A "Concerned" Therapist
Kimberly
hi everyone! I am mom of 5, 2 are homeschooling. We have been doing
school at home for the last 2 1/2 years. This approach doesn't really
work with my kids and I began looking for alternatives. I am really
interested in unschooling. I feel that this would be a perfect fit for
our family. Here's my question...They are both seen by a therapist in
our home once a week. Of course, the first question out of her mouth
was how is school going today. Up until now we have been able to show
her proof positive of what we have been doing. However, she knows the
difficulties that I have had being able to keep up. Most times when
she is here the kids are talking about how we have "skipped" a day of
school. I am very wary of trying to explain unschooling to this
therapist. I have printed out "record" sheets to keep track of what
they do each day but what if that isn't enough? When we first started
homeschooling we deschooled for about 6 months and during that time we
had a different therapist, not even our own, threaten to turn us in to
DCF. How can I keep this from happening to us? I appreciate any
advice I can get from the group.
Kimberly
school at home for the last 2 1/2 years. This approach doesn't really
work with my kids and I began looking for alternatives. I am really
interested in unschooling. I feel that this would be a perfect fit for
our family. Here's my question...They are both seen by a therapist in
our home once a week. Of course, the first question out of her mouth
was how is school going today. Up until now we have been able to show
her proof positive of what we have been doing. However, she knows the
difficulties that I have had being able to keep up. Most times when
she is here the kids are talking about how we have "skipped" a day of
school. I am very wary of trying to explain unschooling to this
therapist. I have printed out "record" sheets to keep track of what
they do each day but what if that isn't enough? When we first started
homeschooling we deschooled for about 6 months and during that time we
had a different therapist, not even our own, threaten to turn us in to
DCF. How can I keep this from happening to us? I appreciate any
advice I can get from the group.
Kimberly
Joanne
Hi Kimberly,
First...you don't need to explain unschooling to the therapist. It's
not really any of her business. Second, know your state laws and
don't be intimidated with threats to call DCF. Third, is therapy
neccessary at this time? Can you take a vacation from it for a
while? Maybe go back when you have more confidence in unschooling?
If not, you may have to intervene when your child is questioned
about "school". Be polite, give a quick standard type answer (Oh-we
do lots of fun stuff) and then change the subject.
Hope this helps!
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly" <khaysgrow@...>
wrote:
First...you don't need to explain unschooling to the therapist. It's
not really any of her business. Second, know your state laws and
don't be intimidated with threats to call DCF. Third, is therapy
neccessary at this time? Can you take a vacation from it for a
while? Maybe go back when you have more confidence in unschooling?
If not, you may have to intervene when your child is questioned
about "school". Be polite, give a quick standard type answer (Oh-we
do lots of fun stuff) and then change the subject.
Hope this helps!
~ Joanne ~
Mom to Jacqueline (8), Shawna (11) & Cimion (14)
http://anunschoolinglife.blogspot.com/
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly" <khaysgrow@...>
wrote:
>really
> hi everyone! I am mom of 5, 2 are homeschooling. We have been doing
> school at home for the last 2 1/2 years. This approach doesn't
> work with my kids and I began looking for alternatives. I am reallyfor
> interested in unschooling. I feel that this would be a perfect fit
> our family. Here's my question...They are both seen by a therapistin
> our home once a week. Of course, the first question out of hermouth
> was how is school going today. Up until now we have been able toshow
> her proof positive of what we have been doing. However, she knowsthe
> difficulties that I have had being able to keep up. Most times whenof
> she is here the kids are talking about how we have "skipped" a day
> school. I am very wary of trying to explain unschooling to thisstarted
> therapist. I have printed out "record" sheets to keep track of what
> they do each day but what if that isn't enough? When we first
> homeschooling we deschooled for about 6 months and during thattime we
> had a different therapist, not even our own, threaten to turn usin to
> DCF. How can I keep this from happening to us? I appreciate any
> advice I can get from the group.
>
> Kimberly
>
Susan
> hi everyone! I am mom of 5, 2 are homeschooling. We have been doingMy thoughts are: Why act as though you are accountable to this
> school at home for the last 2 1/2 years. This approach doesn't really
> work with my kids and I began looking for alternatives. I am really
> interested in unschooling. I feel that this would be a perfect fit for
> our family. Here's my question...They are both seen by a therapist in
> our home once a week. Of course, the first question out of her mouth
> was how is school going today. Up until now we have been able to show
> her proof positive of what we have been doing. However, she knows the
> difficulties that I have had being able to keep up. Most times when
> she is here the kids are talking about how we have "skipped" a day of
> school. I am very wary of trying to explain unschooling to this
> therapist. I have printed out "record" sheets to keep track of what
> they do each day but what if that isn't enough?
therapist? I'm assuming that you've filed any necessary paperwork in
your state in order to homeschool legally. I'm also assuming that this
lady is NOT in charge of that process, right? And finally, I'm also
assuming that she is a guest and that you fully expect her to be
respectful of your decisions as a parent when she enters your private
home.
