kgharriman1@...

Our 9 year old daughter is an aspiring dancer. Periodically though she gets super frustrated and impatient that she's still two years away from pointe shoes (often fuelled by looking at images of pointe shoes on the internet or watching a dancing movie or whatever... she starts to dwell more), which then tends to spriral into big picture frustrations about being two young for all the "cool teenager things (whatever they are?!)" and feeling like she's too small for other things that her 2 year old sister does.


She's an oldest in her family and yet youngest of all her cousins. So she gets confused and frustrated over not knowing where she fits. Sometimes this will lead to a full blown "angry sad extreme language" episode. Other times, like now, she will retreat to her room and go on her ipod or something. When she does the latter I sense she's grown somewhat in being able to handle these frustrations.


I feel at a loss as to how to respond because often it doesn't matter what we say, she doesn't want to hear logic or reasons, she just wants what's not possible NOW! 


If anyone has any helpful suggestions as to how I can support and assist rather than feeling helpless when she falls into these moods I would be interested to hear.


thanks

Marina Moses

Maybe look around for a studio that does earlier pointe classes than your studio. Some people are against it but there is more than one school of thought on the subject and you can get younger pointe classes.


On Tue, Jul 15, 2014 at 2:08 AM, kgharriman1@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

Our 9 year old daughter is an aspiring dancer. Periodically though she gets super frustrated and impatient that she's still two years away from pointe shoes (often fuelled by looking at images of pointe shoes on the internet or watching a dancing movie or whatever... she starts to dwell more), which then tends to spriral into big picture frustrations about being two young for all the "cool teenager things (whatever they are?!)" and feeling like she's too small for other things that her 2 year old sister does.



janine davies

As an ex professional dancer myself I would suggest buying her a pair she can practise on at home or just too have and look at and play with more likely, I did, and all my friends because thats what its all about the pointe shoes! And the tutu of course Emoji, but really trying it out before she is strong and a good size for her age, if you know what I mean - not too petite, waiting for strong legs and ankles is why the age thing is there.
And if you do decide to get her a pair make sure you go to a good dance shop where they will fit them well and be prepared that they may say their pennys worth of how old is she etc…But they may not, and really its none of their business - it's not a crime, and SO many young dancers do this - its also not the big 'it will ruin their feet' thing either….But it hurts, boy does it hurt! And for a long while, and she will need to do lots of ankle strengthening exercises as her ankles will feel like they have no bones in them the first time she goes up on pointe, and get cushions for the inside of the shoes to protect her toes - we used lambs wool but I think things have moved on from my day, she will get blisters probably too. 
She will need support as well as she goes up - a strong wooden chair to hold on to is advisable and she should not really try too much at first as the potential of twisting over on her ankles is high.
But all that said its very exciting and feels very proper, and really the scare factor and set age thing that most ballet schools abide by is for their protection - its strong ankles and leg muscles you need, and a strong core strength helps too, so take it by that  - if she has strong legs and ankles it will be fine, if you think she will look like Bambi on pointe then leave it and encourage lots of leg strengthening and ankle exercises if you can. I feel for her it really was the most frustrating thing ever! 

Ps. Also it might help if you show her clips of ballet dancers dancing in bare feet - Sylvie Guilleme has danced in bare feet a lot and it's so beautiful and natural and free! It may help her see that dance is wonderful with or without those longed for shoes.

Janine x







From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 14:54:47 -0400
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] how to help daughter though her frustration

 

Maybe look around for a studio that does earlier pointe classes than your studio. Some people are against it but there is more than one school of thought on the subject and you can get younger pointe classes.


On Tue, Jul 15, 2014 at 2:08 AM, kgharriman1@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

Our 9 year old daughter is an aspiring dancer. Periodically though she gets super frustrated and impatient that she's still two years away from pointe shoes (often fuelled by looking at images of pointe shoes on the internet or watching a dancing movie or whatever... she starts to dwell more), which then tends to spriral into big picture frustrations about being two young for all the "cool teenager things (whatever they are?!)" and feeling like she's too small for other things that her 2 year old sister does.





