Mary Alice Madaris

I'm a nurse and I work at night three nights per week in 12 hour shifts. This means I sleep during the day quite a bit. I would anyway, which is why I love the night shift. I have always been a late sleeper and the kids are used to it. They are late sleepers too, especially now that nobody has been to school in over a year.

The younger child is 6.5 years old and gets lonely while I sleep after a shift. He wakes me up and begs me to come downstairs and stay up for just a little while. If I work 2 nights in a row, though, I prefer sleeping all day. I don’t mind him waking me most days (although I am human!) but when I look at the whole thing from his perspective it sucks.

Some days I can wake up with him and I feel well-rested anyway. Some days I can't find my own legs without enough sleep. Just my natural energy cycles, I'm sure. So some days I am glad to come and watch a TV show with him or prepare some food for him or whatever.

Sometimes I am inventive. I dig out some neat stuff for them to do or buy a favorite snack or rent a movie, usually before I go to bed, while they are still sleeping. I have such a hard time remembering to do those things, or knowing if they even need suggestions for stuff to do while I sleep. Some days the 2 kids are so engulfed in tent-building or city-building or snacking or TV or gaming that I don't even know they are there.

But often the two boys get tired of each other and start picking at each other. The little one definitely becomes transparent when what he really needs is parental involvement. I can see that he doesn't like becoming that annoying little brother at all! But the poor neglected kids! What else can they do but drive each other batty?

It isn't his big brother's job to strew his path with neato stuff, or to distract him from harmful stuff and the like. I mean, big brother really does do a fine job of it and is surprisingly non-coercive given the coercive upbringing that they have had until fairly recently. Big brother is very patient and loves to share information with the little brother--but of course, like any other human, this is at his convenience, not at little brother's convenience!

So I wonder what aspects of this I am not seeing. I will leave out all the guesses that I have and wait to read what others write. I would like to have this time while I sleep be a fun time for them, a treasured bit of time to themselves, albeit externally imposed.

I would love to gain their trust--by being trustworthy--so that they know that I am sleeping on purpose and not just to ignore them. I have to find a way to increase the mutual respect everywhere, but this is the area du jour, if you will :-)

While concrete suggestions are welcome, what I would also like is for outside eyes to show me the principles at work here and to jump start my creative thinking.

Thank you so much,
Mary Alice




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Sylvia Toyama

So I wonder what aspects of this I am not seeing. I will leave out all the guesses that I have and wait to read what others write. I would like to have this time while I sleep be a fun time for them, a treasured bit of time to themselves, albeit externally imposed.

I would love to gain their trust--by being trustworthy--so that they know that I am sleeping on purpose and not just to ignore them. I have to find a way to increase the mutual respect everywhere, but this is the area du jour, if you will :-)

******

A few questions came to my thought. How old is the older child? Are the kids alone to entertain themselves while you sleep during the day, or is your husband with them? You work 3 nights a week, so how many days a week are you trying to sleep while the kids play without you?

If they're essentially on their own, then I can see how problems arise. An an oldest child who did a lot of enforced babysitting, I don't think it's a fair responsibility to leave your oldest in charge while you sleep. Could you arrange for someone to come in and be with the kids, kinda as a mother's helper, to entertain your boys? If you could time it right, you might only need someone for a few hours a day.

I have found that when my boys have conflict, it's often because I've made myself unavailable to them and they're both craving my interaction. Is there some way to change the schedule so you can be more available? Or have someone else available. Leaving them to manage by themselves for several hours a day, three days a week is really a lot.

Sylvia


Mom to
Will (21) Andy (10) and Dan (5)

www.ourhapahome.blogspot.com










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meri_aliss

--- In [email protected], Sylvia Toyama <sylgt04@...>
>
> A few questions came to my thought. How old is the older child?


11



>Are the kids alone to entertain themselves while you sleep during the
>day, or is your husband with them? You work 3 nights a week, so how
>many days a week are you trying to sleep while the kids play without
>you?
>


My mother lives with us so some days she is here.
My husband is at work on weekdays.

I come home at 8am and they sleep until 11 or 12 and I get up at 4 at
the latest. If I don't go have to go back to work that night, then I
can get up at noon or wait to sleep until later, like a nap. Just FYI.

A typical week is Sun, Tues, Thurs or Sun, Mon, Thurs. I work every
third weekend (Fri & Sat).

<snip>
> I have found that when my boys have conflict, it's often because
I've made myself unavailable to them and they're both craving my
interaction.

I have found the same thing. Hence the questions. :-)

Mary Alice