So I'm not sure why you need or would even volunteer to show her
"proof positive" of what you've been doing, unless talking with her
about their learning progress is somehow beneficial to the therapy. If
it is, then you might want to say you're going to be doing things a
bit differently and you won't have worksheets and kill & drill pages
to show her, but that if she works with the children long enough
she'll be able to see progress for herself. IMO, reviewing tests and
worksheets as a way of evaluating kids is *very* lazy. If you spend
enough time around a kid, or even work with them regularly like your
therapist does, you'll know if there is progress or not if you just
pay attention.
I realize this probably isn't the answer you're looking for and I
understand how easy it is to be fearful, but if you project confidence
in your decisions, command a certain level of respect from everyone
who enters your home, and establish clear boundaries, it will much
less likely for you to be pushed around or threatened by someone who
thinks they know what's best for you & your children. You can explain
to the therapist that you very much appreciate her help and input
concerning their therapy, but you need to establish clear boundaries
wherein your parenting decisions, including the manner in which they
are schooled (or unschooled as the case may be) is *your* decision and
not hers, period, end of discussion.
> When we first startedThat is unfortunate. I'm not sure what state you are in, but in VA we
> homeschooling we deschooled for about 6 months and during that time we
> had a different therapist, not even our own, threaten to turn us in to
> DCF. How can I keep this from happening to us?
are required to turn in "evidence of progress" each year through
testing or a portfolio review. I think the state would be hard pressed
to prove educational neglect if we are meeting that require each year.
There is no law in VA that prevents unschooling. We are allowed to
design our own curriculum and many of us write up our unschooling
experiences and forseeable plans in "school speak" (educational
language that the schools understand) and insert phrases such as
"child-led" and "cooperative skill building" etc.
I feel that if my paperwork is in order and we're meeting the evidence
of progress each year, then we are in keeping with the law and it's
absolutely no one's business - including DCF or CPS - about *how* we
are accomplishing that or what our day-to-day routine looks like. I
wouldn't hesitate to look someone in the eye and say just that.
-- Susan
Sylvia Toyama
Here's my question...They are both seen by a therapist in our home once a week. Of course, the first question out of her mouth was how is school going today. Up until now we have been able to show her proof positive of what we have been doing.
***
What kind of therapist and why is she coming to your home weekly? Is having this person in your home really serving your children's needs in the best way possible?
As to being reported to child services, find out what the homeschooling laws in your state require of you. Testing? Documentation? Registration? You can find info at http://nhen.org
Once you're sure you're doing all that is required -- and I recommend doing only what's required by law, without offering any extra info or documentation (don't want them to get used to having more access they really have a right to) -- then if anyone does report you to the authorities, you'll have all you need to defend your rights.
Sylvia
Gary (dh)
Will (almost 22!) Andy (10-1/2) and Dan (6)
Peace is the vibrant space which stimulates the dance of kindness, merriment and freedom. ~ unknown
http://ourhapahome.blogspot.com
---------------------------------
Bored stiff? Loosen up...
Download and play hundreds of games for free on Yahoo! Games.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
***
What kind of therapist and why is she coming to your home weekly? Is having this person in your home really serving your children's needs in the best way possible?
As to being reported to child services, find out what the homeschooling laws in your state require of you. Testing? Documentation? Registration? You can find info at http://nhen.org
Once you're sure you're doing all that is required -- and I recommend doing only what's required by law, without offering any extra info or documentation (don't want them to get used to having more access they really have a right to) -- then if anyone does report you to the authorities, you'll have all you need to defend your rights.
Sylvia
Gary (dh)
Will (almost 22!) Andy (10-1/2) and Dan (6)
Peace is the vibrant space which stimulates the dance of kindness, merriment and freedom. ~ unknown
http://ourhapahome.blogspot.com
---------------------------------
Bored stiff? Loosen up...
Download and play hundreds of games for free on Yahoo! Games.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
plaidpanties666
If you are otherwise comfortable with this therapist, what about
saying something like "I've been researching independent-study
programs for children and think it is worth trying out." I don't get
into "unschooling" with most people - its waaaay to theoretical for
the most part. I focus on using words like independent and self-
directed - and combine them with words like amazing and impressive
such as: "I'm just so amazed at how self-directed Rayan is becoming.
He's really showing an impressive capability to problem solve now that
he's been given a bit more independance."
You might want to check out some unschoolers blogs, too. That's a
method many people use as a form of record keeping. I also find it
helps the extended family make real conversation with the kids, and
not have to fall back on "how's school?".
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
saying something like "I've been researching independent-study
programs for children and think it is worth trying out." I don't get
into "unschooling" with most people - its waaaay to theoretical for
the most part. I focus on using words like independent and self-
directed - and combine them with words like amazing and impressive
such as: "I'm just so amazed at how self-directed Rayan is becoming.
He's really showing an impressive capability to problem solve now that
he's been given a bit more independance."
You might want to check out some unschoolers blogs, too. That's a
method many people use as a form of record keeping. I also find it
helps the extended family make real conversation with the kids, and
not have to fall back on "how's school?".
