Losing the dummy
keeliereader
Hello,
I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it).
My son is 2.5 and he loves his neenaw. My partner is putting the pressure on to get rid of it, cold turkey. I have mixed feelings. I used to suck my thumb and it was a great source of comfort. I did end up wearing braces though. In fact I have a second brace on my bottom teeth now to re-recorrect them.
Of course I don't know how his neenaw will affect his teeth. I feel that the most respectful path is to let him make the decision about when to drop the neenaw. We've been reading a book for over a year now about a monster that decides to get rid of his neenaw. He loves the book but that's as far as it goes at the moment.
I'm not sure of the best way to explain to him why he might want to consider getting rid of it. I dislike the 'you're a big boy/ only babies have dummies' argument. We went with a 'neenaw for naps' campaign for a while to give him the neenaw for sleeping only. But even that didn't sit well with me - if he sucked his thumb he'd be able to do it whenever he pleased.
Do I talk to him about it or do I let it go and wait for him to decide on his own?
At the same time, how do I keep my partner happy when I am not supporting his wish to get rid of the neenaw?
Thanks,
Keelie
I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it).
My son is 2.5 and he loves his neenaw. My partner is putting the pressure on to get rid of it, cold turkey. I have mixed feelings. I used to suck my thumb and it was a great source of comfort. I did end up wearing braces though. In fact I have a second brace on my bottom teeth now to re-recorrect them.
Of course I don't know how his neenaw will affect his teeth. I feel that the most respectful path is to let him make the decision about when to drop the neenaw. We've been reading a book for over a year now about a monster that decides to get rid of his neenaw. He loves the book but that's as far as it goes at the moment.
I'm not sure of the best way to explain to him why he might want to consider getting rid of it. I dislike the 'you're a big boy/ only babies have dummies' argument. We went with a 'neenaw for naps' campaign for a while to give him the neenaw for sleeping only. But even that didn't sit well with me - if he sucked his thumb he'd be able to do it whenever he pleased.
Do I talk to him about it or do I let it go and wait for him to decide on his own?
At the same time, how do I keep my partner happy when I am not supporting his wish to get rid of the neenaw?
Thanks,
Keelie
Mirjam
Hi Keelie,
I'm 33 now and still sucking my thumb.
I've never had braces.
I wouldn't take neenaw away.
I think you will really hurt him when you take away something that's really comforting him.
My 2 cents :)
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), mv Adam (9), Boaz (6) en Levi (3).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com
I'm 33 now and still sucking my thumb.
I've never had braces.
I wouldn't take neenaw away.
I think you will really hurt him when you take away something that's really comforting him.
My 2 cents :)
Groetjes, Mirjam :o), mv Adam (9), Boaz (6) en Levi (3).
http://www.leermeer.blogspot.com
--- In [email protected], "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it).
>
> My son is 2.5 and he loves his neenaw. My partner is putting the pressure on to get rid of it, cold turkey. I have mixed feelings. I used to suck my thumb and it was a great source of comfort. I did end up wearing braces though. In fact I have a second brace on my bottom teeth now to re-recorrect them.
>
> Of course I don't know how his neenaw will affect his teeth. I feel that the most respectful path is to let him make the decision about when to drop the neenaw. We've been reading a book for over a year now about a monster that decides to get rid of his neenaw. He loves the book but that's as far as it goes at the moment.
>
> I'm not sure of the best way to explain to him why he might want to consider getting rid of it. I dislike the 'you're a big boy/ only babies have dummies' argument. We went with a 'neenaw for naps' campaign for a while to give him the neenaw for sleeping only. But even that didn't sit well with me - if he sucked his thumb he'd be able to do it whenever he pleased.
>
> Do I talk to him about it or do I let it go and wait for him to decide on his own?
>
> At the same time, how do I keep my partner happy when I am not supporting his wish to get rid of the neenaw?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
>
Sandra Dodd
-=-I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it). -=-
After reading the whole post, it didn't sound like it was about helping a child to get rid of it. It sounded more like manipulating a child to be ashamed of something that he was really liking, or to try to persuade him that it would make him need braces. Two and a half year olds don't even have any permanent teeth. And I doubt braces are about pacifiers, or playing trumpet, or any of the things that have been used to scare kids about their teeth being crooked.
None of my kids used pacifiers, though I'd've been fine if they had. I tried. :-) Kirby used to launch them out when he was a baby.
