need help with constant asking
Nicole Willoughby
To give a short background...most of this year we were having extreme family and financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and we thought it might be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool program for 3 hours a day.
Both of my girls are now home to stay i hope :)
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can! to almost everything.
nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Both of my girls are now home to stay i hope :)
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can! to almost everything.
nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
srqhomeschoolmom
My 6 year old daughter does the same thing and has since she was around
4. She has always been unschooled. I just smile and say yes. I'm sure
there is some reason that she does it and if it makes her feel better to
ask to do things, I am happy to do it.
I do sometimes get frustrated with it still, but I know it's just part
of being her. :)
-Laura
Joyfully raising 3 kids
--- In [email protected], Nicole Willoughby
<cncnawilloughby@...> wrote:
we thought it might be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a
preschool program for 3 hours a day.
wondering what you guys suggest.
course you can! to almost everything.
4. She has always been unschooled. I just smile and say yes. I'm sure
there is some reason that she does it and if it makes her feel better to
ask to do things, I am happy to do it.
I do sometimes get frustrated with it still, but I know it's just part
of being her. :)
-Laura
Joyfully raising 3 kids
--- In [email protected], Nicole Willoughby
<cncnawilloughby@...> wrote:
>family and financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and
> To give a short background...most of this year we were having extreme
we thought it might be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a
preschool program for 3 hours a day.
>you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im
> Both of my girls are now home to stay i hope :)
>
> My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her
wondering what you guys suggest.
>feel like Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of
> Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
>
> Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i
course you can! to almost everything.
>[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> nicole
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
> Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Laila Maouli
Hello Nicole,
I would't worry about it. My doughter(4) went to school for 3 months and
sometimes she holds up her hand when she wants to say something.even when
it's just the 2 of us.
I just try to let go of it. I founded out that when I can let go she most of
the times lets go too.
Gr.laila
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Nicole Willoughby
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 17:49
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] need help with constant asking
To give a short background...most of this year we were having extreme family
and financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and we thought
it might be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool
program for 3 hours a day.
Both of my girls are now home to stay i hope :)
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her you dont
have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering what
you guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like
Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can!
to almost everything.
nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I would't worry about it. My doughter(4) went to school for 3 months and
sometimes she holds up her hand when she wants to say something.even when
it's just the 2 of us.
I just try to let go of it. I founded out that when I can let go she most of
the times lets go too.
Gr.laila
_____
From: [email protected]
[mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Nicole Willoughby
Sent: Monday, April 23, 2007 17:49
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] need help with constant asking
To give a short background...most of this year we were having extreme family
and financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and we thought
it might be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool
program for 3 hours a day.
Both of my girls are now home to stay i hope :)
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her you dont
have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering what
you guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like
Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can!
to almost everything.
nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
marji
At 11:49 4/23/2007, you wrote:
lovable about her. (Sniffing the top of her head or the back of her
neck works well in a pinch) ;-)
Then, smile and lovingly say "yes."
Then, even though it can be so frustrating, try to be grateful for
all the opportunities she gives you to say "yes" to her!
It's all your choice in how you feel. You can choose to feel
frustrated or you can choose to see the beauty and fragility in each
of those moments. You're the only one who can choose your
feelings. And, maybe know *that* can help you see what a powerful
woman you really are.
With love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive toldFirst, breathe and try to get in touch inside with all that's so
> her you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it.
> So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
lovable about her. (Sniffing the top of her head or the back of her
neck works well in a pinch) ;-)
Then, smile and lovingly say "yes."
Then, even though it can be so frustrating, try to be grateful for
all the opportunities she gives you to say "yes" to her!
It's all your choice in how you feel. You can choose to feel
frustrated or you can choose to see the beauty and fragility in each
of those moments. You're the only one who can choose your
feelings. And, maybe know *that* can help you see what a powerful
woman you really are.
With love,
Marji
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Meredith
--- In [email protected], Nicole Willoughby
<cncnawilloughby@...> wrote:
she doesn't really have a sense of what you're doing and how that
relates to what's she's doing, so she's asking, to make sure its
convenient. What do grown-up do when kids aren't looking at them?
Could be anything.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
<cncnawilloughby@...> wrote:
> My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive toldShe may be checking in, rather than asking permission. Its possible
>her you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it.
>So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
she doesn't really have a sense of what you're doing and how that
relates to what's she's doing, so she's asking, to make sure its
convenient. What do grown-up do when kids aren't looking at them?
Could be anything.
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Heather
My son, who is now 11, asked for permission to use the restroom.
While we were at home! And this was just a couple years ago. He's always
been unschooled.
