Son says he needs to go to school...
Christine H
So, after pulling my boys from school and unschooling them for the past 5 years, my youngest told me he wants to go back to school. He is also requesting help with writing because he says he can't spell and write words. I think he is asking this because my extended family has been telling him he can't get a job unless he goes to school and gets a HS diploma and/or a college degree. I have given him examples of people who are successful without this. Perhaps he is asking for more help with writing. Any suggestions?
Vidyut Kale
Would it be very bad if school were his unschooling tool? Would it be
possible for him to use it how he saw fit? If he were free to try it out and
see what happened and it didn't become a learning method commitment to set
in stone or even continue using it for whatever reasons of his own? Would it
then mean that he would have to let go of how he was currently learning? I
am trying to understand the implications, as I fear this scenario unfolding
in my life too. I fear the influence of the opinions of friends and family
leading him to question my choices for him, and wonder where my boundaries
as a caring parent can be. If I am allowing him freedom of learning, and I
am resistant to him challenging the boundaries and choices of where he is,
what are the possibilities?
I am interested in learning how experienced unschooling parents supported
their child's learning, while safeguarding from possible brain washing into
schooling as a measure of worth or sending children to school as a measure
of love... Our family has already started talking about thing like
uneducated, illiterate, no future, etc about him and irresponsible, selfish,
stingy, lazy, etc about me. I worry about the impact of such talk on him.
Vidyut
possible for him to use it how he saw fit? If he were free to try it out and
see what happened and it didn't become a learning method commitment to set
in stone or even continue using it for whatever reasons of his own? Would it
then mean that he would have to let go of how he was currently learning? I
am trying to understand the implications, as I fear this scenario unfolding
in my life too. I fear the influence of the opinions of friends and family
leading him to question my choices for him, and wonder where my boundaries
as a caring parent can be. If I am allowing him freedom of learning, and I
am resistant to him challenging the boundaries and choices of where he is,
what are the possibilities?
I am interested in learning how experienced unschooling parents supported
their child's learning, while safeguarding from possible brain washing into
schooling as a measure of worth or sending children to school as a measure
of love... Our family has already started talking about thing like
uneducated, illiterate, no future, etc about him and irresponsible, selfish,
stingy, lazy, etc about me. I worry about the impact of such talk on him.
Vidyut
On Mon, Feb 1, 2010 at 12:21 PM, Christine H <Chris@...> wrote:
>
>
> So, after pulling my boys from school and unschooling them for the past 5
> years, my youngest told me he wants to go back to school. He is also
> requesting help with writing because he says he can't spell and write words.
> I think he is asking this because my extended family has been telling him he
> can't get a job unless he goes to school and gets a HS diploma and/or a
> college degree. I have given him examples of people who are successful
> without this. Perhaps he is asking for more help with writing. Any
> suggestions?
>
>
>
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Heather
Christine H wrote:
finally went at age 16 - this fall - and was back home in two months.
Another learning experience. He knew what I thought about school, and
ended up agreeing with me, but did need to find out for himself.
At different times when he wanted to go to school - we talked about why-
and I did my best to provide what he felt he was missing in other ways.
Once it was a math text book, but mostly LOTS of places to go, things to
do, and people to see. I helped start a home school learning center
during this time- which we still participate in, and planned and sought
out many different activities outside the home. His main interest was
and is music- so we helped him seek out lessons, apprenticeships, and
many many group playing opportunties. At one point though, he just
really wanted to try school.
And I did find some examples of people that have done things that he
could see himself doing- going to music school, without high school,
mainly - and told him about that, sent him links. There were several
stories I found on college websites about home schooled students and
their different paths to getting into college.
I your son is interested in writing I am sure there are infinite ways to
support that interest.
It can take an unbelievable amount of energy and time to create a great
life for a kid outside of school. SO worth it!
Heather -in NY
>My son was interested in school on and off from about age 11 on. He
>
> So, after pulling my boys from school and unschooling them for the
> past 5 years, my youngest told me he wants to go back to school. He is
> also requesting help with writing because he says he can't spell and
> write words. I think he is asking this because my extended family has
> been telling him he can't get a job unless he goes to school and gets
> a HS diploma and/or a college degree. I have given him examples of
> people who are successful without this. Perhaps he is asking for more
> help with writing. Any suggestions?
>
finally went at age 16 - this fall - and was back home in two months.
Another learning experience. He knew what I thought about school, and
ended up agreeing with me, but did need to find out for himself.
At different times when he wanted to go to school - we talked about why-
and I did my best to provide what he felt he was missing in other ways.
Once it was a math text book, but mostly LOTS of places to go, things to
do, and people to see. I helped start a home school learning center
during this time- which we still participate in, and planned and sought
out many different activities outside the home. His main interest was
and is music- so we helped him seek out lessons, apprenticeships, and
many many group playing opportunties. At one point though, he just
really wanted to try school.
And I did find some examples of people that have done things that he
could see himself doing- going to music school, without high school,
mainly - and told him about that, sent him links. There were several
stories I found on college websites about home schooled students and
their different paths to getting into college.
I your son is interested in writing I am sure there are infinite ways to
support that interest.
It can take an unbelievable amount of energy and time to create a great
life for a kid outside of school. SO worth it!
Heather -in NY
Sandra Dodd
-=-So, after pulling my boys from school and unschooling them for the
past 5 years, my youngest told me he wants to go back to school. -=-
How old is he and what grade would it be?
-=-He is also requesting help with writing because he says he can't
spell and write words... Perhaps he is asking for more help with
writing. Any suggestions?-=-
Well....
Definitely I'd suggest reading your posts before you send them. <g>
You told us he is requesting help with writing.
Then you said perhaps...
I think definitely, he wants ideas for how to practice writing.
Is he on the computer much? That's where my kids learned to spell
and write, playing games and sending messages and such. Could you
write him notes sometimes to see if he might write back? I'm thinking
of times I had a question and left a note because the kid was asleep
and they left me a note to find when I woke up, though generally as
they got old enough to be gone when I went to sleep, they would e-mail
the details and I'd check e-mail in the morning.
Maybe finding examples of other people's everyday handwriting would
help him see that not everyone's writing is really clear and beautiful.
As to wanting to go back to school, if you can get to a gathering of
unschoolers, DO IT. It could be worth the cost to get your family in
the presence of happy, busy unschooling families to give him a view of
how life can be without school fears.
I know it's not the regular topic of this list, but I need to make a
list for the rebuilding unschooling.info site anyway, of potential
gatherings. If anyone wants to send me any notes on upcoming
happenings, please do.
