Lisa

Hi. my son is 8. we went to the doctor today, and she said something that bothered me a little bit and I am looking for your thoughts.

about 2 weeks ago my son started feeling a sensation in his throat that his esophagus was 'too small'. It started slowly - I noticed he was clearing his throat a lot and he started asking to have water by him always and with us always 'in case he choked'.

Then, he started having problems eating. He would only eat things he could grind up into a paste or smoothies because he said he was able to feel the food inside his esophagus, and it didn't feel right to him. It felt 'like he would choke'.

Then, one night as he laid down to sleep he got really upset saying he was afraid he was going to choke on his phlegm. He asked to sleep sitting up in a lazy boy chair.

Now, about 6 weeks ago he got really sick,- and slept sitting up in a chair for 7 days because if he laid down he would cough so hard he puked.

I see the connection here and I had decided this was somehow related to that incident and that we would get past this and I wasn't worried about it.

Over the next few days the eating sometimes got better - he ate half of his dad's burger and was ok with it - stuff like that. However, the emotional part seemed to get worse.

Any time he would try something bigger and he did feel it in his throat he would 'freak out' (my words) and cry and just act super scared.

three nights ago he told me he was afraid he was going to die in his sleep.

as my husband and I talked about that the subject of going to the doctor came up, so I asked Joe if he wanted to go. He did.

I took him to the doctor today and the doctor asked many questions of course. Her first thought was obviously anxiety and she asked many questions geared towards that.

Then she asked me "if he gets really upset and anxious about something, do you alter your routines for him? or do you assure him he will be fine and go on about your normal day?"

I said yes, we do alter our routines (not that we really have any routines - we eat when we are hungry and we sleep when we are tired and Joe's needs and wants are as important as ours and we do what comes up).

The doctor seemed to think that the family and Joe would be better off if we were NOT as responsive to things like this. She told Joe that she would like him to try to get back into the bed and eating normally as soon as possible.

I totally believe Joe that he feels something. My working theory is that he has a sore or something in his esophagus like the ones he gets on his gums sometimes and it's a bit swollen and making him feel something weird.

HOWEVER, Joe has shown signs of being a bit anxious or intense about things in the past - when he was 2 or 3 he wouldn't get in the tub for 8 months or so because he was afraid he would go down the drain. We washed him in the kitchen in a big rubbermaid container that whole time.

When we used to go to the ocean his father would have to jump in and pull any twigs or leaves out of the water as soon as we got there or Joe would get really upset.

These are not the only instances.

So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that Joe is the way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be this way. Because we do rearrange things to make him more comfortable. Because if he says "Daddy get the leaves" daddy will get the leaves.

what do you think? Lisa

jo70mo

Lisa,
I think both the doctor's approach and your approach could "work" in getting past this anxiety. The doctors approach may see results sooner and your approach may take longer. However the doctors approach seems to me like it may damage the relationship between you and your son and make him less likely to trust you with his anxiety and possibly other emotions in the future.
I think parents who take their children's fears seriously whilst not getting overwhelmed with anxiety about their kid being anxious will be better placed to help their kids find a way through than people who just force their kids through it.
In my experience with my dd, when I am supportive and try to help reduce whatever is causing her fear she eventually turns towards it and starts to challenge herself in little stages to face her fear. Last year she was petrified of all bugs, flies and bees. having one week been loving the outdoors the next week she went for a picnic and DH had to bring her home after 10 mins because she was beside herself. We couldn't protect her from bugs completely but she saw that we did our best to reduce her exposure. As the weeks went by she slowly kept putting herself in situations where she might ask me to hold her hand and creep near to watch a bee on a flower and then back off when she got to the point where it was too scary. It probably took her about 3 months in total but she totally owned her process of overcoming her fear.
DD didn't have a bath till she was 4 as she was petrified of water - even a drip from a sippy cup on her hands when she was less than 1 would cause her to be screaming. I will never know why.She had damp cloth "washes" to her hair and body and slowly overtime her she tried out playing with water that other kids played with culminating in her going paddling barefoot in a lake when she was 3.5. She went on to have baths a couple of months later although she didn't always sit down and then asked for the shower to be switched on too. A few weeks ago aged just over 5 she went swimming for the first time and loved it. She now asks for baths and showers all the time and is in her element in water. I am certain that would not have happened if we had pushed through it when she was little.
If a child is forced to overcome their fear then it may just be stuffed down and not really gone. It may come out in other ways.
There may be situations where it is not possible to completely reduce what is causing your childs fear but it certainly helps if your child can see that you are trying and that you take their fears seriously. It must be horrible to try to sleep with the fear that you might die.
If I felt like that I would certainly sleep sitting up and probably want someone close with me too. Your son needs your help to do that whereas an adult could just do it themselves.
Doctors have a great deal of knowledge but their ideas on child rearing may be influenced by more than just medical knowledge.
Jo

