Kristie Cochran

Hi all,

I'm a newbie here and I need help responding to my sister. She has an
11yo step-son (living with her and DH), a 6yo dd and a 3mo ds. She is
younger than me. Both of her kids are attending a private Christian
school. Her 6yo dd is finishing up K-5. My sister called me the other
day on her way to pick up the kids from school and asked me if I'd tutor
her daughter some this summer in reading and math. Seems that my niece
is just testing at "average" and the teacher is recommending that my
niece do some work over the summer. My sister has already signed her up
for 4wks of tutoring at school (sounds kind of like summer school
because it's not individual tutoring and I think it's just an hour or
two each week). My mom offered me up to my sister, probably because I
have told them that I will be homeschooling my 5yo ds (I haven't
mentioned unschooling to them, they're not ready for that).

So, in our less than 5 minute conversation, my sister told me that my
niece is resisting her bedtime reading assignments (they have to read
something before they go to bed ~ suggested by the teacher). I
suggested that my sister not struggle with her on this. I suggested
that my sister, her husband or her older son could read the stories
while my niece looked on. She'll still get the story, she'll still be
"learning," etc. I also suggested that she not make this an issue with
my niece, especially at this young age. I reminded my sister how much
she hates to read, and we don't want that to happen with my niece. I
told my sister that my niece could come a long way on her own this
summer, without all the tutoring and workbooks, etc.

I would love for my sister to read John Holt's "Learning All the Time."
My local library has it on hold for someone, so I don't know when it
will be available. I know my sister hates to read, but at least this
book is an easy read and may help her understand a little more.

It's kind of ironic, my niece begs my sister to homeschool her because
she hates getting up in the morning to go to school. She is at the
prime time to be unschooled. My niece is extremely verbal, was talking
in complete sentences by age 1. I think unschooling would be so freeing
for her (and her brother too). My sister's husband would flip his lid
over it though. I know he probably thinks I'm a lunatic for co-sleeping
and extended nursing, but he is softening up to it some in his older age
and especially because they have a newborn in the house.

So, what suggestions do you wise women and men have for me? I really
don't want to do "school" with her over the summer. My son would love
to have her over just to play.

TIA!

Kristie, the newbie

Pampered Chef Michelle

On 5/25/06, Kristie Cochran <kristiecochran@...> wrote:
>
> Hi all,
>
> I'm a newbie here and I need help responding to my sister. She has an
> 11yo step-son (living with her and DH), a 6yo dd and a 3mo ds. She is
> younger than me. Both of her kids are attending a private Christian
> school. Her 6yo dd is finishing up K-5. My sister called me the other
> day on her way to pick up the kids from school and asked me if I'd tutor
> her daughter some this summer in reading and math. Seems that my niece
> is just testing at "average" and the teacher is recommending that my
> niece do some work over the summer.


Is there anything wrong with being AVERAGE?!?!?!? Sheesh. Why can't
average be ok? Why do kids feel the need to be "above average?" By sending
a child to summer school and with labelling the child "average" (like it's a
bad thing) the message this child is going to get is "I'm not good enough"
and the child will learn to hate learning. I would be sympathetic that your
sister is feeling stressed about this, but I don't see why you should tutor
your niece when you wouldn't "tutor" your own child. Invite them over for
playdates with your son or something. Also, half.com is an excellent
resource for inexpensive books. I'm constantly paying more in shipping than
I am for books LOL! You may find a few books on there that you could
purchase for your own library and to share with your sister. Holt's How
Children Learn is also an excellent book!





--
Michelle
Independent Kitchen Consultant #413652
The Pampered Chef
850-474-0817
http://www.pamperedchef.biz/michellelr
Ask me how you can save 60% on some of our most favorite products!


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Melissa

I agree, it's ridiculous, especially at six, to worry about reading.
That is the focus, though, in public schools. From what I'm
understanding, the sister who doesn't like to read has a daughter
who's resisting reading. I'm visualizing (and correct me if I'm
wrong) that the mom only reads when she *has* to, and it's only the
one book they do at bedtime? She probably never sits and reads,
setting an example of loving to read, and she doesn't take her
daughter to the library to find fun books that the child would be
interested in.