If you can't get around other unschoolers, spend a few months
"upgrading" your unschooling activities. Do more.
Someone criticized "do more" here, but I woke up thinking about that
today, and I think it's the best advice ever. I'll make another
thread about that.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
past 5 years, my youngest told me he wants to go back to school. -=-
How old is he and what grade would it be?
-=-He is also requesting help with writing because he says he can't
spell and write words... Perhaps he is asking for more help with
writing. Any suggestions?-=-
Well....
Definitely I'd suggest reading your posts before you send them. <g>
You told us he is requesting help with writing.
Then you said perhaps...
I think definitely, he wants ideas for how to practice writing.
Is he on the computer much? That's where my kids learned to spell
and write, playing games and sending messages and such. Could you
write him notes sometimes to see if he might write back? I'm thinking
of times I had a question and left a note because the kid was asleep
and they left me a note to find when I woke up, though generally as
they got old enough to be gone when I went to sleep, they would e-mail
the details and I'd check e-mail in the morning.
Maybe finding examples of other people's everyday handwriting would
help him see that not everyone's writing is really clear and beautiful.
As to wanting to go back to school, if you can get to a gathering of
unschoolers, DO IT. It could be worth the cost to get your family in
the presence of happy, busy unschooling families to give him a view of
how life can be without school fears.
I know it's not the regular topic of this list, but I need to make a
list for the rebuilding unschooling.info site anyway, of potential
gatherings. If anyone wants to send me any notes on upcoming
happenings, please do.
If you can't get around other unschoolers, spend a few months
"upgrading" your unschooling activities. Do more.
Someone criticized "do more" here, but I woke up thinking about that
today, and I think it's the best advice ever. I'll make another
thread about that.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=Would it be very bad if school were his unschooling tool? -=-
"Bad?"
There's no such thing.
If you want an alternative way to deal with school, here are some ideas:
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
-=- Would it then mean that he would have to let go of how he was
currently learning?-=-
He's four months old. Let's not set up such comparisons.
-=- I fear the influence of the opinions of friends and family
leading him to question my choices for him, and wonder where my
boundaries
as a caring parent can be.-=-
AH! Don't make choices for him. Live with him. Help him make choice
on his own, as he grows, and when he reaches "school age" help him
make that choice.
-=-If I am allowing him freedom of learning, and I
am resistant to him challenging the boundaries and choices of where he
is,
what are the possibilities?-=-
That's a very muddled question.
"Freedom of learning" isn't a good phrase or thought to have here.
Learning is learning. People learn by sensing something and thinking
about it, no matter where they are.
The possibilities of muddled thinking are that the mother will never
understand her own questions well enough to settle in a place of
strength. The possibilities of resistance are reactions and
distancing. The possibilities of boundaries are dishonesty and
rejection and running away. The possibility of choices is the subject
of this list.
http://sandradodd.com/choices
-=-I am interested in learning how experienced unschooling parents
supported
their child's learning, while safeguarding from possible brain washing
into
schooling as a measure of worth or sending children to school as a
measure
of love... Our family has already started talking about thing like
uneducated, illiterate, no future, etc about him and irresponsible,
selfish,
stingy, lazy, etc about me. I worry about the impact of such talk on
him.-=-
Then you should read here:
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/messages
And meanwhile, practice being with your child in the moment, paying
attention to what he wants, to giving him more opportunities to see,
hear, touch, taste and smell. Practice being gentle and patient and
letting him make decisions like when he's through looking at something
or touching it, instead of moving him or taking it away.
Build trust. Get to know him in ways you can't yet imagine parents
can know children. Read some of what's above, be with your child
thoughtfully and then read more and be with your child more.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
"Bad?"
There's no such thing.
If you want an alternative way to deal with school, here are some ideas:
http://sandradodd.com/schoolchoice
-=- Would it then mean that he would have to let go of how he was
currently learning?-=-
He's four months old. Let's not set up such comparisons.
-=- I fear the influence of the opinions of friends and family
leading him to question my choices for him, and wonder where my
boundaries
as a caring parent can be.-=-
AH! Don't make choices for him. Live with him. Help him make choice
on his own, as he grows, and when he reaches "school age" help him
make that choice.
-=-If I am allowing him freedom of learning, and I
am resistant to him challenging the boundaries and choices of where he
is,
what are the possibilities?-=-
That's a very muddled question.
"Freedom of learning" isn't a good phrase or thought to have here.
Learning is learning. People learn by sensing something and thinking
about it, no matter where they are.
The possibilities of muddled thinking are that the mother will never
understand her own questions well enough to settle in a place of
strength. The possibilities of resistance are reactions and
distancing. The possibilities of boundaries are dishonesty and
rejection and running away. The possibility of choices is the subject
of this list.
http://sandradodd.com/choices
-=-I am interested in learning how experienced unschooling parents
supported
their child's learning, while safeguarding from possible brain washing
into
schooling as a measure of worth or sending children to school as a
measure
of love... Our family has already started talking about thing like
uneducated, illiterate, no future, etc about him and irresponsible,
selfish,
stingy, lazy, etc about me. I worry about the impact of such talk on
him.-=-
Then you should read here:
http://sandradodd.com/unschooling
http://joyfullyrejoycing.com
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/AlwaysLearning/messages
And meanwhile, practice being with your child in the moment, paying
attention to what he wants, to giving him more opportunities to see,
hear, touch, taste and smell. Practice being gentle and patient and
letting him make decisions like when he's through looking at something
or touching it, instead of moving him or taking it away.
Build trust. Get to know him in ways you can't yet imagine parents
can know children. Read some of what's above, be with your child
thoughtfully and then read more and be with your child more.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Marcia Simonds
>>As to wanting to go back to school, if you can get to a gathering ofunschoolers, DO IT. It could be worth the cost to get your family in
the presence of happy, busy unschooling families to give him a view of
how life can be without school fears.<<
*****The Northeast Unschooling Conference in August did it for my son, who was thinking of school, mainly cuz all his close friends go to school.
Then he friended some unschoolers from the conference on Facebook and that helped immensely, even some unschooling dads! We are planning more confernces this year. I would go to many more if we could afford it financially.
Then I also tuned into him even more and was able to make things happen for him to meet more people and spend even more time with his passions. He joined a homeschool co-op on HIS terms and he enjoys being with the kids and *expanding his world* with knowledge, but yet doesn't have to commit to homework, etc
And he joined a teen geography class at someone's house, mainly to make more connections. He loves the kids and they do hands-on projects and many social activities have come from that. There are kids in both places that do *schoolwork* but he knows it doesn't define who they are and whether he can be friendly with them or not. He sees the differences in freedoms and values his life much more.
