rn9302000

We do not have a set bedtime here, we never did. I have always let the
kids fall asleep when they are tired.
This has never been an issue until my husband changed his work
schedule, now he has to get up at 5:30 am for work. So he goes to bed
very early.
I am having trouble though with the noise level in the house after he
goes to bed.
Some evenings the kids play quietly, but some evenings they are
totally playing very loudly! We do have a bedtime routine of bath,
teeth brushing, book reading, but if no one is tired they don't have
to get into bed.
So the nights when they are being rather loud, I try to have them play
quietly, but if it happens repeatedly I find myself getting upset with
them.
I try having them play in their rooms but if they get loud they always
wake hubby up since the location is close. If they play downstairs,
they can still end up waking him if they get too loud. ( obviously
our house is not huge! LOL).....the only place they can be loud
without waking him is in the basement playroom. But if i go up to lay
in bed i don't like them being all the way in the basement.
And to be honest some nights I am just exhausted and don't want to
stay up as late as they do. I like to lay down and read or just rest,
i don't fall asleep til they come to bed.
I want to keep the house quiet out of respect for hubby and his need
for sleep, and i don't want to force the kids into bed if they aren't
ready.
How do you make them understand playtime at night is different than
playtime during the day? LOL.....some evenings mine just don't see
the difference. my kids are 7 and 4.

Diane

Nicole Willoughby

Well when my dh worked graveyards ear plugs really bothered him but sleeping in the closet ( it was a walk in ) didnt and it got rid of the noise for him. So you and dh may want to brainstorm about what might help him get more sleep despite the noise ..ear plugs? a white noise machine? some other way to soundproff the room?

For the kids ....mine are 4 and 5 and 8 so yes I completely understand about not understanding the difference. Most likely they want to respect their fathers need for sleep that at that age its really hard to remember to stay quiet. Encouraging all the lounder jumping arounds, running through the house screaming type activities during the day
and the lets watch a movie together or turn on the fill in game system here might help.
another thing that sounds silly but helps a friend of mine who has a dh with a similiar shift.
She several big construction paper circles to hang in the rooms red on one side , green on the other. When dad went to bed she would announce she was flipping to red and the red cirles were a reminder to keep the noise down and help dad sleep.

nicole


---------------------------------
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[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

castlecarver

I had the same problem at one time. I just started waking my son up
early in the morning when I got up and the problem took care of itself
in a few days...
We have become morning people even now when I don't have to get up
that early any more.

--- In [email protected], "rn9302000" <rn930@...> wrote:
>
> We do not have a set bedtime here, we never did. I have always let the
> kids fall asleep when they are tired.
> This has never been an issue until my husband changed his work
> schedule, now he has to get up at 5:30 am for work. So he goes to bed
> very early.
> I am having trouble though with the noise level in the house after he
> goes to bed.
> Some evenings the kids play quietly, but some evenings they are
> totally playing very loudly! We do have a bedtime routine of bath,
> teeth brushing, book reading, but if no one is tired they don't have
> to get into bed.
> So the nights when they are being rather loud, I try to have them play
> quietly, but if it happens repeatedly I find myself getting upset with
> them.
> I try having them play in their rooms but if they get loud they always
> wake hubby up since the location is close. If they play downstairs,
> they can still end up waking him if they get too loud. ( obviously
> our house is not huge! LOL).....the only place they can be loud
> without waking him is in the basement playroom. But if i go up to lay
> in bed i don't like them being all the way in the basement.
> And to be honest some nights I am just exhausted and don't want to
> stay up as late as they do. I like to lay down and read or just rest,
> i don't fall asleep til they come to bed.
> I want to keep the house quiet out of respect for hubby and his need
> for sleep, and i don't want to force the kids into bed if they aren't
> ready.
> How do you make them understand playtime at night is different than
> playtime during the day? LOL.....some evenings mine just don't see
> the difference. my kids are 7 and 4.
>
> Diane
>

Fetteroll

On Aug 13, 2007, at 1:18 PM, rn9302000 wrote:

> So the nights when they are being rather loud, I try to have them play
> quietly, but if it happens repeatedly I find myself getting upset with
> them.

I think one thing people get hung up on is the difference between
arbitrary limits and real limits, the difference between rules and
principles.

Dad needs to sleep. That's a real limit. He can't be woken up
repeatedly through the night.

If you keep the focus on allowing Dad to sleep and being respectful
of Dad's needs rather than on making the kids be quiet, it might help
you either see solutions that you can't right now or approach the
problem differently.

Talk about what Dad needs. Discuss ways that can happen. Keep the
focus on Dad, on Dad's needs and how they can help him get those
needs met. (This works *much* better when parents have shown the same
respect for the kids' needs.) Make them part of the solution rather
than making them the problem.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

rn9302000

Nicole, I like the idea of the red and green, I think we may try that!
I did try the waking them up early but it always reverts back, we seem
to be a night owl family!
Joyce .....that is a fantastic way of thinking about this......funny
how the obvious didn't occur to me! I do feel bad when i get upset
with it...because I know they are kids, they don't remember to be
quiet, and i feel terrible when i get upset.....I think what you said
makes perfect sense, make them part of the solution. bingo!
Diane

caradove

--- In [email protected], Fetteroll <fetteroll@...> wrote:
>
> I think one thing people get hung up on is the difference between
> arbitrary limits and real limits, the difference between rules and
> principles.
>
> Dad needs to sleep. That's a real limit. He can't be woken up
> repeatedly through the night.

I really like your advice on this. My DH gets up at 4am and starts
work at 4.30am,he skimps on time to eat breakfast or shower cause he
tries to squeeze in as much sleep as he can. My problem is not so much
the kids wake him up as much as I cant seem to do without his help in
the evening,five kids from 11yo to 14mnths, and then he doesnt get to
bed early enough and is chronically fatigued.

Can you help me think of ways to involve the children in thinking how
we can get through the day in a way that I am not so much relying on
my husbands help only. We used to have chores, albeit only little
ones, but since dropping that I pretty much get no help from the kids
except 11yo son who now disappears off to skateboard all day and comes
home just to eat. what principles would come up that help lead towards
a possibility of bed at a reasonable time for DH. I am swamped with
housework and we are also not the tidiest bunch, boy what an
understatement!!!!!!!

How do I do principles not rules with this? What can I read to help me
understand better how to do this in all areas of family life?

Cara


> If you keep the focus on allowing Dad to sleep and being respectful
> of Dad's needs rather than on making the kids be quiet, it might help
> you either see solutions that you can't right now or approach the
> problem differently.
>
> Talk about what Dad needs. Discuss ways that can happen. Keep the
> focus on Dad, on Dad's needs and how they can help him get those
> needs met. (This works *much* better when parents have shown the same
> respect for the kids' needs.) Make them part of the solution rather
> than making them the problem.
>
> Joyce
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>