I would say that sure, you'll tutor, drop the niece off twice a week
(or as often as you can). And when she's there do no teaching. Spend
a while relaxing and letting her do what she likes with her cousin.
Tell your sister that you're building trust first. Before she comes,
plan stuff with your son of fun stuff they can do....mixing edible
playdough, playing dinosaurs, whatever they like. Then you can
introduce things slowly, while they're mixing, say "Wow, we put in
one cup of peanut butter, one cup of honey, one cup of oatmeal, and
one of powdered milk. I wonder how many cups of playdough we have?"
We double our recipe when friends come over, so how many cups of milk
should we put in? When they are transitioning in play, ask if they
would like a story, or be willing to sit in the corner of the room
reading your own book. Set lots of good instances of reading. "WOW!
I'm reading this book and it says that snakes usually lay eggs, but
some species have LIVE BABIES! Can you believe it?" See if there is a
summer reading program, and sign the kids up. Offer to take the kids
on that day so you can take her to a great resource.

And hey, she hasn't specified HOW to tutor, just that she wants you
to. I'm sorry that you're in a rough spot, but I would definitely
take the child JUST so you can ensure she gets a break and is in an
environment where learning is fun. And just so you know, the new
summer programs are a lot more fun than what we saw as summer school.
Josh signed up for it just to go two summers in a row (and he is way
above grade level in all topics)...and actually is going this year as
a peer mentor even though we're unschooling and not even part of the
district. LOL!
Melissa
Mom to Josh (11), Breanna (8), Emily (7), Rachel (6), Sam (4), Dan
(2), and Avari Rose

share our lives at
http://360.yahoo.com/multimomma



On May 25, 2006, at 11:23 AM, Kristie Cochran wrote:
>
> So, what suggestions do you wise women and men have for me? I really
> don't want to do "school" with her over the summer. My son would love
> to have her over just to play.

Vijay Owens

Seriously! So kids with learning disabilities need extra help to get
them "up to par" and the gifted kids need extra work to challenge them
so they won't be bored. Now the average kids need extra help and work
too?

Where does it end?

Labels, labels, labels. (Shaking my head in disbelief.) Why can't we
just let kids be themselves?

-Vijay


On May 25, 2006, at 12:41 PM, Pampered Chef Michelle wrote:

> Is there anything wrong with being AVERAGE?!?!?!?  Sheesh.  Why can't
> average be ok?  Why do kids feel the need to be "above average?"  By
> sending
> a child to summer school and with labelling the child "average" (like
> it's a
> bad thing) the message this child is going to get is "I'm not good
> enough"
> and the child will learn to hate learning. 

[email protected]

>>So, what suggestions do you wise women and men have for me? I really don't want to do "school" with her over the summer. My son would love to have her over just to play.>>

That's just what I would suggest. I'd tell your sister that you'd love to have her daughter over to play. Tell her that you don't plan on doing any formal curriculum with your son this summer as you believe a natural, life learning approach will best suit his needs right now. I'd send her links to webpages a little at a time and see if she responds positively to any of it. I definitely wouldn't take on the task of tutoring her child when it's not something you believe in.

--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: Kristie Cochran <kristiecochran@...>






[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

trektheory

--- In [email protected], Kristie Cochran
<kristiecochran@...> wrote:
>

>
> So, in our less than 5 minute conversation, my sister told me that
my
> niece is resisting her bedtime reading assignments (they have to
read
> something before they go to bed ~ suggested by the teacher). I
> suggested that my sister not struggle with her on this.


Reading requirements and reading incentive programs had the reverse
effect on my son. He learned to read before he ever went to school -
- and the combined effect of requirements and incentives killed his
love of reading. It took YEARS to counter the effects, and even
still, he reads in spurts, and very specific, narrow interest, in
general. (Mind you, he has always been "ahead of grade level" --
but the interest has to be there.)