--- In [email protected], "Lisa" <lisa@...> wrote:
>
> Hi. my son is 8. we went to the doctor today, and she said something that bothered me a little bit and I am looking for your thoughts.
>
> about 2 weeks ago my son started feeling a sensation in his throat that his esophagus was 'too small'. It started slowly - I noticed he was clearing his throat a lot and he started asking to have water by him always and with us always 'in case he choked'.
>
> Then, he started having problems eating. He would only eat things he could grind up into a paste or smoothies because he said he was able to feel the food inside his esophagus, and it didn't feel right to him. It felt 'like he would choke'.
>
> Then, one night as he laid down to sleep he got really upset saying he was afraid he was going to choke on his phlegm. He asked to sleep sitting up in a lazy boy chair.
>
> Now, about 6 weeks ago he got really sick,- and slept sitting up in a chair for 7 days because if he laid down he would cough so hard he puked.
>
> I see the connection here and I had decided this was somehow related to that incident and that we would get past this and I wasn't worried about it.
>
> Over the next few days the eating sometimes got better - he ate half of his dad's burger and was ok with it - stuff like that. However, the emotional part seemed to get worse.
>
> Any time he would try something bigger and he did feel it in his throat he would 'freak out' (my words) and cry and just act super scared.
>
> three nights ago he told me he was afraid he was going to die in his sleep.
>
> as my husband and I talked about that the subject of going to the doctor came up, so I asked Joe if he wanted to go. He did.
>
> I took him to the doctor today and the doctor asked many questions of course. Her first thought was obviously anxiety and she asked many questions geared towards that.
>
> Then she asked me "if he gets really upset and anxious about something, do you alter your routines for him? or do you assure him he will be fine and go on about your normal day?"
>
> I said yes, we do alter our routines (not that we really have any routines - we eat when we are hungry and we sleep when we are tired and Joe's needs and wants are as important as ours and we do what comes up).
>
> The doctor seemed to think that the family and Joe would be better off if we were NOT as responsive to things like this. She told Joe that she would like him to try to get back into the bed and eating normally as soon as possible.
>
> I totally believe Joe that he feels something. My working theory is that he has a sore or something in his esophagus like the ones he gets on his gums sometimes and it's a bit swollen and making him feel something weird.
>
> HOWEVER, Joe has shown signs of being a bit anxious or intense about things in the past - when he was 2 or 3 he wouldn't get in the tub for 8 months or so because he was afraid he would go down the drain. We washed him in the kitchen in a big rubbermaid container that whole time.
>
> When we used to go to the ocean his father would have to jump in and pull any twigs or leaves out of the water as soon as we got there or Joe would get really upset.
>
> These are not the only instances.
>
> So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that Joe is the way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be this way. Because we do rearrange things to make him more comfortable. Because if he says "Daddy get the leaves" daddy will get the leaves.
>
> what do you think? Lisa
>

Schuyler

One of the standard responses to school anxiety is to get a child back into
school as quickly as possible. There is a real sense of urgency into getting
someone to accept that something is a normal piece of life. That life is not big
enough for it to adjust to each individual's need.