Marty and Holly had braced on their teeth without pacifiers or thumb sucking or playing the trumpet. Those arguments are traditional manipulation, I think, and should be disregarded.
About this "partner"--if it's the parent of the child, that's "his dad." If it's not his dad, maybe put less power over the child in his hands. But look for real reasons of health and safety, not the comfort of someone biologically unrelated to the child (or even someone biologically related, if their motives are personal and not for the child's own peace and happiness). At least consider those factors when deciding whether you're getting warm or cold in your decision.
http://sandradodd.com/choices
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
After reading the whole post, it didn't sound like it was about helping a child to get rid of it. It sounded more like manipulating a child to be ashamed of something that he was really liking, or to try to persuade him that it would make him need braces. Two and a half year olds don't even have any permanent teeth. And I doubt braces are about pacifiers, or playing trumpet, or any of the things that have been used to scare kids about their teeth being crooked.
None of my kids used pacifiers, though I'd've been fine if they had. I tried. :-) Kirby used to launch them out when he was a baby.
Marty and Holly had braced on their teeth without pacifiers or thumb sucking or playing the trumpet. Those arguments are traditional manipulation, I think, and should be disregarded.
About this "partner"--if it's the parent of the child, that's "his dad." If it's not his dad, maybe put less power over the child in his hands. But look for real reasons of health and safety, not the comfort of someone biologically unrelated to the child (or even someone biologically related, if their motives are personal and not for the child's own peace and happiness). At least consider those factors when deciding whether you're getting warm or cold in your decision.
http://sandradodd.com/choices
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
sheeboo2
For what it's worth, our pediatric dentist told us that sucking a pacifier will not influence the position of adult teeth if they haven't descended yet (a pacifier, unlike a thumb, is flexible so it doesn't affect the bite). This seems to have been the case with our daughter (7yrs) who sucked her's until she was 5; her front teeth are perfectly straight.
She stopped sucking it on her own when her front teeth became loose--it wasn't comfortable anymore. She kept some of them in her drawer and still, once every few months or so, will bring it out and suck it for a minute or two.
Sucking is the most naturally soothing act a young one has at their disposal. Biologically, it lowers their blood pressure and steadies heart rate. Many babies are still nursing at 2.5 and many more probably wish they were! Perhaps talking about the (psycho)somatic connection between sucking and relaxation will be helpful? Many suggest that the natural age for weaning is between 5-7yrs.
Do you know what, exactly, dad is concerned about re: pacifier? Or is it that he just thinks your son is too old for such things?
If your son continues to suck his pacifier, he'll get enough comments (probably) from others about "only babies do that." Hopefully, he won't have to hear them from his parents too!
Brie
She stopped sucking it on her own when her front teeth became loose--it wasn't comfortable anymore. She kept some of them in her drawer and still, once every few months or so, will bring it out and suck it for a minute or two.
Sucking is the most naturally soothing act a young one has at their disposal. Biologically, it lowers their blood pressure and steadies heart rate. Many babies are still nursing at 2.5 and many more probably wish they were! Perhaps talking about the (psycho)somatic connection between sucking and relaxation will be helpful? Many suggest that the natural age for weaning is between 5-7yrs.
Do you know what, exactly, dad is concerned about re: pacifier? Or is it that he just thinks your son is too old for such things?
If your son continues to suck his pacifier, he'll get enough comments (probably) from others about "only babies do that." Hopefully, he won't have to hear them from his parents too!
Brie
Sandra Dodd
-=-Do you know what, exactly, dad is concerned about re: pacifier? Or is it that he just thinks your son is too old for such things?-=-
Part of my thinking in asking whether "partner" was also "dad" was if the mom has a boyfriend, if the baby isn't nursing anymore, and if he's also not sleeping with his mom, the pacifier might be part of his own parenting routine. If someone who is not his dad is causing him to have less time with his mother while he's still really young, then that same person would do well to be more compassionate about the child's biological needs. (If the DAD is causing him to have less time with his mother while he's still really young, then the dad would do well to be more compassionate about the child's biological needs.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Part of my thinking in asking whether "partner" was also "dad" was if the mom has a boyfriend, if the baby isn't nursing anymore, and if he's also not sleeping with his mom, the pacifier might be part of his own parenting routine. If someone who is not his dad is causing him to have less time with his mother while he's still really young, then that same person would do well to be more compassionate about the child's biological needs. (If the DAD is causing him to have less time with his mother while he's still really young, then the dad would do well to be more compassionate about the child's biological needs.)