---Meredith (Mo 5, Ray 13)
Melissa
Hi Kim, I don't think I've seen you before, so welcome. I'm not sure of ages or why you
have a therapist, but I have seven children, two of whom have life difficulties due to
autism.
We have had various therapists in our lives (and our homes) due to our two oldest
children's issues, but we have never put up with one telling us how to run our lives.
Primarily they do not have the right, and secondarily, they will only be that intrusive if you
allow it. Remember that you are the consumer, and they are a paid service. I definitely
would not try to explain unschooling to her, much less try to justify my children's
activities. If she asks again, I would say "I think it's more appropriate that we discuss what
you came here for, here are the problems we're having this week. This is how we're
handling it."
The best way to protect yourself is to be aware of the laws in your state. Become educated
and firm in your standing. If someone threatens you, be able to state, 'According to statute
xyz, I have the right to educate my children in a manner that I see fit.' Have the wording
from DCF that says that parents are only to be reported for x kind of neglect, and that
there is no proof of this. DCF will cause a temporary annoyance (if they even follow up on
this) and the therapist will get bad reviews from one side of your town to another. If she
knows you are not worried, then she'll think twice. Oh, i guess you could be nice and say
"Thank you for your concern, but the law states that blahblahblah" And you can always use
the 'pass the bean dip' phrase. Basically finish the discussion instead of letting a debate
start, by changing the topic.
anyway, you'll get lots of input from here, really great ones too. We did cut out a lot of
therapy, in light of unschooling it seemed ridiculous ;-) Our children have thrived without
it, and keeping positive people around you will make a big difference to your energy and
to your motivation. Again, welcome to the group.
Melissa, In Oklahoma
have a therapist, but I have seven children, two of whom have life difficulties due to
autism.
We have had various therapists in our lives (and our homes) due to our two oldest
children's issues, but we have never put up with one telling us how to run our lives.
Primarily they do not have the right, and secondarily, they will only be that intrusive if you
allow it. Remember that you are the consumer, and they are a paid service. I definitely
would not try to explain unschooling to her, much less try to justify my children's
activities. If she asks again, I would say "I think it's more appropriate that we discuss what
you came here for, here are the problems we're having this week. This is how we're
handling it."
The best way to protect yourself is to be aware of the laws in your state. Become educated
and firm in your standing. If someone threatens you, be able to state, 'According to statute
xyz, I have the right to educate my children in a manner that I see fit.' Have the wording
from DCF that says that parents are only to be reported for x kind of neglect, and that
there is no proof of this. DCF will cause a temporary annoyance (if they even follow up on
this) and the therapist will get bad reviews from one side of your town to another. If she
knows you are not worried, then she'll think twice. Oh, i guess you could be nice and say
"Thank you for your concern, but the law states that blahblahblah" And you can always use
the 'pass the bean dip' phrase. Basically finish the discussion instead of letting a debate
start, by changing the topic.
anyway, you'll get lots of input from here, really great ones too. We did cut out a lot of
therapy, in light of unschooling it seemed ridiculous ;-) Our children have thrived without
it, and keeping positive people around you will make a big difference to your energy and
to your motivation. Again, welcome to the group.
Melissa, In Oklahoma
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly" <khaysgrow@...> wrote:
>what if that isn't enough? When we first started
> homeschooling we deschooled for about 6 months and during that time we
> had a different therapist, not even our own, threaten to turn us in to
> DCF. How can I keep this from happening to us? I appreciate any
> advice I can get from the group.
>
> Kimberly
>
Kimberly Hays Grow
Melissa...Thanks for the welcome. As far as needing the therapist, I have a son with Asperger's (age 10) and my daughter has anxiety and selective mutism (which is that she only talks to immediate family and absolutely no one else, she's 9). I have one other daughter who has a mood disorder and anxiety. She is in public school and will be coming home next year (age 12). All take medication for their particular symptoms and in order to get the medicine, the therapist is required. According to the treatment plan they have to be seen weekly. I live in Indiana and our homeschooling laws are very lenient. I only have to provide proof of 180 days of instruction if asked. I tried to explain unschooling to the therapist and she does not understand. I had already opened my mouth before I posted this to the list for suggestions and now it is "out there". I asked her to do some research online about unschooling before passing judgment. I had originally explained their schooling as more of an eclectic style because I was going to keep making them do math and grammar lessons. After I explored unschooling some more I decided that I didn't want to go that route. It wasn't working for us and I don't see that that method of schooling is productive. I am struggling myself as I feel guilty because I think that I am taking the "lazy" way out. I am working very hard on getting it through my thick head that this is a good method of homeschooling. I am so worried that they aren't going to learn anything on their own. They don't seem to be interested in anything in particular. All of the articles and books that I've read have kids who are always immersed in one topic or another. What if they don't ever get interested in anything other than computer and X Box? I am so confused. I really want to be an unschooler and I want to trust in myself and my kids. I am really grateful for a group like this that is there to give me such good advice. Thank you.
