Re: anger management
[email protected]
aj
Could you please give the name of the author of the Anger Management
Workbook? Thanks. Michele
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Could you please give the name of the author of the Anger Management
Workbook? Thanks. Michele
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
mamaaj2000
Yep, and I got the name slightly wrong, too (I blame my keyboard for
that and the factorytours error, lol).
_The Anger Habit Workbook_ by Carl Semmelroth. I got it at Amazon. I
think there's a book you can get, too, with more background info. I
didn't need to hear WHY I should deal with my anger issues, so I
loved how short and to the point the workbook is. When you're angry
you say stupid things, so try to keep your mouth shut until you calm
down. Now go practice and write down what happens.
--aj
that and the factorytours error, lol).
_The Anger Habit Workbook_ by Carl Semmelroth. I got it at Amazon. I
think there's a book you can get, too, with more background info. I
didn't need to hear WHY I should deal with my anger issues, so I
loved how short and to the point the workbook is. When you're angry
you say stupid things, so try to keep your mouth shut until you calm
down. Now go practice and write down what happens.
--aj
--- In [email protected], michele-nappi@w... wrote:
> aj
> Could you please give the name of the author of the Anger Management
> Workbook? Thanks. Michele
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Carolyn Vu
Hi,
I�m Carolyn, and my children are Kristen(28 months) &
Paul(7 months). I'm in the process of learning about
unschooling and I'm so grateful to have the people on
this list to learn from.
I have a situation that I'm not sure how to deal with
and would really appreciate some of your sage advice.
My daughter Kristen is great with sharing and taking
turns, but she's playing around some children that
take toys out of her hands.
This was what happened in playgroup yesterday (at
another homeschooling mom's house). When a 3 yr old
boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
& asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
a different toy until the boy was finished playing
with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
it.
When the boy sees that Kristen has the doll again, he
grabs it from her again.
I'm afraid that Kristen is learning that she needs to
put other people's needs before hers because of the
approach I took in that situation. I'm also
continuing to let the other child think it's okay to
grab toys from someone.
The boy's mom was there, but he didn't comply with her
request for him to give back the doll. Sometimes his
mom is talking with another mom, and doesn't notice
that he's grabbed another child's toy. I'm not sure
how to talk to her about this either. Any ideas?
Thank you for reading this.
-Carolyn
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I�m Carolyn, and my children are Kristen(28 months) &
Paul(7 months). I'm in the process of learning about
unschooling and I'm so grateful to have the people on
this list to learn from.
I have a situation that I'm not sure how to deal with
and would really appreciate some of your sage advice.
My daughter Kristen is great with sharing and taking
turns, but she's playing around some children that
take toys out of her hands.
This was what happened in playgroup yesterday (at
another homeschooling mom's house). When a 3 yr old
boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
& asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
a different toy until the boy was finished playing
with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
it.
When the boy sees that Kristen has the doll again, he
grabs it from her again.
I'm afraid that Kristen is learning that she needs to
put other people's needs before hers because of the
approach I took in that situation. I'm also
continuing to let the other child think it's okay to
grab toys from someone.
The boy's mom was there, but he didn't comply with her
request for him to give back the doll. Sometimes his
mom is talking with another mom, and doesn't notice
that he's grabbed another child's toy. I'm not sure
how to talk to her about this either. Any ideas?
Thank you for reading this.
-Carolyn
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Sherri-Lee Pressman
Hi Carolyn,
Welcome to the list.
I am fairly new too, so not sure if my advice falls under the "sage"
category or not, but in these situations, I speak to the child who grabbed
the toy and say "so and so was playing with that toy right now, it isn't
polite to grab things from people, please give it back to him/her and when
he/she is done, I am sure they will give you a turn with it" Then I turn to
the child it was grabbed from and say "so and so would really like a turn
with that toy, how much longer do you need before you can let him/her have a
turn?" Usually (if that child is my daughter) she will say 5 minutes or so
and that is all agreed to. If the grabber is not happy with that solution, I
usually say something about how hard it is to share and what a great toy it
looks like, and try to distract them onto something else, continuing to
encourage them to give the toy back to the grabbee. If they still won't then
I turn to the grabbee and say something about how hard it is for the other
person to share, could they let them have their turn now and we could do
something else.