Greg and Kirsty Harriman

Well I asked our teacher today even about just demi-pointe and it was met with a very friendly but firm “you’re not ready for them yet darling”. Don’t get me wrong, we love our teacher! However she wants to wait until she is 11. I feel like I would be disrespecting her judgement and experience if I were to go out and buy Grace some pointe shoes without involving her. It’s the potential injury risk too as you have said. We have only one dance school in our town so I don’t have the option to shop around. We are participating in one of the Australian Ballet school summer workshops in January though so maybe we can get more feedback there.
She gets onto youtube and checks out all the videos of youngsters on pointe and she gets very upset. I suggest she doesn’t watch them as it just makes her feel worse.
I agree, I love barefoot dancing too! There’s something very magical about those pointe shoes though.
That’s why I was looking into demi pointes. Anyway, I think our teacher would be none too pleased if I went off and did our own thing with this. You mentioned the risk of twisting ankles. I have read online lots about risk of permanent injury. IS this an overstatement or actually something to be concerned about?
The only school of thought I have read is to wait wait and wait until the body is strong and ready. She has a very slim ballet type of body if you know what I mean. Lithe but strong. Bambi on pointe would not be far off!
 
Sent: Wednesday, July 16, 2014 5:30 PM
Subject: RE: [AlwaysLearning] how to help daughter though her frustration
 
 

As an ex professional dancer myself I would suggest buying her a pair she can practise on at home or just too have and look at and play with more likely, I did, and all my friends because thats what its all about the pointe shoes! And the tutu of course Emoji, but really trying it out before she is strong and a good size for her age, if you know what I mean - not too petite, waiting for strong legs and ankles is why the age thing is there.
And if you do decide to get her a pair make sure you go to a good dance shop where they will fit them well and be prepared that they may say their pennys worth of how old is she etc…But they may not, and really its none of their business - it's not a crime, and SO many young dancers do this - its also not the big 'it will ruin their feet' thing either….But it hurts, boy does it hurt! And for a long while, and she will need to do lots of ankle strengthening exercises as her ankles will feel like they have no bones in them the first time she goes up on pointe, and get cushions for the inside of the shoes to protect her toes - we used lambs wool but I think things have moved on from my day, she will get blisters probably too.
She will need support as well as she goes up - a strong wooden chair to hold on to is advisable and she should not really try too much at first as the potential of twisting over on her ankles is high.
But all that said its very exciting and feels very proper, and really the scare factor and set age thing that most ballet schools abide by is for their protection - its strong ankles and leg muscles you need, and a strong core strength helps too, so take it by that  - if she has strong legs and ankles it will be fine, if you think she will look like Bambi on pointe then leave it and encourage lots of leg strengthening and ankle exercises if you can. I feel for her it really was the most frustrating thing ever!

Ps. Also it might help if you show her clips of ballet dancers dancing in bare feet - Sylvie Guilleme has danced in bare feet a lot and it's so beautiful and natural and free! It may help her see that dance is wonderful with or without those longed for shoes.

Janine x



 



From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Date: Tue, 15 Jul 2014 14:54:47 -0400
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] how to help daughter though her frustration

 
 
Maybe look around for a studio that does earlier pointe classes than your studio. Some people are against it but there is more than one school of thought on the subject and you can get younger pointe classes.


On Tue, Jul 15, 2014 at 2:08 AM, kgharriman1@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:
 

Our 9 year old daughter is an aspiring dancer. Periodically though she gets super frustrated and impatient that she's still two years away from pointe shoes (often fuelled by looking at images of pointe shoes on the internet or watching a dancing movie or whatever... she starts to dwell more), which then tends to spriral into big picture frustrations about being two young for all the "cool teenager things (whatever they are?!)" and feeling like she's too small for other things that her 2 year old sister does.