Kimberly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kimberly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa Blocker
We have many therapists in our life as well due to autism in our 11 yr old and some developmental issues with my 5 yr old. Currently we go to their offices but face having lots of them in our home beginning in March after my 11 yr old's scoliosis surgery. All of her therapy at that point will be moved home. I have thought about questions like this myself and remember when this child was little and we did have home therapy and i was homeschooling the older ones using a more traditional homeschooling method. I remember feeling a bit like I was being "watched" (mostly my perception as I was new to homeschooling and a teacher by education and felt very out of the norm!)
At any rate recently Ainsley's speech therapist asked her how homeschooling was going (the therapist has just begun this year to homeschool her son mostly because of what she sees in Ainsley as her child has developmental issues that were not being served in his school placement) Ainsley's response was "Oh we don't do that homeschooling thing anymore... " this puzzled the therapist so she asked further questions and Ainsley's response was "Oh yeah we are still at home but we don't homeschool we just play, watch tv, do science experiments, build stuff, go places and things like that" The therapist was impressed that Ainsley is learning so much all the time yet "feels" like she isn't having "school" !! I think I won one for unschooling! HA!
I am a bit nervous about having these new people in my home but I have learned over the years if a therapist isn't on the same page I fire them. I won't have homeschool unfriendly people and I won't have people who are not child sensitive. I usually sit down before I hire a therapist and have a conversation with them about homeschooling and my background and what I believe and what I need them to understand about our family ... if they aren't on the same page I don't begin therapy with them.
When you are in the position of having a therapist involved with your kids they do become part of the family we have had our current PT and OT for 5 years.... our speech therapist for 3 yrs... you do get very involved with each other. They become allies in the process of helping your child so it's hard to change major things in your life and worry about their disapproval. For me it's not so much that I should "care" what they think but because of the relationship and my valuing their opinions (not above my own but still knowing their desire is for the best for my child as well) but I respect their opinions and wouldn't have them involved with my children if I didn't. I suppose it's complicated because alot of this is somewhat against the way I feel about what other people think about my unschooling and parenting, I do count the therapists as friends so to me I appreciate that they have opinions about my children's well being. I haven't had any of them ever
question what I do but I credit that with the work and openness I had in the beginning of the relationship.
Soooooo my suggestion would be to talk to the therapist and tell her that you feel your current method isn't being successful and you are going to try some less structured methods that may not appear to be "school" to the uninitiated . I can't imagine any therapist not noticing your kids growing and learning and becoming their own little people. If she doesn't she may not be the therapist for you! Hope this was helpful!
Lisa B
____________________________________________________________________________________
TV dinner still cooling?
Check out "Tonight's Picks" on Yahoo! TV.
http://tv.yahoo.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
At any rate recently Ainsley's speech therapist asked her how homeschooling was going (the therapist has just begun this year to homeschool her son mostly because of what she sees in Ainsley as her child has developmental issues that were not being served in his school placement) Ainsley's response was "Oh we don't do that homeschooling thing anymore... " this puzzled the therapist so she asked further questions and Ainsley's response was "Oh yeah we are still at home but we don't homeschool we just play, watch tv, do science experiments, build stuff, go places and things like that" The therapist was impressed that Ainsley is learning so much all the time yet "feels" like she isn't having "school" !! I think I won one for unschooling! HA!
I am a bit nervous about having these new people in my home but I have learned over the years if a therapist isn't on the same page I fire them. I won't have homeschool unfriendly people and I won't have people who are not child sensitive. I usually sit down before I hire a therapist and have a conversation with them about homeschooling and my background and what I believe and what I need them to understand about our family ... if they aren't on the same page I don't begin therapy with them.
When you are in the position of having a therapist involved with your kids they do become part of the family we have had our current PT and OT for 5 years.... our speech therapist for 3 yrs... you do get very involved with each other. They become allies in the process of helping your child so it's hard to change major things in your life and worry about their disapproval. For me it's not so much that I should "care" what they think but because of the relationship and my valuing their opinions (not above my own but still knowing their desire is for the best for my child as well) but I respect their opinions and wouldn't have them involved with my children if I didn't. I suppose it's complicated because alot of this is somewhat against the way I feel about what other people think about my unschooling and parenting, I do count the therapists as friends so to me I appreciate that they have opinions about my children's well being. I haven't had any of them ever
question what I do but I credit that with the work and openness I had in the beginning of the relationship.
Soooooo my suggestion would be to talk to the therapist and tell her that you feel your current method isn't being successful and you are going to try some less structured methods that may not appear to be "school" to the uninitiated . I can't imagine any therapist not noticing your kids growing and learning and becoming their own little people. If she doesn't she may not be the therapist for you! Hope this was helpful!
Lisa B
____________________________________________________________________________________
TV dinner still cooling?