It takes time but I think they all get the point, of course I can't say I do
this every time, depending on the situation, sometimes you just don't have
the time to say that much before things escalate. Then it is shortened to
"it isn't polite to grab, please give that back" then if they don't I help
them to do it.
I bet some here won't find these suggestions respectful to someone in the
situation, but it feels like the best I can do.
I hope that might help,
Sherri-Lee
-----Original Message-----
From: Carolyn Vu [mailto:carolynkvu@...]
Sent: Saturday, July 10, 2004 12:30 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] grabbing toys
Hi,
Im Carolyn, and my children are Kristen(28 months) &
Paul(7 months). I'm in the process of learning about
unschooling and I'm so grateful to have the people on
this list to learn from.
I have a situation that I'm not sure how to deal with
and would really appreciate some of your sage advice.
My daughter Kristen is great with sharing and taking
turns, but she's playing around some children that
take toys out of her hands.
This was what happened in playgroup yesterday (at
another homeschooling mom's house). When a 3 yr old
boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
& asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
a different toy until the boy was finished playing
with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
it.
When the boy sees that Kristen has the doll again, he
grabs it from her again.
I'm afraid that Kristen is learning that she needs to
put other people's needs before hers because of the
approach I took in that situation. I'm also
continuing to let the other child think it's okay to
grab toys from someone.
The boy's mom was there, but he didn't comply with her
request for him to give back the doll. Sometimes his
mom is talking with another mom, and doesn't notice
that he's grabbed another child's toy. I'm not sure
how to talk to her about this either. Any ideas?
Thank you for reading this.
-Carolyn
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Welcome to the list.
I am fairly new too, so not sure if my advice falls under the "sage"
category or not, but in these situations, I speak to the child who grabbed
the toy and say "so and so was playing with that toy right now, it isn't
polite to grab things from people, please give it back to him/her and when
he/she is done, I am sure they will give you a turn with it" Then I turn to
the child it was grabbed from and say "so and so would really like a turn
with that toy, how much longer do you need before you can let him/her have a
turn?" Usually (if that child is my daughter) she will say 5 minutes or so
and that is all agreed to. If the grabber is not happy with that solution, I
usually say something about how hard it is to share and what a great toy it
looks like, and try to distract them onto something else, continuing to
encourage them to give the toy back to the grabbee. If they still won't then
I turn to the grabbee and say something about how hard it is for the other
person to share, could they let them have their turn now and we could do
something else.
It takes time but I think they all get the point, of course I can't say I do
this every time, depending on the situation, sometimes you just don't have
the time to say that much before things escalate. Then it is shortened to
"it isn't polite to grab, please give that back" then if they don't I help
them to do it.
I bet some here won't find these suggestions respectful to someone in the
situation, but it feels like the best I can do.
I hope that might help,
Sherri-Lee
-----Original Message-----
From: Carolyn Vu [mailto:carolynkvu@...]
Sent: Saturday, July 10, 2004 12:30 AM
To: [email protected]
Subject: [unschoolingbasics] grabbing toys
Hi,
Im Carolyn, and my children are Kristen(28 months) &
Paul(7 months). I'm in the process of learning about
unschooling and I'm so grateful to have the people on
this list to learn from.
I have a situation that I'm not sure how to deal with
and would really appreciate some of your sage advice.
My daughter Kristen is great with sharing and taking
turns, but she's playing around some children that
take toys out of her hands.
This was what happened in playgroup yesterday (at
another homeschooling mom's house). When a 3 yr old
boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
& asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
a different toy until the boy was finished playing
with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
it.
When the boy sees that Kristen has the doll again, he
grabs it from her again.
I'm afraid that Kristen is learning that she needs to
put other people's needs before hers because of the
approach I took in that situation. I'm also
continuing to let the other child think it's okay to
grab toys from someone.