Did the doctor check if anything was wrong? Did she do an initial examination?
Did she treat his and your concerns as something more than anxiety? Did she talk
about a laparoscopy?


It doesn't seem unlikely, given that he had been ill, that he did a bit of
damage to his throat. I would help him to feel better and comfortable and
totally coddle him. I would also try and do things to get out and about and make
life bigger and more interesting and exciting. Help him to move away from
feeling concerned.

Can you sleep with him? Can you set it up so that you are in the same room with
him at night? Being afraid he's going to die is a big fear. I get afraid I'm
going to die sometimes and it's not at all nice. I can remember being young and
being afraid of the prayer "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul
to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the lord my soul to take." It
seemed to argue that dying in your sleep was a common event for children, so
common that children should pray for a decent outcome should it occur. Having
more things to think about often makes my life feel less fragile. Woody Allen
said in an interview with The Guardian a week or so ago that he thought that
most of life was a distraction from one's own mortality. Work to up the
distraction level, maybe.


Schuyler




________________________________



So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that Joe is the
way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be this way. Because we
do rearrange things to make him more comfortable. Because if he says "Daddy get
the leaves" daddy will get the leaves.

what do you think?



------------------------------------

Yahoo! Groups Links



[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

wtexans

===slept sitting up in a chair for 7 days because if he laid down he would cough so hard he puked===

He may be having some inflammation in his esophagus, caused by or irritated by vomiting. He may also be experiencing some reflux, which would also cause inflammation. (I have reflux and sometimes the only way I'm aware that it's flared up is because I notice the inflammation when I swallow.)


===So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that Joe is the way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be this way. Because we do rearrange things to make him more comfortable.===

Some people would say I've made my son a picky eater because I fix him whatever he wants to eat instead of making him eat what my husband and I eat. But as a kid I couldn't stand the taste or texture or smell of meat or poultry or of canned vegetables -- but those were the foods that comprised many of our meals and I remember how limiting it was at mealtime to not have the option to choose other foods. (I still have those same food issues as an adult.) I love that the foods my son eats make him happy and that he enjoys them, because it wasn't too often as a kid that I found mealtime to be happy and I didn't often enjoy the foods I was served. And, as my son's getting older, he's getting more comfortable trying a new food here and there. He would still be classified as "picky" by many people, but then again so would I.

My husband kills the random cockroach that finds its way into our house, because I have a paralyzing fear of them, a fear that I've had since I was a kid. We lived near the coast when I was a kid and cockroaches were all over the place -- it would've been unthinkable for me to go ask a parent to kill one for me, so there were many times when I'd be shaking with fear because one was in my room, or on the shower curtain or elsewhere in the bathroom, or in the damp post-shower towels when I'd gather them up out of my & my brothers' bathroom to do laundry. No one "indulged" that fear when I was a kid.

However, my husband *does*. He doesn't belittle me or tease me about it. He encourages me to wake him up in the middle of the night if I need him to kill one (and I've done that several times!). If we find one in the house, within the next several days he will set off roach bombs in the attic and crawl space so that I'm not hyper-alert and on the lookout for them.

I know that I'm pretty irrational about cockroaches -- they're little and they can't hurt me (other than being disease-carriers). But I sincerely appreciate that my husband will kill them, and that he does it as a kind, loving thing he can do for me.

My mom and I were talking last week about how, when I was a toddler and young girl, she loved to make me clothes and dress me up. Once I hit my tween years, and ever since then, my clothing of choice is super-casual -- jeans or shorts, cotton shirt, no shoes. My mom said last week she thought I was turned off "frilly stuff" **because** she dressed me in frilly clothes & tights & patent leather shoes when I was young.

