioning. I heard later on that it was a good way to help them learn how to
read. I think it must be true because he is an excellent reader---and he has
always had a large vocabulary! People give him a funny look when these big
words come out of his mouth! =o)

A quick example:
This morning when he woke up, he was a little grumpy, so I said I was going
to feed him some "happy flakes" for breakfast. <g>
I then told him to "open up" and pretended to feed them to him.
He said "This would be a lot better if it were actual sustenance!"
=o)


BTW---I'm new here---and new homeschooling and unschooling! My son was in
public school until 4th grade. We pulled him out after I started researching
HSing---now I'm learning more about unschooling. Currently we are applying
aspects of unschooling---but we haven't taken the plunge yet! Part of it is
he is still somewhat in that PS mode of thinking, although he has loosened
from it a little. I'm not sure what my hesitation is---I guess it's just a
matter of breaking old habits and growing as a person!

Thanks for letting me be here and sharing your advice and encouragement!=o)


Shannon =o)
_Shanona Ryder_ (http://shanona.blogspot.com/)

_http://www.myhomeschoolplace.com/jaxmom/_
(http://www.myhomeschoolplace.com/jaxmom/?pref_tab=my_site)






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