Then we were able to go ahead with guitar lessons for him and he has become more confident and has been teaching himself even more than the lessons. But he still wants to continue.
We have also made a point to go to homeschool bowling and ice skating where he can gather with others, and anything else that comes about that interests him.
He also started playing Xbox live which allows him to connect with all his school friends, homeschool friends, cousins and others. I hear him laughing and talking in the other room at all hours and I smile. It has been a way to still stay in the mix with his school friends cuz they don't have much time to get together on weekdays <<G>>.
All of this has made him a happy kid. I asked him the other day if he still thinks he might want to go to school, as I was dropping him off at a Jr high play at the school with his friends. He just shrugged.
I am ok if he does want to go. He might want to see what it is like. But until that happens or if it even does, we are forging ahead with life and making it as joyful as we can.
~marcia simonds
http://livefreeinharmony@...
www.anestinnature.com
----- Original Message -----
From: Sandra Dodd
To: [email protected]
Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 12:15 PM
Subject: Re: [AlwaysLearning] Son says he needs to go to school...
-=-So, after pulling my boys from school and unschooling them for the
past 5 years, my youngest told me he wants to go back to school. -=-
How old is he and what grade would it be?
-=-He is also requesting help with writing because he says he can't
spell and write words... Perhaps he is asking for more help with
writing. Any suggestions?-=-
Well....
Definitely I'd suggest reading your posts before you send them. <g>
You told us he is requesting help with writing.
Then you said perhaps...
I think definitely, he wants ideas for how to practice writing.
Is he on the computer much? That's where my kids learned to spell
and write, playing games and sending messages and such. Could you
write him notes sometimes to see if he might write back? I'm thinking
of times I had a question and left a note because the kid was asleep
and they left me a note to find when I woke up, though generally as
they got old enough to be gone when I went to sleep, they would e-mail
the details and I'd check e-mail in the morning.
Maybe finding examples of other people's everyday handwriting would
help him see that not everyone's writing is really clear and beautiful.
As to wanting to go back to school, if you can get to a gathering of
unschoolers, DO IT. It could be worth the cost to get your family in
the presence of happy, busy unschooling families to give him a view of
how life can be without school fears.
I know it's not the regular topic of this list, but I need to make a
list for the rebuilding unschooling.info site anyway, of potential
gatherings. If anyone wants to send me any notes on upcoming
happenings, please do.
If you can't get around other unschoolers, spend a few months
"upgrading" your unschooling activities. Do more.
Someone criticized "do more" here, but I woke up thinking about that
today, and I think it's the best advice ever. I'll make another
thread about that.
Sandra
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
A quote of the week list just sent this:
-=-"A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon
lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading,
I must finish by acting."
� Henry David Thoreau-=-
I had written this a while ago:
-=-Build trust. Get to know him in ways you can't yet imagine parents
can know children. Read some of what's above, be with your child
thoughtfully and then read more and be with your child more.-=-
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
-=-"A truly good book teaches me better than to read it. I must soon
lay it down, and commence living on its hint. What I began by reading,
I must finish by acting."
� Henry David Thoreau-=-
I had written this a while ago:
-=-Build trust. Get to know him in ways you can't yet imagine parents
can know children. Read some of what's above, be with your child
thoughtfully and then read more and be with your child more.-=-
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Christine H
How old is he and what grade would it be?
- He is 13 and would be in 8th grade.
Well....
Definitely I'd suggest reading your posts before you send them. <g>
You told us he is requesting help with writing.
Then you said perhaps...
- Yes, I realize that didn't make sense. I meant perhaps he thinks he can only improve his problems with writing with help from people at school...not sure about this. I do know his grandparents have been telling him he is behind (as per their verbal and written testing) of him done in my absence :( One side is school teachers. I'm sure that has something to do with it.
- He is 13 and would be in 8th grade.
Well....
Definitely I'd suggest reading your posts before you send them. <g>
You told us he is requesting help with writing.
Then you said perhaps...
- Yes, I realize that didn't make sense. I meant perhaps he thinks he can only improve his problems with writing with help from people at school...not sure about this. I do know his grandparents have been telling him he is behind (as per their verbal and written testing) of him done in my absence :( One side is school teachers. I'm sure that has something to do with it.
Robin Bentley
>Is there any way you can stop or minimize his grandparents "testing"
> - Yes, I realize that didn't make sense. I meant perhaps he thinks
> he can only improve his problems with writing with help from people
> at school...not sure about this. I do know his grandparents have
> been telling him he is behind (as per their verbal and written
> testing) of him done in my absence :( One side is school teachers.
> I'm sure that has something to do with it.
him? That can have a significant effect on his thought process about
school-ish "needs."
Does he play video games?
Robin B.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Bob Collier
--- In [email protected], Vidyut Kale <wide.aware@...> wrote:
Having watched my son learning immersively at the speed of thought for the past seven years - and having the delights of Foxtel, Google, Wikipedia, YouTube, iTunes, Sony, Nintendo and the rest as part of my own daily lifestyle - even Barack Obama himself (or Kevin Rudd in my case) couldn't sell me on the idea of sending my son off to join a herd of 20-30 children sitting at desks in a school classroom so he can wait to be taught what somebody who isn't him (or me) decides he should know whenever that other person feels like teaching it. Using an interactive whiteboard if he's lucky. Big deal.
Even if I was the only person on this planet doing what I'm doing with my son, I would still be, "You want me to do what? Are you crazy? What kind of dumbass way is that to educate a child in 2010?"
Seriously.
Bob
>The idea that children go to school to get an education because that's what schools are for and if children don't go to school they must necessarily remain ignorant might have made some kind of sense in 1910 but it's so seriously out of date in 2010 I'm amazed so many people still believe it. But they do (maybe some of them don't really but they have to, that's another story).
>
>
> I am interested in learning how experienced unschooling parents supported
> their child's learning, while safeguarding from possible brain washing into
> schooling as a measure of worth or sending children to school as a measure
> of love... Our family has already started talking about thing like
> uneducated, illiterate, no future, etc about him and irresponsible, selfish,
> stingy, lazy, etc about me. I worry about the impact of such talk on him.