 

Joyce Fetteroll


On Jul 16, 2014, at 9:17 AM, 'Greg and Kirsty Harriman' kgharriman1@... [AlwaysLearning] <[email protected]> wrote:

The only school of thought I have read is to wait wait and wait until the body is strong and ready.

My take on it -- just from a learning standpoint since I don't have much knowledge of dance -- is that if your daughter were to do pointe at home, she'd learn her limits. Yes, it would be painful, but she'd learn the difference between the pain of getting used to pointe and the pain of pushing herself beyond what her body is capable of.

The same wouldn't be true in class, though. In a group, the teacher or the most capable in the class gets seen as the threshold to reach for. So in a group one 10 yo might be ready, but all the other girls would be pushing themselves beyond what their own bodies are capable of to be like her. Which is why it's a good idea for *schools* not to allow pointe early.

On the other hand, Kat, who had all the right drawing tools, would get frustrated that she couldn't draw like people 10 years older than she was. So watching older dancers could still be frustrating even if she has the pointe shoes. Give her hugs. Be understanding that it's frustrating when bodies grow at their own speed and not at the speed we want them to. Don't say "Yes, I understand, but ..." She's going to be frustrated and irritated even if she understands. Find fun things to distract her so she doesn't wallow. But don't expect to fix her feelings. That's something she'll wrangle with and figure out.

Joyce

K Kissoyan

I pretty much never post on this group because others are much more intuned with (and articulate about) unschooling than I am, and I find that I do better if I just absorb and live. But something struck me in this, maybe because I do have an idea for you: empathy. As in, empathize, but don't try to fix it. She's hitting a wall based on the reality of her current place in life, and that's so, so frustrating. But you can't fix it, and really, neither can she. It's a question of time and growth, right? 

I remember once someone giving me the following story to help me with this concept. Imagine that you're working an office job. Another employee sabotages you, and you are fired, unceremoniously, and on-the-spot. No opportunity to defend yourself, just an unjust ruling and you're out of a job. You're scared for the future, you're angry about what happened, and you feel betrayed. You go home to your partner, and you vent about what happened. Do you want your partner to: 1) tell you it's not that bad, you can get another job, just relax and calm down (dismissing all of your emotions about the situation); 2) get really angry on your behalf and try to call your boss to fix the situation (escalating the situation and stealing any power you might still have); or 3) give you a big hug and say "Wow, that sucks. I'm so, so sorry. I'm here for you." (empathizing with you and giving you the support to make your own decisions and heal in your own way)

Offer your child what you would want offered to you if the worst thing happened. Know that your child's frustrations and pains are as scary and demoralizing and huge as your own are, even if they don't seem that way "in the big picture." Growing up is so hard (and takes forever! as my kids like to tell me....). Let her know that you know it sucks that she can't do pointe right now, and you love her, and if there's anything that you can do, you're there to do it. Then just stop talking and acting and having any opinions, and follow her lead. Listen to her. Be present and calm and empathetic, but don't fix it (because the reality is, you can't, right?!). If she wants a solution from you, then you can honestly say that you don't have one, except to work hard and build the muscles and let time do its thing. And you recognize that's not the answer she wants and it's frustrating. 

Obviously, if you get some good concrete suggestions for ways to help her sooner, that's great, but I personally don't have any, so I'd go the route of knowing my limitations and trying to empathize with how frustrating the world can be sometimes. And know that sometimes even good concrete solutions won't be what she's looking for, sometimes she just needs someone to confirm that whatever she's going through sucks. (with an underlying message that you have confidence in her resilience and her ability to get through this.)

I hope that helps. 

Best,
Kimberley 

--
“It is paradoxical that many educators and parents still differentiate
between a time for learning and a time for play without seeing the
vital connection between them.”
-- Leo F. Buscaglia

"The better you are at your job, the more you’re rewarded, financially and spiritually, by doing it. You know how to solve problems for which you receive praise and money. Home life is more chaotic. Solving problems is less prescriptive and no one’s applauding or throwing money if you do it right... Learn to embrace the chaos of family life and enjoy the small victories."
-- Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

cheri.tilford@...

