Stay at hom skid
nycartgal2003
My 6 year old son Logan loves being at home. We have a lot of great things for him at home. His Legos, the computer, iPad, TV, books, games, robot making, painting, drawing, book-making. We live on the second floor of a condo, and the days we stay home, Logan burns his energy noisily in the house. I don't mind it, and no neighbor complaints, but when it gets late a night and I ask him to play quieter and he gets frustrated.
Most days he refuses to leave the house, if we do go out, he has fun and is glad he did it.
We have had some great adventures.
We live in NYC where there are so many amazing things to do. We cater our outdoor suggestions to his interests. He wants to be an astronaut, so we suggest the Planetarium, likes the big cats, so we offer the zoo as two examples. The only sure fire way he will go out is if we are going to the toy store to buy hime a toy.
My husband works nights, so we have the days to spend together, and there are many days in a row where we are all here at home. My husband and I want to explore the world with him. New things are tough for him, but we take our time, and do our best to make it fun.
My husband and I take turns going out, but we would love to be able to do more in the outside world as a family. In the house we do many things together and Logan also enjoys playing by himself.
How have any of you worked through this with your child?
Thanks,
Meryl
Most days he refuses to leave the house, if we do go out, he has fun and is glad he did it.
We have had some great adventures.
We live in NYC where there are so many amazing things to do. We cater our outdoor suggestions to his interests. He wants to be an astronaut, so we suggest the Planetarium, likes the big cats, so we offer the zoo as two examples. The only sure fire way he will go out is if we are going to the toy store to buy hime a toy.
My husband works nights, so we have the days to spend together, and there are many days in a row where we are all here at home. My husband and I want to explore the world with him. New things are tough for him, but we take our time, and do our best to make it fun.
My husband and I take turns going out, but we would love to be able to do more in the outside world as a family. In the house we do many things together and Logan also enjoys playing by himself.
How have any of you worked through this with your child?
Thanks,
Meryl
Sandra Dodd
-=-, but when it gets late a night and I ask him to play quieter and he gets frustrated.-=-
Don't ask him, tell him. It's not an option. It's not okay for someone on your team, someone in your family, to be disturbing the peace.
If he can't be quiet, then he should sit by you and go to sleep when you do, and not get up by himself, at all, ever.
If he CAN be quiet, then you can give him options. If he can't be quiet, then it's not okay for him to be unsupervised while neighbors are trying to sleep, or watch TV, or whatever they're doing.
That's true whether you're unschooling or not, so it's not really an unschooling question, in a way. :-)
-=-How have any of you worked through this with your child?-=-
If you gave him the idea that it was okay (by asking him to play quieter instead of telling him the neighbors can't be hearing him), then that might be the problem.
http://sandradodd.com/coaching
(a new page)
http://sandradodd.com/freedom
(a usually-forgotten page)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Don't ask him, tell him. It's not an option. It's not okay for someone on your team, someone in your family, to be disturbing the peace.
If he can't be quiet, then he should sit by you and go to sleep when you do, and not get up by himself, at all, ever.
If he CAN be quiet, then you can give him options. If he can't be quiet, then it's not okay for him to be unsupervised while neighbors are trying to sleep, or watch TV, or whatever they're doing.
That's true whether you're unschooling or not, so it's not really an unschooling question, in a way. :-)
-=-How have any of you worked through this with your child?-=-
If you gave him the idea that it was okay (by asking him to play quieter instead of telling him the neighbors can't be hearing him), then that might be the problem.
http://sandradodd.com/coaching
(a new page)
http://sandradodd.com/freedom
(a usually-forgotten page)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Pam Sorooshian
On Tue, May 21, 2013 at 9:49 AM, nycartgal2003 <mranzer@...> wrote:
surprise you and become very interested in going out a lot. You live right
in the city and it can be so very very overwhelming and exhausting to go
out and do anything when you have to take public transportation and avoid
people on the sidewalks and all that. Maybe it is just too much for him and
he'd rather stay in your sweet calm home - that's nice. Some kids never
want to be home because their home is where they are criticized or yelled
at or worse.