Check out "Tonight's Picks" on Yahoo! TV.
http://tv.yahoo.com/
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
flynnzie2
Hi Kimberly,
After reading the posts about therapists, I feel compelled to chime
in here, too, with our experience. My daughter has always had
medical issues which has interfered with her attendance. Last year,
in fourth grade she developed frequent, severe headaches, and was
eventually referrred to an art therapist, who specialized with
children. My daughter was diagnosed with depression/anxiety. As my
dd's attendance did not improve, the school began to make an example
of me, and I was ticketed for 'contributing to the truancy of a
minor'. She was academically proficient in all areas, and
participated in girl scouts, and music lessons. I was the PTA
secretary, and volunteered whenever possible. Even though my
daughter was obviously doing well in school and not 'truant', by
state standards was defined as such.
I was quuestioned by every and anybody from the
teacher/pricipal/social worker/ police officer to the district
attorney. This process took over the summer and into Novemeber of
last year. I had changed to public homeschooling, where her
attandance was perfect, and her progress on target. The art
therapist was not only against homeschooling, but also traveling
with my daughter, and actaully said she thought the entire
homeschooling process was for my convenience. I faced opposition
from many unexpected sources, but after due consideration, have
stuck to my guns.
The results so far have been a disappearance of all
depression/anxiety symptoms, and the return of my daughter's usual
bubbly self. She has a zest for life and new experinces.
Homeschooling didn't work out quite as I'd hoped, and I love the
freedom of every day adventures becoming part of her education. By
the way, we eventually found the cause of her headaches-poor vision.
Although she had been checked annually, her vision decreased from
20/30 to 20/80 in a very short period of time. She also has
contracted only 1 virus/cold since leaving school, as compared with
evrey 2-3 weeks.
Our experience has reinforced the advice I've alwyas given to others:
Experts don't know your child better than you. In parenting, trust
your instincts and do what feels right to you.
Flynnie
After reading the posts about therapists, I feel compelled to chime
in here, too, with our experience. My daughter has always had
medical issues which has interfered with her attendance. Last year,
in fourth grade she developed frequent, severe headaches, and was
eventually referrred to an art therapist, who specialized with
children. My daughter was diagnosed with depression/anxiety. As my
dd's attendance did not improve, the school began to make an example
of me, and I was ticketed for 'contributing to the truancy of a
minor'. She was academically proficient in all areas, and
participated in girl scouts, and music lessons. I was the PTA
secretary, and volunteered whenever possible. Even though my
daughter was obviously doing well in school and not 'truant', by
state standards was defined as such.
I was quuestioned by every and anybody from the
teacher/pricipal/social worker/ police officer to the district
attorney. This process took over the summer and into Novemeber of
last year. I had changed to public homeschooling, where her
attandance was perfect, and her progress on target. The art
therapist was not only against homeschooling, but also traveling
with my daughter, and actaully said she thought the entire
homeschooling process was for my convenience. I faced opposition
from many unexpected sources, but after due consideration, have
stuck to my guns.
The results so far have been a disappearance of all
depression/anxiety symptoms, and the return of my daughter's usual
bubbly self. She has a zest for life and new experinces.
Homeschooling didn't work out quite as I'd hoped, and I love the
freedom of every day adventures becoming part of her education. By
the way, we eventually found the cause of her headaches-poor vision.
Although she had been checked annually, her vision decreased from
20/30 to 20/80 in a very short period of time. She also has
contracted only 1 virus/cold since leaving school, as compared with
evrey 2-3 weeks.
Our experience has reinforced the advice I've alwyas given to others:
Experts don't know your child better than you. In parenting, trust
your instincts and do what feels right to you.
Flynnie
Melissa
Excellent. I have several kids, as I mentioned, with 'issues'. This has been my greatest
ammunition against know-it-alls who think they should tell me how to raise my children.
what I tell them is that we are not working on academics so that we can focus on life skills.
We do maintain a daily routine, because the way my son and daughters brains work, they
need to have a similar routine every day.
Trust the process. We're only 18months out, and we are seeing it happen. I was going to
blog about our weekend, following Sandra Dodd's webpage about "If i let them". We have
just had amazing illumination over and over the past four days about how children will
choose other things. it might take longer, as I just posted in my blog about deschooling
my kids, because their brains often work in a way that creates a rigidity. It takes a while
and a lot of support to be able to let go of those things, but it does happen. I'm all about
the blog ;-)
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly Hays Grow" <khaysgrow@...>
wrote:
only talks to immediate family and absolutely no one else, she's 9). I have one other
daughter who has a mood disorder and anxiety. She is in public school and will be coming
home next year (age 12). All take medication for their particular symptoms and in order
to get the medicine, the therapist is required.
ammunition against know-it-alls who think they should tell me how to raise my children.
what I tell them is that we are not working on academics so that we can focus on life skills.
We do maintain a daily routine, because the way my son and daughters brains work, they
need to have a similar routine every day.