>>If anyone has any helpful suggestions as to how I can support and assist rather than feeling helpless when she falls into these moods I would be interested to hear.<<

but you are helpless, as far as the ability to make time go faster and make your daughter "old enough".  
and that sucks!  empathize with the sense of powerlessness (I would caution about over doing it - no one wants to be told you know exactly how they feel since that's impossible, and they may sense you really don't get it) but we've all felt the frustration of not being able to do something because of real, immovable limitations.  

I see often that parents want to make their children's pain disappear (of course, we all do), and sometimes the hardest part of seeing someone you love in pain is the pain it inspires in oneself, and the thought "I need to fix this!" is very loud.  and you can't always fix it.  learning how to touch that deep hurt with honest vulnerability and seeing that you can move through it is a great life skill.  

sometimes distraction is very helpful.  and sometimes "wallowing" (which can be an unfair judgment about someone's emotional process) is ok, too.  I very much dislike it when someone tries to cheer me up before I'm ready - it feels like being misunderstood.  quiet, calm empathy helps me relax and move on at my own pace. 

what about making her own pointe shoes?   the dance studio where my daughter did toddler ballet had classes for dancers to make their own shoes as a prerequisite for dancing in them.  I know nothing about it, but I bet youtube has something to say.  

are there any biographies of dancers where they talk about all the training and preparation they did before dancing on pointe?  or other styles of dance that may strengthen her body to help her prepare?


cheers-
cheri


janine davies

Apologies for late come back on this, I had one son turn 7 yesterday & one turning 12 tomorrow - Always a busy but fun week! 

>>Well I asked our teacher today even about just demi-pointe and it was met with a very friendly but firm “you’re not ready for them yet darling”. Don’t get me wrong, we love our teacher! However she wants to wait until she is 11. I feel like I would be disrespecting her judgement and experience if I were to go out and buy Grace some pointe shoes without involving her. It’s the potential injury risk too as you have said. We have only one dance school in our town so I don’t have the option to shop around. We are participating in one of the Australian Ballet school summer workshops in January though so maybe we can get more feedback there.<<

I wouldn't ask the teacher anymore - demi or otherwise, she 'has' to follow this guideline. You are right also about her seeing it as disrespect, and now that we have a clearer picture of just one dance school in town and one dance shop too - I can see that the buying of a first pair of pointe shoes for your daughter would be news and spread like wild fire..and of course keep her sweet she certainly sounds sweet, and I have heard worse ways of telling a desperate dancers mum that they are not ready! , she is not wrong and she is following dance teacher/school guidelines. I think it really is about helping her through this frustrating time as best you can and being a support and a good ear. She is certainly not alone there are lots of young girls dreaming and longing for those magical shoes!

You mentioned the risk of twisting ankles. I have read online lots about risk of permanent injury. IS this an overstatement or actually something to be concerned about? 

Dance is full of potential injuries and risks and  some are permanent and career ending - NONE of it is natural, and ALL professional dancers have wrecked bodies from about early to late thirties on… (dealing with a recurring and painful back injury as I write) with pointe work there are risky areas like knees and  ankles mainly, EVEN if the child is 11 and strong, and of course lots of scare mongering too as with everything. But most of those injuries would only happen if a young child went up on pointe and immediately danced around doing lots of steps, but thats not going to happen and but the reality is way different….It hurts! and its a shock how much it hurts, and it's really disappointing too…. I cried and exclaimed loudly that this isn't fair why does it hurt so much! So the reality is she will not get much further for a long while than just going up and down. So it will be a slow but sure process and easy to assess where any weakness's are, and which areas need to be strengthened and the teacher will be on the ball for that, and as Joyce pointed out she may be held back by the others, or be the bench mark.

