Joy and parenting
Sandra Dodd
Keith and I just got back, 7:15ish, from having been at Holly's birthday show since we started setting up punch and snacks at 2:15.
Keith did pizza runs. I kept glasses of punch filled.
The first three hours were her party. Invited guests only, and there were bands, at a performance center in downtown Albuquerque called Amped. Amped does all-ages shows. Most of the regulars are over 21, but they spend their time there, not out drinking.
Holly turns 21 next week. Instead of wanting a party with alcohol, this is what she asked for--for us to help her organize this, and to provide pizza and snacks, and we gave the venue $150. They like Holly very much, because she's a regular there ("Part of the family," the owners told us) and her boyfriend's band performs frequently—they offered to do it free, but Holly wanted to pay for the space.
After 6:00, they were charging $5 at the door as they regularly do, and we took the food away (legalities).
Holly had advertised both parts separately, on facebook and with paper flyers she's been distributing for three weeks. She'll be there until 10:30 or after they clean up. She often helps clean up.
There were probably 50 people there, maybe not all at once, and there will be more later.
Holly didn't ask her boyfriend's band to play. He helped host. The drummer (his best friend and roommate) was there; the other band member had another gig--he does other musical things.
I'm telling that because my whole life I've seen people older, my age, younger, kids my kids' ages, turn 21. What Holly asked for, and her wanting us there, was not average. We would have bought her liquor and hosted a party here. We did for Kirby when he turned 21. Marty went to Las Vegas with his girlfriend, partly a gift from her and partly with birthday money we gave him. (From Albuquerque, Las Vegas is about an eight-hour drive.)
So what Holly wanted wasn't even "normal" for our family. :-)
Next Friday, her actual birthday, she's planning to go out for sushi and sake with her boyfriend, her brother Marty, and Marty's girlfriend Ashlee. They will come back earlyish because she's in a women's choir and they have a lock-in (all-day intensive music practice) starting at 9:45 the next morning.
I report this, for the record, as the candid behavior of our last-to-turn-21 unschooled child who has had and still has lots of choices and support from her family. The "normal" behavior assumed of teens and young adults seems to be a reaction to limits, rules, school, shame, and pressure. It's been a long, long time since I though of it as normal.
Here's another thing, though, worth noting: Everyone who attended Holly's party, and everyone in every band that came to play seven or eight bands will have played before the event is over) is at an all-ages, alcohol-free venue, because they're there to play or to hear local music. That's special, too.
Here's something for further reading, if anyone's wondering about what's normal with teens.
http://sandradodd.com/rebellion
Sandra
Keith did pizza runs. I kept glasses of punch filled.
The first three hours were her party. Invited guests only, and there were bands, at a performance center in downtown Albuquerque called Amped. Amped does all-ages shows. Most of the regulars are over 21, but they spend their time there, not out drinking.
Holly turns 21 next week. Instead of wanting a party with alcohol, this is what she asked for--for us to help her organize this, and to provide pizza and snacks, and we gave the venue $150. They like Holly very much, because she's a regular there ("Part of the family," the owners told us) and her boyfriend's band performs frequently—they offered to do it free, but Holly wanted to pay for the space.
After 6:00, they were charging $5 at the door as they regularly do, and we took the food away (legalities).
Holly had advertised both parts separately, on facebook and with paper flyers she's been distributing for three weeks. She'll be there until 10:30 or after they clean up. She often helps clean up.
There were probably 50 people there, maybe not all at once, and there will be more later.
Holly didn't ask her boyfriend's band to play. He helped host. The drummer (his best friend and roommate) was there; the other band member had another gig--he does other musical things.
I'm telling that because my whole life I've seen people older, my age, younger, kids my kids' ages, turn 21. What Holly asked for, and her wanting us there, was not average. We would have bought her liquor and hosted a party here. We did for Kirby when he turned 21. Marty went to Las Vegas with his girlfriend, partly a gift from her and partly with birthday money we gave him. (From Albuquerque, Las Vegas is about an eight-hour drive.)
So what Holly wanted wasn't even "normal" for our family. :-)
Next Friday, her actual birthday, she's planning to go out for sushi and sake with her boyfriend, her brother Marty, and Marty's girlfriend Ashlee. They will come back earlyish because she's in a women's choir and they have a lock-in (all-day intensive music practice) starting at 9:45 the next morning.
I report this, for the record, as the candid behavior of our last-to-turn-21 unschooled child who has had and still has lots of choices and support from her family. The "normal" behavior assumed of teens and young adults seems to be a reaction to limits, rules, school, shame, and pressure. It's been a long, long time since I though of it as normal.
Here's another thing, though, worth noting: Everyone who attended Holly's party, and everyone in every band that came to play seven or eight bands will have played before the event is over) is at an all-ages, alcohol-free venue, because they're there to play or to hear local music. That's special, too.
Here's something for further reading, if anyone's wondering about what's normal with teens.
http://sandradodd.com/rebellion
Sandra