It was quite the sigh of relief for her when I told her that it's actually a texture thing for me -- I don't like the feel of zippers or other metal against my skin, or long sleeves, or polyester or wool or cashmere, or clothing near my neck (not even crew neck shirts), or for my feet to be encased in anything snug. It is an intensely uncomfortable sensation for any of those things to be on my body / against my skin. If I had known that as a kid (realized what, exactly, about clothes made me uncomfortable), and if she'd been willing to accommodate that, I would have been SO much more comfortable, physically, and happier without that constant irritation against my skin.

People have quirks. I appreciate that my husband indulges my quirks, because his doing so makes my life more comfortable and happier. I appreciate being able to do the same for him, and for our son. (And also for our dogs! We have some quirky dogs.)

It's okay to be kind to our children and spouse/partner, to do things to help alleviate anxiety for them and/or to bring them comfort.

My son's pediatrician's office has posters on the exam room walls and one of them is about the "importance of discipline" -- grounding; being your child's parent rather than their friend; etc. It sounds like your son's doctor is coming from a similar perspective. I take that kind of stuff with a big ole grain of salt. I know it's not for us. With each year that passes (my son is 12-1/2 now), I become more and more comfortable with how we parent because I see and experience how positive it is for each of us individually and all of us as a family.

Glenda

Joyce Fetteroll

On Mar 24, 2011, at 3:12 AM, Lisa wrote:

> So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that
> Joe is the way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be
> this way.

If he's that way, he's that way because it's part of who he is. It
will always be a part of him. What he needs is a supportive
environment for developing skills to respond to it when it happens.
That will take a lot of time.

There's a line between supporting him in his fear and supporting his
fear.

Responding with worry will support his fear. Responding with worry
about him being a fearful person will either support his fear (because
he'll assume you're worried about what he fears too) or support his
fear that he won't ever figure out how to handle his fears.

Being dismissive of his fear or dismissive of his worry about what he
fears -- as the doctor suggested -- doesn't make what he fears go away
nor make his worry about what he fears go away. It just says to him "I
won't help you. I won't be there for you. You're on your own to figure
this out." (And when kids give up going to parents for help it *looks*
like they've handled it. That's why adults think that approach works.)

Instead of those, be his calm. Respond as you would to a problem that
you want to tackle. If there are leaves that need removed, you get the
leaves out of the water. For my daughter I caught the spiders and
removed them. For things like that he undoubtedly already knows some
things bother him that don't bother other people. Every time you help
him sweetly, he absorbs your calm and your approach. He may still get
the fears -- maybe for the rest of his life -- but he'll have the
experience of your and your husband's calm approach to a problem to
draw on and respond from when he's able. At 19 my daughter still
prefers someone else to remove spiders but she can do it on her own if
no one's available.

Even fears that have a real factor associated with them, like his
throat bothering him, can be responded to calmly. Have you shared with
him what you think is the problem? (You could also read to him what
people wrote here.) Not what he should therefore believe too, but what
makes sense to you and why *you're* not worried. And why the doctor
isn't worried. Also maybe let him know that worry about a pain causes
a person to focus on the pain and tighten up the muscles so a little
pain can then feel worse. Not be worse. Just feel worse. Which, of
course, makes the worry worse. (Information about the expected steps
in the process of a worry can help him see them coming on. Let the
information be like a seed for him to turn over as he goes through his
worries.)

If he asks how you can know that it isn't something to worry about you
can let him know it's from a lifetime of experiencing 1000s of things
that seem like they could be simple or something to worry about and
they turn out to be simple. Tell him you love him bunches and really
really don't want him to die and you won't ever ignore something you
think will kill him. Undoubtedly he knows this but he may need to hear
it. He may also take that for granted so telling him the doctor really
really doesn't want to ignore something simple that could kill a
patient. It's her job to know what's important to look into and it
would be hugely saddening -- and embarrassing! -- to her if she
ignored something that could be serious.