The boy's mom was there, but he didn't comply with her
request for him to give back the doll. Sometimes his
mom is talking with another mom, and doesn't notice
that he's grabbed another child's toy. I'm not sure
how to talk to her about this either. Any ideas?
Thank you for reading this.
-Carolyn
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Joan Labbe & Salvatore Genovese
<<<When a 3 yr old
boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
& asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
a different toy until the boy was finished playing
with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
it.
When the boy sees that Kristen has the doll again, he
grabs it from her again.
I'm afraid that Kristen is learning that she needs to
put other people's needs before hers because of the
approach I took in that situation. I'm also
continuing to let the other child think it's okay to
grab toys from someone. >>>>
Hi Carolyn,
My take on this would be that in order for the boy who grabbed to know that
the grabbing was not okay and for Kristen to know this also, the way I would
handle it would be to address the boy that grabbed first, let him know I
noticed the grabbing, that we need to make sure Kristen is done with it
first, and ask him to give it back and use his words to find out. In other
words, I think Kristen needs to get it back, then be asked by the boy
without the grabbing. This way the boy hopefully doesn't grab it the second
time since he got the message to use his words. Plus your daughter gets the
message that she should have been asked for it, not have it grabbed away.
If the boy was not responding to me, I'd likely say something like "Do you
think you can do this on your own, or would it help for me to have your mom
come help?" If he still didn't respond, I'd ask the other mother to come
help...I'd say "excuse me, Sam (or whatever the name is) grabbed this toy
from Kristen and I'm having a hard time getting him to return it and use his
words. Can you help?"
Joan
boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
& asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
a different toy until the boy was finished playing
with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
it.
When the boy sees that Kristen has the doll again, he
grabs it from her again.
I'm afraid that Kristen is learning that she needs to
put other people's needs before hers because of the
approach I took in that situation. I'm also
continuing to let the other child think it's okay to
grab toys from someone. >>>>
Hi Carolyn,
My take on this would be that in order for the boy who grabbed to know that
the grabbing was not okay and for Kristen to know this also, the way I would
handle it would be to address the boy that grabbed first, let him know I
noticed the grabbing, that we need to make sure Kristen is done with it
first, and ask him to give it back and use his words to find out. In other
words, I think Kristen needs to get it back, then be asked by the boy
without the grabbing. This way the boy hopefully doesn't grab it the second
time since he got the message to use his words. Plus your daughter gets the
message that she should have been asked for it, not have it grabbed away.
If the boy was not responding to me, I'd likely say something like "Do you
think you can do this on your own, or would it help for me to have your mom
come help?" If he still didn't respond, I'd ask the other mother to come
help...I'd say "excuse me, Sam (or whatever the name is) grabbed this toy
from Kristen and I'm having a hard time getting him to return it and use his
words. Can you help?"
Joan
TreeGoddess
On Jul 10, 2004, at 3:29 AM, Carolyn Vu wrote:
for a turn. It's not abnormal and they're not *trying* to be rude or
make someone cry. They just really want THAT toy. LOL In situations
like that I am usually very near to my kids and will get down on their
level (squatting or kneeling), smile and sweetly say to the grabber,
"Oh, I know it's hard to wait sometimes, but ___ is still playing with
that. <gently remove it from grabber's hands> As soon as ____ is
finished with it s/he'll give it to you right away."
My DD is a very sensitive child and when that happens to her it is a
MAJOR catastrophy so I've felt the need to do this or it will throw a
wrench in our whole visit and we usually have to leave because she gets
so worked up and upset.
On the same token, if my children were the grabber I will do the same
thing and gently remove the toy from them (if they don't do it
themselves) and say to them "____ isn't done playing with that but you
can play with it next."
I don't know if there are better ways to handle that situation, but
this is what I've been doing when the occasion presents. Anyone have
any "tweaks" on that approach?