>
> Vidyut
>
>
Having watched my son learning immersively at the speed of thought for the past seven years - and having the delights of Foxtel, Google, Wikipedia, YouTube, iTunes, Sony, Nintendo and the rest as part of my own daily lifestyle - even Barack Obama himself (or Kevin Rudd in my case) couldn't sell me on the idea of sending my son off to join a herd of 20-30 children sitting at desks in a school classroom so he can wait to be taught what somebody who isn't him (or me) decides he should know whenever that other person feels like teaching it. Using an interactive whiteboard if he's lucky. Big deal.
Even if I was the only person on this planet doing what I'm doing with my son, I would still be, "You want me to do what? Are you crazy? What kind of dumbass way is that to educate a child in 2010?"
Seriously.
Bob
Pam Sorooshian
Our family has already started talking about thing like
input." And then left an awkward silence just hanging. Then moved on
cheerfully to something else.
I've also said, "Well, you might be right." And, again, just let that
hang in the air and then moved on to something else.
I've also said, "I know, but we're just taking it one day at a time and
if it doesn't seem to be working, we can always put them in school."
But - the words you're talking about are very insulting and mean. Why
would YOU allow anybody to speak to you that way?
comments and when my kid saw I didn't take them seriously, the kid
didn't either. I have a sister whose kids went to a strict Christian
private school - about as far from our lifestyle as possible. We get
along great. We both thought each other was going off the deep end, but
we didn't argue about it - just accepted it as a fact of life. There
were some inadvertent comments made, over the years, that I might have
gotten up in arms over, but I just smiled and looked at my wonderful
kids and later said something like, "Oh, you know how your aunt is -
just let it go - not worth fussing over."
The thing is, my sister would never knowingly hurt my kids' feelings.
And I wouldn't hurt her kids' feelings. So it made sense to just
overlook anything either of us might have said that could have been
construed as an insult.
But - if someone was being insulting, knew it, and didn't care? I would
spend very very little time, if any, around that person.
-pam
> uneducated, illiterate, no future, etc about him and irresponsible, selfish,I have responded to negative comments by just saying, "Thanks for your
> stingy, lazy, etc about me. I worry about the impact of such talk on him.
>
input." And then left an awkward silence just hanging. Then moved on
cheerfully to something else.
I've also said, "Well, you might be right." And, again, just let that
hang in the air and then moved on to something else.
I've also said, "I know, but we're just taking it one day at a time and
if it doesn't seem to be working, we can always put them in school."
But - the words you're talking about are very insulting and mean. Why
would YOU allow anybody to speak to you that way?
> >As far as safeguarding the child - usually I'd just brush off negative
> > I am interested in learning how experienced unschooling parents supported
> > their child's learning, while safeguarding from possible brain washing into
> > schooling as a measure of worth or sending children to school as a measure
> > of love...
> > Vidyut
>
comments and when my kid saw I didn't take them seriously, the kid
didn't either. I have a sister whose kids went to a strict Christian
private school - about as far from our lifestyle as possible. We get
along great. We both thought each other was going off the deep end, but
we didn't argue about it - just accepted it as a fact of life. There
were some inadvertent comments made, over the years, that I might have
gotten up in arms over, but I just smiled and looked at my wonderful
kids and later said something like, "Oh, you know how your aunt is -
just let it go - not worth fussing over."
The thing is, my sister would never knowingly hurt my kids' feelings.
And I wouldn't hurt her kids' feelings. So it made sense to just
overlook anything either of us might have said that could have been
construed as an insult.
But - if someone was being insulting, knew it, and didn't care? I would
spend very very little time, if any, around that person.
-pam
Vidyut Kale
I appreciate all the responses and particularly the ways of dealing with
situations that got shared. I am looking at the various responses I have
that can keep the space open for my child. Also looking at possibilities
where my family could meet other unschoolers once my son was of an age to
enjoy interaction, so they could see how the space was for him and get a
taste of the reality to help with their imaginary fears.
I am shaken by the question "But - the words you're talking about are very
insulting and mean. Why would YOU allow anybody to speak to you that way?"
and I realize I have no "right" answer. I just let it go because that is how
they are, and I have enough on my plate without taking on the futile head
banging of changing them. It doesn't really hurt me, simply because I know
that is not true and I know that they don't think its true either, from
other things they say, and that these are just their fears striking back to
try to get me to conform. A child may not understand this, and could see
failure to 'correct' them as guilt? I just go "hmmm..." and that seems to
end the subject fast. I am wondering that if I am looking at the impact of
these labels on my child, what is the impact of my non-confrontation? Would
it seem to validate the accusations, or would I be contributing to a sense
of inferiority by allowing these mean words that are essentially linked with
creating an image of deprivation that the child is suffering from because of
the mother? I guess, like Sandra says, I am not going to be able to talk
about these "would be" scenarios till I actually get there. But in the
meanwhile, I am going to be alert to how my behaviour influences what is
being said to and about me.
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
situations that got shared. I am looking at the various responses I have
that can keep the space open for my child. Also looking at possibilities
where my family could meet other unschoolers once my son was of an age to
enjoy interaction, so they could see how the space was for him and get a
taste of the reality to help with their imaginary fears.
I am shaken by the question "But - the words you're talking about are very
insulting and mean. Why would YOU allow anybody to speak to you that way?"
and I realize I have no "right" answer. I just let it go because that is how
they are, and I have enough on my plate without taking on the futile head
banging of changing them. It doesn't really hurt me, simply because I know
that is not true and I know that they don't think its true either, from
other things they say, and that these are just their fears striking back to
try to get me to conform. A child may not understand this, and could see
failure to 'correct' them as guilt? I just go "hmmm..." and that seems to
end the subject fast. I am wondering that if I am looking at the impact of
these labels on my child, what is the impact of my non-confrontation? Would
it seem to validate the accusations, or would I be contributing to a sense
of inferiority by allowing these mean words that are essentially linked with
creating an image of deprivation that the child is suffering from because of
the mother? I guess, like Sandra says, I am not going to be able to talk
about these "would be" scenarios till I actually get there. But in the
meanwhile, I am going to be alert to how my behaviour influences what is
being said to and about me.
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-I am shaken by the question "But - the words you're talking about
are very
insulting and mean. Why would YOU allow anybody to speak to you that
way?"
and I realize I have no "right" answer. I just let it go because that
is how
they are, and I have enough on my plate without taking on the futile
head
banging of changing them-=-
When people are sharing a house, the problem is worse. If someone
visits my house (or my list) I can ask them to be nice or go home. If
someone lives with me (my husband, or if I were staying with in-laws)
then I can't say "Shush up in my house!"
