zurro

I wanted to get some suggestions about talking about death with Caitlyn. We had to help our 14 yo doggie go to happy doggie place yesterday and took Caitlyn with us to the vet. We talked a lot about how we all get old and that our furry family members age even faster. I know she understands it in an abstract way but I was wondering if anyone has any more suggestions for what else I could talk to her about it. We still have our dogs half brother and are not sure how much longer he will be here as well as one of our cats so I want to keep working on this.

thanks!
Laura Zurro

Brighid Murphy

hi laura - we just experienced this last week when our 15 year old dog died. our 13 year old dog died very suddenly back in january, as well. my boys are 4 1/2 and 2 and while the first death in january was handled well by both, i felt like last week's death was tolerated better as the boys were able to spend time w/her as she died peacefully, here at home, of old age. periodically, they would go in and pet her or bring her their toys. i have some links i can pass along about handling pet death w/kids:

http://www.petplace.com/dogs/explaining-pet-loss-to-children-six-do-s-and-don-ts/page1.aspx

http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/when_a_pet_dies

http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/2000/05/When-A-Childs-Pet-Dies.aspx

i hope you find something helpful in the links, and i'm sorry for the loss of your dog, too!

best,
brighid

To: [email protected]
From: zurrolaur@...
Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:53:45 +0000
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Talking about death (pet specifically) with an almost 5 yo




























I wanted to get some suggestions about talking about death with Caitlyn. We had to help our 14 yo doggie go to happy doggie place yesterday and took Caitlyn with us to the vet. We talked a lot about how we all get old and that our furry family members age even faster. I know she understands it in an abstract way but I was wondering if anyone has any more suggestions for what else I could talk to her about it. We still have our dogs half brother and are not sure how much longer he will be here as well as one of our cats so I want to keep working on this.



thanks!

Laura Zurro


















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Bernadette Lynn

On 24 September 2011 00:53, zurro <zurrolaur@...> wrote:
===========

> I know she understands it in an abstract way but I was wondering if anyone
> has any more suggestions for what else I could talk to her about it. We
> still have our dogs half brother and are not sure how much longer he will be
> here as well as one of our cats so I want to keep working on this.
>
==========

Is she still very upset about it? Why do you feel you need to 'work' at it?

My children started to ask about death when they were around three or four;
they've always known that their brother died so when they got old enough to
start understanding death they've had a lot of questions about it. I've
answered their questions as simply and directly as I can, trying to be
matter-of-fact and calm; when they stop asking I stop talking until they
bring it up again. That's all they've needed, so far.


Bernadette.
--
http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/U15459


[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

zurro

Thanks Brighid this was exactly what I was looking for and one article listed a couple of books that linked me to a book that will help me too :)

Laura Zurro

--- In [email protected], Brighid Murphy <brighatea@...> wrote:
>
>
> hi laura - we just experienced this last week when our 15 year old dog died. our 13 year old dog died very suddenly back in january, as well. my boys are 4 1/2 and 2 and while the first death in january was handled well by both, i felt like last week's death was tolerated better as the boys were able to spend time w/her as she died peacefully, here at home, of old age. periodically, they would go in and pet her or bring her their toys. i have some links i can pass along about handling pet death w/kids:
>
> http://www.petplace.com/dogs/explaining-pet-loss-to-children-six-do-s-and-don-ts/page1.aspx
>
> http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/when_a_pet_dies
>
> http://www.beliefnet.com/Love-Family/2000/05/When-A-Childs-Pet-Dies.aspx
>
> i hope you find something helpful in the links, and i'm sorry for the loss of your dog, too!
>
> best,
> brighid
>
> To: [email protected]
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> Date: Fri, 23 Sep 2011 23:53:45 +0000
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> I wanted to get some suggestions about talking about death with Caitlyn. We had to help our 14 yo doggie go to happy doggie place yesterday and took Caitlyn with us to the vet. We talked a lot about how we all get old and that our furry family members age even faster. I know she understands it in an abstract way but I was wondering if anyone has any more suggestions for what else I could talk to her about it. We still have our dogs half brother and are not sure how much longer he will be here as well as one of our cats so I want to keep working on this.
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Schuyler

I would let Caitlyn ask you the questions. I would let her lead the discussion.
I would cry my heart out over my sense of loss and I would hold her as she
needed, or not. She may not actually feel that sad about it. I would be fine
with that, as well.


When our dog died a few years ago mostly it was David and I who were bereft,
even though he'd been there for all of Simon's and Linnaea's memories. They've
seen lots of animals die as we've attempted various rescues from our flock of
cats. They sat with me and held one of our cats as she breathed her last
laboured breath. When Pickle died they were sad, but their grief was their grief
and it wasn't mine or David's and it wasn't the sense of loss that I had
remembering him as a puppy waiting for toddler Simon to drop a bit of food.


I don't know what the death of animals they have known does for shaping their
vision of death. Reading over the webpages on pet death there is a sense that
this is a learning opportunity, a learning moment to be caught by the parent and
handed on to the child. I think each person has a pretty personal understanding
of death and life and I can't imagine how the death of a pet will make it easier
to face your own mortality or the mortality of those around you.


Schuyler




________________________________
From: zurro <zurrolaur@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Saturday, 24 September, 2011 0:53:45
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Talking about death (pet specifically) with an almost
5 yo

I wanted to get some suggestions about talking about death with Caitlyn. We had
to help our 14 yo doggie go to happy doggie place yesterday and took Caitlyn
with us to the vet. We talked a lot about how we all get old and that our furry
family members age even faster. I know she understands it in an abstract way but
I was wondering if anyone has any more suggestions for what else I could talk to
her about it. We still have our dogs half brother and are not sure how much
longer he will be here as well as one of our cats so I want to keep working on
this.


thanks!
Laura Zurro

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]