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
riasplace3
2.5 is still *really* tiny. :) In another two or so years the neenaw will be a sweet memory, and he will have moved on to other things.
My younger daughter had a pacifier until she was 4 or 5. When she started chewing on them and biting the mouth part off I told her it was too dangerous for her to have them any more, but that I would try to keep chewing gum for her, or she could suck her thumb if she liked. She never sucked her thumb, but she did bite her fingernails for several years.
Some kids have a need for something in their mouths....I read once what it's called, and haven't been able to remember it since. ;) But, it is real, and I suspect, hereditary. I sucked my fingers until after I'd started school, then came home one day and told my mom I was too old and it was time to stop. ;) My daughter has a real need....not just something she wants in passing, but a *need* to have something in her mouth.
Crooked teeth have to do with genetics, too....I have a joke that I can recognize relatives on my dad's side of the family by their teeth. ;) Even with those genes, though, my daughter has beautiful, straight teeth now (at 13), because I had the forsight to marry a man with good-teeth genes. LOL Having a pacifier until she was 4-ish didn't affect her permanent teeth at all.
Ria
My younger daughter had a pacifier until she was 4 or 5. When she started chewing on them and biting the mouth part off I told her it was too dangerous for her to have them any more, but that I would try to keep chewing gum for her, or she could suck her thumb if she liked. She never sucked her thumb, but she did bite her fingernails for several years.
Some kids have a need for something in their mouths....I read once what it's called, and haven't been able to remember it since. ;) But, it is real, and I suspect, hereditary. I sucked my fingers until after I'd started school, then came home one day and told my mom I was too old and it was time to stop. ;) My daughter has a real need....not just something she wants in passing, but a *need* to have something in her mouth.
Crooked teeth have to do with genetics, too....I have a joke that I can recognize relatives on my dad's side of the family by their teeth. ;) Even with those genes, though, my daughter has beautiful, straight teeth now (at 13), because I had the forsight to marry a man with good-teeth genes. LOL Having a pacifier until she was 4-ish didn't affect her permanent teeth at all.
Ria
--- In [email protected], "keeliereader" <keeliebean@...> wrote:
>
> Hello,
>
> I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it).
>
> My son is 2.5 and he loves his neenaw. My partner is putting the pressure on to get rid of it, cold turkey. I have mixed feelings. I used to suck my thumb and it was a great source of comfort. I did end up wearing braces though. In fact I have a second brace on my bottom teeth now to re-recorrect them.
>
> Of course I don't know how his neenaw will affect his teeth. I feel that the most respectful path is to let him make the decision about when to drop the neenaw. We've been reading a book for over a year now about a monster that decides to get rid of his neenaw. He loves the book but that's as far as it goes at the moment.
>
> I'm not sure of the best way to explain to him why he might want to consider getting rid of it. I dislike the 'you're a big boy/ only babies have dummies' argument. We went with a 'neenaw for naps' campaign for a while to give him the neenaw for sleeping only. But even that didn't sit well with me - if he sucked his thumb he'd be able to do it whenever he pleased.
>
> Do I talk to him about it or do I let it go and wait for him to decide on his own?
>
> At the same time, how do I keep my partner happy when I am not supporting his wish to get rid of the neenaw?
>
> Thanks,
> Keelie
>
keeliereader
Yes he is the dad and he thinks that Jack is too old for the neenaw now. Sometimes when Jack talks with it it's hard to understand what he's saying. But Jack is aware of it and if you ask him to take it out and say it again he will happily do so. So that's not an issue if you ask me.
I think maybe it's part of something bigger where my partner (daddy - I say partner because we're not married) doesn't understand that some things are still developmentally appropriate, even if Jack seems so grown up to him. Jack still sleeps with me although he did wean from the breast about a month ago.
So if the response is to let Jack decide when to let go of the neenaw do we discuss it together or do I just let him keep doing his thing with no mention from me?
I think maybe it's part of something bigger where my partner (daddy - I say partner because we're not married) doesn't understand that some things are still developmentally appropriate, even if Jack seems so grown up to him. Jack still sleeps with me although he did wean from the breast about a month ago.
So if the response is to let Jack decide when to let go of the neenaw do we discuss it together or do I just let him keep doing his thing with no mention from me?