I could say "I don't think it's helpful for you to be that way."
I could say "SHUT UP, ignoramus!" but then I've probably done worse
than they did, and have established an acceptable limit for what kinds
of things can be said in response.
-=- It doesn't really hurt me, simply because I know
that is not true and I know that they don't think its true either, from
other things they say, and that these are just their fears striking
back to
try to get me to conform. -=-
Maybe you could say that both of you have said things from fear and
frustration, and that it would probably be good to try to think, and
breathe, and only say things you'd be willing for the child to hear
and maybe repeat. That might be a way to have a time of cooling off
and learning new habits before he's old enough to pick up and copy, or
be wounded by, the words themselves. Already the tone and mood must
not be healthy for him.
That might also be a good exercise in seeing how it feels to put his
needs first. Creating an environment that's gentle and sweet for him
will also be a gentle, sweet environment for the adults.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
are very
insulting and mean. Why would YOU allow anybody to speak to you that
way?"
and I realize I have no "right" answer. I just let it go because that
is how
they are, and I have enough on my plate without taking on the futile
head
banging of changing them-=-
When people are sharing a house, the problem is worse. If someone
visits my house (or my list) I can ask them to be nice or go home. If
someone lives with me (my husband, or if I were staying with in-laws)
then I can't say "Shush up in my house!"
I could say "I don't think it's helpful for you to be that way."
I could say "SHUT UP, ignoramus!" but then I've probably done worse
than they did, and have established an acceptable limit for what kinds
of things can be said in response.
-=- It doesn't really hurt me, simply because I know
that is not true and I know that they don't think its true either, from
other things they say, and that these are just their fears striking
back to
try to get me to conform. -=-
Maybe you could say that both of you have said things from fear and
frustration, and that it would probably be good to try to think, and
breathe, and only say things you'd be willing for the child to hear
and maybe repeat. That might be a way to have a time of cooling off
and learning new habits before he's old enough to pick up and copy, or
be wounded by, the words themselves. Already the tone and mood must
not be healthy for him.
That might also be a good exercise in seeing how it feels to put his
needs first. Creating an environment that's gentle and sweet for him
will also be a gentle, sweet environment for the adults.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Jenny Cyphers
***The thing is, my sister would never knowingly hurt my kids' feelings.
And I wouldn't hurt her kids' feelings. So it made sense to just
overlook anything either of us might have said that could have been
construed as an insult.***
This so much mirrors my relationship with my sister and her family! They are very religious and very conservative, so most of our differences come from that, and I imagine there are plenty of folks, even here on this list, that might have similar differences to me and my family.
My sister and I have the same kind of sense of humor, like many of the same books and movies and tv shows. We've on again off again liked the same kind of music. She's the one who introduced Chamille to Shaun of the Dead, which is a really great horror movie spoof.
One time my sister wrote a meanish comment on my blog, but then later that day sent an apology via email.
I know many people don't have the same kind of great family relationships. I figure, what I'm doing by unschooling is giving my kids a great family relationship, so that, if they grow up and do completely different things from one another, that they'll still be kind and thoughtful towards each other and their parents. I know a parent doesn't have to unschool to do that, but the way in which unschooling focuses on relationships, it would be hard to not have that happen as a huge side effect.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
And I wouldn't hurt her kids' feelings. So it made sense to just
overlook anything either of us might have said that could have been
construed as an insult.***
This so much mirrors my relationship with my sister and her family! They are very religious and very conservative, so most of our differences come from that, and I imagine there are plenty of folks, even here on this list, that might have similar differences to me and my family.
My sister and I have the same kind of sense of humor, like many of the same books and movies and tv shows. We've on again off again liked the same kind of music. She's the one who introduced Chamille to Shaun of the Dead, which is a really great horror movie spoof.
One time my sister wrote a meanish comment on my blog, but then later that day sent an apology via email.
I know many people don't have the same kind of great family relationships. I figure, what I'm doing by unschooling is giving my kids a great family relationship, so that, if they grow up and do completely different things from one another, that they'll still be kind and thoughtful towards each other and their parents. I know a parent doesn't have to unschool to do that, but the way in which unschooling focuses on relationships, it would be hard to not have that happen as a huge side effect.
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=-
The idea that children go to school to get an education because that's
what schools are for and if children don't go to school they must
necessarily remain ignorant might have made some kind of sense in 1910
but it's so seriously out of date in 2010 I'm amazed so many people
still believe it. But they do (maybe some of them don't really but
they have to, that's another story).
-=-
Vidyut is in India. There are some realities there that are long gone
in the U.S. There are many languages in use, and not all the parents
are readers and writers in all the languages around them. It's a
different situation. School isn't mandatory, and I don't think there
are free government schools.
-=-Having watched my son learning immersively at the speed of thought
for the past seven years - and having the delights of Foxtel, Google,
Wikipedia, YouTube, iTunes, Sony, Nintendo and the rest as part of my
own daily lifestyle - even Barack Obama himself (or Kevin Rudd in my
case) couldn't sell me on the idea of sending my son off to join a
herd of 20-30 children sitting at desks in a school classroom so he
can wait to be taught what somebody who isn't him (or me) decides he
should know whenever that other person feels like teaching it. Using
an interactive whiteboard if he's lucky. Big deal.-=-
For a family in India with internet and the means to travel some,
that's just as possible as it is here. Still they face the more-than-
one-language need.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
The idea that children go to school to get an education because that's
what schools are for and if children don't go to school they must
necessarily remain ignorant might have made some kind of sense in 1910
but it's so seriously out of date in 2010 I'm amazed so many people
still believe it. But they do (maybe some of them don't really but
they have to, that's another story).
-=-
Vidyut is in India. There are some realities there that are long gone
in the U.S. There are many languages in use, and not all the parents
are readers and writers in all the languages around them. It's a
different situation. School isn't mandatory, and I don't think there
are free government schools.
-=-Having watched my son learning immersively at the speed of thought
for the past seven years - and having the delights of Foxtel, Google,
Wikipedia, YouTube, iTunes, Sony, Nintendo and the rest as part of my
own daily lifestyle - even Barack Obama himself (or Kevin Rudd in my
case) couldn't sell me on the idea of sending my son off to join a
herd of 20-30 children sitting at desks in a school classroom so he
can wait to be taught what somebody who isn't him (or me) decides he
should know whenever that other person feels like teaching it. Using
an interactive whiteboard if he's lucky. Big deal.-=-
For a family in India with internet and the means to travel some,
that's just as possible as it is here. Still they face the more-than-
one-language need.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
While I'm really glad Jenny and her sister and Pam and her sister get
along despite differences, and that's awesome, I do want to say
something to anyone who will listen, about this:
-=One time my sister wrote a meanish comment on my blog, but then
later that day sent an apology via email.-=-
Tell your kids, if it becomes important. Remember it in other
situations, in other ways.
