Sarah Thompson

Good morning,

I had a failure this morning that was instructive, and it's been quiet here, so I thought I'd share. 

My younger son is 7. He is at the end of a week of day camp this summer, and it is the second such week (although not consecutively). This camp is at his dojo where he feels safe and respected, and his older brother, who is his touchstone, is at camp as a junior CIT. Also one of the counselors is his "back up mom:" a dear friend. During the first week, I observed how his energy level was; I picked him up early one day, and he skipped a day. It's a relief not to be stuck in the mindset of "I paid for this we have to use it!" anymore. He had a lot of fun. 

So this week, while he had some apprehension at first, he wanted to go and he's been having an absolute blast-better than the first, even. Since it is the last day and I wondered if he might be burning out (in my head, not actually observing my child!), I said, "are you up for camp today or do you want to stay home?"

Oops! Suddenly there were too many options and none of them were perfect, and he became quite distraught. Then my older child, who is sensitive and empathetic, started getting distressed. Ultimately, everyone went to camp. But what I was reminded of was: it's *principles*, not rules, and a primary principle is Observe and Connect! In my head, I was the flexible parent offering choices, but in practice, I was the disconnected ideologue muddying the waters by overwhelming a 7 year old at 7 am! He *already* trusts that there are options if he needs them (my concern was that I am without a car today, so I can't get him early, but he hasn't ONCE *asked* to leave early, that's all me); all I did was make him confused and unsupported. 

So, if that is useful to anyone, I offer it. 

Sarah