Sandra Dodd
-=-Sometimes when Jack talks with it it's hard to understand what he's saying. But Jack is aware of it and if you ask him to take it out and say it again he will happily do so.-=-
I would ask Jack *never* to talk with it in his mouth, for starters. It's not really talking if you have your hand in your mouth or a big wad of food, and thumbs and binkies should be no different.
What would work at my house but might not work at yours would be this: If I had a kid talking with something in his mouth, I might stick something in my mouth and respond incoherently, in a light and humorous way. Some people might do that in a hateful, sarcastic way, but I wouldn't. It all depends on the humor habits of the people involved, and the sensitivity of the person whose behavior is under consideration.
Using a binky is one thing. Not taking it out to talk is a whole 'nother thing.
-=-I think maybe it's part of something bigger where my partner (daddy - I say partner because we're not married) doesn't understand that some things are still developmentally appropriate, even if Jack seems so grown up to him. Jack still sleeps with me although he did wean from the breast about a month ago. -=-
Maybe you could ask your partner to read what you've read about child development. If he does, find some things to support your position. If he won't, maybe point out that you HAVE read them, and if he isn't willing to also do so, then he's not really qualified to discuss it. Don't do it in an antagonistic way, and maybe you can make an analogy with something he knows more about than you do, and would be offended if you countered his opinion or knowledge with a counter position without any evidence or knowledge to back it up.
-=-So if the response is to let Jack decide when to let go of the neenaw do we discuss it together or do I just let him keep doing his thing with no mention from me?-=-
Please rephrase. Let Jack continue? Let your partner continue? What thing?
No matter what else you decide, I think you should point out that the whole purpose of speech is communication and if for any reason a person isn't being as clear as possible, it's not really communication.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I would ask Jack *never* to talk with it in his mouth, for starters. It's not really talking if you have your hand in your mouth or a big wad of food, and thumbs and binkies should be no different.
What would work at my house but might not work at yours would be this: If I had a kid talking with something in his mouth, I might stick something in my mouth and respond incoherently, in a light and humorous way. Some people might do that in a hateful, sarcastic way, but I wouldn't. It all depends on the humor habits of the people involved, and the sensitivity of the person whose behavior is under consideration.
Using a binky is one thing. Not taking it out to talk is a whole 'nother thing.
-=-I think maybe it's part of something bigger where my partner (daddy - I say partner because we're not married) doesn't understand that some things are still developmentally appropriate, even if Jack seems so grown up to him. Jack still sleeps with me although he did wean from the breast about a month ago. -=-
Maybe you could ask your partner to read what you've read about child development. If he does, find some things to support your position. If he won't, maybe point out that you HAVE read them, and if he isn't willing to also do so, then he's not really qualified to discuss it. Don't do it in an antagonistic way, and maybe you can make an analogy with something he knows more about than you do, and would be offended if you countered his opinion or knowledge with a counter position without any evidence or knowledge to back it up.
-=-So if the response is to let Jack decide when to let go of the neenaw do we discuss it together or do I just let him keep doing his thing with no mention from me?-=-
Please rephrase. Let Jack continue? Let your partner continue? What thing?
No matter what else you decide, I think you should point out that the whole purpose of speech is communication and if for any reason a person isn't being as clear as possible, it's not really communication.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
keeliereader
> -=-So if the response is to let Jack decide when to let go of the neenaw do we discuss it together or do I just let him keep doing his thing with no mention from me?-=-I meant do I discuss it with Jack, about him maybe choosing to get rid of the neenaw some day when he feels the time is right. Or will that make him hold onto it more?
>
> Please rephrase. Let Jack continue? Let your partner continue? What thing?
I guess me and my partner would also benefit from a conversation around the neenaw. To find out exactly why it's an issue for him - why he wants to get rid of it.
Joyce Fetteroll
On Dec 4, 2010, at 7:53 PM, keeliereader wrote:
If you found reading YA books soothing and relaxing, how would it feel
if your husband sat you down and discussed maybe moving onto something
else with you?
For one thing, it means he's watching what you do, judging that it's
not right, then deciding he needs to help you change so you can be
"right" in his eyes.
The thing about deciding someone's wrong and helping them be right is
that it very very rarely feels like that to the one being "helped". It
feels like "I don't like who you are right now and I'd like to change
you." I feels like "I don't trust that you're capable of making the
right decisions so I need to tell you the right way and help you get
there."