A public insult should receive a public apology.
Shaming someone on national TV and sending them a postcard saying
"Sorry" is insufficient and cowardly. It causes the person you
apologized to need to go on national TV and say "I received an
apology," or to just say and do nothing and let that HUGE insult stand.
Countless times now in the SCA, around homeschooling, and with friends
people have badmouthed me in such a way that they hoped they would
look good in public while I looked worse. Then most of them (I do
have a good track record for people feeling bad about being mean to
me) have apologized, but few of them were big or bright enough to
apologize in the same forum or at the same level as the harm had been
done.
A private note saying "I'm sorry I disfigured your statue" is wrong.
It would be better for someone to feel so bad for having written a
tacky personal note that they make a beautiful statue. The apology
should be bigger than the original insult, not teensy-smaller.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
along despite differences, and that's awesome, I do want to say
something to anyone who will listen, about this:
-=One time my sister wrote a meanish comment on my blog, but then
later that day sent an apology via email.-=-
Tell your kids, if it becomes important. Remember it in other
situations, in other ways.
A public insult should receive a public apology.
Shaming someone on national TV and sending them a postcard saying
"Sorry" is insufficient and cowardly. It causes the person you
apologized to need to go on national TV and say "I received an
apology," or to just say and do nothing and let that HUGE insult stand.
Countless times now in the SCA, around homeschooling, and with friends
people have badmouthed me in such a way that they hoped they would
look good in public while I looked worse. Then most of them (I do
have a good track record for people feeling bad about being mean to
me) have apologized, but few of them were big or bright enough to
apologize in the same forum or at the same level as the harm had been
done.
A private note saying "I'm sorry I disfigured your statue" is wrong.
It would be better for someone to feel so bad for having written a
tacky personal note that they make a beautiful statue. The apology
should be bigger than the original insult, not teensy-smaller.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
m_aduhene
hi all,
my dd is 9 and up until last september(2009) she had never been to playgroup, nursery or school.....
she decided she wanted to give school a try and i was happy for her to go ahead with this..... well i say happy the day she went i cried for 2 days.... :-(
BUT she is happy, she decided she wanted to go and she loves it. so i am happy for her. yes i would love her to be home, and the days she is ill (or says she ill ;-) ), and the teacher training days and the holidays and the weekends are great, but i feel the girl i know would not have been happy if she had not been able to go with her choice.
i have read extensively about unschooling and i believe this is one aspect of giving her freedom of choice and enabling her to do something she wants to do.
blessings
michelle
my dd is 9 and up until last september(2009) she had never been to playgroup, nursery or school.....
she decided she wanted to give school a try and i was happy for her to go ahead with this..... well i say happy the day she went i cried for 2 days.... :-(
BUT she is happy, she decided she wanted to go and she loves it. so i am happy for her. yes i would love her to be home, and the days she is ill (or says she ill ;-) ), and the teacher training days and the holidays and the weekends are great, but i feel the girl i know would not have been happy if she had not been able to go with her choice.
i have read extensively about unschooling and i believe this is one aspect of giving her freedom of choice and enabling her to do something she wants to do.
blessings
michelle
Sandra Dodd
-=-BUT she is happy, she decided she wanted to go and she loves it. so
i am happy for her. yes i would love her to be home, and the days she
is ill (or says she ill ;-) ), and the teacher training days and the
holidays and the weekends are great, but i feel the girl i know would
not have been happy if she had not been able to go with her choice. -=-
And school for her is nothing like it is for kids who had no choice.
School for her won't be like it is for them as long as she has a mom
at home who's willing for her to come back any time.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
i am happy for her. yes i would love her to be home, and the days she
is ill (or says she ill ;-) ), and the teacher training days and the
holidays and the weekends are great, but i feel the girl i know would
not have been happy if she had not been able to go with her choice. -=-
And school for her is nothing like it is for kids who had no choice.
School for her won't be like it is for them as long as she has a mom
at home who's willing for her to come back any time.
Sandra
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Vidyut Kale
*"They are very religious and very conservative, so most of our differences
come from that, and I imagine there are plenty of folks, even here on this
list, that might have similar differences to me and my family."*
I can so relate with that.
*"The apology should be bigger than the original insult, not
teensy-smaller."*
I agree that it should be, but I find many a slip between the brochure and
trip... Often, what I think should be becomes irrelevant when faced with
what all needs to be, right now that I can do something about, like
maintaining peace, like ensuring the child is not surrounded by raised
voices, or suffers for any residual anger against me for being 'different'.
Of course I am different. I'm here, but it becomes very important that I
don't give further ammunition for loving conversations like "Oh, sweetheart,
your mom means well, but she doesn't understand responsibility. She doesn't
understand that her choices are making life so difficult for you. If I could
halp it, I would never deprive you of an education" etc. THAT is my
problem.
They aren't being nasty. They actually believe it. They love me, but the
stakes are high - a child's entire life, and they fear the unknown. They are
unable to see anything else than what they believe is right. They don't see
anything they should be apologizing for. They don't have a clue that the
world is vastly different from how they imagine, even if Nisarga goes to
school, education is not how they imagine it to be. For example, their idea
of discipline, hitting, scolding, is illegal in schools today. They grew up
with it. They can't imagine a child growing up okay without "strong
guidance". It isn't that they are knowingly doing wrong by me, but they are
genuinely mourning the deprivation of their grandchild they perceive.
Not having actually experienced the reality of their grandchild being
"disciplined", they imagine that it is a good thing. If I know them, my MIL
would be the first to take him out of school if she saw him being hit and
crying. After her initial beliefs about crying being good for him, she has
started loving being sensitive to him so much, that there are times when he
has a stomach upset and will not stop crying when she will descend on me to
say, "What kind of a mother are you. Make him stop" and I am like, "Hey, you
think I'm holding him in my arms cheering him on? I would love for him not
to feel so sad, but I don't know what's the matter.", but I just love it
that she will stand up for him. He needs that - for his grandmom to be tuned
in to his happiness being a priority. Unfortunately, the harm of schools has
gone far more subtle. No one hits kids in 'good' schools any more. They
simply make little kid templates out of them.