Trust the process. We're only 18months out, and we are seeing it happen. I was going to
blog about our weekend, following Sandra Dodd's webpage about "If i let them". We have
just had amazing illumination over and over the past four days about how children will
choose other things. it might take longer, as I just posted in my blog about deschooling
my kids, because their brains often work in a way that creates a rigidity. It takes a while
and a lot of support to be able to let go of those things, but it does happen. I'm all about
the blog ;-)
Melissa
--- In [email protected], "Kimberly Hays Grow" <khaysgrow@...>
wrote:
>Asperger's (age 10) and my daughter has anxiety and selective mutism (which is that she
> Melissa...Thanks for the welcome. As far as needing the therapist, I have a son with
only talks to immediate family and absolutely no one else, she's 9). I have one other
daughter who has a mood disorder and anxiety. She is in public school and will be coming
home next year (age 12). All take medication for their particular symptoms and in order
to get the medicine, the therapist is required.
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: khaysgrow@...
I am struggling myself as I feel guilty because I think that I am
taking the
"lazy" way out. I am working very hard on getting it through my thick
head that
this is a good method of homeschooling.
-=-=-=-=-
First of all, I find it so hard to understand that people think of
unschooling as a "lazy" way to learn.
Shoving worksheets and textbooks at children is INCREDIBLY lazy!!! With
unschooling, you *need* to be present. You *need* to be involved. You
*need* to be THERE, answering questions, figuring out solutions,
working WITH your children.
There is nothing LAZY about being an active, involved, caring parent!
I'm worn out at the end of the day.
-=-=-=-=-
I am so worried that they aren't going to learn anything on their
own.
-=-=-==-
Well, first of all, they WILL learn all SORTS of things on their own.
BUT that's not what unschooling is about. It's about sharing and DOing
together.
-=-=-=-=-
They don't seem to be interested in anything in
particular. <snip> What if they don't ever get interested
in anything other than computer and X Box?
-=-==-
Ever? Really? Ok, so fisrt you say they don't seem interested in
anything in particular. THEN you say they're interested in the computer
and Xbox. Hmmm. BIG interests, really! Are you FEEDING those interests?
Or are you waiting for them to find "real" interests?
-=-=-=-=
All of the articles and books that I've read have kids who are
always immersed in one topic or another.
-=-=-=-=-=
Uh huh---just like *your* kids! Yours are immersed in Xbox and the
computer. So what are you doing about that? Buying new games? Playing
*with* them? What "topic" would be of value?
-=-=-=-=-
I am so confused. I really want to
be an unschooler and I want to trust in myself and my kids. I am
really
grateful for a group like this that is there to give me such good
advice. Thank
you.
-=-=-=--
TRUST that they are learning from Xbox and omputers! Really! They ARE!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
From: khaysgrow@...
I am struggling myself as I feel guilty because I think that I am
taking the
"lazy" way out. I am working very hard on getting it through my thick
head that
this is a good method of homeschooling.
-=-=-=-=-
First of all, I find it so hard to understand that people think of
unschooling as a "lazy" way to learn.
Shoving worksheets and textbooks at children is INCREDIBLY lazy!!! With
unschooling, you *need* to be present. You *need* to be involved. You
*need* to be THERE, answering questions, figuring out solutions,
working WITH your children.
There is nothing LAZY about being an active, involved, caring parent!
I'm worn out at the end of the day.
-=-=-=-=-
I am so worried that they aren't going to learn anything on their
own.
-=-=-==-
Well, first of all, they WILL learn all SORTS of things on their own.
BUT that's not what unschooling is about. It's about sharing and DOing
together.
-=-=-=-=-
They don't seem to be interested in anything in
particular. <snip> What if they don't ever get interested
in anything other than computer and X Box?
-=-==-
Ever? Really? Ok, so fisrt you say they don't seem interested in
anything in particular. THEN you say they're interested in the computer
and Xbox. Hmmm. BIG interests, really! Are you FEEDING those interests?
Or are you waiting for them to find "real" interests?
-=-=-=-=
All of the articles and books that I've read have kids who are
always immersed in one topic or another.
-=-=-=-=-=
Uh huh---just like *your* kids! Yours are immersed in Xbox and the
computer. So what are you doing about that? Buying new games? Playing
*with* them? What "topic" would be of value?
-=-=-=-=-
I am so confused. I really want to
be an unschooler and I want to trust in myself and my kids. I am
really
grateful for a group like this that is there to give me such good
advice. Thank
you.
-=-=-=--
TRUST that they are learning from Xbox and omputers! Really! They ARE!
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Kimberly Hays Grow
Thank you Kelly for your uplifting comments. I am still faltering in my decision to unschool. I am keeping a record of what they are doing and checking it against the state standards handed down from the state department of education. I know it is unnecessary but for now it is what I have to do to make sure they are "learning". I went out and bout a bunch of board games and they have really gone over well. We have played more games as a family in the last two days than we ever have in all of our years. I am so grateful to belong to this group and that I get so much encouragement from all of your posts. I have a long way to go to unschool myself so I can get on with letting the kids unschool themselves. Thanks again.
Kimberly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Kimberly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Deb Lewis
***What if they don't ever get interested
in anything other than computer and X Box?***
This kind of question always startles me! Really. How could a person's
interests never grow?