Then try to help him be more comfortable as he works through his
feelings. Let him sleep with you, or you sleep with him if that will
help. Make smoothies for him if that will help him swallow. Treat the
process of working through his fears as real and in need of support
and comfort and calmness.

Sandra has a good page on breathing. If he comes to you all tense to
tell you something, ask him to take a couple of deep breaths.
http://sandradodd.com/breathing

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

Beverly

--- In [email protected], "Lisa" <lisa@...> wrote:
.
>
> about 2 weeks ago my son started feeling a sensation in his throat that his esophagus was 'too small'. It started slowly - I noticed he was clearing his throat a lot and he started asking to have water by him always and with us always 'in case he choked'.
>
> Then, he started having problems eating. He would only eat things he could grind up into a paste or smoothies because he said he was able to feel the food inside his esophagus, and it didn't feel right to him. It felt 'like he would choke'.

I would check with another doctor first. It could be anxiety, but I know of two families with multiple members that have a syndrom that causes the esophagus to consrict randomly. Better to rule out a medical issue before addressing an emotion issue in this case I would think.

Sandra Dodd

Joyce gave the two pieces of advice I was planning to add:

-=-. Let him sleep with you, or you sleep with him if that will
help. Make smoothies for him if that will help him swallow. Treat the
process of working through his fears as real and in need of support
and comfort and calmness.

-=-Sandra has a good page on breathing. If he comes to you all tense to
tell you something, ask him to take a couple of deep breaths.
http://sandradodd.com/breathing
-=-

Tell him to breathe out. Maybe make a game of getting all the air out of you, and then huff out the last of it, and then talk with that air all out. It might be funny and fun. And the breath that comes in after all the air is out and there have been a couple of heart beats without full lungs will be VERY soothing and refreshing, and it will go in deeply and naturally, because that's what bodies do.

Breathing out might be more important than breathing in. :-) Since they go together, but people *think* they know how to breathe, the in and out they will be doing will be on top of some already-getting-stale air.


-=- Also maybe let him know that worry about a pain causes
a person to focus on the pain and tighten up the muscles so a little
pain can then feel worse. Not be worse. Just feel worse.-=-

In the case of pain, feeling worse equals "worse."

-=-If he asks how you can know that it isn't something to worry about you
can let him know it's from a lifetime of experiencing 1000s of things
that seem like they could be simple or something to worry about and
they turn out to be simple. -=-

I would go to another doctor first and make sure it isn't something to worry about.

Many people have said "it's nothing" about things that turned out to be something. The doctor already seen seems to have been one of them--dismissing anxiety.

-=-Tell him you love him bunches and really
really don't want him to die and you won't ever ignore something you
think will kill him. -=-

I wouldn't mention the dying part. If everyone's talking about dying or not dying, he might think it's what everyone thinks about all the time. I would focus on living. Make that smoothie! :-)

Sandra




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draconi_ann

What you have described sounds very similar to my 8 year old son. He has always been an anxious kid but over the past year or two he started complaining about throat issues. Whenever something unexpected came up he would say it felt like his throat was closing up and he'd start breathing heavily to compensate. He developed an extreme anxiety to his sister leaving his sight after she stormed off from us one day in Costco and we couldn't find her for awhile. When he'd lose sight of her after that he'd immediately start psuedo-hyperventilating. We co-slept since he was born and he transitioned to the floor beside my bed a few years ago. He began spending about half an hour some nights crying about the unfairness and inevitability of death as he tried to fall asleep. We had a doctor check his throat and she thought it might be allergies or anxiety and advised us to teach him some relaxation techniques.

When these things happen we are sympathetic but mostly we help him to calm himself by reminding him to slow his breathing down and relax. Over the last six months or so things have slowly improved. He started horseback riding and since then he has been able to deal with unexpected situations and his sister being away markedly better. Not sure if that's horses or growing up.

I think "indulging" is in the eye of the beholder. If what you are doing is helping him cope, that's what you should do. If it is only prolonging his anxiety, try something else.