*"Vidyut is in India. There are some realities there that are long gone in
the U.S. There are many languages in use, and not all the parents are
readers and writers in all the languages around them. It's a different
situation. School isn't mandatory, and I don't think there are free
government schools."*
You know more about the unschooling legalities in India than I do. I didn't
know that school was not mandatory. With the all encompassing literacy
campaign, it had never occurred to me that it wasn't. There are free
government schools, I think. We call them municipal schools. I think they
are totally free. There are various NGOs working to ensure that education
reaches all, and other 'off-beat' options like 'each one teach one' and
other adult literacy campaigns, night schools, distance education
programmes, and more. While I don't know if I can be arrested for
unschooling Nisarga, there will certainly be social criticism and it has
more 'weight' because society is quite a large part of life here, while
fighting law is a 'compartment' of life, even for a self-proclaimed recluse
like me. From what I hear, society is far more tightly knit here than many
'developed' places in the world. Not that living in Mumbai I qualify to be
living in an undeveloped place, but there is more freedom. That I completely
accept. I am lucky. I don't see the languages thing as an issue. No one in
India knows all its languages. 13 languages is just the tip of the iceberg.
Languages have their own writing structures and often scripts too. There are
over 53 common dialects that are significantly different, which use letters
from the standardized language if at all there is a written form.
Most people in urban India speak at least three/four languages naturally -
the mother tongue, Hindi, English and the regional language, if you live in
a place that speaks other than your mother tongue. It doesn't take
'learning'. You just grow up communicating, rather than speaking languages.
Schools teach at least two (Hindi-English) and often all three formally.
Most people are fairly fluent in languages they end up encountering, because
absorbing them is a part of our social reality and a skill that we never
lose. I read and write well in three languages, speak five languages
fluently, can communicate enough to get by in another three languages and
eight dialects and used to know two more that I stopped needing and now
don't remember well. When I come across a language I don't know, I can
simply absorb it fast - I learned Swiss-German, German, French and Italian
like that - I can't read them, but I used to talk enough to communicate with
trekking clients in the Himalaya. I've stopped that work, and don't need
them any more. And I'm not exceptional. It just is. I think once you
experience a certain number of languages, its simply about learning patterns
that fit everywhere, and using them as needed. I don't see schools being
needed to provide this. Living in this country is enough interactive
learning. Travelling is even better.
I think 'teaching languages' kills this. In India, learning languages is
mostly unschooling style even for people who send their kids to school. It
'teaches' communication, which sets you up with all languages for life.
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
come from that, and I imagine there are plenty of folks, even here on this
list, that might have similar differences to me and my family."*
I can so relate with that.
*"The apology should be bigger than the original insult, not
teensy-smaller."*
I agree that it should be, but I find many a slip between the brochure and
trip... Often, what I think should be becomes irrelevant when faced with
what all needs to be, right now that I can do something about, like
maintaining peace, like ensuring the child is not surrounded by raised
voices, or suffers for any residual anger against me for being 'different'.
Of course I am different. I'm here, but it becomes very important that I
don't give further ammunition for loving conversations like "Oh, sweetheart,
your mom means well, but she doesn't understand responsibility. She doesn't
understand that her choices are making life so difficult for you. If I could
halp it, I would never deprive you of an education" etc. THAT is my
problem.
They aren't being nasty. They actually believe it. They love me, but the
stakes are high - a child's entire life, and they fear the unknown. They are
unable to see anything else than what they believe is right. They don't see
anything they should be apologizing for. They don't have a clue that the
world is vastly different from how they imagine, even if Nisarga goes to
school, education is not how they imagine it to be. For example, their idea
of discipline, hitting, scolding, is illegal in schools today. They grew up
with it. They can't imagine a child growing up okay without "strong
guidance". It isn't that they are knowingly doing wrong by me, but they are
genuinely mourning the deprivation of their grandchild they perceive.
Not having actually experienced the reality of their grandchild being
"disciplined", they imagine that it is a good thing. If I know them, my MIL
would be the first to take him out of school if she saw him being hit and
crying. After her initial beliefs about crying being good for him, she has
started loving being sensitive to him so much, that there are times when he
has a stomach upset and will not stop crying when she will descend on me to
say, "What kind of a mother are you. Make him stop" and I am like, "Hey, you
think I'm holding him in my arms cheering him on? I would love for him not
to feel so sad, but I don't know what's the matter.", but I just love it
that she will stand up for him. He needs that - for his grandmom to be tuned
in to his happiness being a priority. Unfortunately, the harm of schools has
gone far more subtle. No one hits kids in 'good' schools any more. They
simply make little kid templates out of them.
*"Vidyut is in India. There are some realities there that are long gone in
the U.S. There are many languages in use, and not all the parents are
readers and writers in all the languages around them. It's a different
situation. School isn't mandatory, and I don't think there are free
government schools."*
You know more about the unschooling legalities in India than I do. I didn't
know that school was not mandatory. With the all encompassing literacy
campaign, it had never occurred to me that it wasn't. There are free
government schools, I think. We call them municipal schools. I think they
are totally free. There are various NGOs working to ensure that education
reaches all, and other 'off-beat' options like 'each one teach one' and
other adult literacy campaigns, night schools, distance education
programmes, and more. While I don't know if I can be arrested for
unschooling Nisarga, there will certainly be social criticism and it has
more 'weight' because society is quite a large part of life here, while
fighting law is a 'compartment' of life, even for a self-proclaimed recluse
like me. From what I hear, society is far more tightly knit here than many
'developed' places in the world. Not that living in Mumbai I qualify to be
living in an undeveloped place, but there is more freedom. That I completely
accept. I am lucky. I don't see the languages thing as an issue. No one in
India knows all its languages. 13 languages is just the tip of the iceberg.
Languages have their own writing structures and often scripts too. There are
over 53 common dialects that are significantly different, which use letters
from the standardized language if at all there is a written form.
Most people in urban India speak at least three/four languages naturally -
the mother tongue, Hindi, English and the regional language, if you live in
a place that speaks other than your mother tongue. It doesn't take
'learning'. You just grow up communicating, rather than speaking languages.
Schools teach at least two (Hindi-English) and often all three formally.