How often is he going out with you to have an "adventure," really? Once a
week? Once a month?
You didn't mention friends. Does he want to have a friend over or go out
with a friend? If you invited a friend to go to the zoo with you, would he
be more interested?
But, really, I'd mostly take his lead and make your home the most awesome
place to be - bring the adventures to hime and enjoy this cozy time
together.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> How have any of you worked through this with your child?Things change. He may always be more of a homebody than you are, but he may
surprise you and become very interested in going out a lot. You live right
in the city and it can be so very very overwhelming and exhausting to go
out and do anything when you have to take public transportation and avoid
people on the sidewalks and all that. Maybe it is just too much for him and
he'd rather stay in your sweet calm home - that's nice. Some kids never
want to be home because their home is where they are criticized or yelled
at or worse.
How often is he going out with you to have an "adventure," really? Once a
week? Once a month?
You didn't mention friends. Does he want to have a friend over or go out
with a friend? If you invited a friend to go to the zoo with you, would he
be more interested?
But, really, I'd mostly take his lead and make your home the most awesome
place to be - bring the adventures to hime and enjoy this cozy time
together.
-pam
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nycartgal2003
Thanks Sandra,
I do tell him, and tell him that the neighbors can hear him, I wasn't clear about that, sorry.
I put that information into the post because of my concern that he isn't getting enough physical activity being inside so much.
We are almost always in the same room, even if we aren't doing something together.
There are nights when I go to sleep before him, I just can't stay awake anymore, and he is a night owl. At that point he is doing some quiet activity like watching Netflix.
Meryl
I do tell him, and tell him that the neighbors can hear him, I wasn't clear about that, sorry.
I put that information into the post because of my concern that he isn't getting enough physical activity being inside so much.
We are almost always in the same room, even if we aren't doing something together.
There are nights when I go to sleep before him, I just can't stay awake anymore, and he is a night owl. At that point he is doing some quiet activity like watching Netflix.
Meryl
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-, but when it gets late a night and I ask him to play quieter and he gets frustrated.-=-
>
> Don't ask him, tell him. It's not an option. It's not okay for someone on your team, someone in your family, to be disturbing the peace.
>
> If he can't be quiet, then he should sit by you and go to sleep when you do, and not get up by himself, at all, ever.
>
> If he CAN be quiet, then you can give him options. If he can't be quiet, then it's not okay for him to be unsupervised while neighbors are trying to sleep, or watch TV, or whatever they're doing.
>
> That's true whether you're unschooling or not, so it's not really an unschooling question, in a way. :-)
>
> -=-How have any of you worked through this with your child?-=-
>
> If you gave him the idea that it was okay (by asking him to play quieter instead of telling him the neighbors can't be hearing him), then that might be the problem.
>
> http://sandradodd.com/coaching
> (a new page)
> http://sandradodd.com/freedom
> (a usually-forgotten page)
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
nycartgal2003
Pam,
Thanks for your response.
We go out one or two days a week. I am comparing our life to other people's who are out doing things every day. An old friend of mine said you are happiest when you are in agreement with where you are. My husband and I have been struggling with Logan's desire to stay in for awhile. You just reminded me of that bit of advice.
In the summer when we drive out to Long Island, he's fine in my sister's backyard, so
I have asked him if he'd like to live somewhere else, in a house, but he says he loves NYC, and never wants to leave.
Things do change. He used to avoid talking to anyone other than my husband and I, now he is a little more outgoing. He has a few friends, but he prefers that we invite them to our house to play instead of meeting them outside.
We do have a pretty great home life. Lots of love, laughter, play...
Meryl
Thanks for your response.
We go out one or two days a week. I am comparing our life to other people's who are out doing things every day. An old friend of mine said you are happiest when you are in agreement with where you are. My husband and I have been struggling with Logan's desire to stay in for awhile. You just reminded me of that bit of advice.