~Michelle

Joyce Fetteroll

On Mar 24, 2011, at 9:53 AM, Sandra Dodd wrote:

> In the case of pain, feeling worse equals "worse."

I was picturing his worry that the throat problem might kill him so
saying worry can make it worse didn't sound like a good route to being
less worried. Saying it makes it feel worse sounded less open to that
interpretation.

It will feel just as bad whether it's physical or mental and he'll
need the same level of comfort either way.

Joyce

[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

sheeboo2

---Many people have said "it's nothing" about things that turned out to be
something. The doctor already seen seems to have been one of them--dismissing
anxiety.----

There is a condition called P.A.N.D.A.S (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections): http://www.pandasnetwork.org/busterfaq.html
that is very, very, VERY rare, but I think anytime specific behavioral (for lack of a better word) symptoms show up directly following an illness, it is worth ruling out. Take a look at the above website, which I think is one of the best ones, to see if anything fits.

A long course of antibiotics, if given soon enough, can make a world of difference. Unfortunately, many pediatricians are either unaware of PANDAS or think it doesn't exist. Quite often, it seems, children who develop PANDAS are already prone to anxiety and/or have a family history of anxiety and/or tics and/or a history of scarlet/rheumatic fever in the family. Lyme disease is another cause.

---"Then, he started having problems eating. He would only eat things he could
grind up into a paste or smoothies because he said he was able to feel the food
inside his esophagus, and it didn't feel right to him. It felt 'like he would
choke'."-----

What you describe is a very common symptom of PANDAS, as is frequent urination, vocal tics (throat clearing, especially), increased worry and separation anxiety. These things are all pretty common in children--what is significant with PANDAS is these behaviors start or *drastically* increase after an illness.

If you think this may be something to look at, stay clam. Our daughter has PANDAS, and it is just a piece of who she is. It isn't life-threatening, and it doesn't cause long-term damage--especially if you continue being as supportive and loving as you've been about helping him be comfortable with who he is, and accepting/helpful with his fears. Sandra's, Joyce's, Glenda's, Schuyler's advice is as important as antibiotics!

A lot of the information about this condition is heavily (duh) geared towards conventional schooling mentality--labels, labels everywhere: behavior modification, psychiatric drugs, etc....obviously, be very mindful in your research.

Your doctor may well laugh you off--our's did. But after lots and lots of research, I pushed for specific blood tests. Our doctor was amazed at the results, which confirmed a Strep infection (never a sore throat) and the presence of Lyme antibodies, and she was willing to prescribe antibiotics as directed for suspected PANDAS. Noor's tics decreased within 12 hours of the first dose and disappeared completely (until the next incident) after a week. This is a nice compilation of research to bring into your doctor with you if you feel she may be dismissive of your concerns
http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=3911


If this happens to be the case with your son, you may want to see a pediatric neurologist and/or rheumatologist. You'll likely need a referral from your primary care physician and I would caution against seeing someone who is not knowledgable in this area. We chose to see an out-of-network neurologist because he came highly recommended and practices in a very gentle/non invasive manner. Here is a list of PANDAS knowledgable doctors:
http://www.latitudes.org/forums/index.php?showtopic=5023

Feel free to email me off-list.

Brie

kristi_beguin

>>>Now, about 6 weeks ago he got really sick,- and slept sitting up in a chair for 7 days because if he laid down he would cough so hard he puked.

...three nights ago he told me he was afraid he was going to die in his sleep.<<<

Is it possible that he continued to have inflammation or blisters in his throat, compounded by mucous and congestion that persisted beyond the time when he felt mostly better? Additionally, being old enough to clearly remember the coughing to puking (unlike a baby or young toddler might), the memory of that may have served to increase his anxiety about the feeling in his throat, especially if he was still not fully recovered.