Most people are fairly fluent in languages they end up encountering, because
absorbing them is a part of our social reality and a skill that we never
lose. I read and write well in three languages, speak five languages
fluently, can communicate enough to get by in another three languages and
eight dialects and used to know two more that I stopped needing and now
don't remember well. When I come across a language I don't know, I can
simply absorb it fast - I learned Swiss-German, German, French and Italian
like that - I can't read them, but I used to talk enough to communicate with
trekking clients in the Himalaya. I've stopped that work, and don't need
them any more. And I'm not exceptional. It just is. I think once you
experience a certain number of languages, its simply about learning patterns
that fit everywhere, and using them as needed. I don't see schools being
needed to provide this. Living in this country is enough interactive
learning. Travelling is even better.
I think 'teaching languages' kills this. In India, learning languages is
mostly unschooling style even for people who send their kids to school. It
'teaches' communication, which sets you up with all languages for life.
Vidyut
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
Sandra Dodd
-=- While I don't know if I can be arrested for
unschooling Nisarga, there will certainly be social criticism and it has
more 'weight' because society is quite a large part of life here, while
fighting law is a 'compartment' of life, even for a self-proclaimed
recluse
like me. -=-
Laws can be changed.
The opinions of grandmothers are often intractable. <g>
When Hema Bharadwaj was here last fall we talked about that. Where I
live, I could just reassure my mother-in-law that it was legal, and
then "I won." In India, if it's not a matter of law, then it's all
down to social and familial pressure, and much more difficult to
influence from the younger end.
Sandra
unschooling Nisarga, there will certainly be social criticism and it has
more 'weight' because society is quite a large part of life here, while
fighting law is a 'compartment' of life, even for a self-proclaimed
recluse
like me. -=-
Laws can be changed.
The opinions of grandmothers are often intractable. <g>
When Hema Bharadwaj was here last fall we talked about that. Where I
live, I could just reassure my mother-in-law that it was legal, and
then "I won." In India, if it's not a matter of law, then it's all
down to social and familial pressure, and much more difficult to
influence from the younger end.
Sandra
Christine H
--> Does he play video games?
All the time. That is what my parents and in-laws think there is a problem. :)
All the time. That is what my parents and in-laws think there is a problem. :)
Robin Bentley
> --> Does he play video games?I asked because there are plenty of video games which use writing and
> All the time. That is what my parents and in-laws think there is a
> problem. :)
>
spelling. Does he play any games that need him to type and spell? Like
on-line RPG's?
My 14-year-old daughter learned to spell, write, and use correct
punctuation by reading and playing games on her own around the age of
11, plus corresponding and playing with friends on-line from about 12
onward. She's not much for cursive, but prints legibly. But she types
like a mad thing - fast and accurate. That's a skill that will
probably be way more important than handwriting down the road.
Video game playing can lead to jobs and careers and perhaps you have
told him that. And you could probably tell him all sorts of success
stories. But somehow, his grandparents are doing their level best to
make him feel "not enough" (and at 13, for heaven's sake). What
teacher-grandparents know about the job market and what it's going to
be like for him when he's ready would probably fit in a thimble (which
not may people use anymore either!).
I reiterate my suggestion to run interference on the relatives.
"Testing" kids is rude and inconsiderate and he should be protected
from it. If you're not there, you should set some boundaries. Besides
undermining him, it undermines you, because it suggests you don't know
what you're doing if the poor kid can't write (and won't get a diploma
and won't get a job).
Robin B.
hbonda
Hey Vidyut,
i'm sure we'll meet or chat soon.
To All:
My husband's family is still not on board in some ways and yet are sweet enough to voice their dissension in soft ways. So i am very fortunate in that regard. But the most important aspect of our unschooling life here is that my husband, Ravi, is of the strong opinion that its nobody's business how we raise our children. And that strong stand has been sensed by both our families. So they rarely interfere. I am grateful for his strength in this matter as i spent too much energy early on defending and explaining to family members. I've grown calmer, more comfortable in my unschooling-skin and hence don't defend any more. I simply state "yes, Raghu plays video games a lot" and smile ;-) "yes, Zoya eats Nutella as she pleases" and smile.
However i do what i can to alleviate their fears. When possible i will show them things the kids are working on . I will tell them of other unschooling/homeschooling families in the world and in India too. I explain the principles behind the way we approach food etc. It probably goes over their heads... but its what i can do given that their presence in our lives here in INdia is important to me and Ravi.
My family has an easier time because they expect the unexpected from me. And i have a sister who is very in tune with the principles of unschooling more so because the principles have helped with various relationships in her life. She helps in giving my parents a perspective.
However a big aspect of our lives here could have been Mother-in-law moving in with us. She is alone and could easily have been with us. However I think our lifestyle made her too uncomfortable. And I found that Ravi had the foresight to see that a permanent move would have jeopardized the peace in the house. Having her visit us often is better all around. I admire Ravi for his ability to draw that line and not succumb to the emotional aspect.
i'm sure we'll meet or chat soon.
To All:
My husband's family is still not on board in some ways and yet are sweet enough to voice their dissension in soft ways. So i am very fortunate in that regard. But the most important aspect of our unschooling life here is that my husband, Ravi, is of the strong opinion that its nobody's business how we raise our children. And that strong stand has been sensed by both our families. So they rarely interfere. I am grateful for his strength in this matter as i spent too much energy early on defending and explaining to family members. I've grown calmer, more comfortable in my unschooling-skin and hence don't defend any more. I simply state "yes, Raghu plays video games a lot" and smile ;-) "yes, Zoya eats Nutella as she pleases" and smile.
However i do what i can to alleviate their fears. When possible i will show them things the kids are working on . I will tell them of other unschooling/homeschooling families in the world and in India too. I explain the principles behind the way we approach food etc. It probably goes over their heads... but its what i can do given that their presence in our lives here in INdia is important to me and Ravi.
My family has an easier time because they expect the unexpected from me. And i have a sister who is very in tune with the principles of unschooling more so because the principles have helped with various relationships in her life. She helps in giving my parents a perspective.
However a big aspect of our lives here could have been Mother-in-law moving in with us. She is alone and could easily have been with us. However I think our lifestyle made her too uncomfortable. And I found that Ravi had the foresight to see that a permanent move would have jeopardized the peace in the house. Having her visit us often is better all around. I admire Ravi for his ability to draw that line and not succumb to the emotional aspect.
>
> Laws can be changed.
> The opinions of grandmothers are often intractable. <g>
>
> When Hema Bharadwaj was here last fall we talked about that. Where I
> live, I could just reassure my mother-in-law that it was legal, and
> then "I won." In India, if it's not a matter of law, then it's all
> down to social and familial pressure, and much more difficult to
> influence from the younger end.
>
> Sandra
>