In the summer when we drive out to Long Island, he's fine in my sister's backyard, so
I have asked him if he'd like to live somewhere else, in a house, but he says he loves NYC, and never wants to leave.
Things do change. He used to avoid talking to anyone other than my husband and I, now he is a little more outgoing. He has a few friends, but he prefers that we invite them to our house to play instead of meeting them outside.
We do have a pretty great home life. Lots of love, laughter, play...
Meryl
--- In [email protected], Pam Sorooshian <pamsoroosh@...> wrote:
>
> On Tue, May 21, 2013 at 9:49 AM, nycartgal2003 <mranzer@...> wrote:
>
> > How have any of you worked through this with your child?
>
>
> Things change. He may always be more of a homebody than you are, but he may
> surprise you and become very interested in going out a lot. You live right
> in the city and it can be so very very overwhelming and exhausting to go
> out and do anything when you have to take public transportation and avoid
> people on the sidewalks and all that. Maybe it is just too much for him and
> he'd rather stay in your sweet calm home - that's nice. Some kids never
> want to be home because their home is where they are criticized or yelled
> at or worse.
>
> How often is he going out with you to have an "adventure," really? Once a
> week? Once a month?
>
> You didn't mention friends. Does he want to have a friend over or go out
> with a friend? If you invited a friend to go to the zoo with you, would he
> be more interested?
>
> But, really, I'd mostly take his lead and make your home the most awesome
> place to be - bring the adventures to hime and enjoy this cozy time
> together.
>
> -pam
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Meredith
"nycartgal2003" <mranzer@...> wrote:
My daughter is a very strong introvert and there are times when her immediate family provides all the social contact she needs and any more is stressful. It might help you to consider that your son is getting enough of what he needs in some way - either socially or in terms of "getting out". He's not missing anything, he's "full".
If new places are harder, go to the Same places more so they're as familiar and comfortable as home. It could be part of what he likes about going to the store to get a toy is that stores have a degree of predictability about them. My daughter is that way, too - she'll go to a store when she won't go someplace novel, because she knows what to expect in a store. It's not an adventure. She doesn't Mind adventures now and then, but she doesn't need them all the time.
Think about the difference between a literary film and an action film - some people don't like action films because they're too over-the-top, some don't like literary films because they're slow and dry. Maybe you and your husband have "action movie" expectations of a literary film buff, as it were.
Something that helps Morgan when we go someplace new is for her to bring along something to focus on - a video game for instance. That lets her acclimate a little more slowly - she's not dumped into an all new situation all at once, she can ease in.
---Meredith
>> My husband works nights, so we have the days to spend together, and there are many days in a row where we are all here at home.************
My daughter is a very strong introvert and there are times when her immediate family provides all the social contact she needs and any more is stressful. It might help you to consider that your son is getting enough of what he needs in some way - either socially or in terms of "getting out". He's not missing anything, he's "full".
>>My husband and I want to explore the world with him.That's about you, not your son, though.
If new places are harder, go to the Same places more so they're as familiar and comfortable as home. It could be part of what he likes about going to the store to get a toy is that stores have a degree of predictability about them. My daughter is that way, too - she'll go to a store when she won't go someplace novel, because she knows what to expect in a store. It's not an adventure. She doesn't Mind adventures now and then, but she doesn't need them all the time.
Think about the difference between a literary film and an action film - some people don't like action films because they're too over-the-top, some don't like literary films because they're slow and dry. Maybe you and your husband have "action movie" expectations of a literary film buff, as it were.
Something that helps Morgan when we go someplace new is for her to bring along something to focus on - a video game for instance. That lets her acclimate a little more slowly - she's not dumped into an all new situation all at once, she can ease in.
---Meredith
Meredith
"nycartgal2003" <mranzer@...> wrote:
If your son is okay with the idea, consider getting a babysitter now and then (once a week, maybe) so you and your husband can get out together.