>>My take on it -- just from a learning standpoint since I don't have much knowledge of dance -- is that if your daughter were to do pointe at home, she'd learn her limits. Yes, it would be painful, but she'd learn the difference between the pain of getting used to pointe and the pain of pushing herself beyond what her body is capable of.<<

Joyce is right it would give her a good measure of her limits to have a pair to play around with at home and also get her prepared for the reality of pointe work and a heads up on weak areas, but now that we know the whole situation I really think it best to follow the school and teacher guidelines.

>> Give her hugs. Be understanding that it's frustrating when bodies grow at their own speed and not at the speed we want them to. Don't say "Yes, I understand, but ..." She's going to be frustrated and irritated even if she understands. Find fun things to distract her so she doesn't wallow. But don't expect to fix her feelings. That's something she'll wrangle with and figure out.<<

Yes I agree, hugs, understanding, and distraction.

Lastly you said she is 'lithe but strong' this is the description of most dancers so not really a true way to assess a potential  bambi on ice scenario! So again I think it best to go 'schooled' on this one and help her through it, and by 11 if she is strong AND determined she will get through the painful part quickly and really start to enjoy and feel the joy of pointe work because it really is magical!

Janine x



D. Regan

Our 9 year old daughter is an aspiring dancer.

She loves to dance, and wants to do more?  Thinking of her as an 'aspiring dancer', gets in the way of seeing who she is now and actively helping her to have fun now.

Periodically though she gets super frustrated and impatient that she's still two years away from pointe shoes (often fuelled by looking at images of pointe shoes on the internet or watching a dancing movie or whatever... she starts to dwell more), which then tends to spriral into big picture frustrations about being two young for all the "cool teenager things (whatever they are?!)" and feeling like she's too small for other things that her 2 year old sister does.

She's an oldest in her family and yet youngest of all her cousins. So she gets confused and frustrated over not knowing where she fits. Sometimes this will lead to a full blown "angry sad extreme language" episode. Other times, like now, she will retreat to her room and go on her ipod or something. When she does the latter I sense she's grown somewhat in being able to handle these frustrations.

If anyone has any helpful suggestions as to how I can support and assist rather than feeling helpless when she falls into these moods I would be interested to hear.

I feel at a loss as to how to respond because often it doesn't matter what we say, she doesn't want to hear logic or reasons, she just wants what's not possible NOW!

So many sad words in the description above!
"...super frustrated... impatient... starts to dwell more... spiral into big picture frustrations... confused... frustrated... full blown angry sad extreme language episode... will retreat to her room... falls into these moods... just wants what's not possible NOW... "

Help her to have better times - great times!  Don't be the person standing near the gate pointing to the sign on the gate saying "9 year olds not allowed through".  Be the person with her, holding her hand, as she comes up to the gate.  Read the sign together.  Share the disappointment.  Talk about alternatives.  It's a turning point - where to from here?  Share it with her.  Think creatively!  

Parents being engaged, creative, resourceful, inquisitive, open-minded, all help unschooling to flourish.  Enrich your home with those as much as you can.   You will begin to see options aplenty where you once thought there were none.

Perhaps you could google around and explore more about the reasoning behind the sign on the gate?  Does it make sense in your daughter's case?  No doubt the rule wasn't made with unschoolers happily exploring the world, in mind!   Perhaps who they considered in coming to that rule, were people who were pressured and under stress - not people making choices in the context of joyful lives?

Can she have fun playing with pointe shoes at home?  With friends?  Can you help her be safe with them?  Would she like to have some stilts?  Do synchronised swimming?  Play with some tap dancing shoes?  Go to the Ballet?  Make dancing videos?  Play with ballerina dolls?  Have more pretty sparkly clothes?  Do gymnastics?  Would she like more in her days, more options, more things to get excited about?... 