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I meant do I discuss it with Jack, about him maybe choosing to getWhy make it about anyone but him?
> rid of the neenaw some day when he feels the time is right. Or will
> that make him hold onto it more?
If you found reading YA books soothing and relaxing, how would it feel
if your husband sat you down and discussed maybe moving onto something
else with you?
For one thing, it means he's watching what you do, judging that it's
not right, then deciding he needs to help you change so you can be
"right" in his eyes.
The thing about deciding someone's wrong and helping them be right is
that it very very rarely feels like that to the one being "helped". It
feels like "I don't like who you are right now and I'd like to change
you." I feels like "I don't trust that you're capable of making the
right decisions so I need to tell you the right way and help you get
there."
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Lisa E Biesemeyer
"I guess me and my partner would also benefit from a conversation around the
neenaw. To find out exactly why it's an issue for him - why he wants to get rid
of it."
Definitely. My husband/childrens' dad and I have had many of these
conversations over the 4.5 years we've been parents, and doing so has been
really helpful in growing our intimacy and understanding of one another in
addition to communicating the reasons for feeling a certain way or doing a
certain thing. Often times, the reactions he is having to something one of our
children is doing/not doing has more to do with me/us/his needs.
Lisa B
Lisa Biesemeyer
________________________________
From: keeliereader <keeliebean@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sat, December 4, 2010 4:53:10 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Losing the dummy
neenaw some day when he feels the time is right. Or will that make him hold onto
it more?
I guess me and my partner would also benefit from a conversation around the
neenaw. To find out exactly why it's an issue for him - why he wants to get rid
of it.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
neenaw. To find out exactly why it's an issue for him - why he wants to get rid
of it."
Definitely. My husband/childrens' dad and I have had many of these
conversations over the 4.5 years we've been parents, and doing so has been
really helpful in growing our intimacy and understanding of one another in
addition to communicating the reasons for feeling a certain way or doing a
certain thing. Often times, the reactions he is having to something one of our
children is doing/not doing has more to do with me/us/his needs.
Lisa B
Lisa Biesemeyer
________________________________
From: keeliereader <keeliebean@...>
To: [email protected]
Sent: Sat, December 4, 2010 4:53:10 PM
Subject: [AlwaysLearning] Re: Losing the dummy
> -=-So if the response is to let Jack decide when to let go of the neenaw do weI meant do I discuss it with Jack, about him maybe choosing to get rid of the
>discuss it together or do I just let him keep doing his thing with no mention
>from me?-=-
>
> Please rephrase. Let Jack continue? Let your partner continue? What thing?
neenaw some day when he feels the time is right. Or will that make him hold onto
it more?
I guess me and my partner would also benefit from a conversation around the
neenaw. To find out exactly why it's an issue for him - why he wants to get rid
of it.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
toobeets
I'm sure there are tons of responses, but I thought I'd share my experience.
I have five kids. My oldest LOVED his "too" (that's what he called his pacifier - cause he always wanted two, one for his mouth and one for his hand). Everyone told me he should be done with it at two years old, and I stupidly obliged even though I wasn't thrilled with the idea (wish I had the support of others like the people on this list back then!). As his collection (he had up to 12 at any given time) started to dwindle (lost here or there, nipple yucky, etc.) we just didn't replace them. It was gradual, and I told him they were all gone. :(
My daughter was 18 months younger, she'd take one sometimes but she could really take it or leave it.
So, he would just take hers! He'd keep them on the side of his bed, behind furniture, his treasure spots in kitchen cabinets, etc. I'd often find him taking a few quick sucks, then putting them away. I never shamed him for it (pretended I didn't know he was doing it, actually), I was secretly glad he got to have it! I regret making him feel like he had to hide and I wish I didn't listen to other people.
Fast forward to my fourth baby - he had his "toobeet" until he was almost five. I never limited it to his room, or his house, or certain times. He had it anywhere and everywhere he wanted. (He self weaned nursing when he was 2 1/2.) If people in public said anything to him about still having it, I always would counter with something about how much we love his toobeet and how I wish I had something that made me that happy, etc. He would just smile and nod at me. Eventually, I think he got to a point where it made people so uncomfortable they didn't even say anything - I noticed when he was 2ish to 3ish, we got comments all the time. By the time he was 4 - 4 1/2, no one said anything (to my face anyway!). As he got older, sometimes he'd leave it in the car going into places, and sometimes he'd bring it in. If he forgot it was in his mouth when he talked, I'd either tell him I couldn't understand him with it in his mouth, or gesturing taking something out of my mouth. It was never a problem with teeth, or speech.