---Meredith
>> We go out one or two days a week.Twice in the same week would be a lot for Morgan. She's gone through periods when Ray (my stepson) is around a lot when she doesn't want to go anywhere at all for weeks on end. You're guy barely qualifies as a "homebody" in my book ;)
If your son is okay with the idea, consider getting a babysitter now and then (once a week, maybe) so you and your husband can get out together.
---Meredith
Sandra Dodd
-=-You didn't mention friends. Does he want to have a friend over or go out
with a friend? If you invited a friend to go to the zoo with you, would he
be more interested?-=-
It always helped my kids want to go places if another kid went with us.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
with a friend? If you invited a friend to go to the zoo with you, would he
be more interested?-=-
It always helped my kids want to go places if another kid went with us.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
nycartgal2003
>> It always helped my kids want to go places if another kid went with us.<<He has a few friends, and sometimes he says he wants to have more, but when I suggest outings to meet new people, (such as a local unschooler group that meets in a park) he isn't interested. He prefers that his friends come to our house, and everyone is happy to do so, because it's fun here.
After reading the posts, and speaking with another unschooling mom, I am going to relax about it, and continue to make our home a great place. I am also going to show my husband the thread and see if he can be happy with the way things are. He is an easygoing sweet guy, so I think he will.
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-You didn't mention friends. Does he want to have a friend over or go out
> with a friend? If you invited a friend to go to the zoo with you, would he
> be more interested?-=-
>
> It always helped my kids want to go places if another kid went with us.
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
Pam Sorooshian
I think you'd benefit from reading about how to nurture an introvert! A
"few" friends might be plenty for him. Lots of very introverted people are
happy with one or two friends. Having lots of friends is an important value
to some people, but not necessary for living a good and happy life.
So - he has a few friends and they like going to your house. HE doesn't
want to meet new friends.
Did you miss the idea, though, about maybe he'd be a bit more enthusiastic
about outings if you invited a friend to go along?
-pam
"few" friends might be plenty for him. Lots of very introverted people are
happy with one or two friends. Having lots of friends is an important value
to some people, but not necessary for living a good and happy life.
So - he has a few friends and they like going to your house. HE doesn't
want to meet new friends.
Did you miss the idea, though, about maybe he'd be a bit more enthusiastic
about outings if you invited a friend to go along?
-pam
On Wed, May 22, 2013 at 9:05 AM, nycartgal2003 <mranzer@...> wrote:
> He has a few friends, and sometimes he says he wants to have more, but
> when I suggest outings to meet new people, (such as a local unschooler
> group that meets in a park) he isn't interested. He prefers that his
> friends come to our house, and everyone is happy to do so, because it's fun
> here.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
anita_loomis
I'd recommend "The Highly Sensitive Child" by Elaine Aron. It is heavily oriented towards schooling families but the information about temperament has been helpful.
My daughter is similar to Logan and we are also in a city filled with things to do. I do find the less I push, the more she comes up things she'd like to do.
One thing that has helped is going to the playground (yes, the same one every time) at off-peak hours. She really likes having the place to herself after the sun goes down.
Best,
Anita
My daughter is similar to Logan and we are also in a city filled with things to do. I do find the less I push, the more she comes up things she'd like to do.
One thing that has helped is going to the playground (yes, the same one every time) at off-peak hours. She really likes having the place to herself after the sun goes down.
Best,
Anita
Sandra Dodd
-=-One thing that has helped is going to the playground (yes, the same one every time) at off-peak hours. She really likes having the place to herself after the sun goes down.-=-
There were many times when Kirby was little that we went to the nearest (same old) playground very early in the morning, or after dark. We would swing, silently, sometimes. Him riding with me, or me swinging him. It seemed very soothing to him, and he would think, and then we would talk.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
There were many times when Kirby was little that we went to the nearest (same old) playground very early in the morning, or after dark. We would swing, silently, sometimes. Him riding with me, or me swinging him. It seemed very soothing to him, and he would think, and then we would talk.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]