Often older children are expected to be more flexible and patient than younger siblings.  Maybe that's happened to her too much?  It will help if you give a higher priority to helping her feel fulfilled and satisfied.  

If she has a backlog of frustrations, she may find obstacles overwhelming for a while longer.  Begin to build her resources of flexibility and happiness by helping her days be rich with fulfilment and joy.  The fewer frustrations she has, the more she will be able to be happy.  That happiness will light her days.
:)
Debbie







BRIAN POLIKOWSKY

I would buy my child a pointe shoe!
I am not saying her teacher is not right and I would not expect her to let my daughter do classes in pointe but in my home if my child wanted to play around it would be OK>

When I was a young child I used to be able to get up on my toes without special shoes and dance like ballerinas do.

It was fun! It did not harm me or injure me. It was not enough for it. It was just a little here and there and not hours of work.
 
Alex Polikowsky
 
 
 


On Friday, July 18, 2014 7:52 AM, "'D. Regan' oregano3@... [AlwaysLearning]" <[email protected]> wrote:


 
Our 9 year old daughter is an aspiring dancer.
She loves to dance, and wants to do more?  Thinking of her as an 'aspiring dancer', gets in the way of seeing who she is now and actively helping her to have fun now.
Periodically though she gets super frustrated and impatient that she's still two years away from pointe shoes (often fuelled by looking at images of pointe shoes on the internet or watching a dancing movie or whatever... she starts to dwell more), which then tends to spriral into big picture frustrations about being two young for all the "cool teenager things (whatever they are?!)" and feeling like she's too small for other things that her 2 year old sister does.
She's an oldest in her family and yet youngest of all her cousins. So she gets confused and frustrated over not knowing where she fits. Sometimes this will lead to a full blown "angry sad extreme language" episode. Other times, like now, she will retreat to her room and go on her ipod or something. When she does the latter I sense she's grown somewhat in being able to handle these frustrations.
If anyone has any helpful suggestions as to how I can support and assist rather than feeling helpless when she falls into these moods I would be interested to hear.
I feel at a loss as to how to respond because often it doesn't matter what we say, she doesn't want to hear logic or reasons, she just wants what's not possible NOW!
So many sad words in the description above!
"...super frustrated... impatient... starts to dwell more... spiral into big picture frustrations... confused... frustrated... full blown angry sad extreme language episode... will retreat to her room... falls into these moods... just wants what's not possible NOW... "

Help her to have better times - great times!  Don't be the person standing near the gate pointing to the sign on the gate saying "9 year olds not allowed through".  Be the person with her, holding her hand, as she comes up to the gate.  Read the sign together.  Share the disappointment.  Talk about alternatives.  It's a turning point - where to from here?  Share it with her.  Think creatively!  

Parents being engaged, creative, resourceful, inquisitive, open-minded, all help unschooling to flourish.  Enrich your home with those as much as you can.   You will begin to see options aplenty where you once thought there were none.

Perhaps you could google around and explore more about the reasoning behind the sign on the gate?  Does it make sense in your daughter's case?  No doubt the rule wasn't made with unschoolers happily exploring the world, in mind!   Perhaps who they considered in coming to that rule, were people who were pressured and under stress - not people making choices in the context of joyful lives?

Can she have fun playing with pointe shoes at home?  With friends?  Can you help her be safe with them?  Would she like to have some stilts?  Do synchronised swimming?  Play with some tap dancing shoes?  Go to the Ballet?  Make dancing videos?  Play with ballerina dolls?  Have more pretty sparkly clothes?  Do gymnastics?  Would she like more in her days, more options, more things to get excited about?... 

Often older children are expected to be more flexible and patient than younger siblings.  Maybe that's happened to her too much?  It will help if you give a higher priority to helping her feel fulfilled and satisfied.  

If she has a backlog of frustrations, she may find obstacles overwhelming for a while longer.  Begin to build her resources of flexibility and happiness by helping her days be rich with fulfilment and joy.  The fewer frustrations she has, the more she will be able to be happy.  That happiness will light her days.
:)
Debbie









kgharriman1@...