When I read Alfie Kohn's Punished By Rewards, I suddenly understood
it a lot more.

BTW, one thing I did sometimes when my son was little, (he's 14 now,
and the prebed storytime seems to have evaporated somewhere along
the line, though I still read aloud sometimes to him, and we have
fun discussing it), is read to him, until my voice got tired, then
he would take a turn. The important part is to get them involved in
what they are hearing -- if it is uninteresting, why would they want
to read it? (Heck, if it is boring, why would I want to read it?)

So often, assigned reading tends to be what some adult deemed
appropriate or interesting to kids that age -- when some kids that
age would find it totally uninteresting. Blah.



> It's kind of ironic, my niece begs my sister to homeschool her
because
> she hates getting up in the morning to go to school. She is at
the
> prime time to be unschooled.

Oooh, so you just have to convince your sister to homeschool.
Remind her that, um, really, she is with all the extras the teachers
are throwing at her to do at home anyway. And she is getting the
worst of both worlds, too -- she has to do all that assigned yucky
stuff when her daughter is at her tired worst! Not very efficient!

Remind her, too, how much is learned through play. In fact, ask her
to think back to her own schooling, and what she really learned,
still remembers, and how she learned it. It might be very revealing
to her.

Linda

Pampered Chef Michelle

On 5/26/06, trektheory <trektheory@...> wrote:
>
>
> So often, assigned reading tends to be what some adult deemed
> appropriate or interesting to kids that age -- when some kids that
> age would find it totally uninteresting. Blah.


That is SO true. My co-parent hated reading until he got a wonderful
teacher at a small private school. He was never allowed to move past the
Dick and Jane books because he wouldn't finish his assignments. His parents
were told he needed "remedial reading." They switched to this little one
room school and the first thing the teacher did was ask him what he liked
dreaming about. He said he liked watching Star Trek. She reached into her
desk drawer and handed him a copy of Heinlien. At 8yo he got hooked on
science fiction and reading. Her theory was it didn't matter what they
read. They could read comic books for all she cared.

Michelle - who probably just dated herself with all the anachronistic
references.


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

trektheory

--- In [email protected], "Pampered Chef Michelle"
<pamperedmichelle@...> wrote:
>
> On 5/26/06, trektheory <trektheory@...> wrote:
> >
> >
> > So often, assigned reading tends to be what some adult deemed
> > appropriate or interesting to kids that age -- when some kids
that
> > age would find it totally uninteresting. Blah.
>
>
> That is SO true. My co-parent hated reading until he got a
wonderful
> teacher at a small private school. He was never allowed to move
past the
> Dick and Jane books because he wouldn't finish his assignments.
His parents
> were told he needed "remedial reading." They switched to this
little one
> room school and the first thing the teacher did was ask him what
he liked
> dreaming about. He said he liked watching Star Trek. She reached
into her
> desk drawer and handed him a copy of Heinlien. At 8yo he got
hooked on
> science fiction and reading. Her theory was it didn't matter what
they
> read. They could read comic books for all she cared.
>
> Michelle - who probably just dated herself with all the
anachronistic
> references.

I don't think you dated yourself too much -- besides, isn't it more
fun to date someone else? ;-)

Besides, I grew up with Star Trek (though I was scared by it when I
was young), and have read Heinlein among others. SF is GREAT stuff --
I think it has triggered many a career in science.

Linda

[email protected]

>>SF is GREAT stuff -- I think it has triggered many a career in science.>>

Conor reads lots of Sci Fi. For him it's triggered a lot of thought about spirituality, ethics and philosophy.

--
~Mary
http://zenmommasgarden.blogspot.com/

"The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the
green earth, dwelling deeply in the present moment and feeling truly
alive."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

-------------- Original message ----------------------
From: "trektheory" <trektheory@...>

Deb Lewis

***I would love for my sister to read John Holt's "Learning All the
Time."***

Bookfinder showed used copies of Learning all the Time - One at Alibris,
a hardcover, for ninety five cents. I think postage would be around
three fifty.

Good luck.

Deb