-Tracy-
> This was what happened in playgroup yesterday (atWell, lots and lots and lots of 3yo children grab toys without waiting
> another homeschooling mom's house). When a 3 yr old
> boy grabbed a doll Kristen was playing with, I told
> her that the boy really wanted to play with that doll
> & asked her if that was okay & if she would play with
> a different toy until the boy was finished playing
> with it. She nodded her head, played with the frog,
> but then goes for the doll as soon as the boy drops
> it.
for a turn. It's not abnormal and they're not *trying* to be rude or
make someone cry. They just really want THAT toy. LOL In situations
like that I am usually very near to my kids and will get down on their
level (squatting or kneeling), smile and sweetly say to the grabber,
"Oh, I know it's hard to wait sometimes, but ___ is still playing with
that. <gently remove it from grabber's hands> As soon as ____ is
finished with it s/he'll give it to you right away."
My DD is a very sensitive child and when that happens to her it is a
MAJOR catastrophy so I've felt the need to do this or it will throw a
wrench in our whole visit and we usually have to leave because she gets
so worked up and upset.
On the same token, if my children were the grabber I will do the same
thing and gently remove the toy from them (if they don't do it
themselves) and say to them "____ isn't done playing with that but you
can play with it next."
I don't know if there are better ways to handle that situation, but
this is what I've been doing when the occasion presents. Anyone have
any "tweaks" on that approach?
-Tracy-
Carolyn Vu
Sherri-Lee, Joan & Tracy,
Thank you so much for your responses on how to mediate
a toy grabbing incident! It was very helpful for me
to have specific examples of what to say and how to
say it.
I don't have much confidence in my communication
skills yet. I get really nervous verbalizing my
thoughts aloud. However, I'm working on my verbal
communication skills, so that I can use & model
effective communication and problem solving in my
relationships for my children. Now I just need to put
your advice into practice, so I can be ready for
future conflicts :)
-Carolyn
mom to Kristen (28 months) & Paul (7 months)
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Thank you so much for your responses on how to mediate
a toy grabbing incident! It was very helpful for me
to have specific examples of what to say and how to
say it.
I don't have much confidence in my communication
skills yet. I get really nervous verbalizing my
thoughts aloud. However, I'm working on my verbal
communication skills, so that I can use & model
effective communication and problem solving in my
relationships for my children. Now I just need to put
your advice into practice, so I can be ready for
future conflicts :)
-Carolyn
mom to Kristen (28 months) & Paul (7 months)
__________________________________
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Katharine Wise
I'm wondering how others would handle this kind of situation:
Sometimes when my 7yo gets mad at my 4yo (for instance, 4yo is playing with D&D miniatures by himself but 7yo is watching and doesn't approve of how 4yo is playing) he'll knock over 4yo's game and grab a few pieces refusing to give them back to 4yo. Maybe hide them. Eventually (later that day) he'll leave them out where 4yo can find them. On one or two occasions he has even handed them over to me to give to 4yo -- but not until *much* later when he's long-since calmed down.
In some ways this is an improvement -- at least he's grabbing toys and not hurting 4yo or raging -- but it's still not fair to 4yo, especially when the grabbed toys actually belong to (even were purchased by) 4yo.
We've been doing lots of large scale things to try to help reduce 7yo's frustration and help him handle it better and I do think we're seeing improvements (but definitely 2 steps forward and 1 back:-), but I'm wondering if anyone has suggestions for how to handle this particular situation without heading 7yo toward raging.
Thanks,
Katharine
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Sometimes when my 7yo gets mad at my 4yo (for instance, 4yo is playing with D&D miniatures by himself but 7yo is watching and doesn't approve of how 4yo is playing) he'll knock over 4yo's game and grab a few pieces refusing to give them back to 4yo. Maybe hide them. Eventually (later that day) he'll leave them out where 4yo can find them. On one or two occasions he has even handed them over to me to give to 4yo -- but not until *much* later when he's long-since calmed down.
In some ways this is an improvement -- at least he's grabbing toys and not hurting 4yo or raging -- but it's still not fair to 4yo, especially when the grabbed toys actually belong to (even were purchased by) 4yo.
We've been doing lots of large scale things to try to help reduce 7yo's frustration and help him handle it better and I do think we're seeing improvements (but definitely 2 steps forward and 1 back:-), but I'm wondering if anyone has suggestions for how to handle this particular situation without heading 7yo toward raging.
Thanks,
Katharine
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