>>>the subject of going to the doctor came up, so I asked Joe if he wanted to go. He did.<<<

He probably wanted the medical doctor to simply confirm that he was not going to die in his sleep, and that he wasn't going to choke when he ate. Was the doctor able to do that, or did the conversation completely veer away from his immediate need to have the doctor tell him he was okay?

My daughter gets really anxious with many things, and I've discovered that less is best when it comes to information, and more words often lead to more anxiety. If this doctor wasn't able to provide him that simple information, would it be possible to go to another doctor, and possibly talk to the doctor up front that you would like your son's throat to be examined, to discuss the potential for choking during sleep, and to keep the answers simple. Any other discussion about the anxiety could be discussed over the phone, or separate from your son?

>>> So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that Joe is the way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be this way. Because we do rearrange things to make him more comfortable.<<<

The more I am able to empathize, acknowledge her feelings, and be present with my daughter when she is feeling anxious, the easier it seems she is able to work through the issues and move forward. Making your son more comfortable and acknowledging his physical and emotional feelings will surely enable him to heal more completely. Ignoring his physical and emotional feelings could bring about more anxiety, and thus increase the level of discomfort he's feeling on all levels.

One additional thought, coming from my clinical, Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) background, is that big illnesses with a lot of nasty, green, sticky congestion can lead to heightened emotional disturbances. Chinese medicine is a combination of philosophical and scientific medical perspectives, and some things are difficult to explain to people accustomed to western medical practice...but, I recently experienced this exact situation in my own self. In TCM, there is a condition called "Phlegm blocking the channels" or the meridians, and this can lead to increased anxiety, irritability, and "disturbance of the spirit". There are some very simple herbal remedies and/or flower essences that might help to "dissolve phlegm," "open the channels," and "calm the spirit." An acupuncturist or Doctor of Oriental Medicine could provide an accurate diagnosis and suggest some herbal formulas.


Lisa

Thank you everyone for the responses. I do sleep with Joe. He sleeps in a chair beside my bed right now. I wish I would have asked this question here before we went to the doctor. But now I have some more things to talk with my son about. I do feel better about this though. Lisa

Bun

> The doctor seemed to think that the family and Joe would be better off if we were NOT as responsive to things like this. She told Joe that she would like him to try to get back into the bed and eating normally as soon as possible.
(snip)
> > So basically, I guess what the doctor said is stirring my fears that Joe is the way he is because we 'indulge' him. Because we let him be this way. Because we do rearrange things to make him more comfortable. Because if he says "Daddy get the leaves" daddy will get the leaves.
>
> what do you think? Lisa

When I was a child, I went through an anxious period. I remember taking Lederplex (some kind of liquid vitamin B supplement) for a while and I saw a psychologist as well. The psychologist thought my mom needed to discipline me more and not coddle me with regard to my fears (of death and of people being in the closet or under the bed or out to get me) because I needed to know she was in charge and had the power and the psychologist thought that I thought I was in charge and had the power. And the psychologist suggested that I must wonder who was taking care of me and that this had led to my feelings of anxiety. I didn't know the psychologist told her to begin sitting me on the stairs as a punishment when I was sassy or whatever and that he told her not to coddle me to help ease my fears (no more laying next to me so I could get to sleep, more of me having to suck up my fears, etc.) I only recently found out that she had taken the "professional's" advice to change the way she had been handling things and she said it had been difficult to do. I do realize that she didn't know what to do and was doing her best. But I thought that somehow when she stopped trying to help me that she didn't love me as much anymore and that it was my fault somehow.

When I visited my grandparents house on weekends, my grandmother always coddled and loved me. If I had anxiety during the night where I felt I just couldn't sleep and was terribly worried, she would get up with me and make me a mug of warm milk and try to comfort me the best she could.

I wish I knew what helped me get past that period of feeling anxious. Maybe it was time. Maybe I learned to deal with things a little easier over time. I wish my mom had continued to coddle me as I felt at least she was loving me and trying to help. I'd of rather gone through it with her as my partner and helper and someone I knew was there for me rather than feel like she and I were at odds - it didn't help when I felt unloved on top of feeling so scared.

