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In a message dated 8/30/2006 9:51:21 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
danielle.conger@... writes:

If a child lives in a world where things are often beyond his/her
control, don't go according to expectations and are more difficult than
s/he wanted them to be, then there's likely to be whining whether it
*gets* them anywhere or not. It's a lament rather than a simple
acceptance of fate and can be an indication of a strong spirit rather
than a broken one.


*****I want to agree with this, strongly! Especially the expectation part.
I see in my own children (and now myself), a very vivid imagination where
the desired thing is so real in their minds. They see themselves playing with
the toy, performing a particular action and in my case, wearing a certain
pair of shoes. :)

When that doesn't come through....for whatever reason.....there is likely to
be disappointment. That disappointment will be shown in a variety of ways,
including whining. Validating goes a long way here "you were really looking
forward to playing with that toy, I'm sorry we can't get to the store today".

My son went through a period of believing if he wished on a star that
whatever he wished for would manifest in his bedroom. That was a rough time for
everybody.

No one ever wanted to go shoe shopping with me, that fantastic pair that I
saw so vividly in my mind just did NOT exist! I didn't want anything else.
And when I did finally resign to the fact that I still needed a pair of shoes, I
would have to go back to every single store probably more than once to find
the ones that were the least offensive. By the way, I am rarely like this
anymore and if I am, I can do it on my own time and not depend on others to
drive me or get involved.

Leslie in SC


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Michelle Leifur Reid

On 8/30/06, Leslie530@... <Leslie530@...> wrote:

> No one ever wanted to go shoe shopping with me, that fantastic pair that I
> saw so vividly in my mind just did NOT exist! I didn't want anything else.

Oh Leslie, Emily (my almost 14yo) and I are going through this very
thing with clothes. We both have an ideal in our minds of what style
we are looking for (and both of us have different styles). We are
both quite busty, so finding clothes (particularly shirts) is not
always so easy to begin with and then when you have this idea of what
you want nothing else will do. We spent 5 hours one day just looking
for plain spaghetti strap tank tops and plain coordinating t-shirts.
We both did a lot of whining that day (commiserating whining). We
whined about the stupid fashion industry having an unrealistic model
of what they think womyn's sizes are. We whined at merchants for only
carrying limited quantities in larger sizes. We whined at store
employees who showed little compassion in helping us find what we were
looking for. We whined about it being hot (not at anyone in
particular - it just didn't improve our moods any!) We whined at our
genes for giving us such odd shaped bodies.

Anytime you want a shopping partner to commiserate with come on down.
I'll take you to every shoe store in town 3 times if I have to and
only whine if we don't stop for lunch :)

Michelle - who has solved her shoe delimna by only wearing crocs

--
Michelle
Michelle Leifur Reid
YOUR Pampered Chef Consultant
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Check out my homeschool cooking classes!

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In a message dated 8/30/2006 11:45:20 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
pamperedmichelle@... writes:

Anytime you want a shopping partner to commiserate with come on down.
I'll take you to every shoe store in town 3 times if I have to and
only whine if we don't stop for lunch :)

Michelle - who has solved her shoe delimna by only wearing crocs



********

Yay!! I've got a hideous formal deal-y coming up, let's go shopping (and I
never miss lunch)!

I haven't gotten crocs yet, but part of the reason is I suspect I will wear
nothing else.

Thanks for sharing, I'm glad I'm not the only person that feels this way.

Waaaa!! Nothing ever goes the way I envision it (including college, any
club I've ever joined, employment, etc. etc. etc.)!!!!

Leslie


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In a message dated 8/30/2006 1:21:43 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,
Leslie530@... writes:

Waaaa!! Nothing ever goes the way I envision it (including college, any
club I've ever joined, employment, etc. etc. etc.)!!!!



>>>

I just had to laugh at all this whining conversation. I'm really the only
one that whines in our family....but I'm very good at it! <g> My husband and
kids don't let me get away with it for very long though. After a few
minutes, they have this look between them all with the raised eyebrows that lets me
know I've gone on enough.

I don't whine about them....and it almost always means I either haven't had
enough to eat or sleep. Sometimes, I just need to go exercise.

This morning I sounded like this...".I'm edgy and tired and I don't feel
like mowing the lawn before the hurricane gets here. I wish the sun would come
out....I don't like it when it rains all day. Dammit..I forgot to get coffee
creamer and I don't feel like driving to the store but I hate not to have
cream for my coffee"....(That's the point where they do "the look" between them
and I have to laugh because I know I must just sound ridiculous.)

They are always so sweet with me though...Broc offered to get some coffee
creamer and the kids gave me hugs. I am more aware of it then I used to be and
can both stop it and laugh about it.

I hadn't really thought about it much before I read these recent posts but
both my kids just never seem to have a reason to whine and they have these
mellow personalities that don't lend themselves to it.

Gail




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