Janine having been a professional dancer yourself I have read your words with interest and gratitude. 

Yes she did made her own pointe shoes - spent a whole afternoon doing it a few months ago actually - with several paper coffee cups embedded into each other and sticky taped up and then squished a bit to make them look more the right shape. She got the idea off youtube. She had a bit of a go and thought it hurt a bit... she has also read about the injury risk online on many different sites and she understood more about the realities after attempting this. That was a few months ago. She watches some more videos on barbie and the 12 dancing princesses and she's off again dreaming about those pointe shoes!

Its okay though. These last few days she's not mentioned it really and I think she does understand why she needs to wait. Its just the way it is. Just like trying on a training bra isn't going to make you develop faster!!

We don't actually even have a dance shop as such here (I do all their shoe and dance uniform ordering online). She does have groovy pink sparkly gear and she does do tap and jazz as well so she's got alot of dancing going on through the week. This is her big sparkle in life! And paying for a week's workshop with Australian Ballet is a huge sparkly thing to look forward to that comes from wanting to bring more sparkle that I am always looking out for! Its not something that we've been told to do or have to do, its something to bring more of the big wide of world of dance into her life when we live in a smallish town.

I am not going to buy her pointe shoes to have fun with at home though the thought entered my mind in the context of unschooling. She belongs to a dance school and we choose to respect our teacher and work with her on this very significant event in a young dancers' life.

I will try and practice more empathy when she next has her bout of frustration over this, as it will come up again at some point in the next two years... its hard when you so desperately want something that only time will bring. 


Christine

My daughter who just turned 14 has been on Pointe for about 4 years and yes she did start a bit earlier than I wanted. Even then what I felt was "safe" for her body after doing much research and speaking with other parents, I felt it was risky. However my daughter was told at the age of 8 she could go on pointe with the rest of her class. I held her back at that time. The rest of her class was generally 2 years older than she. She just advanced young.
It is something about the bones fussing together in the foot that makes them strong enough. This happens at different ages in girls, but there is a general age and of course the strength needs to be there. Some girls have X-rays done, but a teacher can usually do an individual evaluation.
My daughter knew I was supporting her interest and handled the delay for herself fairly well, even through the excitement of watching others get their pointe shoes. She danced more hours and continued on. I am not one to NOT take risks and live fearfully, but having spoken to older girls and women who had physical issues from starting pointe young and now sadly seeing some girls at the studio have to stop dancing probably for good because of physical limitations I feel good about my my decision years ago.
I think having a pair of pointe shoes at home could satisfy that curiosity/joy/fulfillment but caution should be used. Perhaps if you have room you get set up a barre at home and she can use it with her pointe shoes. I think there are videos how to make one.

Christine


K Pennell

What about other types of dance? Could she start jazz, hip hop, modern, belly dance, or Irish step dancing? Some new challenge that may be lots of fun and different to add to her enjoyment of dance and life now?

Sandra Dodd

-=-its hard when you so desperately want something that only time will bring. -=-

Over the years I've been a parent I have heard people recommend drawing the child out to express her wishes and frustration at whatever length she wishes to.  I don't like that, myself.  It creates a wound, like an emotional scab, that can be glorified and picked at for years, even after the time comes, and the child can look back for life at those two terrible years when she wasn't old enough.

Although I've been criticized for it before, I MUCH prefer a little cheery preparation of a favorite meal, a happy movie, new suggestions, rearrange a closet with the child (she'll be happy with her clothes rearranged, and will find toys, dolls, art supplies, that she hadn't seen for a while).

Distraction.  
Some things can only be waited out.  No words, no talk, nothing changes the fact that hours must pass sometimes, before a party, or before a movie, or before a paycheck is ready, or before an irritating playdate ends.  But distraction can make those better.  Changing activities, offering interesting snacks, talking about an entirely different thing can cheer everything and everyone up.