We just kept saying "yes" everytime he asked (what else?), and now he rarely
asks LOL!
heather
While we were at home! And this was just a couple years ago. He's always
been unschooled.
We just kept saying "yes" everytime he asked (what else?), and now he rarely
asks LOL!
heather
On 4/23/07, Meredith <meredith@...> wrote:
>
> --- In [email protected]<unschoolingbasics%40yahoogroups.com>,
> Nicole Willoughby
> <cncnawilloughby@...> wrote:
>
> > My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told
> >her you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it.
> >So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sylvia Toyama
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her you dont have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can! to almost everything.
****
My younger two kids have never been to school -- or anywhere else they had to ask for everything -- yet they've always asked me to do virtually anything they do. I just say sure, and let it go at that.
It can get to be a bit much, but I figure since I don't require them to ask, it must be that they value my input, or maybe they just want me to know what they're doing. Recently, they've moved to telling me what they're going to do rather than ask, but still, it's no biggie.
Sylvia
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can! to almost everything.
****
My younger two kids have never been to school -- or anywhere else they had to ask for everything -- yet they've always asked me to do virtually anything they do. I just say sure, and let it go at that.
It can get to be a bit much, but I figure since I don't require them to ask, it must be that they value my input, or maybe they just want me to know what they're doing. Recently, they've moved to telling me what they're going to do rather than ask, but still, it's no biggie.
Sylvia
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kelly
Both of my kids went to daycare then the public schools. The 15yo is in his 3rd year homeschooling, and my 11yo is in her first year. They don't ask to go to the bathroom, but they do ask about nearly everything else. "Mom, can I listen to my cd's?" "Mom, can I go outside with the dog?" "Mom, can I sit here by you?" "Mom, I'm tired. Can I go lay down?" Like the others, I just answer "Yes" and go on.
The only time it gets to me is when I am lying down for a nap, and the 11yo wakes me to ask if she can use the computer, get a drink, read her library book.....for heaven's sake the answer is always "Yes!".....but I just say "Yes" in my normal tone and turn over and try to go back to sleep!
~~ When the first baby laughed for the first time,
the laugh broke into thousands of pieces
and they all went skipping about,
and that was the beginning of fairies ~ Peter Pan ~~
Check out my website at www.KellyLee.info and my favorite photos at www.KellyLee.info/photos
Yours Truly,
Kelly
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The only time it gets to me is when I am lying down for a nap, and the 11yo wakes me to ask if she can use the computer, get a drink, read her library book.....for heaven's sake the answer is always "Yes!".....but I just say "Yes" in my normal tone and turn over and try to go back to sleep!
~~ When the first baby laughed for the first time,
the laugh broke into thousands of pieces
and they all went skipping about,
and that was the beginning of fairies ~ Peter Pan ~~
Check out my website at www.KellyLee.info and my favorite photos at www.KellyLee.info/photos
Yours Truly,
Kelly
__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
http://mail.yahoo.com
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Melissa
In our home, our kids were in school for five years before pulling them out and
unschooling. Even now that we're deschooled, they still ask for a lot of things. They don't
ask as a means of obtaining permission, but it is a way to check in with me. It is also
important because we've had many experiences with someone eating all of the eggs, and
not having enough to make cookies, or them getting involved with a messy project and
then needing to quit in the middle to make another engagement that they've been looking
forward. So we'll say, "Yes, you can have eggs but please leave two for a cookie batch." It's
just common courtesy in a family! So now my older children don't ask 'Can I' but ask 'is
there a plan for this?'
As someone else mentioned, be thankful that they are wanting to connect to you, smile,
and gracefully say "Yes! You can!" It feels good to say Yes so much. Something else, some
children really chaff at the idea of too much freedom at once, and to them, asking is a way
to carefully tread the path to new boundaries. Four seems to be an age where they are
more likely to experiment with those expectations anyway.
Enjoy it..
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Nicole Willoughby <cncnawilloughby@...>
wrote:
a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool program for 3 hours a day.
unschooling. Even now that we're deschooled, they still ask for a lot of things. They don't
ask as a means of obtaining permission, but it is a way to check in with me. It is also
important because we've had many experiences with someone eating all of the eggs, and
not having enough to make cookies, or them getting involved with a messy project and
then needing to quit in the middle to make another engagement that they've been looking
forward. So we'll say, "Yes, you can have eggs but please leave two for a cookie batch." It's
just common courtesy in a family! So now my older children don't ask 'Can I' but ask 'is
there a plan for this?'
As someone else mentioned, be thankful that they are wanting to connect to you, smile,
and gracefully say "Yes! You can!" It feels good to say Yes so much. Something else, some
children really chaff at the idea of too much freedom at once, and to them, asking is a way
to carefully tread the path to new boundaries. Four seems to be an age where they are
more likely to experiment with those expectations anyway.