When a mom wonders if her eight year old will ever have an interest beyond
what he's doing today, she can think about what interested that kid at
three. Think about what he played with and enjoyed and how some or all of
that has changed over the years. Is that eight year old doing things
exactly the same
way he did them when he was two, or five? Is he interested in all the same
things? When a mom can look back over a child's life and see how much he's
changed and grown and discovered, there should be some logical connection
there, in her own mind, that as things have changed, things will change.
***What if they don't ever get interested
in anything other than computer and X Box?***
Lots of people will love video games their whole life long. There's nothing
wrong with that. I love gardening, I suspect I always will. Even the most
avid pursuit of a passion doesn't exclude everything else. People have to
eat - and kids will probably be interested in pizza or fondue or popcorn.
People wear clothes - and kids will probably be interested in getting shirts
and shoes and pants that fit. People like to know what's going on, and kids
will be interested in talking with interesting adults. So, even when an
interest seems all consuming, I think if a worried mom really looks at what
her kids are doing, she will see them interested in more than video games.
***I really want to be an unschooler and I want to trust in myself and my
kids.***
Why do you want to be an unschooler? I really think it would help you, if
you have time, to write it out (to the list or just for yourself). Really
consider all the reasons you think unschooling is the way you want to go and
why. If you can clarify your own thoughts, then some of your worries will
disappear and we can help you with the ones that linger.
If you want to be an unschooler because school at home is stressful and
doesn't seem to be working, we can give you links to writings about how much
time and commitment unschooling takes. It's a different kind of commitment
than sitting down at ten in the morning with a workbook, but it's a real
commitment.
If you're burned out or stressed out and want a vacation and unschooling
looks like that vacation to you, then I don't think you understand what a
real investment of your time and energy unschooling will be. If you need a
break, take one! <g> Take a year off school and live with your kids like
you're on the longest and best vacation of your life, and in that time, read
about unschooling. Write about your thoughts and what you're doing. You
might find life with your kids - without school - answers most of your
questions. <g>
***I am struggling myself as I feel guilty because I think that I am taking
the
"lazy" way out.***
That's an important question and I'm glad you're wondering.<g>
Someone wrote to the list owners and moderators that she did not believe
unschoolers needed to provide a big and interesting world for their kids.
I am sometimes afraid that people who are just so burned out by the stress
of schooling and parenting and other of life's challenges, come to
unschooling because they believe they won't have to do as much. I suspect
there are people who read some of the really beautifully written and well
thought out articles about all the learning that can come from TV and video
games and miss the whole point. They read that TV is ok and they settle
into a life where their kids have all the TV they want but few other happy,
interesting choices. Unschooling is not neglect. Stress is not an excuse
for neglecting to provide an interesting life for our kids. If a parent
can't, or doesn't want to, or doesn't believe doing things with her kids is
as important as providing food and shelter, she's not unschooling. There
will probably always be times when money or circumstance keeps a family home
more, but home should still be a wonderful place with more to offer than
just TV.
That you are wondering about your own motives seems thoughtful and
responsible.
What kinds of things will you be able to do with your kids at home? What
kinds of places can you go to? What do your kids love to do, and are you
able and willing to help them do those things? Answering those questions
might help you.
Deb Lewis
in anything other than computer and X Box?***
This kind of question always startles me! Really. How could a person's
interests never grow?
When a mom wonders if her eight year old will ever have an interest beyond
what he's doing today, she can think about what interested that kid at
three. Think about what he played with and enjoyed and how some or all of
that has changed over the years. Is that eight year old doing things
exactly the same
way he did them when he was two, or five? Is he interested in all the same
things? When a mom can look back over a child's life and see how much he's
changed and grown and discovered, there should be some logical connection
there, in her own mind, that as things have changed, things will change.
***What if they don't ever get interested
in anything other than computer and X Box?***
Lots of people will love video games their whole life long. There's nothing
wrong with that. I love gardening, I suspect I always will. Even the most
avid pursuit of a passion doesn't exclude everything else. People have to
eat - and kids will probably be interested in pizza or fondue or popcorn.
People wear clothes - and kids will probably be interested in getting shirts
and shoes and pants that fit. People like to know what's going on, and kids
will be interested in talking with interesting adults. So, even when an
interest seems all consuming, I think if a worried mom really looks at what
her kids are doing, she will see them interested in more than video games.
***I really want to be an unschooler and I want to trust in myself and my
kids.***
Why do you want to be an unschooler? I really think it would help you, if
you have time, to write it out (to the list or just for yourself). Really
consider all the reasons you think unschooling is the way you want to go and
why. If you can clarify your own thoughts, then some of your worries will
disappear and we can help you with the ones that linger.
If you want to be an unschooler because school at home is stressful and
doesn't seem to be working, we can give you links to writings about how much
time and commitment unschooling takes. It's a different kind of commitment
than sitting down at ten in the morning with a workbook, but it's a real
commitment.