My email address is actually because of their toobeets! :)
Jill
I have five kids. My oldest LOVED his "too" (that's what he called his pacifier - cause he always wanted two, one for his mouth and one for his hand). Everyone told me he should be done with it at two years old, and I stupidly obliged even though I wasn't thrilled with the idea (wish I had the support of others like the people on this list back then!). As his collection (he had up to 12 at any given time) started to dwindle (lost here or there, nipple yucky, etc.) we just didn't replace them. It was gradual, and I told him they were all gone. :(
My daughter was 18 months younger, she'd take one sometimes but she could really take it or leave it.
So, he would just take hers! He'd keep them on the side of his bed, behind furniture, his treasure spots in kitchen cabinets, etc. I'd often find him taking a few quick sucks, then putting them away. I never shamed him for it (pretended I didn't know he was doing it, actually), I was secretly glad he got to have it! I regret making him feel like he had to hide and I wish I didn't listen to other people.
Fast forward to my fourth baby - he had his "toobeet" until he was almost five. I never limited it to his room, or his house, or certain times. He had it anywhere and everywhere he wanted. (He self weaned nursing when he was 2 1/2.) If people in public said anything to him about still having it, I always would counter with something about how much we love his toobeet and how I wish I had something that made me that happy, etc. He would just smile and nod at me. Eventually, I think he got to a point where it made people so uncomfortable they didn't even say anything - I noticed when he was 2ish to 3ish, we got comments all the time. By the time he was 4 - 4 1/2, no one said anything (to my face anyway!). As he got older, sometimes he'd leave it in the car going into places, and sometimes he'd bring it in. If he forgot it was in his mouth when he talked, I'd either tell him I couldn't understand him with it in his mouth, or gesturing taking something out of my mouth. It was never a problem with teeth, or speech.
My email address is actually because of their toobeets! :)
Jill
lalow
--- In [email protected], "toobeets" <toobeets@...> wrote:
A couple years after the kids gave up the pacifiers we found an old one under one of the beds. My youngest son, who I had always thought hadnt been that attached and had just stop using them when his brother did, started crying. He was about 4 and he cried like he was broken hearted at the sight of his old pacifier.
>When my oldest was 3, he started to develop a rash around his mouth fromt he moisture. He loved his pacies like you describe, he would have one in his mouth and one is his hand. He would have them talk to each other and he would put them in his little cars and drive them around. His younger brother, who was 15 months his junior had them too but never as attached. Could take them or leave them. So, one day when he was 3, my son was looking in the mirror at the rash on his face, he wasnt talking much so I dont think he asked me what it was but I told him it was from his pacies. I said they kept his face wet. He gave them up that day. Said he was done. His brother never used them again either. Interestly my younger son did continue to mouth just about everything he played with for many years. Both my sons weaned themselves at a little less than a year. But my younger son continued to sooth himself by lying in his old nursing position and rub my belly for along time.
> I'm sure there are tons of responses, but I thought I'd share my experience.
>
> I have five kids. My oldest LOVED his "too" (that's what he called his pacifier - cause he always wanted two, one for his mouth and one for his hand). Everyone told me he should be done with it at two years old, and I stupidly obliged even though I wasn't thrilled with the idea (wish I had the support of others like the people on this list back then!). As his collection (he had up to 12 at any given time) started to dwindle (lost here or there, nipple yucky, etc.) we just didn't replace them. It was gradual, and I told him they were all gone. :(
>
A couple years after the kids gave up the pacifiers we found an old one under one of the beds. My youngest son, who I had always thought hadnt been that attached and had just stop using them when his brother did, started crying. He was about 4 and he cried like he was broken hearted at the sight of his old pacifier.
keeliereader
>I don't know what YA books are but I totally get your point. Hmm, that hits a nerve actually. It doesn't feel good to think this is what I've been doing. I will totally back off and let Jack decide for himself.
> If you found reading YA books soothing and relaxing, how would it feel
> if your husband sat you down and discussed maybe moving onto something
> else with you?
>
> For one thing, it means he's watching what you do, judging that it's
> not right, then deciding he needs to help you change so you can be
> "right" in his eyes.