I would do what makes your son feel loved and as comforted as possible. Does your son have any suggestions for how to best help him?

Laurie

Andrea Catalano

<<< about 2 weeks ago my son started feeling a sensation in his throat that his esophagus was 'too small'. It started slowly - I noticed he was clearing his throat a lot and he started asking to have water by him always and with us always 'in case he choked'.
>>>

I have food allergies and much of what your son us experiencing is how I feel when I've eaten a small amount of something I am allergic to. My throat swells and feels too small. The frequent attempts to clear it it, desire for water on hand, vommiting, fear and panic are all things I've experienced in connection to allergy.

You might consider taking your son to an allergist. Alternitively, you could keep a food journal and record when he experiences this sensations and see if there might be a connection. His symptoms could also be a reaction to an airborn allergen or irritant, so you could make note if any new products (cleaning, laundry) you have in the house or even pollen or sprays that are used outside your home.

I would continue to take his symptoms seriously and not be dismissive of them or of his feelings as the pediatrician suggested.

Andrea

Sent from my iPhone




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Sandra Dodd

-=-I have food allergies and much of what your son us experiencing is how I feel when I've eaten a small amount of something I am allergic to. My throat swells and feels too small. The frequent attempts to clear it it, desire for water on hand, vommiting, fear and panic are all things I've experienced in connection to allergy. -=-

I had a strong reaction to eating too many fresh strawberries right in the field a year ago in Connecticut. Everything changed--my mouth, tongue, throat. It was scary and uncomfortable, but because I'm in my 50's, I didn't have the added layer of fright and panic, which was good, since my throat and tongue felt like they would keep me from breathing or eating already. I doubt it would have looked like anything at all to someone else. I'm not "allergic to strawberries," I had just overdosed on some seriously ripe and fresh ones.

Sandra

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buttsbees

I agree to listen to your son. Vitamin B (all of them) help with stress. I might suggest honey and local honey even better. It can help with wounds and allergies. Take 1 or 2 times a day by spoonful.
I was allowed to sleep with M & D whenever I needed to. I call that love not indulgence. I can remember at 16 having a horrendous nightmare and was allowed to sneak in!
I have six kids. When bedtime was scary we made up our own prayer for angels to watch over us. Non-denominational.
Over indulgence can happen but think about it, little children are often afraid of waves, we can not stop those but Dad can help with the sticks. I hate the feeling of seaweed on my legs!
--- In [email protected], Sandra Dodd <Sandra@...> wrote:
>
> -=-I have food allergies and much of what your son us experiencing is how I feel when I've eaten a small amount of something I am allergic to. My throat swells and feels too small. The frequent attempts to clear it it, desire for water on hand, vommiting, fear and panic are all things I've experienced in connection to allergy. -=-
>
> I had a strong reaction to eating too many fresh strawberries right in the field a year ago in Connecticut. Everything changed--my mouth, tongue, throat. It was scary and uncomfortable, but because I'm in my 50's, I didn't have the added layer of fright and panic, which was good, since my throat and tongue felt like they would keep me from breathing or eating already. I doubt it would have looked like anything at all to someone else. I'm not "allergic to strawberries," I had just overdosed on some seriously ripe and fresh ones.
>
> Sandra
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>

Sandra Dodd

-=-I was allowed to sleep with M & D whenever I needed to. I call that love not indulgence. I can remember at 16 having a horrendous nightmare and was allowed to sneak in!-=-

I have a collection of memories about bedtime. I added something a few days ago that Holly wrote. Hers is in a box on the right.

The same way sleep helps people be clear and calm, being able to start from a peaceful place allows a much greater range of pain/frustration/confusion.

http://sandradodd.com/sleep/memories.html

And some follow-up on what Holly wrote is here:
http://sandradodd.com/holly/sleepstory.html

Sandra

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