If you're burned out or stressed out and want a vacation and unschooling
looks like that vacation to you, then I don't think you understand what a
real investment of your time and energy unschooling will be. If you need a
break, take one! <g> Take a year off school and live with your kids like
you're on the longest and best vacation of your life, and in that time, read
about unschooling. Write about your thoughts and what you're doing. You
might find life with your kids - without school - answers most of your
questions. <g>
***I am struggling myself as I feel guilty because I think that I am taking
the
"lazy" way out.***
That's an important question and I'm glad you're wondering.<g>
Someone wrote to the list owners and moderators that she did not believe
unschoolers needed to provide a big and interesting world for their kids.
I am sometimes afraid that people who are just so burned out by the stress
of schooling and parenting and other of life's challenges, come to
unschooling because they believe they won't have to do as much. I suspect
there are people who read some of the really beautifully written and well
thought out articles about all the learning that can come from TV and video
games and miss the whole point. They read that TV is ok and they settle
into a life where their kids have all the TV they want but few other happy,
interesting choices. Unschooling is not neglect. Stress is not an excuse
for neglecting to provide an interesting life for our kids. If a parent
can't, or doesn't want to, or doesn't believe doing things with her kids is
as important as providing food and shelter, she's not unschooling. There
will probably always be times when money or circumstance keeps a family home
more, but home should still be a wonderful place with more to offer than
just TV.
That you are wondering about your own motives seems thoughtful and
responsible.
What kinds of things will you be able to do with your kids at home? What
kinds of places can you go to? What do your kids love to do, and are you
able and willing to help them do those things? Answering those questions
might help you.
Deb Lewis
[email protected]
In a message dated 2/4/2007 10:36:43 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
TRUST that they are learning from Xbox and omputers! Really! They ARE!
~Kelly
my brother in law makes 6 figures because he loves playing games all day -
he is a programmer for sony playstation. i call everything, EVERYTHING my
children do "research." If they are arguing with one another they are researching
the topic of debate and politics. If they are squirting each other as well
as the garden with a hose, it is prep work for becoming fire fighters or
horticulturists.
They are ALWAYS researching!
Adriana
PS my oldest learned how to read and write from playing toontown on line. he
is now a PROLIFIC writer and types faster than any secretary I know. He
can't hand-write with a pen to save his life. I don't care. When he needs to do
it, he will. More than likely in this day and age, he won't need to! LOL.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
kbcdlovejo@... writes:
TRUST that they are learning from Xbox and omputers! Really! They ARE!
~Kelly
my brother in law makes 6 figures because he loves playing games all day -
he is a programmer for sony playstation. i call everything, EVERYTHING my
children do "research." If they are arguing with one another they are researching
the topic of debate and politics. If they are squirting each other as well
as the garden with a hose, it is prep work for becoming fire fighters or
horticulturists.
They are ALWAYS researching!
Adriana
PS my oldest learned how to read and write from playing toontown on line. he
is now a PROLIFIC writer and types faster than any secretary I know. He
can't hand-write with a pen to save his life. I don't care. When he needs to do
it, he will. More than likely in this day and age, he won't need to! LOL.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[email protected]
-----Original Message-----
From: khaysgrow@...
Thank you Kelly for your uplifting comments. I am still faltering
in my
decision to unschool. I am keeping a record of what they are doing and
checking
it against the state standards handed down from the state department of
education. I know it is unnecessary but for now it is what I have to
do to make
sure they are "learning".
-=-=-=-=-
What you have to do?
Where do you live? It's probably easier than you think.
-=-=-==-
I went out and bout a bunch of board games and they
have really gone over well. We have played more games as a family in
the last
two days than we ever have in all of our years.
-=-=-=-=
Ours go in spurts---sometimes days and days of board games, then they
sit on the shelves for a while until they're brought out again and
played non-stop again. <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
From: khaysgrow@...
Thank you Kelly for your uplifting comments. I am still faltering
in my
decision to unschool. I am keeping a record of what they are doing and
checking
it against the state standards handed down from the state department of
education. I know it is unnecessary but for now it is what I have to
do to make
sure they are "learning".
-=-=-=-=-
What you have to do?
Where do you live? It's probably easier than you think.
-=-=-==-
I went out and bout a bunch of board games and they
have really gone over well. We have played more games as a family in
the last
two days than we ever have in all of our years.
-=-=-=-=
Ours go in spurts---sometimes days and days of board games, then they
sit on the shelves for a while until they're brought out again and
played non-stop again. <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
Conference Coordinator
Live and Learn Unschooling Conference
http://www.LiveandLearnConference.org
________________________________________________________________________
Check out the new AOL. Most comprehensive set of free safety and
security tools, free access to millions of high-quality videos from
across the web, free AOL Mail and more.
Kimberly Hays Grow
>What you have to do?I feel like I have to keep track of everything we are doing in order to appease the therapist. I am so afraid that she will think that we are doing "nothing". I live in Indiana and our homeschool laws are very lenient. Really the only requirement that we have is to keep attendance and provide "equivalent" education. I guess my problem lies within me because I am afraid that this woman will be turning me in and I don't want confrontation and I don't feel confident enough to stick up for myself if the authorities are brought in. Thanks for all the advice.
>Where do you live? It's probably easier than you think.
Kimberly
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]