>
Thank you everyone for your replies
xx
Joyce Fetteroll
On Dec 5, 2010, at 6:58 PM, keeliereader wrote:
wasn't even seeing it as an abbreviation.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
> I don't know what YA books areAck, sorry! Young Adult. I rarely see it written out any more so I
wasn't even seeing it as an abbreviation.
Joyce
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
alma
And just to add my experiemce, I sucked my thumb til 16, my 8 yr old has a dummy (which, at his instigation, has become more and more private over the years and is now only witnessed by immediate family) and my 5 yr old makes regular use of his thumb.
No shame, no hurry.
Alison
DS(8) and DS(5)
No shame, no hurry.
Alison
DS(8) and DS(5)
--- In [email protected], "toobeets" <toobeets@...> wrote:
>
> I'm sure there are tons of responses, but I thought I'd share my experience.
>
> I have five kids. My oldest LOVED his "too" (that's what he called his pacifier - cause he always wanted two, one for his mouth and one for his hand). Everyone told me he should be done with it at two years old, and I stupidly obliged even though I wasn't thrilled with the idea (wish I had the support of others like the people on this list back then!). As his collection (he had up to 12 at any given time) started to dwindle (lost here or there, nipple yucky, etc.) we just didn't replace them. It was gradual, and I told him they were all gone. :(
>
> My daughter was 18 months younger, she'd take one sometimes but she could really take it or leave it.
>
> So, he would just take hers! He'd keep them on the side of his bed, behind furniture, his treasure spots in kitchen cabinets, etc. I'd often find him taking a few quick sucks, then putting them away. I never shamed him for it (pretended I didn't know he was doing it, actually), I was secretly glad he got to have it! I regret making him feel like he had to hide and I wish I didn't listen to other people.
>
> Fast forward to my fourth baby - he had his "toobeet" until he was almost five. I never limited it to his room, or his house, or certain times. He had it anywhere and everywhere he wanted. (He self weaned nursing when he was 2 1/2.) If people in public said anything to him about still having it, I always would counter with something about how much we love his toobeet and how I wish I had something that made me that happy, etc. He would just smile and nod at me. Eventually, I think he got to a point where it made people so uncomfortable they didn't even say anything - I noticed when he was 2ish to 3ish, we got comments all the time. By the time he was 4 - 4 1/2, no one said anything (to my face anyway!). As he got older, sometimes he'd leave it in the car going into places, and sometimes he'd bring it in. If he forgot it was in his mouth when he talked, I'd either tell him I couldn't understand him with it in his mouth, or gesturing taking something out of my mouth. It was never a problem with teeth, or speech.
>
> My email address is actually because of their toobeets! :)
>
> Jill
>
Kelly Lovejoy
You've received dozens of answers, but I thought I'd chime in with this.
I sucked my thumb until I was 7 or 8. My husband was made to give his pacifier up at 2 years old. Both my boys were allowed to keep their pacifiers until they were ready to let them go.
I have straightish teeth, no braces. My husband's are crooked and no braces. Cameron has beautiful teeth. Duncan does too now that his braces are off (but they were not that bad to begin with).
Genetics play a big part. The pacifier probably plays a very, very small role, if at all.
This is an issue for a very, very short time. Let him enJOY his special soother. You'll miss it when it's gone. <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: keeliereader <keeliebean@...>
I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering
how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their
dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it).
My son is 2.5 and he loves his neenaw. My partner is putting the pressure on to
get rid of it, cold turkey. I have mixed feelings. I used to suck my thumb and
it was a great source of comfort. I did end up wearing braces though. In fact I
have a second brace on my bottom teeth now to re-recorrect them.
Of course I don't know how his neenaw will affect his teeth. I feel that the
most respectful path is to let him make the decision about when to drop the
neenaw. We've been reading a book for over a year now about a monster that
decides to get rid of his neenaw. He loves the book but that's as far as it goes
at the moment.
I'm not sure of the best way to explain to him why he might want to consider
getting rid of it. I dislike the 'you're a big boy/ only babies have dummies'
argument. We went with a 'neenaw for naps' campaign for a while to give him the
neenaw for sleeping only. But even that didn't sit well with me - if he sucked
his thumb he'd be able to do it whenever he pleased.
Do I talk to him about it or do I let it go and wait for him to decide on his
own?