Sandra

alohabun@...

I have danced (ballet, jazz) since childhood.  I was thinking about your daughter's feelings and what I have always thought to be true for when it is safe to begin pointe work. 

I grew up with the understanding of the importance of waiting for the dancer's foot to be strong enough and developed enough before beginning pointe work.  Here is an article that talks about why it is important to wait and preparation/strengthening classes on demi pointe that some schools offer before pointe.  http://www.dancespirit.com/2013/03/am-i-ready-for-pointe/  

Once she does start pointe work, it will likely be only a little bit at the end of class at first and on the barre (rises...in parallel to strengthen the ankles and learn to roll up and down through the foot, rises in first position, exercises like demi plie and then pressing through the shoe onto pointe then straightening the legs and rolling through the foot back down, pushing over onto the point one foot at a time in parallel, tendue one foot to 2nd position and press over onto the pointe, etc.  Slowly adding over time releves, echappes, and even more slowly doing things on one leg like poses, releves, etc)  

Personally, if I wanted to continue dancing (or maybe wish to be a professional dancer someday) and minimize my chance of injury, I'd choose to wait until my teacher felt I was ready.  

However, if I felt like perhaps I was strong enough and had the skill to start earlier than my teacher thought (and wasn't concerned about the possibility of my feet being developed enough), I'd probably ask for a second opinion from a different teacher whom I felt was qualified to make the call.  Or I might choose to buy a pair of pointe shoes and do very simple exercises at home on my own (knowing the possible risks) - you and your daughter could discuss that and decide what is safe and best and also consider how much risk is worth it.  A kitchen counter could work for a barre. Or you could install a round wooden hand rail along a wall or purchase a portable barre online.

Note:  If I didn't trust my current teacher, I'd probably find another.  Is there another dance instructor that you could drive to in a different town?  Or are you and your daughter pleased with the current teacher?  If I did like and trust my current teacher, I'd be glad of her expertise and wait (but that is me...your daughter might make a different decision).  

Another couple of ideas...

If it would excite (and not further frustrate) your daughter, perhaps she could ask to sit in on some of the pointe classes.  It may be exciting and inspiring to see what kinds of things she may be doing in the next year or two! 

Strengthening exercises can help a dancer overall, not only as a preparation for pointe work.  Would she be interested in doing this?  If so, could she ask her current teacher for strengthening exercises to do on her own? Some to strengthen the core, and others for the legs, ankles and feet?  

Or maybe she could look at a reputable site online that explains some basic overall leg, foot and ankle strengthening exercises.  (She could always run the specific exercises by her teacher to get the teacher's opinion that they would be helpful and not harmful).  And when she takes the Austrailian Ballet classes, she will likely learn some new exercises there and could also ask for specific recommendations.  

I think finding a teacher who you both trust is very important.  

If you already have a teacher you and she trust, then take some of the ideas that were listed in previous posts to keep things as joyful and optimistic as possible as she waits.  

How does your daughter feel about all of this?  Does she believe she is ready to begin pointe now or does she believe it is better to wait even though she is so excited?  Does she want to buy a pair of shoes on her own and do a few things at home even though she is aware of the risks?   Or is she disappointed, but accepting and slowly moving forward?  

It can sometimes be hard for us as parents when we can't change something that we think will make things easier or better for our kids.  However, how we deal with all of that is what we will be modeling for them (that they can apply to other situations in life too) .....you can choose to make the best of it (make lemonade!) and model understanding, empathy and patience (with the situation and with any frustration she or you have).  And you can discuss choices and options (if you haven't already). Even if she decides that waiting is what she prefers in the end, the idea that she could do other things are still options and it can be empowering to know that there are possibilities and to choose from among them.   

Oh....I just found this...haven't seen it before, but Marvelous Muscles (Disc 2 - talks about the feet)..http://www.theperfectpointebook.com/buy-now/ 

Laurie  :)