Enjoy it..
Melissa
--- In [email protected], Nicole Willoughby <cncnawilloughby@...>
wrote:
>financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and we thought it might be best for
> To give a short background...most of this year we were having extreme family and
a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool program for 3 hours a day.
>and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering what you guys suggest.
> Both of my girls are now home to stay i hope :)
>
> My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her you dont have to ask
>frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you can! to almost everything.
> Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
>
> Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i feel like Im getting
>
> nicole
>
>
>
> ---------------------------------
> Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
> Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Nicole Willoughby
And, maybe know *that* can help you see what a powerful
woman you really are.
Absolutly not my 4 years old fault. I need some valium lol ( not really) .
Nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
woman you really are.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Thanks Marji. hearing that was such a blessing right now :) . Cps took a friends kids away, they dont have a car and are constantly calling me to take them places and its really taking a toll on me. Im frustrated because my autistic son has been screaming sooooooo much lately and I just cant seem to help him and its driving me up a wall................and the list goes on and on lol.
Absolutly not my 4 years old fault. I need some valium lol ( not really) .
Nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Nicole Willoughby
It can get to be a bit much, but I figure since I don't require them to ask, it must be that they value my input, or maybe they just want me to know what they're doing.>>>>>>>>>>
After posting I thought about it and realized something. Shell often come up to me and say momma Im gonna ask you something.......then she dosent actually ask a question she just tells me something.
So I got to thinking and realized her asking is probably meant a lot more like telling me.
So today she asked can I play outside ? and in a very sweet voice I said no and she smiled and said yes I can! and I said yes of course you can but Im glad you want to let me know because i want to be outside with you to be sure you are safe.
nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
After posting I thought about it and realized something. Shell often come up to me and say momma Im gonna ask you something.......then she dosent actually ask a question she just tells me something.
So I got to thinking and realized her asking is probably meant a lot more like telling me.
So today she asked can I play outside ? and in a very sweet voice I said no and she smiled and said yes I can! and I said yes of course you can but Im glad you want to let me know because i want to be outside with you to be sure you are safe.
nicole
---------------------------------
Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check outnew cars at Yahoo! Autos.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Johanna
> Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etcI had a similar "problem" with my daughter (7), when we started unschooling last year in
>
>
august. I thought it was rather clear that she was now allowed to virtually do whatever she
wanted, and that she didn't have to ask anymore. One day though, she gave me the answer
I needed to understand and appreciate her asking. She asked me if she could wear a dress
(it was winter). I said, yes, of course, you know you don't have to ask for such a thing... and
she said "yes, I know but... hm... I kind of wanted to know, if it is 'OK' to do it, you know? If
people outside will laugh about it, or if they will understand it" You see? They are just
checking out if they are doing things right, if their behaviour fits in with cultural
"agreements", traditions and customs. That's a good thing and another proof, that we can
totally trust on their abilities to find out everything they want and need to know about the
world/society we live in :-)
Greetings from Germany to you all
Johanna
--
www.unerzogen.de
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: cncnawilloughby@...\
To give a short background...most of this year we were having
extreme family and
financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and we thought
it might
be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool program
for 3 hours
a day.
-=-=-=-
So, between school and extreme family and financial issues, your
children have heard "no" a LOT in their short, short lives.
-=-=-=-=-
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her
you dont
have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering
what you
guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i
feel like
Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you
can! to
almost everything.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Maybe they just like hearing "YES!" ?? <g>
Say it JOYFULLY! Not just "yes" but "YES YES YES! OF COURSE!!!!!"
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.
From: cncnawilloughby@...\
To give a short background...most of this year we were having
extreme family and
financial troubles . the kids all wanted to go to school and we thought
it might
be best for a little while. My youngest 4 was in a preschool program
for 3 hours
a day.
-=-=-=-
So, between school and extreme family and financial issues, your
children have heard "no" a LOT in their short, short lives.
-=-=-=-=-
My 4 year old constantly asks for every little thing. ive told her
you dont
have to ask and she says ok and goes right back to it. So Im wondering
what you
guys suggest.
Can I wash my hands? play in the dirt? get a drink of water? etc etc
Right now Ive stopped telling her she dosent have to ask because i
feel like
Im getting frustrated over it and i just keep saying yes of course you
can! to
almost everything.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Maybe they just like hearing "YES!" ?? <g>
Say it JOYFULLY! Not just "yes" but "YES YES YES! OF COURSE!!!!!"
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
AOL now offers free email to everyone. Find out more about what's free
from AOL at AOL.com.