At the same time, how do I keep my partner happy when I am not supporting his
wish to get rid of the neenaw?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
I sucked my thumb until I was 7 or 8. My husband was made to give his pacifier up at 2 years old. Both my boys were allowed to keep their pacifiers until they were ready to let them go.
I have straightish teeth, no braces. My husband's are crooked and no braces. Cameron has beautiful teeth. Duncan does too now that his braces are off (but they were not that bad to begin with).
Genetics play a big part. The pacifier probably plays a very, very small role, if at all.
This is an issue for a very, very short time. Let him enJOY his special soother. You'll miss it when it's gone. <g>
~Kelly
Kelly Lovejoy
"There is no single effort more radical in its potential for saving the world than a transformation of the way we raise our children." Marianne Williamson
-----Original Message-----
From: keeliereader <keeliebean@...>
I don't know if this is technically an unschooling question but I'm wondering
how an unschooler would approach helping a child to get rid of their
dummy/pacifier/binkie/soother (or neenaw as my son calls it).
My son is 2.5 and he loves his neenaw. My partner is putting the pressure on to
get rid of it, cold turkey. I have mixed feelings. I used to suck my thumb and
it was a great source of comfort. I did end up wearing braces though. In fact I
have a second brace on my bottom teeth now to re-recorrect them.
Of course I don't know how his neenaw will affect his teeth. I feel that the
most respectful path is to let him make the decision about when to drop the
neenaw. We've been reading a book for over a year now about a monster that
decides to get rid of his neenaw. He loves the book but that's as far as it goes
at the moment.
I'm not sure of the best way to explain to him why he might want to consider
getting rid of it. I dislike the 'you're a big boy/ only babies have dummies'
argument. We went with a 'neenaw for naps' campaign for a while to give him the
neenaw for sleeping only. But even that didn't sit well with me - if he sucked
his thumb he'd be able to do it whenever he pleased.
Do I talk to him about it or do I let it go and wait for him to decide on his
own?
At the same time, how do I keep my partner happy when I am not supporting his
wish to get rid of the neenaw?
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
k
I'd also like to add that dental issues in general are not usually immediate
concerns, even though dentists may tell you these things are terribly
important to deal with as soon as possible. Parents can ask for second
opinions and ask around about others' experiences. Karl's two front teeth
came in. My dentist, who doesn't take kids Karl's age, did a teeth cleaning
on him because the staff know how calm and even Karl is from all the times
he has accompanied me to my dental appointments. The advice we got was to
get laser surgery done on his upper lip frenulum to close the gap between
those teeth. Karl wanted no part of surgery on his lip, so after a bit of
research I agreed with Karl to wait and if it still needs to be done later
he can decide then what he wants to do about it. It doesn't seem to be an
immediate concern, doesn't interfere with eating or talking or anything else
that I'm aware of. It's only been a couple of months and already his teeth
are closer together. They're still growing in and getting straighter. I had
the same thing with my teeth when I was a kid. Probably genetics.
People think that if children aren't made to fall in line with certain
accepted norms (conventionally or otherwise) then something terrible will
happen. Lots of people think that and thinking it's so doesn't prove that
something terrible will happen. Read up on the research and don't forget to
look at your own child who is a unique person right there with you that you
can see, not a statistic.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
concerns, even though dentists may tell you these things are terribly
important to deal with as soon as possible. Parents can ask for second
opinions and ask around about others' experiences. Karl's two front teeth
came in. My dentist, who doesn't take kids Karl's age, did a teeth cleaning
on him because the staff know how calm and even Karl is from all the times
he has accompanied me to my dental appointments. The advice we got was to
get laser surgery done on his upper lip frenulum to close the gap between
those teeth. Karl wanted no part of surgery on his lip, so after a bit of
research I agreed with Karl to wait and if it still needs to be done later
he can decide then what he wants to do about it. It doesn't seem to be an
immediate concern, doesn't interfere with eating or talking or anything else
that I'm aware of. It's only been a couple of months and already his teeth
are closer together. They're still growing in and getting straighter. I had
the same thing with my teeth when I was a kid. Probably genetics.
People think that if children aren't made to fall in line with certain
accepted norms (conventionally or otherwise) then something terrible will
happen. Lots of people think that and thinking it's so doesn't prove that
something terrible will happen. Read up on the research and don't forget to
look at your own child who is a unique person right there with you that you
can see, not a statistic.
~Katherine
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]